I'm cocooning - housemate being a d*ck

blackbox

MissJustice wrote: »

I can't stay with my family as they live the other side of the country.

I have no option at all. I have to stay here. Does anyone know what the guards could do to help? He won't listen to me at all, and I need help in this terrible situation

I agree that your housemate is being a dick, but I don't understand why you can't stay with your family as you say you are not working.

What's stopping you?

Ger Roe

snoopboggybog wrote: »

Yes but what can you do? It's not illegal.

You can accept the general intentions, advised for the good of all society and not condone the actions of the other housemate like some on this thread are doing.
Again, there is a difference between what we strictly can do and what we absolutely should do.

It does require a bit of social responsibility and empathy, and in some cases those qualities are lacking.

Del2005

Ger Roe wrote: »

The other housemates disregard for the current public health advice and restrictions, puts everyone at potential risk, not just her. Is there anyone on the planet at the moment who doesn't appreciate the necessity to wash hands ... often ... and to restrict their movements?

The housemate is no worse than the countless people going around with masks and gloves being used incorrectly. At least housemate isn't pretending to care.

OP you could possibly report him for working but the result will be a fine and if you think living with him now is bad what will it be like when you've cost him money?

BruteStock

The situation is unnecessary stress. If you're not working , you don't need to be cooped up there all day long. Your anxiety -which is justified - will make living conditions terrible for yourself and Tesco Joe. Tensions are going to build up and worsen , especially as people are breaching lockdown rules more and more as time goes on. If its bad now , its only going to get worse.

You need to get into your car and go home. Its as simple as that.

Shefwedfan

Ger Roe wrote: »

The other housemates disregard for the current public health advice and restrictions, puts everyone at potential risk, not just her. Is there anyone on the planet at the moment who doesn't appreciate the necessity to wash hands ... often ... and to restrict their movements?

How do you know that? going to the shops is hardly a crime is it?



They could be doing exactly what they have been told to do.

Ger Roe

Shefwedfan wrote: »

How do you know that? going to the shops is hardly a crime is it?



They could be doing exactly what they have been told to do.

They are not doing exactly what they have been told to do. Read the thread and look up the advice/guidelines/rules that apply at the moment.

robinbird

robinbird wrote: »

In my opinion it has become too easy for people to use the virus as an excuse for controlling behaviour and intolerance.

If you are in a normal house share you do not have an entitlement to control the behaviour of your fellow housemates by instructing them how and when they can leave the house.

You must be having a laugh, the housemate is taking the p*ss. We are supposed to stay at home at all times bar essential trips, shopping and a brief exercise. One or max twice a week is all the shopping trips anyone should be doing, one exercise a day and not going working with someone in a presumably non essential job which is illegal.

He simply should not be leaving the house as he is the fact you think it’s ok shows you have no appreciation for how serious this virus is. I suppose you support Gemma Dougherty and her band of pigs?

People are making massive effort to stop this virus, we aren’t even going to the shop in my house we are getting deliveries, not leaving the house otherwise bar a short walk on a county lane with no one around. I haven’t even spoken to anyone at a social distance even from outside my house in weeks. The reason for the 2 weeks extension is attitudes like you and the ops housemate.

Shefwedfan

Ger Roe wrote: »

They are not doing exactly what they have been told to do. Read the thread and look up the advice/guidelines/rules that apply at the moment.

A few times in this forum people seem to be making up their own law to suit their point

He can go to the shops, we have no idea if working for relative is essential or not. He doesn’t have to sit in house24 x 7, if he wants to go for 2-4 walks during the day he is entitled to once he stays within the 2km distance

A few threads now and it’s the same, the OPs asking to bring in the Garda, is this the job of the Garda now? Sort out house tiffs?

The OP should of moved out at the start of virus if they planned on cocooning. Expecting everyone in the house to suit one persons requirement is a disaster, even moving forward what does she expect? Everyone to continue sitting in house till August when they could be back out trying to restart their life....will we have a thread in a few weeks time complaining about both house mates?

snoopboggybog

Jacob Obnoxious Scapula wrote: »

You must be having a laugh, the housemate is taking the p*ss. We are supposed to stay at home at all times bar essential trips, shopping and a brief exercise. One or max twice a week is all the shopping trips anyone should be doing, one exercise a day and not going working with someone in a presumably non essential job which is illegal.

He simply should not be leaving the house as he is the fact you think it’s ok shows you have no appreciation for how serious this virus is. I suppose you support Gemma Dougherty and her bad of pigs?

Na, he gone go to supermarket 20 times a day if he wants, can jog 100KM in a 2KM radius and split it out during the day, OP should move out, housemate might be taking the piss but cant tell anyone what to do.

OP is not working.

Dav010

Jacob Obnoxious Scapula wrote: »

You must be having a laugh, the housemate is taking the p*ss. We are supposed to stay at home at all times bar essential trips, shopping and a brief exercise. One or max twice a week is all the shopping trips anyone should be doing, one exercise a day and not going working with someone in a presumably non essential job which is illegal.

He simply should not be leaving the house as he is the fact you think it’s ok shows you have no appreciation for how serious this virus is. I suppose you support Gemma Dougherty and her bad of pigs?

People are making massive effort to stop this virus, we aren’t even going to the shop in my house we are getting deliveries, not leaving the house otherwise bar a short walk on a county lane with no one around. I haven’t even spoken to anyone at a social distance even from outside my house in weeks. The reason for the 2 weeks extension is attitudes like you and the ops housemate.

Have to disagree with you here.

There is two categories of people, those that should and do not need to cocoon. There are also different guidelines for both. The problem arises when both are sharing the same accommodation. People who are not cocooning don’t really have to abide by the rules that are and it is unreasonable to expect, or demand they do. Hand washing aside, the ops flat mate seems to be abiding by the lockdown rules, going out to shop, exercising, working (assuming in essential service workplace). So the onus is really on the op to live in a suitable environment rather than trying to make others do what they are not required to do.

The cat thing makes it hard to side with the op, she is more worried about it than finding a safe place to cocoon.

bucketybuck

SNNUS wrote: »

I'd like the other tenants side of the story to be honest.

His flatmate in a houseshare is telling him what he can and can't do, trying to dictate his movements and threatening him for non compliance.

I know what my response would be if I was him.

lainey_d_123

I can't believe how many people are defending this horrible man.

It's absolutely reasonable to expect someone you live with to wash their hands properly immediately upon returning home. It's literally the bare minimum they should be doing, and not doing it is selfish and dangerous.

I also have the misfortune to live with a man who thinks all this is 'overblown'. He also comes home and doesn't wash his hands. The result is that I have to wipe every single thing in the flat down with wipes before I touch it. Imagine the mental strain of that. Every single time I need to use the fridge, or the kettle, or the bathroom. Wipe, wipe, wipe. And this idiot mocks me, and doesn't see that it's all because of him. All because he won't take the 20 seconds to wash his hands, which would ensure that everything in the flat was safe. He'd rather have the rest of us constantly wiping down things he's touched than spend 20 seconds once a day washing his hands.

OP is not the one with the problem here, folks.

freshpopcorn

I don’t think the house share is right for you OP with your condition at these times.
Okay going to Tesco everyday isn’t the best thing to be doing and the hand washing.
However he’s going out to work with his relative everyday anyway and he can go out to exercise everyday also.
Similar when does your other flat mate return to work? Do you expect them to tell there boss I can’t go back because my flat mate is self isolating because you’ll have to.
I don’t think this situation is going to improve for you at the moment or in the next few months.
I got the impression of you were self isolating with others and had issues.
You stayed in your bedroom all the time and got food dropped to your door and you limited contact in the house. Bathrooms were the one issue that caused trouble.

That isn’t to be mean to you but just the basic reality of thing when they start to go back a bit to normal.

Shefwedfan

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

I can't believe how many people are defending this horrible man.

It's absolutely reasonable to expect someone you live with to wash their hands properly immediately upon returning home. It's literally the bare minimum they should be doing, and not doing it is selfish and dangerous.

I also have the misfortune to live with a man who thinks all this is 'overblown'. He also comes home and doesn't wash his hands. The result is that I have to wipe every single thing in the flat down with wipes before I touch it. Imagine the mental strain of that. Every single time I need to use the fridge, or the kettle, or the bathroom. Wipe, wipe, wipe. And this idiot mocks me, and doesn't see that it's all because of him. All because he won't take the 20 seconds to wash his hands, which would ensure that everything in the flat was safe. He'd rather have the rest of us constantly wiping down things he's touched than spend 20 seconds once a day washing his hands.

OP is not the one with the problem here, folks.

What would you do if a dirty cat was out all day and landed in crawling over everything :P:P:P:P

fryup

MissJustice wrote: »

I can't stay with my family as they live the other side of the country.

I have no option at all. I have to stay here.

if you have a car i would drive home to your family in the dead of night, its unlikely they'll be any checkpoints at that time

if you don't have a car - get one of your family to collect you as above

desperate times desperate measures

kevcos

Ah, he's being a "dick" because he's going about his own legal business. Let's call the Guards and see about getting him arrested.:rolleyes:

Brego888

You simply can't moderate other peoples behaviour. You say you have no options but you do. Move home.

Shefwedfan

Shefwedfan wrote: »

A few threads now and it’s the same, the OPs asking to bring in the Garda, is this the job of the Garda now? Sort out house tiffs?
?

You quickly disappeared from one other thread after claiming it’s nothing to do with the guards when evidence was posted that the guards can and are getting involved in houses where people are visiting which is illegal.

Going to the shop everyday is going against the spirit of the rules. One big shop once a week should be everyone’s aim (preferably by delivery like I and many are doing), wipe down all their shopping making sure to wash hands better touching washed and unwashed shopping, only leave the house for a very brief walk once per day (day 20 mins) no other leaving the house or any interaction bar an essential job. Some of this is the law some is what people should be doing.

As can be seen on here and around the county people are idiots and think they can do what they want. Personally I think the army should be out in force enforcing these rules much much harder, far more fines and court dates should be handed out than are etc etc.

We should have done down the route of only leaving home with an official letter permitting it, one shopping permit per week etc.

54and56

54and56 wrote: »

If you live on your own in rented accommodation and don't work what's preventing you from moving to the other side of the country to live with family who presumably would respect your need to cocoon and provide you with the support you need?

^^^ OP, can you answer this question?

Marcusm

MissJustice wrote: »

I can't move out as I am unable to work due to being so sick.

Are there any government regulations that could be enforced on him? How about the guards?

You need to contact the HSE and, assuming you live near Dublin, see if they can accommodate you in the CityWest Hotel which has been taken over for people whose accommodation in unsuitable in these times of corona.

Caranica

Marcusm wrote: »

You need to contact the HSE and, assuming you live near Dublin, see if they can accommodate you in the CityWest Hotel which has been taken over for people whose accommodation in unsuitable in these times of corona.

It's totally possible for the OP to stay safe in their rented accommodation, it's not like they're sharing a room with 5 other people. The HSE (and taxpayers) are providing accommodation to people for whom it is absolutely not otherwise possible.

Shefwedfan

Jacob Obnoxious Scapula wrote: »

You quickly disappeared from one other thread after claiming it’s nothing to do with the guards when evidence was posted that the guards can and are getting involved in houses where people are visiting which is illegal.

Going to the shop everyday is going against the spirit of the rules. One big shop once a week should be everyone’s aim (preferably by delivery like I and many are doing), wipe down all their shopping making sure to wash hands better touching washed and unwashed shopping, only leave the house for a very brief walk once per day (day 20 mins) no other leaving the house or any interaction bar an essential job. Some of this is the law some is what people should be doing.

As can be seen on here and around the county people are idiots and think they can do what they want. Personally I think the army should be out in force enforcing these rules much much harder, far more fines and court dates should be handed out than are etc etc.

We should have done down the route of only leaving home with an official letter permitting it, one shopping permit per week etc.

Now you want army out :-)

So much for human rights with you!!!! You want the army out to stop people going to the shops more than once a week, what happens if you run out of milk???

Some really ridiculous statements going on here, hence why I left the last thread with people inventing laws

zapper55

Is he being a selfish inconsiderate dickhead? Yes. Is it illegal? No.

OP working yourself up on here or at him is not going to change anything. Even if the entire thread said he bad you good, that still wouldnt change anything. You need to get proactive about changing your circumstances.

Can you temporarily surrender the cat to a shelter or could a friend mind it, or could you bring it home?

Can you go home, either with a lift or driving yourself?

If you have to stay in your present accommodation you will have to accept that this guys behaviours isnt going to change and that you'll have to sanitise everything you touch, leave rooms he enters and stay in your own room as much as possible. Is it fair? No, but you need to start managing your own anxieties.

freshpopcorn

Even if the guy didn't go out to Tesco every day OP.
He'd still be going out to work and putting you at risk.
Another flatmate returning to work soon probably who is going out but limited is still putting you at risk.
If I had serious health concerns.
I'd go home or to a relative that would have me or try and organise some where else.

I can't tell the OP anything other than this because I think I might be putting her life at risk unless she gets her other two flatmates to lock themselves in the house and get shopping delivered.

Marcusm

Caranica wrote: »

It's totally possible for the OP to stay safe in their rented accommodation, it's not like they're sharing a room with 5 other people. The HSE (and taxpayers) are providing accommodation to people for whom it is absolutely not otherwise possible.

I’d agree in theory but, in practice, the 750 rooms at the hotel are bought and paid for but only a proportion are occupied or reasonably likely to be occupied at this stage. The cost is sunk, the op would add little to it.

wakka12

An unfortunate situation and you'd hope he'd have more decency but he is a grown adult and owes nothing to you here. You dont have the right to tell him how to behave, its up to you to change your situation , by moving and creating a space that is safe enough for you. Awful,but theres no other way

sham58107

While I have sympathy for OP, there is no point in telling them to move house now ,they cant ! maybe if they can go home, HSE can organise this for them, or just tell the Guards you need to travel and explain situation to them, and get letter to drive.

Nobody knew about this situation 2 months ago so hindsight is great.

Nothing the Guards can do about the dickhead flatmate, and while it is not "illegal" as nearly everybody points out, it is totally inconsiderate , we are all supposed to be following advice, shopping nearly every day is not needed, and neither is going to "work" in other house , what kind of work ?.

A lot of people in this country really need to take a good look at themselves.

We were asked to stay home for few weeks , yet we need Guards at every cross roads to enforce this !

I am moving about ( totally legally ) and the amount of people out for" drive " is shocking.

The OP is only asking for flatmate to cop on and make less journeys, not to stay inside for ever, surely they could do this.

Or am I missing something ? how long have they lived in same house ? where there other problems before this ?

Hope all work out for OP and stay positive and safe. Not worth getting sick over.

James 007

fryup wrote: »

if you have a car i would drive home to your family in the dead of night, its unlikely they'll be any checkpoints at that time

if you don't have a car - get one of your family to collect you as above

desperate times desperate measures

Id have to agree that it is better for the OP to go home, or to HSE accommodation. This virus issue will drag on. To me this is an essential trip to travel considering the circumstances, & demonstrating this to any guard via heath condition forms/parents address etc. the guard would be understanding of this situation. The OP should have left this accommodation a month ago now at this stage. The tenant being a dick, whilst he should step up to wash his hands, reduce the food shops, is really not out of line with anything else. Suck it up & protect yourself, take control & move.

Homelander

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

OP is not the one with the problem here, folks.

The OP is 100% the problem. Going on a rant about morality and decency is irrelevant completely, to the actual situation.

Even if we take her word as gospel, the problematic housemate is still not necessarily doing anything illegal and she is the one with unreasonable demands of young, healthy housemates.

What next when the restrictions are officially eased even further? Would the OP demand that the housemates would still exist in near total lockdown on her behalf?

The problem is hers no matter what way you try and frame it, the poor attitude of the housemate doesn't change that basic fact.

It might be different if you were talking about partners, life-long friends, or whatever - but to expect total strangers to limit their lives around your issue just is not reasonable or workable.

It's on the OP to solve her predicament by moving home, finding a one bedroom place, whatever. Or else just live in your room indefinitely and avoid all communal areas.

Is it ideal, or nice, of course no...but it is completely the OP's problem to solve, no-one elses.

to99

I think for your own sake you'll need to accept that you are never going to change his behaviour and the time you put into stressing about it, is time not well spent. Whether he is unreasonable or not, you are never going to get him to act to your standards.

By applying your own rationality to the situation, you are negating his rationality. For all you know, he may be the kind or person that hates feeling controlled and rallies against it. That your idea of standards of staying in more is in his mind detrimental to his mental health- whether you think it's unfair doesn't matter.

My point is, it's subjective.

However, what you do have control over is how you respond.

As others have pointed out there are alternatives for you to investigate.