If you became dictator of Ireland, what new laws would you make compulsory?

maudgonner

RWCNT wrote: »

Not a teacher. Just not one of these with a bizarre, inexplicable hatred of them.

I have no hatred of teachers, either explicable or inexplicable. But in my fantasy dictatorship they would work the same hours as (most of) the rest of us. But hey, I also promised to make chocolate good again, so they can cheer themselves up with that

bear1

Oh and I forgot some more.

8th amendment will finally be put to referendum so that we can actually all have a say

Blasphemy law would be removed

Defense forces would be given a proper budget to play with instead of a pittance.

An Bord Pleannala will be told to kindly piss off when important projects come up

High rises of unlimited height will be allowed.

Re-open closed police stations and provide them with the resources they need to combat crime... proper cars for a start and maybe arming more of them.

foggy_lad

storker wrote: »

• All text and e-mail message must be properly punctuated with all words spelled correctly.
• All owners of "hard" dogs e.g. bull terriers to be shot. With their dogs.
• Drivers who tail-gate aggressively to be made to drive along a narrow restricted track with a speed limiter for 15mph fitted, and chased by a main battle tank at 20mph until....
• Driving ban for anyone who takes two parking spaces where one will do
• People with driveways to be forced to actually use them or have their cars impounded. For crying out loud.
• Politicians found guilty of corruption, cronyism or other wrongdoing to be placed in a pillory in College Green for pelting. Semi-rotten vegetables to be provided by the authorities for said purpose.Followed by a ban on ever holding any public office. And prison.
• A pair of Guards/soldiers on every bus/train for dealing with anti-social behaviour, followed by forced ejection of offenders at the next station/stop. Said guards to be armed with batons, cattle prods, tazers....feck it, Glocks.
• Lifetime irrevocable driving ban for anyone who kills someone throught dangerous/drunken/drugged driving. In addition to whatever custodial sentence is applied.
• I'll think of more...

Anyone using the word Actually where not absolutely necessary will be hanged drawed and quartered

jeamimus

cowboyBuilder wrote: »

When can I vote for you ??

such a shame this is a joke, some of the above would make Ireland a great country ..

It was renua, except for the abortion bits

H3llR4iser

Let's see, an initial charter:

• All religions shall be banned from public with immediate effect; Priests, nuns and the likes will be able to choose between deportation to Greenland or immediate meeting with their "creator";
  
  
• All pet cats shall be equipped with an RFID chip for the purpose of identification, collection and use of said animal as a bludgeoning tool to beat the owner to a bloody pulp for letting it roam and destroy the area's flora, small fauna and car paintjobs; In case the owner tries to justify with "my cat doesn't do that!", he/she shall be sentenced to death by lion/tiger mauling;
  
  
• Prostitution to be legalized, regulated, taxed and encouraged with the creation of service and support structures; Institution of a carefully selected commission to grant tax breaks based on the professionals' appeareance and skills; Open to all preferences/genders/orientations;
  
  
• Abolition of the GAA and anything related; Public flogging in the town square for the people calling football "soccer";
  
  
• Driving test to include high speed driving, emergency car control and situational awareness;
  
  
• On all roads, current speed limits become suggested speeds; Anybody caught driving more than 10 Km/h below the posted sign shall be stopped and flogged;
  
  
• Tractors caught on the public road shall be crushed immediately, without waiting for the driver to step off;
  
  
• Boyracers in "souped up" small cars posing as rally drivers shall be crushed immediately; Cars can be repurposed as combustible materials;
  
  
• Cyclists breaking red lights and flying up the left side of stopped traffic regardless of crossing pedestrians shall be repurposed as bycicle frames;
  
  
• Jaywalking in public with noise canceling headphones shall result in a week of 24/7 forcibly administered death metal at maximum volume - though 2€ tinny earplugs bought in a pound shop;
  
  
• Vegetarianism and Veganism shall be permitted on the condition that no mention is made about it other than "I'll take the vegetarian option, please". Any violation shall result in a month's social service at the local meat processing facility;
  
  
• Walking outside of private residences wearing PJs will result in immediate deportation to purpose built, pedal-powered facilities for the production of energy;
  
  
• Wearing tracksuits or sports jerseys outside of a gym or pitch will result in the same as above; Special dispensation for reasonably shapely women wearing tight exercise clothes;
  
  
• Any individual below the age of 18, caught outside unaccompained and away of school hours shall be forcibly deported to the same energy generation facilities and enslaved for life;

a fat guy

Anyone found using any of the following emoticons will set upon by cannibals immediately:

:rolleyes:

Also, primary and secondary school attendees may not avail of public transport. They are also not allowed to make use of private transport to or from their school. They must walk.

storker

foggy_lad wrote: »

Lifetime irrevocable driving ban for anyone who kills someone throught dangerous/drunken/drugged driving. In addition to whatever custodial sentence is applied.

Anyone using the word Actually where not absolutely necessary will be hanged drawed and quartered

Heh heh, good catch, but I wasn't referring to typos, I meant textisms like "c u l8r".

randy hickey

1. Ban all beards.

2. Allocate a PPS No. to David Davin-Power's hair, and appoint it as Director General of RTE.

3. Membership of Fianna Fáil, The Catholic Church and the GAA will be compulsory.

4. The Dort Accent will be phased out over 12 months.

5. All retired citizens will be moved to Donegal.

6. Offaly will be eliminated.

mahoganygas

randy hickey wrote: »

2. Allocate a PPS No. to David Davin-Power's hair, and appoint it as Director General of RTE.

Finally a policy I can get behind!!

maudgonner

Fine proposals randy, some of the best I've seen in this thread. Responses below:

1. Ban all beards.
All the good beard-wearers are dead (The Bull McCabe, Ronnie Drew, Luke Kelly, FortyCoats), so this is fine by me

2. Allocate a PPS No. to David Davin-Power's hair, and appoint it as Director General of RTE.
David Davin-Power's hair is scary enough to run its own rival dictatorship. I'd be wary of giving it any influence over the airwaves

3. Membership of Fianna Fáil, The Catholic Church and the GAA will be compulsory.
Joking? Good one!

4. The Dort Accent will be phased out over 12 months.
12 months seems way too long

5. All retired citizens will be moved to Donegal.
A certain taxi driver will be quids in

6. Offaly will be eliminated.
That's going to leave a big hole in the middle of the country (insert "no change there then" joke here). Swimming pool? Give Brian Cowan gills and make him our version of the Loch Ness Monster?

jackwigan

Caoimhgh1n wrote: »

Ban fossil fuels.
Stop the meat industry.
Replant forests.
Destroy most of the towns and cities and build them up again properly.
Money from Dole, child benefit ect to only be allowed spent on necessities and not crap.
Alcohol and cancer sticks to be banned.
Perfume and any other scented spray to be abolished.
No hunting/fishing.
Parents must be approved and inspected by allocated inspectors and if deemed unfit, sent to Carlow town.
Tracksuits will be burned whilst on the person wearing it.

No meat and no beer make jackwigan something something...

josip

Ban contraceptives
Ban married women from working
Make it illegal to mention sex in books or movies
I'd legislate for my own lottery
I'd outsource the education system to a bunch of deviants
and a plentiful supply of comely maidens...

Did I leave out anything?

For Forks Sake

Any use of the word banter, other than that set out in the Oxford English Dictionary, will result in the offender being fired into the sea from a cannon.

I HAVE SPOKEN.

dollyk

cars removed and crushed for using two spaces because you dont want anyone to go anyway near your brand new BMW.

Knex*

I'd create an annual Social Media Election, whereby a list of nominees have their recent social media activity on display, and the public vote for the top 50 to be sterilised.

We could hold it on the same weekend as a Priest Talent Competition, which would resemble a Fr Ted type scenario of, "My Lovely Horse", showmanship. We could go one further, and have all the judges be previous victims of the church.

"That song really touched me. Like the way Fr Murphy did in '79. Fucking brutal"

Magico Gonzalez

50% of all income and corporate tax goes to me.

To quell any revolutionary ideas I'd legalise all drugs and remove taxation on booze, 24 hour licensing and mandatory half days for all on Mondays (work only from 2pm to 5pm) hence extending the weekend. I'd do something about the rain too. Huge fans all down the east/west coast blowing rain clouds back out to sea for days when it has no business raining.

I''d make enough off the aul tax scam to flee the country in grand style before it collapsed.

Willfarman

Schwiiing wrote: »

Irish and Religion will be removed from schools but you can practice them in your own time.

Every child shall learn a musical instrument.

1 hour of enforced physical excercise per day.

No VAT on sport/fitness equipment.

Plastic may not be used as food container material.

Where do I sign.... Hail Schwiing!!

Agricola

Immediate reduction of radio airtime devoted to sports coverage. Lets put the number at 1 dedicated programme of no longer than 1 hour, 3 times a week.

Even the most addicted armchair soccer slob doesnt require entire evenings devoted to listening to 3 lads talking about the strength in depth of the reserve team of some English football club they never actually go to.
There are other worthwhile things to put on radio besides wall to wall current affairs by day and sport by night (and whole weekend)

Buona Fortuna

josip wrote: »

Ban contraceptives
Ban married women from working
Make it illegal to mention sex in books or movies
I'd legislate for my own lottery
I'd outsource the education system to a bunch of deviants
and a plentiful supply of comely maidens...

Did I leave out anything?

Thank you Father, now back to the lovely gals competition.

SAMTALK

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

I'd ban all sport.

All balls would be confiscated. I'd create a Minster of Balls to look after them.

I'd build houses on all the unused pitches and the GAA could go and do one.

Anyone that puts up pictures of their meal on facebook or put up statements like "feeling pissed off :mad:" "some people need to get a life :mad:" "feeling loved up " should be barred for 3 years min

SAMTALK

SAMTALK wrote: »

Anyone that puts up pictures of their meal on facebook or put up statements like "feeling pissed off :mad:" "some people need to get a life :mad:" "feeling loved up " should be barred for 3 years min

I made a **** of that because meant to put in anyone not interested in GAA
should be locked up for 2 years and made read all these facebook status'

Maximus Alexander

Walking three or four abreast on the footpath at a slow pace, or at a reasonable pace but with a failure to yield for oncoming foot traffic, would result in being promptly hanged, drawn and quartered - in a random order.

It would not be considered a criminal offence to either hang, draw or quarter someone (but not all three) with their extendable dog lead when used on public property.

Ice Maiden

Iwasfrozen wrote: »

1. Huge cuts to social welfare.
2. Cuts to tax across the board especially corporation tax.
3. A focus on STEM subjects in our education system.
4. Third level education to be funded by student loans.
5. The removal of Irish as a compulsory subject and the removal of all government spenditure on Irish language quangos.
6. Lower the overall number of civil servents, cut their wages and refuse to recognize unions.
7. The construction of large scale US style prisons to solve the problem of overcrowding and much harsher sentences on career criminals.
8. Dole recipients to work in their community in exchange for their dole.
9. Dole to be replaced by a credit card that can't be used to purchase alcohol, cigarettes or gambling.

The fun posts on this thread are fun. Any chance of a separate thread for the above miserable angry ones?

Capt'n Midnight

The death penalty will be abolished.














It's far too lenient as there's always the possibility of reincarnation.

Billy86

People caught standing still on escalators without yielding to the right of the escalator will have their legs chopped off when they reach the top.

I'll let pensioners and the disabled slide here, but if someone hails over a bus when they are 30+ yards away from the stop, and decide to casually walk up to it (rather than at least showing the effort to try to move quicker) if the bus driver is polite enough to wait for them, holding everyone else up no end, they will be subject to a fine amounting to the fare of everyone on the bus at that time. If they do this between 7-9am, or 5-7pm, the fine will be doubled. Either way, their legs will be cut off.

People who decide to wait until they get to the very front of a queue before slowly going through all their small change one by one, and then take their sweet f***ing time putting each individual coin back in their purse/wallet, their purse/wallet back in their bag/pocket as an extraordinarily slow-and-careful pace (you don't want that flexible leather/plastic shattering like glass now do you?), their bag back in their arm, their gloves back on their hand, their hat on their head, etc, etc before moving on for the next person... yep, they're getting those legs hacked off!

I timed someone to over 2 and a half minutes to do all this carry on after I had given them their change back years ago when I worked in Statoil/Topaz, during rush hour, in a tiny site, with a queue literally going out the entrance door. For something that takes the average person 2-5 seconds, it really is quite amazing to witness almost.




Don't worry about a large legless population, I'm quite sure people who commit one of these sins commit all three.

Capt'n Midnight

josip wrote: »

Ban contraceptives
Ban married women from working
Make it illegal to mention sex in books or movies
I'd legislate for my own lottery
I'd outsource the education system to a bunch of deviants
and a plentiful supply of comely maidens...

Did I leave out anything?

Starting a newspaper with money raised for the cause.
Dancing at crossroads.
And an economic war with our largest trading partners for the laugh.

maudgonner

I would borrow aspects of my dictatorship from the late Turkmen leader Saparmurat Niyazov. This would include:

• Renaming days of the week and months as I see fit. The new names would largely be made up of curse words.
• Introducing a new alphabet. I think hieroglyphics would be fun.
• New holidays - he went with 'Melon Day'. I would introduce 'Willie Joe Padden Day' when everyone (and I mean everyone) would have to dress in Mayo football jerseys and bloodied head bandages.
• Banning the use of lip-synching in public concerts. Except for Daniel O'Donnell - until I got around to eliminating him he would have to be overdubbed by Gregorian chants.
• News reporters to be banned from wearing makeup on screen, because it makes it too difficult to tell males from females. I would extend this to all TV presenters, except Vincent Browne who would have to wear a mask.
• He outlawed opera, ballet and circuses for being 'unTurkmen-like'. I would ban hip-hop, modern art and Rachel Allen for being 'unIrish-like'.

Mint Sauce

dollyk wrote: »

cars removed and crushed for using two spaces because you dont want anyone to go anyway near your brand new BMW.

Same also applies if you park your car tight to a wall or kerb in an end space, leaving loads of room, and you come back and some one has parked with their wheels resting on the line divider. Meaning you still have to squeeze.

paulbok

In all seriousness, I don't see too many laws here I disagree with. Carry on.

Employees of TV and radio stations that increases the volume during ads or have adds that begin wit "it's almost x o'clock" will be used for scientific experiments.

Utility company workers that dig up footpaths and don't replace the same surface (eg put tarmac where there was paving slabs) shall be buried alive under the same tarmac.

All cars sold shall have permanent dipped lights as mandatory. BMW cars shall administer severe electric shocks to drivers who fail to use indicators.

Cortina_MK_IV

Rugby will be banned. Players of all ages will be sent to an internment camp in Drumshambo for re-humanisation.

1. Players will be re-trained with a round ball and a special league will be set up sponsored by Canestan.

2. Initial training will consist of having your hands tied behind your back and made to run around cones with a ball at the feet.

3. After basic training hands will be untied and use of the head introduced.

4. Urges to tackle and grab an opponent’s groin/lower regions will result in being placed on an offender's register.

5. Undercover agents will roam the country posing as doctor's sons looking for subversive activity and pubs beaming in rugby from foreign countries like Wales.

6. Tourists visiting from the other 2 rugby-loving nations, New Zealand and Australia will comply or face deportation (nothing new there then.)