Now Ye're Talking - to a recovered drug user

Puibo

Hey I am absolutely glued to this thread!

Well done for kicking the habit.

Could you describe the typical scene inside a crack den/smack house, what ever it's known as?

Is it dramatised on T.V?

How long would you typically spend in one?

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

The Princess Bride wrote: »

Very interesting read.

Thinking back to your 12 year old self before you started, do you think you'd have listened had an adult with a similar history of drug abuse warned you against drug and alcohol abuse?
Could anything or anyone have stopped you starting?

Wishing you continued good luck and happiness.

Thank you. I don't think I would have taken It on board to be honest. I knew it all !

I have gone into schools myself with the 12 step fellowship I am a member of, and I often picture myself in the crowd, probably slagging off these guys.

I guess it is to just get it through to them that later on in your life if you ever feel the need to get clean, there is a way. Who am I to tell anyone not to use.. It is just about planting a seed.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Puibo wrote: »

Hey I am absolutely glued to this thread!

Well done for kicking the habit.

Could you describe the typical scene inside a crack den/smack house, what ever it's known as?

Is it dramatised on T.V?

How long would you typically spend in one?

Thanks it was something I was nervous about doing, as I am a private person, but if it helps anyone or starts discussion that is all that is important.

Typical scene is you buy crack people smoke it, I tended to inject it alot. So might have to go to another room, stay there as long as you had money.. The first time I ever went to one it got raided by Gardai while I was sitting on the couch. I could not believe it. I was waiting for Jeremy Beedle to walk in. I managed to swallow my rock for what its worth. Not pleasent places at all. Lots of desperation and dogs, there was usually a dog.

lukesmom

Hi
You remind me a lot of my brother. He had self esteem issues as a teen and he got into the drugs and would take anything he could get his hands on. He wouldn't listen to us. He eventually died a few years ago at 22 of an accidental overdose of heroin and valium mixed. He was very intelligent and talented. Is there a reason they dont listen but still know its wrong???

Gardabot1

Have you hidden "things" in your rectum?

Any none personal poems (your poetic comment has told me to ask you that question)

You mentioned writing, has it been beneficial to you or helped in any way?

Would you write a book about your past?

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

lukesmom wrote: »

Hi
You remind me a lot of my brother. He had self esteem issues as a teen and he got into the drugs and would take anything he could get his hands on. He wouldn't listen to us. He eventually died a few years ago at 22 of an accidental overdose of heroin and valium mixed. He was very intelligent and talented. Is there a reason they dont listen but still know its wrong???

Sorry to hear about your brother, that is a very young age to die.

I would not listen to anyone and I knew 100% it was wrong. A very funny thing happens between your ears when you are that engrossed in addiction. I haven't got the right words to describe it at the moment a definite form of denial even though you know it's not. It can be such a battle and all the logic in the world does not matter.

Again, I got clean when I was ready. Unfortunately not when my family wanted me to, is that selfish yes it is. But I was so blinded, other peoples feelings didn't really register.

I used to often think I wish they would all just leave me alone, and get on with their lives. I am harming no one but myself. I genuinely believed that. Anyway food for thought.

I hope your family are doing okay.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Gardabot1 wrote: »

Have you hidden "things" in your rectum?

Any none personal poems (your poetic comment has told me to ask you that question)

You mentioned writing, has it been beneficial to you or helped in any way?

Would you write a book about your past?

Yes I have, it is quite common for someone to sell you drugs from their rectum and for you to put it in your mouth for safe keeping until you got out of dodge ville. Nice :-) You may have to swallow this and then retrieve it, needs must. Some guards would make you swallow knowing the nightmare it will cause. Anyway,

I have no poems but yes writing was a very theraputic thing for me perosnally when I got clean. I was so broken I could not talk to anyone, as all the drugs left my system and I was left with a shell. I mentioned not sleeping writing really helped me. In treatnent centres they recommend writing too, hugely beneficial.

With regards a book, maybe someday, procrastination is still alive and well !

hairyprincess

Hats off to you OP, you are an extremely strong and brave person to come through the other side. And lucky to be relatively unscathed.

Do you regret being an addict? I am a firm believer in that the experiences we have very much shape who we become. You said you give talks in schools, do you use your experience as an addict in any other ways? Do you work with addicts or otherwise vulnerable people?

JellieBabie

Do you think you are overestimating your abilities to perform at work and to have kept it hidden from workmates? Is it possible the fact you were high clouded your judgement and actually people were copping something was off and you were just unaware?

Were your results in work meeting the performance goals?

Much respect for you getting clean, hope my questions aren't coming across as insensitive

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

hairyprincess wrote: »

Hats off to you OP, you are an extremely strong and brave person to come through the other side. And lucky to be relatively unscathed.

Do you regret being an addict? I am a firm believer in that the experiences we have very much shape who we become. You said you give talks in schools, do you use your experience as an addict in any other ways? Do you work with addicts or otherwise vulnerable people?

Thank you, I have no regrets, and like yourself every thing happens for a reason I believe.

To answer your question, no I have never worked with addicts, or vulnerable people, I know lots of people that do, and there are some wonderful services out there to cater for every addict and their families.

I guess, I spent alot of my time learning about recovery and doing work on myself and others that the thought of doing it 9-5 too did not seem appealing, I know you need to give it your all, but a balance is required, I was'nt willing to sacrifice any of the above.

Another thing I would struggle with, and this is purely my opinion, I have my own idea about addiction and recovery, having lived it. I could not imagine working in a place and Bridget telling me what she learned in 2nd year in DCU, I am quite single minded, that complete abstinence is what is required, I could not sit in a room and tell a client, "yes it is okay to knock the drink on the head and smoke spliff at the weekend"

I cannot fathom harm reduction or any of the other phrases / methods used. You either want to get clean or you don't. Now I know these methods work for some, and I can only pray for the people in these services who tried to help me over the years, I could fill another page with my antics, I was the worst in the world, with lies and manipulation. So double standards maybe, but I know my strengths, and working in that field is not one of them, I am too passionate / close minded maybe, so best to leave it alone, and leave it to others.

I do not know do I use my experience as an addict in other ways, I am sure I do as it is such a big part of my life, but I cannot point to anything right now.

I suppose I can have lots of gratitude, and I know what it is like to have your back to the wall so I can empathise with people going through stuff, not just drugs but other things. Anyway good questions, and I hope I did not offend anyone with the above.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

JellieBabie wrote: »

Do you think you are overestimating your abilities to perform at work and to have kept it hidden from workmates? Is it possible the fact you were high clouded your judgement and actually people were copping something was off and you were just unaware?

Were your results in work meeting the performance goals?

Much respect for you getting clean, hope my questions aren't coming across as insensitive

I am not going to answer that if you don't mind. Not that it is insensitive I just have some boundaries I need to keep. Thanks for the respect

Inquitus

America is in the grip of an Opiate epidemic, caused by over liberal prescription of opiate pain meds, in Ireland codeine is available OTC, in Solphadeine and Nurofen Plus, do you think that is a sensible policy, as both can be abused and lead to addiction? Did you ever meet anyone who's opiate journey began there?

Goochie

Hi, I wish you all the very best in your recovery well done!. What is your view and opinion about injecting rooms?

Thanks.

dar100

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA wrote: »

Thank you, I have no regrets, and like yourself every thing happens for a reason I believe.

To answer your question, no I have never worked with addicts, or vulnerable people, I know lots of people that do, and there are some wonderful services out there to cater for every addict and their families.

I guess, I spent alot of my time learning about recovery and doing work on myself and others that the thought of doing it 9-5 too did not seem appealing, I know you need to give it your all, but a balance is required, I was'nt willing to sacrifice any of the above.

Another thing I would struggle with, and this is purely my opinion, I have my own idea about addiction and recovery, having lived it. I could not imagine working in a place and Bridget telling me what she learned in 2nd year in DCU, I am quite single minded, that complete abstinence is what is required, I could not sit in a room and tell a client, "yes it is okay to knock the drink on the head and smoke spliff at the weekend"

I cannot fathom harm reduction or any of the other phrases / methods used. You either want to get clean or you don't. Now I know these methods work for some, and I can only pray for the people in these services who tried to help me over the years, I could fill another page with my antics, I was the worst in the world, with lies and manipulation. So double standards maybe, but I know my strengths, and working in that field is not one of them, I am too passionate / close minded maybe, so best to leave it alone, and leave it to others.

I do not know do I use my experience as an addict in other ways, I am sure I do as it is such a big part of my life, but I cannot point to anything right now.

I suppose I can have lots of gratitude, and I know what it is like to have your back to the wall so I can empathise with people going through stuff, not just drugs but other things. Anyway good questions, and I hope I did not offend anyone with the above.

Thanks for sharing your opinions and experience. Just on the above highlighted statement. I find it to be black and white with a limited understanding of what harm reduction entails, it also contradicts your statement agreeing with safer injection rooms.

As for people either "wanting to get clean or not" this statement is not really true. Addiction is a progressive phenomenon, and generally for the first number of years people enjoy their drug use.

Also, do you not think in your early days of drug use you would not have benefited from a harm reduction approach? Such as, how to inject properly? education around blood borne viruses? etc

I do find with the fellowship way of viewing addiction, often people are quite dogmatic in their views.

cookiesmuggler

Well done to you for getting clean!! and well done for starting this thread! i've actually always wanted to know , why would a person take heroin? , when they know how addictive it is .

Bulmers

cookiesmuggler wrote: »

Well done to you for getting clean!! and well done for starting this thread! i've actually always wanted to know , why would a person take heroin? , when they know how addictive it is .

yep, same with me as from what read about heroin is the first high is always the best and that's what's always being chased and how the addiction takes hold then.

same for crack cocaine, again from what read it's instantly addictive so why would anyone take it knowing this.

IvyTheTerrible

Thanks very much for a very interesting and informative thread.
Does this video accurately show the process of addiction? https://youtu.be/HUngLgGRJpo

km991148

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA wrote: »

Some guards would make you swallow knowing the nightmare it will cause

By force? Or just by pressuring you?

Gardabot1

Have you abused legal drugs?
(Is solvents abuse still a thing now?)

Have you ever noticed "undercover members" on to you?

Can you share any extracts from your writings?

Any reading material you can recommend?

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

dar100 wrote: »

Thanks for sharing your opinions and experience. Just on the above highlighted statement. I find it to be black and white with a limited understanding of what harm reduction entails, it also contradicts your statement agreeing with safer injection rooms.

As for people either "wanting to get clean or not" this statement is not really true. Addiction is a progressive phenomenon, and generally for the first number of years people enjoy their drug use.

Also, do you not think in your early days of drug use you would not have benefited from a harm reduction approach? Such as, how to inject properly? education around blood borne viruses? etc

I do find with the fellowship way of viewing addiction, often people are quite dogmatic in their views.

Hi There, I will respond to this later . Thanks


Hi,

Maybe I am not coming across as I am trying to. The people who work in the local addiction teams all do great jobs, all I am saying is I would not be able to do it, I do not berate them at all for the methods they use. It would drive me batty if someone was coming to me, and it was my job to explain to them etc. We all have our strengths

Same as injection centres I think they are a great idea, but I will not be there working on the front line, I would not be able to, I do not have the training and would be very slow to go about getting educated in that way. I am quite happy at the moment, of course that might change.

"As for people either "wanting to get clean or not" this statement is not really true. Addiction is a progressive phenomenon, and generally for the first number of years people enjoy their drug use. "

Of course I totally agree with you, but someone wont be coming to a local addiction service if they are enjoying their drug use. In my experience people go there because they are completely fed up with drugs and wish to get clean. That is what I was pertaining to.

Maybe it is dogmatic, but I had tried for years to get clean, done the treatment centres, the 100 euro an hour councillors, you name it. I can only talk about what has worked for me. Maybe the other things has worked for other people, in fact I know they have. But it is not for me to discuss something that hasn't worked for me.


Would I have benefitted from the information, probably, I had the leaflets, I probably did get the training it is a bit of a blur.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

cookiesmuggler wrote: »

Well done to you for getting clean!! and well done for starting this thread! i've actually always wanted to know , why would a person take heroin? , when they know how addictive it is .

I know, I used to think the same myself, why would anyone go near it. When caught up in addiction your head tells you lies, that is my experience. "You will be fine,"

I mentioned earlier that when getting clean it was advissd to me to do the opposite of what your head tells you.

I thought it strange, but it worked. I guess that is the reason I took it first, I listened to my head. I know that sounds crazy, but again my experience.

Then the saga begins.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Bulmers wrote: »

yep, same with me as from what read about heroin is the first high is always the best and that's what's always being chased and how the addiction takes hold then.

same for crack cocaine, again from what read it's instantly addictive so why would anyone take it knowing this.

I don't know about the first high. There is a saying that an addict cannot live with or without drugs.

Personally speaking I was so glad to get some freedom from cocaine that I was so glad of heroin at the time. I turned into a perfect human being, relaxed , able to sleep, able to eat. So long as I kept using the substance. Which I did, so I always felt that way.

That was the illusion, I remember I was going on.holiday one day, I thought I would be fine without. That is when the fun started. Cramping withdrawls..

I have found it be a cycle, thank god I am off that, lets use this etc, maybe the same for crack.

Do you ever miss ' the good times''. ?

Do you ever look back and think '' Damn , I had some good times,'' in amongst all the madness??

Thanks for taking the time to answer all the questions. Really appreciate your honesty.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

km991148 wrote: »

By force? Or just by pressuring you?

I have seen Gardaí grab dealers by the throat so they cannot swallow. I was never subject to that but I remember I had just gotten drugs one day and proceeded to place in my mouth until I got out of the area (street corner). Gardaí were driving by and called me over and started talking to me, and said, that's it swallow, started laughing and drove off. Just a wind up knowing the headache it causes. I can laugh at it now.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Gardabot1 wrote: »

Have you abused legal drugs?
(Is solvents abuse still a thing now?)

Have you ever noticed "undercover members" on to you?

Can you share any extracts from your writings?

Any reading material you can recommend?

I have abused legal drugs, I would have had some doctors giving me prescriptions for Xanax, Valium, and buying them on the streets, I never got too bad on them. They can be very hard to shake from what I see. I don't know about solvent abuse.

I have noticed undercover members, in fairness to Gardaí never really had bad dealings with them, from what I can see they are fighting a losing battle though.

Cannot share extracts from my writings I am afraid...but thanks for the interest !

I remember reading "the agony of ecstacy" written by a Dublin lad many years ago, I thought that was a great account. Must read it again actually.

Anthony Keidis (Red Hot Chilli Peppers) has a great book "Scar Tissue" about Drug Use and recovery.

Raechel Keoghs book is a great read on the heroin epidemic in Ballymun in the 90's

I definitely know more, I cannot think at the moment. Let me come back to you.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Jake1 wrote: »

Do you ever miss ' the good times''. ?

Do you ever look back and think '' Damn , I had some good times,'' in amongst all the madness??

Thanks for taking the time to answer all the questions. Really appreciate your honesty.

Of course there was some good times, fantastic times, no doubt drugs did what they were supposed to for many years, I might go as far as to say they gave me a will to live as a youngster. It got heavy though, and sometimes it wears me out even thinking about it. Do I miss them, no I don't, the very rare occasion I think I would love an E and a night on the town with a house party after.

Funnily, what really got me in the early days was when my veins started coming back, I used to think, I would get a week out of that one... what a waste.. But I put lots of work in thankfully, and thoughts is all they were. Not bothered at all by them now.

I don't bother talking about it much to people, I was away with someone recently and he said I cannot imagine you even smoking a cigarette. I smirked.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Inquitus wrote: »

America is in the grip of an Opiate epidemic, caused by over liberal prescription of opiate pain meds, in Ireland codeine is available OTC, in Solphadeine and Nurofen Plus, do you think that is a sensible policy, as both can be abused and lead to addiction? Did you ever meet anyone who's opiate journey began there?

I know handfuls of people who are dying a death from the tablets you mention, their opiate addiction began and ends there. Driving around chemists, again these are all "respectable" people. It does huge damage to the liver, from what I have seen in people. I don't go near them, I would only take a paracetomal on the rare occasion. I really do not know much about the policy and how strict it is, but talking to others who are going through a few packets a day, it cannot be that strict.

I saw a good video a last year.:)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SO5Gdsnlhk4

Gardabot1

Have you ever been dealt class A drugs by suspected minors?

Have you ever tried to "cook up" your own drugs?

How do you notice "undercover members"?
(Their eyes, clothes, the way they walked etc etc?)

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

Thanks very much for a very interesting and informative thread.
Does this video accurately show the process of addiction? https://youtu.be/HUngLgGRJpo

Hi there, yes I think that accurately describes the process of addiction assuming the chicken is an addict.

Some people as I am sure you know yourself, can drink and take drugs every now and then, and not feel the need to go all out, where they find themselves in an early house playing dominos with some local OAP, while their jaw has a mind of its own and their eyes are like saucers whilst wearing yesterdays clothes.

And I think that is the difference. I know my body has a very funny reaction when a chemical is digested, it does not matter who I am with, or where I am, or what the event is. I cannot stop it, took me quite a while to figure this out, but I know now this will never change.

Thanks for sharing the video

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Gardabot1 wrote: »

Have you ever been dealt class A drugs by suspected minors?

Have you ever tried to "cook up" your own drugs?

How do you notice "undercover members"?
(Their eyes, clothes, the way they walked ryetc etc?)

Yes I have, I have bought heroin off teenagers, maybe only once or twice when there was no one else around. But from what I could see, they were only trying to make a buck.

Yes I have,

Undercover Members, their accent is usually a give a way ! I am saying that in jest, I do not know, that game is a funny business and sometimes intuition is all you have to go on at any given time. I once asked an undercover for drugs and he arrested me, so maybe I am not the best person to ask.