I'm cocooning - housemate being a d*ck

MissJustice · 02-05-2020 2:21am #1

So I live in house with two others. We are all renters.

I have a number of long term chronic conditions, mild asthma, weak lungs - I don't know how many times I have had pneumonia in the past. There is also a possibility I have MS, which I have to get tested for. My immune system at present is very weak. Both of my housemates are aware of all of this.

One housemate is respecting social distancing, not leaving the house unless necessary for food or medicine, and aware of the fact that I'm cocooning.

The other housemate was put off work about 3 weeks ago. He has absolutely no respect for how serious the virus is. He currently goes up to work with his relative almost every day for the past week. When he's not there and in the house, he leaves the house at least 3 maybe 4 times a day.

He goes to Tesco's, then later might to to the shop, go out again then somewhere else. He comes in and won't wash his hands. He is carrying on like there is no virus at all. I have asked him nicely a few times over the past week to please stay in the house and not to be leaving 3 or 4 times a day, and to stop going working at his relatives every day.

He said he would have one more day of work, so I said ok, one day is ok. He lied. He went back there again, and will have another few days of work there, and doesn't give a damn about transmitting the virus to me, and that if I get it, without question, I will end up in hospital, or worse. There is my other housemate too, who he couldn't care less about either with his behaviour.

I had a really bad row with him today, and again asked him not to be leaving the house as much. (If it was for walks on his own that would be fine, but he is deliberately going out and being amongst people) He told me to F*ck off, and refused to speak to me. I'm terrified of picking the virus up from him, particularly when I have to cocoon.

Any advice as to how to deal with him?

Thanks xx

shenanagans · 02-05-2020 2:34am

You need new accommodation. Flatmate's attitude won't improve. You need to live like the over 70's......so sharing with young people is unsuitable.

This virus isn't going anywhere soon so best to accept your current situation isn't tenable.

Yes, he's a d**k but he's young and healthy, you are not.

MissJustice · 02-05-2020 2:43am

shenanagans wrote: »

You need new accommodation. Flatmate's attitude won't improve. You need to live like the over 70's......so sharing with young people is unsuitable.

This virus isn't going anywhere soon so best to accept your current situation isn't tenable.

Yes, he's a d**k but he's young and healthy, you are not.

I can't move out as I am unable to work due to being so sick.

Are there any government regulations that could be enforced on him? How about the guards?

shenanagans · 02-05-2020 2:51am

MissJustice wrote: »

I can't move out as I am unable to work due to being so sick.

Are there any government regulations that could be enforced on him? How about the guards?

Bringing the Gardai to your house will hardly improve his attitude. It will make life impossible. He'll resent you.

He's got a **** attitude. I sympathise with your situation. But I'd move asap if I was you.

Restrictions will gradually be removed as the Summer rolls on. He will get back to normal, but you will have to remain cocooned??

You can't expect him to not go to work because of you. He'll be meeting up with friend soon...after 18th May.

Renting with others isn't tenable for someone in your health .....sorry but you'd be better to face facts. Can you stay with family?

MissJustice · 02-05-2020 2:56am

shenanagans wrote: »

Bringing the Gardai to your house will hardly improve his attitude. It will make life impossible. He'll resent you.

He's got a **** attitude. I sympathise with your situation. But I'd move asap if I was you.

Restrictions will gradually be removed as the Summer rolls on. He will get back to normal, but you will have to remain cocooned??

You can't expect him to not go to work because of you. He'll be meeting up with friend soon...after 18th May.

Renting with others isn't tenable for someone in your health .....sorry but you'd be better to face facts. Can you stay with family?

I can't stay with my family as they live the other side of the country.

I have no option at all. I have to stay here. Does anyone know what the guards could do to help? He won't listen to me at all, and I need help in this terrible situation

massy086 · 02-05-2020 3:36am

MissJustice wrote: »

I can't stay with my family as they live the other side of the country.

I have no option at all. I have to stay here. Does anyone know what the guards could do to help? He won't listen to me at all, and I need help in this terrible situation

Have you possibly looked into going out to the city west hotel centre ,that is setup up by the government for people who can't self isolate.

MissJustice · 02-05-2020 3:38am

massy086 wrote: »

Have you possibly looked into going out to the city west hotel centre ,that is setup up by the government for people who can't self isolate.

That would be a great idea, but I have a cat!

massy086 · 02-05-2020 3:41am

MissJustice wrote: »

That would be a great idea, but I have a cat!

could your other non dick of a housemate possible mind the cat 4 you.

MissJustice · 02-05-2020 3:44am

massy086 wrote: »

could your other non dick of a housemate possible mind the cat 4 you.

Its certainly a very good idea. I can look into it.
I had no idea the government had organised that for people who need to self isolate.

Thanks so much

massy086 · 02-05-2020 3:46am

MissJustice wrote: »

Its certainly a very good idea. I can look into it.
I had no idea the government had organised that for people who need to self isolate.

Thanks so much

Your more than welcome hope it all works out for you. stay safe stay positive

massy086 · 02-05-2020 3:48am

https://www2.hse.ie/services/coronavirus-self-isolation-facilities/

MissJustice · 02-05-2020 3:56am

massy086 wrote: »

https://www2.hse.ie/services/coronavirus-self-isolation-facilities/

You're an angel.

Thank you so much

:)

robinbird · 02-05-2020 4:16am

It really is your issue and not his. If you have to cocoon then you need to find some place that you can do it. And that means moving.
Either back to your family or rent somewhere on your own or get government assistance with finding alternative accommodation.
Expecting people that you are in a house share with and that aren't friends or family to conform to your standards and restrict their movements beyond what is legally required is unreasonable and unfair. The Gardai won't arrest your housemate unless you can prove that he has broken the law.

.

MissJustice · 02-05-2020 4:23am

robinbird wrote: »

It really is your issue and not his. If you have to cocoon then you need to find some place that you can do it. And that means moving.
Expecting someone that you are in a house share with and that isn't a friend or family to conform to your standards is unreasonable and unfair.

No, not my standards at all. But for my housemate to go to Tescos say once a week, not almost every day. The same with going to the shop, or working at his relatives house.

All I'm asking for is a little consideration and respect from him. My other housemate understand this and respects the virus. My other housemate is being extremely inconsiderate, and doesn't care if he brings it into the house or not. That's where my problem lies.

robinbird · 02-05-2020 4:27am

MissJustice wrote: »

No, not my standards at all. But for my housemate to go to Tescos say once a week, not almost every day. The same with going to the shop, or working at his relatives house.

All I'm asking for is a little consideration and respect from him. My other housemate understand this and respects the virus. My other housemate is being extremely inconsiderate, and doesn't care if he brings it into the house or not. That's where my problem lies.

You are legally allowed to go to Tesco. You are not asking for consideration and respect. You are unreasonably asking him to conform to your standards.
He doesn't need to cocoon and it is unreasonable for someone that he is in a houseshare with to force him to. Although you seem to have persuaded the other housemate to. It's fully your issue so you need to move if you are not happy that he is not prepared to cocoon too for you. He is not your lover, friend or family. And you can't have him arrested unless he acts illegally.

MissJustice · 02-05-2020 4:44am

robinbird wrote: »

You are legally allowed to go to Tesco. You are not asking for consideration and respect. You are unreasonably asking him to conform to your standards.
He doesn't need to cocoon and it is unreasonable for someone that he is in a houseshare with to force him to. Although you seem to have persuaded the other housemate to. It's fully your issue so you need to move if you are not happy that he is not prepared to cocoon too for you. He is not your lover, friend or family. And you can't have him arrested unless he acts illegally.

I'm not asking him to cocoon. And I certainly didn't persuade my other housemate to. She's staying in the house, only going out when she needs to for food or medicine. She's not cocooning. She respecting the virus, like thousands of people in the country are.

Would it kill him to go to Tesco's say once, maybe twice a week, and to respect the fact that I'm sick, and to have some consideration? Would it kill him for him to not go to the shop every single day, or Tescos's almost every day? He leaves the house and when he comes in, he won't wash his hands or take any sort of normal precautions that we are all taking. I'm not asking him to cocoon, nor do I expect him to.

It's unreasonable and unfair behaviour from him, not from me.

Is it wrong for me to ask for a little respect and consideration from him, given the unfortunate problem that I'm sick, which is something I didn't ask for.

Notdeco · 02-05-2020 4:48am

Wow! To the last poster!!(not the op)

To the previous poster, good info given to the op.

I can't believe the ignorance of some people on boards.
Op I wish you well.

robinbird · 02-05-2020 5:06am

Notdeco wrote: »

Wow! To the last poster!!(not the op)

To the previous poster, good info given to the op.

I can't believe the ignorance of some people on boards.
Op I wish you well.

Well. The OP came on here looking for sympathy and condemnation of her housemate. She was asking if there was anything that she could use against him to report him to the Gardai. And what exactly was he doing Working with a relative, perhaps legally and going to Tesco.
Oh and yes. She has been monitoring his behaviour and noticed the he did not wash his hands after entering the house.
And he is a housemate in a houseshare. My opinion is that she is not entitled to instruct her housemate how to behave to this extent. If she has an issue with him not washing his hands or going to Tesco the proper thing to do is find alternative accommodation with people who are willing to do as she instructs them or else to live alone.

MissJustice · 02-05-2020 5:15am

robinbird wrote: »

Well. The OP came on here looking for sympathy and condemnation of her housemate. She was asking if there was anything that she could use against him to report him to the Gardai. And what exactly was he doing Working with a relative, perhaps legally and going to Tesco.
Oh and yes. She has been monitoring his behaviour and noticed the he did not wash his hands after entering the house.
And he is a housemate in a houseshare. My opinion is that she is not entitled to instruct her housemate how to behave to this extent. If she has an issue with him not washing his hands or going to Tesco the proper thing to do is find alternative accommodation with people who are willing to do as she instructs them or else to live alone.

I don't know what your problem is, but I did not come on here looking for sympathy and/or condemnation of my housemate. I am in a very difficult situation with my health, and I asked him nicely a number of times over the past week, if he would have some consideration and respect not just for me but for our other housemate, and not leave the house 3 or 4 times a day, where he will be around people. I came here asking for advice, and if I were to speak to the Gardai, what could they do tho help, given his unreasonable and unfair behaviour, and not having any consideration whatsoever.

He does not care about this virus, or if he picks it up and passes it onto me or my housemate. How would you know if I'm monitoring him or not? That's quite a strong word to use, given that I live in the house, and am here all the time, its hard not to notice he never washes his hands, or take an sort of precautions or consideration at all.

I have an issue with someone leaving the house 3 or 4 times a day, either going to the shop, tescos, or to his relatives to work, and not taking any precautions for either myself or my other housemate.

Is it really that much of a problem for him to go to Tescos once or twice a week, and take consideration for us in the house?

I'm not instructing him in anyway. I'm simply asking to him to have some cop on.

MissJustice · 02-05-2020 5:17am

robinbird wrote: »

Well. The OP came on here looking for sympathy and condemnation of her housemate. She was asking if there was anything that she could use against him to report him to the Gardai. And what exactly was he doing Working with a relative, perhaps legally and going to Tesco.
Oh and yes. She has been monitoring his behaviour and noticed the he did not wash his hands after entering the house.
And he is a housemate in a houseshare. My opinion is that she is not entitled to instruct her housemate how to behave to this extent. If she has an issue with him not washing his hands or going to Tesco the proper thing to do is find alternative accommodation with people who are willing to do as she instructs them or else to live alone.

The government submitted these guidelines to the country for all of us to follow by the way. So, sounds like you are against the government's advice?

robinbird · 02-05-2020 5:19am

In my opinion it has become too easy for people to use the virus as an excuse for controlling behaviour and intolerance.

If you are in a normal house share you do not have an entitlement to control the behaviour of your fellow housemates by instructing them how and when they can leave the house.

robinbird · 02-05-2020 5:22am

MissJustice wrote: »

The government submitted these guidelines to the country for all of us to follow by the way. So, sounds like you are against the government's advice?

From what I can gather your housemate is not in breach of the guidelines which allow shopping in Tesco so you have nothing that you can take to the gardai to legally use against him.

MissJustice · 02-05-2020 5:23am

robinbird wrote: »

In my opinion it has become too easy for people to use the virus as an excuse for controlling behaviour and intolerance.
Note that she has not evidence that her housemate has done anything illegal.

If you are in a normal house share you do not have an entitlement to control the behaviour of your fellow housemates by instructing them how and when they can leave the house.

The virus is not an excuse. It is a deadly infectious disease, and if I pick it up, I'm in hospital for sure, or could end up even worse off. That's the situation I'm in.

I'm not saying he did anything illegal at all? I'm asking for him to have some consideration and respect with who he lives with, particularly me, and I have long term medical conditions.

El_Duderino 09 · 02-05-2020 5:28am

You might not like his attitude but the young an healthy are likely to be the first ones allowed out to work and socialise. So his situation will be normal much sooner than you will be encouraged to go out.

As it stands cocooning is only recommended for vulnerable people like yourself.

Start thinking about alternative accommodation or thinking about how you can live with your current housemates when restrictions are loosened on them.

robinbird · 02-05-2020 5:29am

MissJustice wrote: »

The virus is not an excuse. It is a deadly infectious disease, and if I pick it up, I'm in hospital for sure, or could end up even worse off. That's the situation I'm in.

I'm not saying he did anything illegal at all? I'm asking for him to have some consideration and respect with who he lives with, particularly me, and I have long term medical conditions.

If you have medical issues I sympathise and there are very many people who are anxious and nervous and are self isolating and cocooning. You are fully entitled to and everyone respects your right to do so.

My point is that if you are in a normal house share it is unfair to force your housemates that are in compliance with regulations to conform to your need by restricting their behaviour. Perhaps he uses hand sanitiser rather than washing hands in a sink, perhaps he washes his hands in the bathroom.
But whether he does or not your behaviour is controlling and unreasonable.

MissJustice · 02-05-2020 5:37am

robinbird wrote: »

If you have medical issues I sympathise and there are very many people who are anxious and nervous and are self isolating and cocooning. You are fully entitled to and everyone respects your right to do so.

My point is that if you are in a normal house share it is unfair to force your housemates that are in compliance with regulations to conform to your need by restricting their behaviour. Perhaps he uses hand sanitiser rather than washing hands in a sink, perhaps he washes his hands in the bathroom.
But whether he does or not your behaviour is controlling and unreasonable.

I really don't understand how asking someone to have some consideration and respect for me and my other housemate amounts to restricting his behaviour. He can go for 20 walks a day if he wants, just as long as he is not around people all the time like what he is doing.

Is it really that difficult for him to go to Tesco's once maybe twice a week, as apposed to almost every day, and the shop also? And no, as I am in the house all the time, he does not wash his hands at all when he comes in. Why is it such an incredibly difficult ask to spend 20 seconds or so when you come in to wash your hands? It wouldn't kill him, but it could end up killing me.

I don't think that is asking for much, also given the fact that this is not going to go on forever either. Every day of the week, there are people from hospital beds who are saying how bad this virus is. He doesn't care whatsoever about this at all. If he did he would be behaving more responsibly for me and my other housemate.

adrian92 · 02-05-2020 5:44am

Perhaps contact your GP or HSE C19 helpline for advice

robinbird · 02-05-2020 5:48am

MissJustice wrote: »

I really don't understand how asking someone to have some consideration and respect for me and my other housemate amounts to restricting his behaviour. He can go for 20 walks a day if he wants, just as long as he is not around people all the time like what he is doing.

Is it really that difficult for him to go to Tesco's once maybe twice a week, as apposed to almost every day, and the shop also? And no, as I am in the house all the time, he does not wash his hands at all when he comes in. Why is it such an incredibly difficult ask to spend 20 seconds or so when you come in to wash your hands? It wouldn't kill him, but it could end up killing me.

I don't think that is asking for much, also given the fact that this is not going to go on forever either. Every day of the week, there are people from hospital beds who are saying how bad this virus is. He doesn't care whatsoever about this at all. If he did he would be behaving more responsibly for me and my other housemate.

You do not have an entitlement to control how your housemate lives his life to the the extent of restricting him to leaving the house once or twice a week and monitoring his hygiene habits to that extent.
Being in a houseshare involves a certain tolerance towards others which you clearly lack. As long as he is in compliance with legal requirements you will either have to accept his entitlement to live his life or else find alternative accommodation where there are people who are either cocooning because they share your anxieties or are prepared to follow your orders.

MissJustice · 02-05-2020 5:52am

robinbird wrote: »

You do not have an entitlement to control how your housemate lives his life to the the extent of restricting him to leaving the house once or twice a week and monitoring his hygiene habits to that extent.
Being in a houseshare involves a certain tolerance towards others which you clearly lack. As long as he is in compliance with legal requirements you will either have to accept his entitlement to live his life or else find alternative accommodation where there are people who are either cocooning because they share your anxieties or are prepared to follow your orders.

:rolleyes::rolleyes:
As apposed to him going to Tescos maybe once and twice a week, and washing his hands and carrying out precautions like the rest of the country is doing??

MissJustice · 02-05-2020 5:55am

robinbird wrote: »

You do not have an entitlement to control how your housemate lives his life to the the extent of restricting him to leaving the house once or twice a week and monitoring his hygiene habits to that extent.
Being in a houseshare involves a certain tolerance towards others which you clearly lack. As long as he is in compliance with legal requirements you will either have to accept his entitlement to live his life or else find alternative accommodation where there are people who are either cocooning because they share your anxieties or are prepared to follow your orders.

You either have no consideration for people who you live with, or you have no respect for the government guidelines that we should all be following to protect all of us from this virus. :rolleyes:

robinbird · 02-05-2020 5:59am

MissJustice wrote: »

:rolleyes::rolleyes:
As apposed to him going to Tescos maybe once and twice a week, and washing his hands and carrying out precautions like the rest of the country is doing??

You are not entitled to monitor the control the behaviour of your fellow housemates by telling them when they can leave the house and for what purpose and when they should wash their hands.
You do not have that power.
Your fears and anxieties are not his.
So either accept that or move out.

I'm cocooning - housemate being a d*ck

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