The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

This dyslexic walks into a bra..

My new Thai girlfriend says that a small penis shouldn't be a problem in a loving relationship.


Still wish she hadn't got one though. . .

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St.. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognisedArthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? '
Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'

God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?'

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'

God said, 'Ah, yes.'

'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !
1.. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds

3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust

5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!

'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it

'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers,more men are riding my invention than yours'..



=

An ol' wan thinks she'll die soon so she starts arranging her funeral. When asked what she wants to have on her headstone she says : Well son, let's make it : I was born a virgin, lived as a virgin and died as a virgin.
Well, that's quite long, says yer man, that will be very expensive.
Oh, says the woman, can you think of something shorter?
How about : returned unused?

Thread requires something cheery.

Fella goes to Doc, says " I think I have severe premature ejaculation "

Dr says " that's a C**T "

Patient - " aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh "

"Say hello to my little friend"

Great movie quote.

Poor bedroom talk.

A man hires a hitman to kill his wife. He meets the hitman and asks him how he will get rid of the nagging wife. The hitman says " I will hide in a tree behind your house and when she comes out into the garden I will shoot her through each breast" The man says "FFS I want her dead, not kneecapped".

What do you call a Muslim with a piece of pork on his head?

Mohamhead

what ya call a spaniard who had their car stolen...

Carlos

A man walks into a fast-food outlet. He looks up at the menu and sees:

Cheeseburger €3.50
Chips €1.50
Hotdog €2.00
Handjob €10.00

Behind the counter stood 3 sexy girls. The man then gets the attention of one of them. She approaches him and asks -
"Can I help you?"

"I was wondering..." he said,
"Are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

"I certainly am" she purred

"Well wash your hands..." he replied, "because I want 2 cheeseburgers!"

China is preparing to send their first woman into space. Women's rights groups called it a triumph for feminism over communism until they were told she doesn't want to go.