If you became dictator of Ireland, what new laws would you make compulsory?

masti123

For me personally,

• Playing music out loud on the bus will now earn you a death sentence
• Use of the word "Mom" by Irish citizens is now strictly prohibited
• Leaving the teabag in the tea will be an instant 40 year jail sentence

I'll edit more in when I see fit, plebs.

Anyone who says "Paddys Day" will be flogged.

eeguy

Anyone who believes their antisocial behaviour should be allowed as it's part of their "culture" should be immediately shot.

Immediate life sentence to hard labour for either leaving crumbs in the butter, gouging of the butter, or otherwise abusing the butter and leaving it less than pristine for its next sampler.

This includes those sub-humans who leave the butter in the foil as they abuse it, instead of putting it in a proper butter dish with lid. Unspeakable.

Actually no, I'd bring back the death penalty for butter abusers. Scourge on civilisation that they are.

Shenshen

Throw rubbish out of a car window and you'll be thrown out of that same window, at the same speed.

Peregrine

Anyone who leaves crumbs in the butter will get the maximum sentence — no more butter for you, ya little ****e!

Edit: Damn you, Candie, and your lenient sentencing.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Anyone who says "Paddys Day" will be flogged.

Bad as it is, it's oceans of enormity better than ''Pattys Day''.

Cortina_MK_IV

• High fives by non-US natives will result in having the hands of the offender chopped off.
• Failure to use a vehicle indicator will result in impounding and crushing the vehicle with the offender still in it.

Your Face

Democracy

antodeco

Stopping to figure out where you are going to at the end or top of an escalator, is a prison term!

Get out of the way as I hurtle towards you at a slow pace!!

Savvy student

People who wear pyjamas to Tesco/any other supermarket/shop will be shot on sight.

aaronjumper

That laws can be created and broken by my word alone.
Save on paperwork, for me at least.

Cantstandsya

The words "random" and "sick" would be banned as would wearing wellies for any reason other than utility.

Buona Fortuna

I'd ban all sport.

All balls would be confiscated. I'd create a Minster of Balls to look after them.

I'd build houses on all the unused pitches and the GAA could go and do one.

JonnyM

Anyone who leaves the toilet roll under(pic below) should have their hands chopped off.

blindside88

The butter has been covered above so well done on that.
I'd have 20 years in jail for anyone that uses "what about the bankers/the homeless/ the immigrants/ Denis O'Brien" in arguments that have absolutely nothing to do with them.
Also people that use Pacific instead of Specific would have their tongues cut out and thrown in the Pacific ocean.
I would have minimum speed limits on motorways and snipers set up to kill people that hog the outside lane when there is no traffic on the left lane.
Finally I would set up a televised hunger games on one of the smaller islands. I would fill the games with paedophiles and sell tv rights and take bets (the profits would pay for the snipers on the motorways)

Buona Fortuna

JonnyM wrote: »

Anyone who leaves the toilet roll under(pic below) should have their hands chopped off.

That's the way its suppose to be Adolf.

AnonoBoy

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

All balls would be confiscated. I'd create a Minster of Balls to look after them.

I know a few lads who'd be more than happy to be Minister of Balls.

Berserker

Life sentence for anyone who wears a leprechaun hat. Public flogging for anyone over the age of 18 who wears a GAA jersey in public.

Ogogo

Obviously as the new dictator the first thing you should do would be to outlaw "Free" elections..... Lest some idiot think of challenging your dictatorship at the ballot box.

Dravokivich

AnonoBoy wrote: »

I know a few lads who'd be more than happy to be Minister of Balls.

Dunno... What if they were incompetent?

dashcamdanny

Ban interpreters at the social welfare office.

maudgonner

Execute all the presenters of Xposé.

I don't care if any of ye think they're rides, or they have children who will miss them. No exceptions, they only have themselves to blame.

AnonoBoy

Dravokivich wrote: »

Dunno... What if they were incompetent?

Mishandling of Balls is a serious offence that nobody should take lightly. We'd have to have a team of Balls Experts in reserve just in case.

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

That's the way its suppose to be Adolf.

no. No. NO. NO. NO! NOOOOO!!!!!!!

*ahem*

It's not.

frag420

A lifetime of hard labour for infecting my jam and/or marmalade with your devil jizz.....fooking butter!!

Candie wrote: »

Immediate life sentence to hard labour for either leaving crumbs in the butter, gouging of the butter, or otherwise abusing the butter and leaving it less than pristine for its next sampler.

This includes those sub-humans who leave the butter in the foil as they abuse it, instead of putting it in a proper butter dish with lid. Unspeakable.

Actually no, I'd bring back the death penalty for butter abusers. Scourge on civilisation that they are.

JonnyM

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

That's the way its suppose to be Adolf.

Those who oppose this will be sentenced to hard labour.

KERSPLAT!

Candie wrote: »

Immediate life sentence to hard labour for either leaving crumbs in the butter, gouging of the butter, or otherwise abusing the butter and leaving it less than pristine for its next sampler.

This includes those sub-humans who leave the butter in the foil as they abuse it, instead of putting it in a proper butter dish with lid. Unspeakable.

Actually no, I'd bring back the death penalty for butter abusers. Scourge on civilisation that they are.

Hang the bastards that put wet spoons in the sugar. Evil.

maudgonner

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

Hang the bastards that put wet spoons in the sugar. Evil.

Worse still: wet spoon into coffee and then into sugar, infecting the sugar with coffee. Absolute bastards.

from_atozinc

People in jail should be made work. Chain gang etc

Straight to jail for anyone with greater than 5 offences. No need for court.

Death penalty for greater than 20 offences.

KERSPLAT!

maudgonner wrote: »

Worse still: wet spoon into coffee and then into sugar, infecting the sugar with coffee. Absolute bastards.

There's a special kind of hell for those people.

GLaDOS

I would outlaw terrible music.

What constitutes "terrible music" will be decided on a completely subjective basis by myself.

some random drunk

Enforced nudity for all!!! Muahahaha!!!!!

Peregrine

some random drunk wrote: »

Enforced nudity for all!!! Muahahaha!!!!!

You don't want to see me naked. Believe me.

MRnotlob606

People who don't like the heal of a slicepan will be hung , drawn and quarted at the GPO.

ollaetta

People who walk around shops eating or drinking coffee will be shot on sight.

Ditto anyone who doesn't look where they are going because they have their snouts stuck in smartphones. Although a more fitting and cruel punishment might be to tie their hands behind their backs so they couldn't use the fuppin things.

Iwasfrozen

masti123 wrote: »

For me personally,

• Playing music out loud on the bus will now earn you a death sentence
• Use of the word "Mom" by Irish citizens is now strictly prohibited
• Leaving the teabag in the tea will be an instant 40 year jail sentence

I'll edit more in when I see fit, plebs.

1. Huge cuts to social welfare.
2. Cuts to tax across the board especially corporation tax.
3. A focus on STEM subjects in our education system.
4. Third level education to be funded by student loans.
5. The removal of Irish as a compulsory subject and the removal of all government spenditure on Irish language quangos.
6. Lower the overall number of civil servents, cut their wages and refuse to recognize unions.
7. The construction of large scale US style prisons to solve the problem of overcrowding and much harsher sentences on career criminals.
8. Dole recipients to work in their community in exchange for their dole.
9. Dole to be replaced by a credit card that can't be used to purchase alcohol, cigarettes or gambling.
10. Capital punishment to be brought back in for paramilitaries by means of lethal injection. After their bodies are to be cremated and ashes scattered to leave no graves.

That's good for now, you're welcome Ireland.

Buona Fortuna

Peregrine wrote: »

You don't want to see me naked. Believe me.

Cripes man turn the webcam off wouldya

maudgonner

Candie wrote: »

Immediate life sentence to hard labour for either leaving crumbs in the butter, gouging of the butter, or otherwise abusing the butter and leaving it less than pristine for its next sampler.

This includes those sub-humans who leave the butter in the foil as they abuse it, instead of putting it in a proper butter dish with lid. Unspeakable.

Actually no, I'd bring back the death penalty for butter abusers. Scourge on civilisation that they are.

In college I lived with a girl who took this to extremes. She liked her toast burned. She applied butter to it liberally, and then to avoid wasting the butter she would scrape off the excess and put it back in the tub. Needless to say, nobody ever used it. There would be lumps of disgusting grey carbon-butter sitting there looking at you until you threw it out.

We're still good friends, despite her obvious dispicableness. I'll miss her when you have her killed.

Schwiiing

TV3, GAA, smoking, alcohol, tattoos and fake tan will be banned.

Drug users will shot with **** for my own amusement.

Improper use of roundabouts will result in the death penalty.

Speed limits , car tax and insurance will be abolished.

Petrol will be free for owners of cars with 200 or more horsepower.

Donegal, Cork and Dublin will be detatched from the mainland and allowed to float away and their inhabitants left to slowly starve to death.

Hammer89

I'd outlaw those skin-tight black leggings on girls under the age of 18. If I was their da, they wouldn't be wearing them. They're ridiculously tight and there's something very wrong about seeing a 14-year-old girl's cameltoe

biko

Easy, prison for spammers/clickbaiters.

Menas

Everybody who is an adult should wash, every day.

Butter alternatives banned.

Free scones for all.

Buona Fortuna

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

That's the way its suppose to be Adolf.

I used to like you. Now I'm just in a haze of disappointed.

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

Hang the bastards that put wet spoons in the sugar. Evil.

Hanging is too good and too fast. Make 'em suffer a really lot.

Schwiiing

Irish and Religion will be removed from schools but you can practice them in your own time.

Every child shall learn a musical instrument.

1 hour of enforced physical excercise per day.

No VAT on sport/fitness equipment.

Plastic may not be used as food container material.

blindside88

biko wrote: »

Easy, prison for spammers/clickbaiters.

The prisons would be full of Joe.ie employees

Ruu

Irish people using the word 'awesome'. Public flogging, no less than 40 lashes.

Iwasfrozen

Ruu wrote: »

Irish people using the word 'awesome'. Public flogging, no less than 40 lashes.

What if something is awesome in the old sense?

Ruu

Ruu wrote: »

Irish people using the word 'awesome'. Public flogging, no less than 40 lashes.

Totally, dude.

foggy_lad

Outlaw all religion especially those humanists and make everyone go for a long walk instead at least twice a week.

No more prisons as anyone committing crimes would be executed in the village/town square at the weekends.

Buona Fortuna

Ruu wrote: »

Irish people using the word 'awesome'. Public flogging, no less than 40 lashes.

Awesome.

Schwiiing

Home Economics, Music and Art compulsory in schools.

Fat tax of E10/kg per month for every kg overweight based on BMI.