I'm cocooning - housemate being a d*ck

MissJustice

So I live in house with two others. We are all renters.

I have a number of long term chronic conditions, mild asthma, weak lungs - I don't know how many times I have had pneumonia in the past. There is also a possibility I have MS, which I have to get tested for. My immune system at present is very weak. Both of my housemates are aware of all of this.

One housemate is respecting social distancing, not leaving the house unless necessary for food or medicine, and aware of the fact that I'm cocooning.

The other housemate was put off work about 3 weeks ago. He has absolutely no respect for how serious the virus is. He currently goes up to work with his relative almost every day for the past week. When he's not there and in the house, he leaves the house at least 3 maybe 4 times a day.

He goes to Tesco's, then later might to to the shop, go out again then somewhere else. He comes in and won't wash his hands. He is carrying on like there is no virus at all. I have asked him nicely a few times over the past week to please stay in the house and not to be leaving 3 or 4 times a day, and to stop going working at his relatives every day.

He said he would have one more day of work, so I said ok, one day is ok. He lied. He went back there again, and will have another few days of work there, and doesn't give a damn about transmitting the virus to me, and that if I get it, without question, I will end up in hospital, or worse. There is my other housemate too, who he couldn't care less about either with his behaviour.

I had a really bad row with him today, and again asked him not to be leaving the house as much. (If it was for walks on his own that would be fine, but he is deliberately going out and being amongst people) He told me to F*ck off, and refused to speak to me. I'm terrified of picking the virus up from him, particularly when I have to cocoon.

Any advice as to how to deal with him?

Thanks xx

shenanagans

You need new accommodation. Flatmate's attitude won't improve. You need to live like the over 70's......so sharing with young people is unsuitable.

This virus isn't going anywhere soon so best to accept your current situation isn't tenable.

Yes, he's a d**k but he's young and healthy, you are not.

MissJustice

shenanagans wrote: »

You need new accommodation. Flatmate's attitude won't improve. You need to live like the over 70's......so sharing with young people is unsuitable.

This virus isn't going anywhere soon so best to accept your current situation isn't tenable.

Yes, he's a d**k but he's young and healthy, you are not.

I can't move out as I am unable to work due to being so sick.

Are there any government regulations that could be enforced on him? How about the guards?

shenanagans

MissJustice wrote: »

I can't move out as I am unable to work due to being so sick.

Are there any government regulations that could be enforced on him? How about the guards?

Bringing the Gardai to your house will hardly improve his attitude. It will make life impossible. He'll resent you.

He's got a **** attitude. I sympathise with your situation. But I'd move asap if I was you.

Restrictions will gradually be removed as the Summer rolls on. He will get back to normal, but you will have to remain cocooned??

You can't expect him to not go to work because of you. He'll be meeting up with friend soon...after 18th May.

Renting with others isn't tenable for someone in your health .....sorry but you'd be better to face facts. Can you stay with family?

MissJustice

shenanagans wrote: »

Bringing the Gardai to your house will hardly improve his attitude. It will make life impossible. He'll resent you.

He's got a **** attitude. I sympathise with your situation. But I'd move asap if I was you.

Restrictions will gradually be removed as the Summer rolls on. He will get back to normal, but you will have to remain cocooned??

You can't expect him to not go to work because of you. He'll be meeting up with friend soon...after 18th May.

Renting with others isn't tenable for someone in your health .....sorry but you'd be better to face facts. Can you stay with family?

I can't stay with my family as they live the other side of the country.

I have no option at all. I have to stay here. Does anyone know what the guards could do to help? He won't listen to me at all, and I need help in this terrible situation

massy086

MissJustice wrote: »

I can't stay with my family as they live the other side of the country.

I have no option at all. I have to stay here. Does anyone know what the guards could do to help? He won't listen to me at all, and I need help in this terrible situation

Have you possibly looked into going out to the city west hotel centre ,that is setup up by the government for people who can't self isolate.

MissJustice

massy086 wrote: »

Have you possibly looked into going out to the city west hotel centre ,that is setup up by the government for people who can't self isolate.

That would be a great idea, but I have a cat!

massy086

MissJustice wrote: »

That would be a great idea, but I have a cat!

could your other non dick of a housemate possible mind the cat 4 you.

MissJustice

massy086 wrote: »

could your other non dick of a housemate possible mind the cat 4 you.

Its certainly a very good idea. I can look into it.
I had no idea the government had organised that for people who need to self isolate.

Thanks so much

massy086

MissJustice wrote: »

Its certainly a very good idea. I can look into it.
I had no idea the government had organised that for people who need to self isolate.

Thanks so much

Your more than welcome hope it all works out for you. stay safe stay positive

massy086

https://www2.hse.ie/services/coronavirus-self-isolation-facilities/

MissJustice

massy086 wrote: »

https://www2.hse.ie/services/coronavirus-self-isolation-facilities/

You're an angel.

Thank you so much :)

robinbird

It really is your issue and not his. If you have to cocoon then you need to find some place that you can do it. And that means moving.
Either back to your family or rent somewhere on your own or get government assistance with finding alternative accommodation.
Expecting people that you are in a house share with and that aren't friends or family to conform to your standards and restrict their movements beyond what is legally required is unreasonable and unfair. The Gardai won't arrest your housemate unless you can prove that he has broken the law.

.

MissJustice

robinbird wrote: »

It really is your issue and not his. If you have to cocoon then you need to find some place that you can do it. And that means moving.
Expecting someone that you are in a house share with and that isn't a friend or family to conform to your standards is unreasonable and unfair.

No, not my standards at all. But for my housemate to go to Tescos say once a week, not almost every day. The same with going to the shop, or working at his relatives house.

All I'm asking for is a little consideration and respect from him. My other housemate understand this and respects the virus. My other housemate is being extremely inconsiderate, and doesn't care if he brings it into the house or not. That's where my problem lies.

robinbird

MissJustice wrote: »

No, not my standards at all. But for my housemate to go to Tescos say once a week, not almost every day. The same with going to the shop, or working at his relatives house.

All I'm asking for is a little consideration and respect from him. My other housemate understand this and respects the virus. My other housemate is being extremely inconsiderate, and doesn't care if he brings it into the house or not. That's where my problem lies.

You are legally allowed to go to Tesco. You are not asking for consideration and respect. You are unreasonably asking him to conform to your standards.
He doesn't need to cocoon and it is unreasonable for someone that he is in a houseshare with to force him to. Although you seem to have persuaded the other housemate to. It's fully your issue so you need to move if you are not happy that he is not prepared to cocoon too for you. He is not your lover, friend or family. And you can't have him arrested unless he acts illegally.

MissJustice

robinbird wrote: »

You are legally allowed to go to Tesco. You are not asking for consideration and respect. You are unreasonably asking him to conform to your standards.
He doesn't need to cocoon and it is unreasonable for someone that he is in a houseshare with to force him to. Although you seem to have persuaded the other housemate to. It's fully your issue so you need to move if you are not happy that he is not prepared to cocoon too for you. He is not your lover, friend or family. And you can't have him arrested unless he acts illegally.

I'm not asking him to cocoon. And I certainly didn't persuade my other housemate to. She's staying in the house, only going out when she needs to for food or medicine. She's not cocooning. She respecting the virus, like thousands of people in the country are.

Would it kill him to go to Tesco's say once, maybe twice a week, and to respect the fact that I'm sick, and to have some consideration? Would it kill him for him to not go to the shop every single day, or Tescos's almost every day? He leaves the house and when he comes in, he won't wash his hands or take any sort of normal precautions that we are all taking. I'm not asking him to cocoon, nor do I expect him to.

It's unreasonable and unfair behaviour from him, not from me.

Is it wrong for me to ask for a little respect and consideration from him, given the unfortunate problem that I'm sick, which is something I didn't ask for.

Notdeco

Wow! To the last poster!!(not the op)

To the previous poster, good info given to the op.

I can't believe the ignorance of some people on boards.
Op I wish you well.

robinbird

Notdeco wrote: »

Wow! To the last poster!!(not the op)

To the previous poster, good info given to the op.

I can't believe the ignorance of some people on boards.
Op I wish you well.

Well. The OP came on here looking for sympathy and condemnation of her housemate. She was asking if there was anything that she could use against him to report him to the Gardai. And what exactly was he doing Working with a relative, perhaps legally and going to Tesco.
Oh and yes. She has been monitoring his behaviour and noticed the he did not wash his hands after entering the house.
And he is a housemate in a houseshare. My opinion is that she is not entitled to instruct her housemate how to behave to this extent. If she has an issue with him not washing his hands or going to Tesco the proper thing to do is find alternative accommodation with people who are willing to do as she instructs them or else to live alone.

MissJustice

robinbird wrote: »

Well. The OP came on here looking for sympathy and condemnation of her housemate. She was asking if there was anything that she could use against him to report him to the Gardai. And what exactly was he doing Working with a relative, perhaps legally and going to Tesco.
Oh and yes. She has been monitoring his behaviour and noticed the he did not wash his hands after entering the house.
And he is a housemate in a houseshare. My opinion is that she is not entitled to instruct her housemate how to behave to this extent. If she has an issue with him not washing his hands or going to Tesco the proper thing to do is find alternative accommodation with people who are willing to do as she instructs them or else to live alone.

I don't know what your problem is, but I did not come on here looking for sympathy and/or condemnation of my housemate. I am in a very difficult situation with my health, and I asked him nicely a number of times over the past week, if he would have some consideration and respect not just for me but for our other housemate, and not leave the house 3 or 4 times a day, where he will be around people. I came here asking for advice, and if I were to speak to the Gardai, what could they do tho help, given his unreasonable and unfair behaviour, and not having any consideration whatsoever.

He does not care about this virus, or if he picks it up and passes it onto me or my housemate. How would you know if I'm monitoring him or not? That's quite a strong word to use, given that I live in the house, and am here all the time, its hard not to notice he never washes his hands, or take an sort of precautions or consideration at all.

I have an issue with someone leaving the house 3 or 4 times a day, either going to the shop, tescos, or to his relatives to work, and not taking any precautions for either myself or my other housemate.

Is it really that much of a problem for him to go to Tescos once or twice a week, and take consideration for us in the house?

I'm not instructing him in anyway. I'm simply asking to him to have some cop on.

MissJustice

robinbird wrote: »

Well. The OP came on here looking for sympathy and condemnation of her housemate. She was asking if there was anything that she could use against him to report him to the Gardai. And what exactly was he doing Working with a relative, perhaps legally and going to Tesco.
Oh and yes. She has been monitoring his behaviour and noticed the he did not wash his hands after entering the house.
And he is a housemate in a houseshare. My opinion is that she is not entitled to instruct her housemate how to behave to this extent. If she has an issue with him not washing his hands or going to Tesco the proper thing to do is find alternative accommodation with people who are willing to do as she instructs them or else to live alone.

The government submitted these guidelines to the country for all of us to follow by the way. So, sounds like you are against the government's advice?

robinbird

In my opinion it has become too easy for people to use the virus as an excuse for controlling behaviour and intolerance.

If you are in a normal house share you do not have an entitlement to control the behaviour of your fellow housemates by instructing them how and when they can leave the house.

robinbird

MissJustice wrote: »

The government submitted these guidelines to the country for all of us to follow by the way. So, sounds like you are against the government's advice?

From what I can gather your housemate is not in breach of the guidelines which allow shopping in Tesco so you have nothing that you can take to the gardai to legally use against him.

MissJustice

robinbird wrote: »

In my opinion it has become too easy for people to use the virus as an excuse for controlling behaviour and intolerance.
Note that she has not evidence that her housemate has done anything illegal.

If you are in a normal house share you do not have an entitlement to control the behaviour of your fellow housemates by instructing them how and when they can leave the house.

The virus is not an excuse. It is a deadly infectious disease, and if I pick it up, I'm in hospital for sure, or could end up even worse off. That's the situation I'm in.

I'm not saying he did anything illegal at all? I'm asking for him to have some consideration and respect with who he lives with, particularly me, and I have long term medical conditions.

El_Duderino 09

You might not like his attitude but the young an healthy are likely to be the first ones allowed out to work and socialise. So his situation will be normal much sooner than you will be encouraged to go out.

As it stands cocooning is only recommended for vulnerable people like yourself.

Start thinking about alternative accommodation or thinking about how you can live with your current housemates when restrictions are loosened on them.

robinbird

MissJustice wrote: »

The virus is not an excuse. It is a deadly infectious disease, and if I pick it up, I'm in hospital for sure, or could end up even worse off. That's the situation I'm in.

I'm not saying he did anything illegal at all? I'm asking for him to have some consideration and respect with who he lives with, particularly me, and I have long term medical conditions.

If you have medical issues I sympathise and there are very many people who are anxious and nervous and are self isolating and cocooning. You are fully entitled to and everyone respects your right to do so.

My point is that if you are in a normal house share it is unfair to force your housemates that are in compliance with regulations to conform to your need by restricting their behaviour. Perhaps he uses hand sanitiser rather than washing hands in a sink, perhaps he washes his hands in the bathroom.
But whether he does or not your behaviour is controlling and unreasonable.

MissJustice

robinbird wrote: »

If you have medical issues I sympathise and there are very many people who are anxious and nervous and are self isolating and cocooning. You are fully entitled to and everyone respects your right to do so.

My point is that if you are in a normal house share it is unfair to force your housemates that are in compliance with regulations to conform to your need by restricting their behaviour. Perhaps he uses hand sanitiser rather than washing hands in a sink, perhaps he washes his hands in the bathroom.
But whether he does or not your behaviour is controlling and unreasonable.

I really don't understand how asking someone to have some consideration and respect for me and my other housemate amounts to restricting his behaviour. He can go for 20 walks a day if he wants, just as long as he is not around people all the time like what he is doing.

Is it really that difficult for him to go to Tesco's once maybe twice a week, as apposed to almost every day, and the shop also? And no, as I am in the house all the time, he does not wash his hands at all when he comes in. Why is it such an incredibly difficult ask to spend 20 seconds or so when you come in to wash your hands? It wouldn't kill him, but it could end up killing me.

I don't think that is asking for much, also given the fact that this is not going to go on forever either. Every day of the week, there are people from hospital beds who are saying how bad this virus is. He doesn't care whatsoever about this at all. If he did he would be behaving more responsibly for me and my other housemate.

adrian92

Perhaps contact your GP or HSE C19 helpline for advice

robinbird

MissJustice wrote: »

I really don't understand how asking someone to have some consideration and respect for me and my other housemate amounts to restricting his behaviour. He can go for 20 walks a day if he wants, just as long as he is not around people all the time like what he is doing.

Is it really that difficult for him to go to Tesco's once maybe twice a week, as apposed to almost every day, and the shop also? And no, as I am in the house all the time, he does not wash his hands at all when he comes in. Why is it such an incredibly difficult ask to spend 20 seconds or so when you come in to wash your hands? It wouldn't kill him, but it could end up killing me.

I don't think that is asking for much, also given the fact that this is not going to go on forever either. Every day of the week, there are people from hospital beds who are saying how bad this virus is. He doesn't care whatsoever about this at all. If he did he would be behaving more responsibly for me and my other housemate.

You do not have an entitlement to control how your housemate lives his life to the the extent of restricting him to leaving the house once or twice a week and monitoring his hygiene habits to that extent.
Being in a houseshare involves a certain tolerance towards others which you clearly lack. As long as he is in compliance with legal requirements you will either have to accept his entitlement to live his life or else find alternative accommodation where there are people who are either cocooning because they share your anxieties or are prepared to follow your orders.

MissJustice

robinbird wrote: »

You do not have an entitlement to control how your housemate lives his life to the the extent of restricting him to leaving the house once or twice a week and monitoring his hygiene habits to that extent.
Being in a houseshare involves a certain tolerance towards others which you clearly lack. As long as he is in compliance with legal requirements you will either have to accept his entitlement to live his life or else find alternative accommodation where there are people who are either cocooning because they share your anxieties or are prepared to follow your orders.

:rolleyes::rolleyes:
As apposed to him going to Tescos maybe once and twice a week, and washing his hands and carrying out precautions like the rest of the country is doing??

MissJustice

robinbird wrote: »

You do not have an entitlement to control how your housemate lives his life to the the extent of restricting him to leaving the house once or twice a week and monitoring his hygiene habits to that extent.
Being in a houseshare involves a certain tolerance towards others which you clearly lack. As long as he is in compliance with legal requirements you will either have to accept his entitlement to live his life or else find alternative accommodation where there are people who are either cocooning because they share your anxieties or are prepared to follow your orders.

You either have no consideration for people who you live with, or you have no respect for the government guidelines that we should all be following to protect all of us from this virus. :rolleyes:

robinbird

MissJustice wrote: »

:rolleyes::rolleyes:
As apposed to him going to Tescos maybe once and twice a week, and washing his hands and carrying out precautions like the rest of the country is doing??

You are not entitled to monitor the control the behaviour of your fellow housemates by telling them when they can leave the house and for what purpose and when they should wash their hands.
You do not have that power.
Your fears and anxieties are not his.
So either accept that or move out.

MissJustice

robinbird wrote: »

You are not entitled to monitor the control the behaviour of your fellow housemates by telling them when they can leave the house and for what purpose and when they should wash their hands.
You do not have that power.
Your fears and anxieties are not his.
So either accept that or move out.

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

knucklehead6

In fairness, Robin isn’t wrong. This lad is being a dick, but he’s obeying the law. You’ve no right to dictate to him when he can and cannot leave the house.
Is he being a dick. Yes.
Is he breaking the law. No
Can you make him modify his behaviour. No

undertaker fan 88

Unfortunately for you he can go to Tesco as much as he wants. From the 18th of may he can meet up with people close by aswell. And once the other steps are in hes allowed have people call to him also. You need isolate on your own somewhere else as you cannot force him to do as you do.

I have to agree with other posters, what your flat mate is doing is typical of young healthy people. And from the 18th, he will be allowed to do a lot more.

Your health issue is particular to you, not your flat mates so the onus is on you to make the necessary arrangements for safe cocooning. Of course he should be washing his hands as soon as he comes in, but apart from that, I think you are being harsh on him.

JustAThought

OP sounds totally hysterical and totally intolerant and controlling. As for cocooning - OP is not self isolating - this means staying in your bedroom with no contact with others - this is what the OP can do to protect yourself from others - it sounds like the OP wants the run of the house as though it is a private let and with nobody else around. Sharing in this circumstance does not suit them and as they are unwilling to take the steps many front line or at risk people are to isolate themself - in in their own private room with no contact with others wearing gloves and a facemask when necessary to use the kitchen or shared bathroom , then I suggest the OP get in your car and drive back to their parents and stat there until they are in a position to rent their own bedsit or shre with others without trying to totally control and dictate to them.

As regards the OP’s illnesses ‘mild asthma ‘and thinking you might have MS but have never been tested for either and being controlling and hysterical will not put you high on a list for private medical isolation unit courtesy of the taxpayer - these would be reserved for people with actual disgnosed illnesses such as cancer, lukemia, cystic fibrosis and not imaginary non tested speculative self diagnosis based on no medical or verified grounds.

As regards to sharing in a hotel environment - particularly with your outlook - shared spaces and corridors and many different outlooks and people isolating who actually have been diagnosed with and have the virus - I cannot see how that would suit the OP mentally - particularly given her mindless repetitive intolerance after every post here of her current flatmates and her desire to have them arrested or imprisoned rather than learn how to share and self isolate by herself in her own room.

As this virus is not going away and has no cure suggest she gets herself into her bedroom and cops on or gets herself a ground floor bedsit or moves out and back home. I’d say her flatmates heads are melted with her - no winder they are going out several times a day to be away from her - I imagine many others would too if this kind of petulant, controlling behaviour and constant nagging was going on by a third party in my home environment.

EDit

This thread sums up Boards really. Someone asks for advice, someone gives good advice, then some twat turns up and turns it into an argument

jimmycrackcorm

MissJustice wrote: »

That would be a great idea, but I have a cat!

So your underlying conditions mean you are at great risk from this deadly disease, but you're more concerned about a cat?

snoopboggybog

So you have underlying issues and have a cat. I find that strange.

You cannot force your housemate to do anything. Best thing you can do is move home to your family.

If you have any sort of document outlaying your illness then drive to your folks and isolate for two weeks or get them to pick you up. Email any proof to your parents as well if they have to pick you up. Even a quick call from your parents to the local Garda station from yourself or your parents they'll give you some sort of document. The gaurds will not do you for this if you have proof.

The restrictions are been eased over the coming weeks so it's only going to get worse.

Your better off moving out now.

You can't tell your housemate how to live his life.

lawred2

Would have thought chest conditions and a cat weren't great bedfellows myself..

OP, I think you either need to fully self isolate in your own room or head home to your folks. You have no remit nor right to restrict the already restricted movements of your flatmate.

What are you going to go in a few weeks?

Still waters

EDit wrote: »

This thread sums up Boards really. Someone asks for advice, someone gives good advice, then some twat turns up and turns it into an argument

Or the op asks for advice, gets advice and doesn't like it, proceeds to dictate how the housemate should do what they says and starts an argument over it with him, they sound unreasonable and controlling

padser

adrian92 wrote: »

Perhaps contact your GP or HSE C19 helpline for advice

This is the best advice you have gotten.

Your housemate who is going to Tesco and working sounds like he is likely doing exactly what he is allowed / meant to do. I'm not sure what you would be reporting to the Gardai.

Your other housemate is effectively cocooning because they live with someone who has mild asthma and has decided to cocoon. That's fine, it's your decision to cocoon and their decision to help you do it.

I'd suggest moving across the country to your family or contacting HSE

padser

MissJustice wrote: »

I really don't understand how asking someone ... amounts to restricting his behaviour. He can go for 20 walks a day if he wants, just as long as he is not around people all the time like what he is doing.

Is it really that difficult for him to go to Tesco's once maybe twice a week, as apposed to almost every day, and the shop also?

Is it not clear to you how all the statements you make in your post "amount to restricting his behaviour"?????

If you seek to specify how often he shops, how he excersises , whether he goes to work - on what planet is that not "restricting his behaviour"?

Plumbthedepths

OP with one exception you are getting no sympathy here for your attitude towards your housemate. However you have gotten some straightforward advice. Contact your GP and family and go home. The virus is going nowhere and the restrictions will lift , I doubt your attitude to your housemate will improve when that happens.
Go to your parents, take care.

weldoninhio

MissJustice wrote: »

The virus is not an excuse. It is a deadly infectious disease, and if I pick it up, I'm in hospital for sure, or could end up even worse off. That's the situation I'm in.

I'm not saying he did anything illegal at all? I'm asking for him to have some consideration and respect with who he lives with, particularly me, and I have long term medical conditions.

You’ve asked at least three times if you could get the Gardai to deal with him. If you are not saying he did anything illegal why do you keep bringing up the Garda?

There is nothing you can do, bar leave if it’s bothering you that much. That’s the long and the short of it.

weldoninhio

MissJustice wrote: »

:rolleyes::rolleyes:
As apposed to him going to Tescos maybe once and twice a week, and washing his hands and carrying out precautions like the rest of the country is doing??

There is no restriction on how many times a week you can go to the shop. There is no law on hand washing.

Shefwedfan

Sorry but I don’t understand why you can’t go home? You mention it’s the other side of country but people are allowed travel

You live in a house share, that is not the location to cocooning. You should be with nobody, you cant expect people to cocoon, it can be hard especially if young and used to going out

Also you can’t go to HSE because of a cat? You are demanding house mate to respect your new requirements but don’t want to change anything yourself? Put the cat into one of the holiday places and go to HSE location

Or get someone to bring you home....already suggest about emailing condition etc....

You should have moved out weeks ago and you would be better to get it sorted now and move out today

Steer55

Quite possible the OP would drive her parents insane if she goes home. She needs to find a studio bedsit where she can be by herself. This virus is going nowhere soon so she's going to have to prepare to live with it. Also maybe she could find some online work to occupy her time and save some money to enable her to move out.

Shefwedfan

Steer55 wrote: »

Quite possible the OP would drive her parents insane if she goes home. She needs to find a studio bedsit where she can be by herself. This virus is going nowhere soon so she's going to have to prepare to live with it. Also maybe she could find some online work to occupy her time and save some money to enable her to move out.

Finding and paying for a studio bedsit is the issue. Plus i would expect they are in a lease, so just dropping out of it now could be problematic.

A landlord will not want a cat in a bedsit, the confinded space would not suit a cat.

snoopboggybog

OP Just go home to the parents. Simple.

Really worth risking your health over a cat.

Shefwedfan

snoopboggybog wrote: »

OP Just go home to the parents. Simple.

Really worth risking your health over a cat.

I would expect if going to the parents the cat can come with?