Now Ye're Talking - to a recovered drug user

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

6541 wrote: »

A question, did you find it difficult to source good Heroin ?

Did you use street dealers or did you get a good source that allowed good uninterrupted supply ?

Did you have any hassle with the coppers ?

Did you sell onto any of your friends ?

Sorry if you have answered any of these already and congrats on beating the addiction.

Hi,

Thanks for your question, I have answered a few of these already, so forgive me for not answering again. I am on a phone so brevity where possible.

I generally used "street dealers", some had transport and would come to my office or where ever I happened to be, I was a good customer. The quality varied, usually good, but srill ****. I do not wish to put a positive spin on it.

I have also had some very "posh" dealers who are trying to get themselves through college. It differs.


I tried to sell coke to my friends, I usually (always) ended up doing it all. Buy an ounce and make millions, never happened. Still kept trying though ! This time next year I will be a millionare .

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

beans wrote: »

Thanks for a really interesting thread

What are your thoughts on ibogaine treatment? Have you ever come across anyone who has tried it? It sounds like a magic bullet and as such I'm curious/sceptical.

Hi, I have never heard of it, I am trying to be real here and not use google, try and come from the heart.

I can imagine it is like anti booze? A tablet you take which makes you sick if you drink. I have heard of opiate blockers which I think blocks an opiate "buzz".

I have never heard of it working on anyone, and all that does is stop the physical side of alcholism/addiction, not the other two parts of addiction/alcholism I touched on earlier.

Anyway I hope that answers your question.

beans

Thanks for that. It's a psychoactive substance that does something to reset whatever part of your psyche craves opiates. A one-shot thing, tripping balls for a long period of time and coming back 'cured'. If there weren't documented cases I wouldn't have believed it. The fact that it never came across your radar at all is interesting.

All the best for your recovery

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

TrueDub wrote: »

Huge thanks to you for your honesty in this thread, and fair play for sticking with your recovery.

I was reading this article in The Guardian over the weekend and much of the approach directly matches your experience - I found it very interesting.

Amazing article, thanks for sharing that. It certainly is a spiritual emptiness. It is vital to be vigilant.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

beans wrote: »

Thanks for that. It's a psychoactive substance that does something to reset whatever part of your psyche craves opiates. A one-shot thing, tripping balls for a long period of time and coming back 'cured'. If there weren't documented cases I wouldn't have believed it. The fact that it never came across your radar at all is interesting.

All the best for your recovery

I hope it works for some people, but I really don't think a chemical solution is the answer. Just my opinion. I know friends of mine who have licked frogs backs up at a cermony in the Wicklow mountains with a hope of sending them on a trip which would fix their "imbalance", I think some of them are still up the mountains.

But again it might work for some. I can only talk about what has worked for me.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Hi,

We are going to keep this thread open for another 48hrs. So feel free to ask any more questions that you have, and I will try and answer.

kevthegaff

Are cigarettes as strong addiction as say cannabis/coke from your own experience that's if you smoke?

Drumpot

beans wrote: »

Thanks for that. It's a psychoactive substance that does something to reset whatever part of your psyche craves opiates. A one-shot thing, tripping balls for a long period of time and coming back 'cured'. If there weren't documented cases I wouldn't have believed it. The fact that it never came across your radar at all is interesting.

All the best for your recovery

Yeh, I am not convinced a tablet that takes away the craving for drugs or alcohol solves the underlining problem. I would be concerned it would just lead to emotionally crippled addicts with zero relief mechanisms seeing suicide as a more palatable solution. Also, if an addict is prescribed one tablet won't they eventually get to the stage where they think "well if one tablet does this for me, maybe 2 would be even better!"

This topic is personal to me so thank you for such a superbly informative and honest thread.. addiction is such a lonely life, for you to shed light on the suffering that comes with it is heartening. I also commend you on the fact that it's a superb insight into the mindset of an addict. It's not about the drug/alcohol , it's about the mannerisms and emotional turbulence.

For those scoffing at this thread or trying to put down the OP. Try to remember that There is a strong chance that you have a friend or family member suffering this affliction. Isolation and damnation of addicts is a death sentence and not a solution to addiction.

OP, Do you notice other addictive behaviours that you have , that bring up similar feelings , if not as self destructive? Like for example , watching too much TV or engrossing yourself in a hobby/job that has you "locked" in that behaviour in an unhealthy way?

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

kevthegaff wrote: »

Are cigarettes as strong addiction as say cannabis/coke from your own experience that's if you smoke?

No, not as strong in my opinion. I gave up cigarettes when I was a while clean using the exact same mindset that I used to give up narcotics. Just don't have that first one, no more excuses. It worked. I actually thought about a cigarette today, it lasted about ten seconds . They are only thoughts !

Gardabot1

What's your opinion on celebrity drug culture/scene?

What were your music tastes at the height of your addictions to now?

Have you ever bought or gave drugs to a "sick" friend/fellow addict at the height of your addictions?

Any recommended website links?

TrueDub

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA wrote: »

Amazing article, thanks for sharing that. It certainly is a spiritual emptiness. It is vital to be vigilant.

Thanks. A guy I knew years ago once told me that "heroin is a drug of the soul" - he worked in an outreach place in town so he knew what he was talking about. However, I never understood him until I read this thread and then that article.

Thank you for your honesty here, I've learnt so much from this thread.

dartboardio

Do you suffer from any anxiety/depression/paranoia after years of using drugs?

If you do, are you on any medication for anything like that? Or would you not let yourself take medication as you'd probably abuse them? I ask because I myself fear/ feel like I suffer anxiety, being scared everyday going into work, worrying about talking to people etc, I want to go to the doctor to ask for help but I know / feel if I was prescribed medication like that I'd probably abuse it, so where do I go from there..

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

dartboardio wrote: »

Do you suffer from any anxiety/depression/paranoia after years of using drugs?

If you do, are you on any medication for anything like that? Or would you not let yourself take medication as you'd probably abuse them? I ask because I myself fear/ feel like I suffer anxiety, being scared everyday going into work, worrying about talking to people etc, I want to go to the doctor to ask for help but I know / feel if I was prescribed medication like that I'd probably abuse it, so where do I go from there..

Yes I get anxious and I get down sometimes. I ride it out, I suppose I have no choice as kids still need to be taken to school , still need to be provided fo etc. But I do feel like you described sometimes. I personally don't take any medication, as I do not believe in a chemical solution. But please, you are not me, and take what I say with a pinch of salt, I have no qualifications to advise you.

Read up on Louise L Hay , I have always found her solutions very useful and talk to someone about it.
Best of luck.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Drumpot wrote: »

Yeh, I am not convinced a tablet that takes away the craving for drugs or alcohol solves the underlining problem. I would be concerned it would just lead to emotionally crippled addicts with zero relief mechanisms seeing suicide as a more palatable solution. Also, if an addict is prescribed one tablet won't they eventually get to the stage where they think "well if one tablet does this for me, maybe 2 would be even better!"

This topic is personal to me so thank you for such a superbly informative and honest thread.. addiction is such a lonely life, for you to shed light on the suffering that comes with it is heartening. I also commend you on the fact that it's a superb insight into the mindset of an addict. It's not about the drug/alcohol , it's about the mannerisms and emotional turbulence.

For those scoffing at this thread or trying to put down the OP. Try to remember that There is a strong chance that you have a friend or family member suffering this affliction. Isolation and damnation of addicts is a death sentence and not a solution to addiction.

OP, Do you notice other addictive behaviours that you have , that bring up similar feelings , if not as self destructive? Like for example , watching too much TV or engrossing yourself in a hobby/job that has you "locked" in that behaviour in an unhealthy way?

What a great post, thanks for the kind words,

I have seen my addiction manifest itself in many ways personally, is there ever such a thing as one more episode when you are watching something on Netflix? I can remember there was actually a fire outside the house many years ago and the fire brigades were doing their business I was engrossed in Prison Break, couldn't have cared less. That is just one example, there are lots of other ones which can be just as soul destroying as heroin. Gambling is one which I have seen emotionally destroy some friends of mine, very well put in an article someone posted earlier today. I think it all boils down to emotions and what you are trying to hide, mask.

Other people can get so caught up in dating and all that jazz, personally speaking I haven't, box sets have gotten me, sometimes fitness has gotten me, food has gotten me, the internet has gotten me, (cough), nothing too damaging but it is where the mind goes with it.

It was pointed out to me early on that if feeling good is what you are after then you might as well ring a dealer, I am going to feel uncomfortable at times, that is life, that is where the growing pains are I suppose. I was lucky that the universe just kept on providing for me.


If have lots of passions, and some of these I have turned into business ventures, I suppose the world is your oyster, if you allow yourself.

Bulmers

do you think there's a perfect storm for a person to be / become an addict?

in the post above you mention the good feeling doing these things give you and you chase it until wears out.

further back in the thread,you mention self esteem and anxiety issues when younger and drugs helped.

And also the trait of self entitlement mentioned.


if there are common points , do you think there could be some way to nip it in the bud so to speak?

A few people have asked if there could have been some way to stop you becoming addict, education etc but you've answered you dont think anything would have made a difference?

Or do you think addiction is in the genes?

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Bulmers wrote: »

do you think there's a perfect storm for a person to be / become an addict?

in the post above you mention the good feeling doing these things give you and you chase it until wears out.

further back in the thread,you mention self esteem and anxiety issues when younger and drugs helped.

And also the trait of self entitlement mentioned.


if there are common points , do you think there could be some way to nip it in the bud so to speak?

A few people have asked if there could have been some way to stop you becoming addict, education etc but you've answered you dont think anything would have made a difference?

Or do you think addiction is in the genes?

I don't know. I have not done any studies but have witnessed lots of people in the same boat as myself. Everyone seems to have felt the same on the inside. For fear of giving incorrect pyscho analysis I will keep it brief. I think people need to talk more about how they feel and not feel the need to keep burying feelings.

And I suppose on the other hand as listeners we need to be more open minded and receptive to the young speaker, and acknowledge that whilst they might think and feel differently that does not make it wrong.

Will that solve it, ? I don't know

muttnjeff

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA wrote: »

Ha I don't know what to say to that to be honest, very valid point. I don't know, I am not a teacher but something needs to be done to build kids up, so they don't feel the need to reach for drugs or things.

I do not have any answers but surely you can build kids up and give them enough self belief that they are not running to the nearest off licence. That what they have inside them is enough. From what I can see schools are changing, and bravo for them.

I was socially handicapped by the time I left primary, I pray my kids never feel that way.

Thank you for sharing all this with us and congratulations on having the strength to fight the addiction,
what advise would you give to a primary school teacher to make sure no child is socially handicapped by the end of primary school?

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Gardabot1 wrote: »

What's your opinion on celebrity drug culture/scene?

What were your music tastes at the height of your addictions to now?

Have you ever bought or gave drugs to a "sick" friend/fellow addict at the height of your addictions?

Any recommended website links?

HiI GB.

I have no opinion on the celebrity drug scene.

Regarding music, I always thought music always sounded better stoned, how wrong I was, my music appreciation has gone up a good few notches since getting clean. I have far more varied music tastes now..

I have given mu drugs away once or twice as in take them, sell them, do whatever you want with them I am going to get clean. I have also bought drugs for suffering addicts back in the day. Wouldn't do it now though, probably offer them an ear instead !

I don't have any website links.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

muttnjeff wrote: »

Thank you for sharing all this with us and congratulations on having the strength to fight the addiction,
what advise would you give to a primary school teacher to make sure no child is socially handicapped by the end of primary school?

You are welcome. I really don't have the answers , it is such an important question. If I were a teacher I would try less punishment and more love. If someone is acting out try and reign them in as opposed to bad attention. Hoe can that be done ? Give them jobs to do, build them up. It is very easy for me to say that of course, teaching has to be one of the hardest jobs. Best of luck

tara83

If it's not too personal a question, did you meet your wife before or after you got clean? If after, did it take you long to tell her or her accept your past?

I understand if you would prefer not answer this. I suppose my question relates to how difficult do you think it is for ex addicts to gain trust from new friends/partners

Lady is a tramp

I'm really enjoying this thread, thanks for your very insightful and honest responses.

While I've never used any drugs myself, I'm a recovering alcoholic and have spent a LOT of time in various treatment centres. Some of my closest friends in recovery were cross-addicted to drugs, and I've always been fascinated by their stories and experiences, as (obviously!) I'm never going to try drugs of any description myself, knowing how likely it is that I'd be straight into dependency/addiction.

I've never known anyone who's functioned to your degree while injecting heroin - fair play to ya! Really makes you wonder who you encounter day-to-day who's struggling with addiction. I was high-functioning myself for many years - a counsellor used to describe me like a swan gliding along smoothly on the surface of the water, with the legs thrashing chaotically underneath, but no one could see how much I was struggling. For me it all changed when I had a child - I went from being a high-functioning alcoholic to being a completely dysfunctional alcoholic. Can I ask, are you still working in the same industry with the same high salary? I'm just curious as I imagine it would lead to a lot of temptation! (I'm currently in the position where I'm looking to get back to work after a very long time out, and for once in my life I'm not a bit bothered about "salary expectations" - even on minimum wage, I'd be far better off financially than when I was spending all of my money on my addiction!) I really identified with some of what you said about throwing large amounts of money away for small amounts of your substance when in addiction, it's crazy really but feels like the only possible option at the time. You really lose your sense of value for money - I find it's coming back now, and I've become stingey as f*ck recently! Did you find that yourself?

Well done on coming off the heroin without methadone - I know a couple of girls who were on methadone for years and had to come off it for alcohol rehab, they said the methadone withdrawals were far worse than any withdrawals they ever had after heroin! What was it like when you went cold turkey, what kind of symptoms did you get and did they last for long? Did you get the leg pains - for some reason, people I know found those the absolute worst, and they went on for months!

You mentioned you have kids, how open are you (or will you be) with them about your past?

Like you, writing was an absolutely huge part of my recovery. I find it fascinating how, when I sit down and start writing about whatever is on my mind and really get stuck into it, I almost end up counselling myself through my writing and by the end of it I can have a whole new perspective on it all. Do you still write much? It's such a massive part of my life and my self-care now that I can't imagine not doing it!

It's great that you can say you don't regret your past. I'm reaching that level of acceptance myself, and there's a lot of freedom that comes with that. I know myself and like myself far more than I ever dreamed possible, I'm no longer this smoke-and-mirrors shadow of a person trying to fake a real life and fit in with the world. Like you, I've a lot of gratitude and have been lucky enough to have met the right people in recovery that really care for me and have helped me a lot. I wish you and your family all the best - happy stories like yours really encourage me so much. Thank you.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

Lady is a tramp wrote: »

I'm really enjoying this thread, thanks for your very insightful and honest responses.

While I've never used any drugs myself, I'm a recovering alcoholic and have spent a LOT of time in various treatment centres. Some of my closest friends in recovery were cross-addicted to drugs, and I've always been fascinated by their stories and experiences, as (obviously!) I'm never going to try drugs of any description myself, knowing how likely it is that I'd be straight into dependency/addiction.

I've never known anyone who's functioned to your degree while injecting heroin - fair play to ya! Really makes you wonder who you encounter day-to-day who's struggling with addiction. I was high-functioning myself for many years - a counsellor used to describe me like a swan gliding along smoothly on the surface of the water, with the legs thrashing chaotically underneath, but no one could see how much I was struggling. For me it all changed when I had a child - I went from being a high-functioning alcoholic to being a completely dysfunctional alcoholic. Can I ask, are you still working in the same industry with the same high salary? I'm just curious as I imagine it would lead to a lot of temptation! (I'm currently in the position where I'm looking to get back to work after a very long time out, and for once in my life I'm not a bit bothered about "salary expectations" - even on minimum wage, I'd be far better off financially than when I was spending all of my money on my addiction!) I really identified with some of what you said about throwing large amounts of money away for small amounts of your substance when in addiction, it's crazy really but feels like the only possible option at the time. You really lose your sense of value for money - I find it's coming back now, and I've become stingey as f*ck recently! Did you find that yourself?

Well done on coming off the heroin without methadone - I know a couple of girls who were on methadone for years and had to come off it for alcohol rehab, they said the methadone withdrawals were far worse than any withdrawals they ever had after heroin! What was it like when you went cold turkey, what kind of symptoms did you get and did they last for long? Did you get the leg pains - for some reason, people I know found those the absolute worst, and they went on for months!

You mentioned you have kids, how open are you (or will you be) with them about your past?

Like you, writing was an absolutely huge part of my recovery. I find it fascinating how, when I sit down and start writing about whatever is on my mind and really get stuck into it, I almost end up counselling myself through my writing and by the end of it I can have a whole new perspective on it all. Do you still write much? It's such a massive part of my life and my self-care now that I can't imagine not doing it!

It's great that you can say you don't regret your past. I'm reaching that level of acceptance myself, and there's a lot of freedom that comes with that. I know myself and like myself far more than I ever dreamed possible, I'm no longer this smoke-and-mirrors shadow of a person trying to fake a real life and fit in with the world. Like you, I've a lot of gratitude and have been lucky enough to have met the right people in recovery that really care for me and have helped me a lot. I wish you and your family all the best - happy stories like yours really encourage me so much. Thank you.

Thank you for your post, and well done on your recovery. I wish you all the best. I think I have answered a lot of your queries in previous posts, so maybe scroll back. .With regards methadone it gets into your bones and can take weeks of withdrawals, surely that is not ideal ? Yes I got the leg pains and the sweats and all the yucky stuff, thats where the expression, "kicking the habit" comes from I believe, your legs go crazy, hard to explain, maybe like pins and needles but a constant.

I'm a recovered drug user, AMA

tara83 wrote: »

If it's not too personal a question, did you meet your wife before or after you got clean? If after, did it take you long to tell her or her accept your past?

I understand if you would prefer not answer this. I suppose my question relates to how difficult do you think it is for ex addicts to gain trust from new friends/partners

Hi There,

We met after I got clean and I was straight up with her. Love does not judge! . She is a remarkable lady, beauty in every sense of the word. I feel very lucky.

I think it is very easy for addicts to re adjust to society, takes some work though, they are generally fun loving people who happened to take it to extremes, but the trait is still there. Fun is attractive to everyone I am sure..

important to note though that social acceptance does not equal recovery, and if everyone in the golf club drinks, you are still an addict :-)

Anyway, thanks everyone for contributing to this thread it has been a great experience. I wish you all well, time to let it go...

X

Boards.ie: Niamh

Thanks to our friend for taking so, so much time over his answers in this thread, it has really been eye-opening and educational on something a lot of us might not know much about, at least from the perspective of the user.

We've taken up far too much of your time and I'm happy to close this off for you. Thanks for all the great questions folks!