If you became dictator of Ireland, what new laws would you make compulsory?

bottlebrush · 29-02-2016 9:16pm

I'd outlaw the word 'like'

Ruu · 29-02-2016 9:17pm

Iwasfrozen wrote: »

What if something is awesome in the old sense?

That's a grey area right now.

maudgonner · 29-02-2016 9:17pm

biko wrote: »

Easy, prison for spammers/clickbaiters.

You won't believe the sentence they got!

Smalltalk to be banned from all hairdressers. If they fail to adhere to this rule their vocal cords are to be snipped. If they resort to sign language cut their hands off. Let's see them try to cut hair Christy-Brown-style.

(i.e. using their feet, not copying Christy's hairstyle, although I'm sure it was lovely)

29-02-2016 9:17pm

People who don't pick up after their dogs would be forced to compose their evening meal around it.

tomwaterford · 29-02-2016 9:18pm

Outlaw cranberry juice and Brennan's bread

maudgonner · 29-02-2016 9:20pm

tomwaterford wrote: »

Outlaw cranberry juice and Brennan's bread

Rename blaas. It's just not an appetising name - too close to bleurghs.

Schwiiing · 29-02-2016 9:20pm

People with stretched earlobes shall have heavy padlocks put through the holes. The bigger the hole, the bigger the padlock.

All pet cats shall be confiscated and released to the wild.

Archeron · 29-02-2016 9:22pm

People pushing shopping trollies in supermarkets should be required by law to beep when walking backwards.

maudgonner · 29-02-2016 9:23pm

I love this thread. I'm pretty sure we can put together a manifesto and sweep the boards at the next election. We actually would have a mandate for change.

Dravokivich · 29-02-2016 9:23pm

biko wrote: »

Easy, prison for spammers/clickbaiters.

You'd never guess what the fifth clickbaiter spammed.

mynameis905 · 29-02-2016 9:26pm

- Tracksuits and hoodies banned with immediate effect

- Mandatory grammar and elocution lessons for everyone

- Celebration of St. Patrick's day would be abolished

- Sufferers of Politician's Trouser would be rounded up and dropped off at a tailor. Repeat offenders shot on sight.

Cortina_MK_IV · 29-02-2016 9:26pm

Newborns will have to have their proposed names approved by a committee. Names like Jayden, Kayden, Phoenix (unless a parent is native American) will be outlawed.

Schwiiing · 29-02-2016 9:27pm

No babies/baby paraphernalia in public.

Men shall be allowed 2 choices of haircut. Military crew cut or tidy side parting. I will rule on beards on a case by case basis.

Compulsory national service for boys and girls for 8 weeks immediately after their Leaving Cert.

KERSPLAT! · 29-02-2016 9:30pm

maudgonner wrote: »

I love this thread. I'm pretty sure we can put together a manifesto and sweep the boards at the next election. We actually would have a mandate for change.

Oh oh I baggsy President... No wait! VICE President :cool:

Punkyblip · 29-02-2016 9:31pm

Guys walking around in public with their hands down their pants to be made punishable by death.

Gas and electricity meters to run in reverse so customers always due refunds from energy suppliers.

maudgonner · 29-02-2016 9:33pm

Reintroduce bears into the wild in Ireland. I like bears. Maybe a few lions too.

(When they get hungry we can feed them Luas drivers and ex TDs - and in a dictatorship all TDs will be ex TDs)

maudgonner · 29-02-2016 9:33pm

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

Oh oh I baggsy President... No wait! VICE President :cool:

I'm glad you know your place, you can indeed be my VICE President. Now kneel before Maud.

Elemonator · 29-02-2016 9:34pm

1. Wearing tracksuits, a cap and Nikes with your socks tucked in.

2. Ban wasters off the dole.

I'll be editing more in.

Punkyblip · 29-02-2016 9:37pm

Outlaw the use of the phrase "going forward"

Caoimhgh1n · 29-02-2016 9:39pm

Ban fossil fuels.
Stop the meat industry.
Replant forests.
Destroy most of the towns and cities and build them up again properly.
Money from Dole, child benefit ect to only be allowed spent on necessities and not crap.
Alcohol and cancer sticks to be banned.
Perfume and any other scented spray to be abolished.
No hunting/fishing.
Parents must be approved and inspected by allocated inspectors and if deemed unfit, sent to Carlow town.
Tracksuits will be burned whilst on the person wearing it.

Schwiiing · 29-02-2016 9:39pm

Nadia Forde, Georgia Salpa, Elaine Crowley and Claire Byrne shall be banned from wearing clothes.

Ray Darcy and Ryan Tubridy shall receive 1 slap per Euro recieved from the taxpayer. Every Irish citizen shall be allowed administer at least 1 slap each.

Anyone who claims 'Interior Designer' 'Wedding Planner' or 'Nutritionist' as their job will be rounded up and forced to work on a chain gang filling potholes.

maudgonner · 29-02-2016 9:46pm

Joe Duffy to be made to publicly admit his hypocrisy - claiming to be a man of the people, standing up for the little guy, when he's drawing a massive salary at the taxpayer's expense. And then executed.

Likewise the heads of all trades union & most of their officials. And Ray D'arcy - forcefed sugar till he dies, or cheers up a bit. He'll probably die first though.

Shenshen · 29-02-2016 9:48pm

Everybody gets to "really hate" 3 things, and 3 things only. Give it a good think before you choose.

Schwiiing · 29-02-2016 9:50pm

Fidelma Healy Eames and Conor McGregor will be permanently exiled.

blackbird 49 · 29-02-2016 9:56pm

If a person is given a prison life sentence, that's exactly what it is, and no suspended sentences for anybody, you do the crime you do the time

maudgonner · 29-02-2016 10:07pm

Chocolate bars need to be put back to the way they used to be - proper cocoa-rich chocolate and back to their old sizes. Tins of Roses back to the way they were too. Feck off Kraft, stupid Americans ruining Cadbury's recipes.

blindside88 · 29-02-2016 10:07pm

Caoimhgh1n wrote: »

Ban fossil fuels.
Stop the meat industry.
Replant forests.
Destroy most of the towns and cities and build them up again properly.
Money from Dole, child benefit ect to only be allowed spent on necessities and not crap.
Alcohol and cancer sticks to be banned.
Perfume and any other scented spray to be abolished.
No hunting/fishing.
Parents must be approved and inspected by allocated inspectors and if deemed unfit, sent to Carlow town.
Tracksuits will be burned whilst on the person wearing it.

I'd say you'd be overthrown in a matter of seconds. At least the rest of us only want annoying people killed/tortured. You want to get rid of burgers and beer

Caoimhgh1n · 29-02-2016 10:09pm

blindside88 wrote: »

I'd say you'd be overthrown in a matter of seconds. At least the rest of us only want annoying people killed/tortured. You want to get rid of burgers and beer

I never liked burgers, all beer does is cause people to become drunk, drunk people annoy me immensely.

guylikeme · 29-02-2016 10:41pm

Skirt tax for hot chicks.

Tax credit for shorter skirts. The shorter the skirt, the shorter the tax bill.

Melisandre121 · 29-02-2016 10:48pm

If you publically use the phrase "roll on" in relation to a party, holiday, or work ending, you may be fined €1500 on the spot. Failure to pay may result in imprisonment.

figges · 29-02-2016 11:01pm

A ban on the boiling of bacon to take immediate. Concessions made to those of a certain age if they renounce the use of mobility scooters at peak times.

Anyone whose pants can be seen above their trousers will be made to inflate inflateable things at the local pool all day, for minimum of 5 years.

Mustard made mandatory for all meals including breakfast.

prinzeugen · 29-02-2016 11:06pm

Ban all "we want everything for free" political parties and send all members and supporters to a camp and teach them what it is like to work for something.

People could get on with stuff and it would cut the social welfare bill by 95%.

osarusan · 29-02-2016 11:10pm

Anybody caught not picking up their dog's crap will be forced to take off their shoe, put the crap inside, then put their foot back into their shoe and walk home.

Jayop · 29-02-2016 11:23pm

1) Tuesdays to be added to the weekend
2) Traffic Corps to be equipped with high power rifles to execute bad drivers. By bad I mean, slow, tailgating, dangerous, lane hogging, no indicating twats.
3) Full and proper health care for all.
4) Irish to be non-mandatory and replaced with computer science.
5) Bacon to be freely available to all.
6) Outlaw people being twats.
7) Legalise all drugs, have them sold in chemists, manufactured in Ireland, taxed and on prescription. Bye bye illegal drug trade.
8) Harsh penalties for all those repeat offenders, particularly violent crimes.
9) Toilet rolls hanged incorrectly will result in an immediate kick in the arse.
10) Ban all talking from radio stations like 2fm and other "pop stations".

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 29-02-2016 11:24pm

I'd just make myself queen, take everyone's money and live in a palace and have everybody as my slaves. The whole country.

29-02-2016 11:25pm

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

I'd ban all sport.

All balls would be confiscated. I'd create a Minster of Balls to look after them.

I'd build houses on all the unused pitches and the GAA could go and do one.

^^^^^^
Id have this lad offed...... :pac:

Ice Maiden · 29-02-2016 11:26pm

Labour camp for people who say/write "on fleek" and "bae".

Toilet paper only to be unfurled from behind, you crazy frontways toilet-paper lunatics!

foggy_lad · 29-02-2016 11:28pm

What is it with Dog Crap? why are so many against it? years ago nobody ever picked up after their dogs as they were out running around and crapped in the ditch not on the paths.

anyone putting feet on seats or other furniture or beds in buses or trains or any other place that is not their home to have their feet removed at the hips.

Capt'n Midnight · 29-02-2016 11:30pm

Candie wrote: »

Immediate life sentence to hard labour for either leaving crumbs in the butter, gouging of the butter, or otherwise abusing the butter and leaving it less than pristine for its next sampler.

This includes those sub-humans who leave the butter in the foil as they abuse it, instead of putting it in a proper butter dish with lid. Unspeakable.

Actually no, I'd bring back the death penalty for butter abusers. Scourge on civilisation that they are.

Here you go

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezh7KjVMf0M

Nostalgia sandwich

Jayop · 29-02-2016 11:30pm

Ice Maiden wrote: »

Labour camp for people who say/write "on fleek" and "bae".

Toilet paper only to be unfurled from behind, you crazy frontways toilet-paper lunatics!

"on fleek"??

You couldn't be more wrong with the toilet roll either.

Manach · 29-02-2016 11:32pm

Glenroe. 24x7. Glenroe.
Muhahahahaha...

Ice Maiden · 29-02-2016 11:32pm

Jayop wrote: »

"on fleek"??

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=on+fleek

You are lucky not to have been aware of it. But that ends now - I am dragging you into the misery of knowing!

Jayop · 29-02-2016 11:36pm

Ice Maiden wrote: »

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=on+fleek

You are lucky not to have been aware of it. But that ends now - I am dragging you into the misery of knowing!

First duty as dictator would be to inflict some game of thrones style punishment on you for sharing that.

bear1 · 29-02-2016 11:40pm

1) id tell rte to go **** itself and fund themselves. Tv licence abolished.

2) motor tax capped at 700e no matter what size or co2.

3) increase the threshold for higher income tax and increase taxes on those earning over 120k a year.

4) make the nct available to all proper garages.

5) tell the person who thought a min Alco price was a good idea they are banned from the country.

6) no more insurance disc holders on the windscreen

7) introduce red yellow green traffic lights

8) speed limit on the motorways increased to 150kph but only once the relevant training done.

mdwexford · 29-02-2016 11:40pm

The word 'Hun' is an instant public stoning.

Abolish children's allowance and rent allowance and other stupid benefits.

Loud exhausts, dump valves and tinted windows are banned.

Working week cut to 4 days maximum.

Supermarkets, off licenses and nightclubs can sell drink and stay open as late as they feel like.

All attractive ladies have to do sexy time with me whenever I see fit.

riffmongous · 29-02-2016 11:47pm

mdwexford wrote: »

The word 'Hun' is an instant public stoning.
.

But what will we call Rangers fans then?

maudgonner · 29-02-2016 11:51pm

Manach wrote: »

Glenroe. 24x7. Glenroe.
Muhahahahaha...

Well Holy God.

robdonn · 29-02-2016 11:55pm

Step 1 - Ban all dancing.

Step 2 - Make Kevin Bacon an official embassador to Ireland.

Step 3 - Sit back and watch the magic unfold.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k · 29-02-2016 11:56pm

Ice Maiden wrote: »

Labour camp for people who say/write "on fleek" and "bae".

Toilet paper only to be unfurled from behind, you crazy frontways toilet-paper lunatics!

Slay!

Harry Palmr · 29-02-2016 11:56pm

Anyone who parks across a white line shall have that line painted across and over the bodywork of their car.

If you became dictator of Ireland, what new laws would you make compulsory?

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