The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

mauzo

BUBBLE WRAP wrote: »

I dont get it.

Im serious.

A **** always starts with a pee....

BUBBLE WRAP

syndeyfife wrote: »

A **** always starts with a pee....

mauzo

BUBBLE WRAP wrote: »

syndeyfife wrote: »

A **** always starts with a pee....

Wees and poops? Number 1s and Number 2s?

I give up

BUBBLE WRAP

syndeyfife wrote: »

Wees and poops? Number 1s and Number 2s?

I give up

Okay, But I kinda spoiled your joke now, Sorry.

pebbles21

Usually ends with a pee for myself..

TheChevron

Pee - Poo - Pee

don ramo

boy asks his granny "have ya seen my pills labeled 'LSD'?"
Granny replies "**** the pills, have ya seen the dragon in the kitchen"

Brian_Zeluz

A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot. "What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, and it's an absolute steal at only twenty pounds." "Why is it so cheap?" the woman asks. "Well," replies the assistant, "it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity." "Oh, I don't mind that," said the woman, making her mind up. "I'm broad-minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot." So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home. Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman, "F##k me, a new brothel and a new madam." "I'm not a madam and this is not a brothel," scolds the woman, trying not to laugh. A little later, the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home. "Un-f##king-believable: a new brothel, a new madam and now two new prostitutes," says the parrot, when he sees the daughters. "Mum, tell your parrot to shut up, we're not prostitutes," complain the girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet. A short while later, the woman's husband, Dave, comes home. "In-f##king-credible: a new brothel, a new madam, new prostitutes, but the same old clients.... How ya doin', Dave?"

flyswatter

Camping sex?

It's fucking intense.

flyswatter

flyswatter wrote: »

Camping sex?

It's fucking intense.

except when the relationship is strained, then it's two tense!:pac:

castletownman

My girlfriend texted me earlier: "Why don't you ever put an x at the end of your texts?"
I replied: "Sorry babe. Michelle."

castletownman

*double post

Juwwi

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.

... Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are those?, asks the attendant.

"They're called tees" replies Tiger.

"Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.

"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.

"Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything!"

TheBegotten

You're as annoying as a Jerhovahs Witness with Alzheimers

chughes

The MET Office have declared that June 2012 is officially the wettest June since records began.

They have put the blame squarely on Fifty Shades Of Grey.

RikkFlair

Whats black & white and really hungry?

Whitney Houstons cat

admiralofthefleet

I was at an ATM today and this old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over

ciarang85

spiderman - another guy who end's up with sticky hands after using the web

ciarang85

what do you call a anorexic with thrush?

a quater pounder with cheese

leonidas83

What do Monaghan and Cows have in common

Their both near CAVAN

fasttalkerchat

staker wrote: »

Two nuns in a bath

one says to the other "where's the soap?"

the other goes "does,doesn't it?"

What's the difference between a nun in church and a nun in the bath?

One has hope in her soul; the other has soap in her hole.

Anyone

Las Vegas and Dublin.....two places in the world where sex is regularly paid for with chips.

Kev_2012

Why are there only 25 letters in the Cameroonian alphabet?

Because Samuel Eto'o.

admiralofthefleet

I love the Irish summer, it reminds me of when I first met my wife.

In the winter.

FanadMan

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

I love the Irish summer, it reminds me of when I first met my wife.

In the winter.

So when you first met your wife she was already wet.....am thinking that your laundry bill is massive "D

chughes

There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those that understand binary and those that don't.

Ghandee

Just got in from work to find the wife left a note stuck to the fridge that read;

"this isn't working, I'm going to stay with my mother."

I opened the fridge door, the light came on, and the milk was cold, so fcuk knows what she was talking about

Anyway, free gaff tonight!:D

--Kaiser--

Few I heard the other night:

Q: What is the motto of the Greek army?
A: Never leave your buddies behind...



A man goes to a doctor and tells him 'Doc, I've got five penises'
Doc is shocked and says 'How do your pants fit?'
'Like a glove' he replies



A mother is getting out of the shower and sees her little boy standing there.
'What's that?' The boy says, pointing between her legs
Thinking quickly she replies 'That's where daddy hit me with an axe'
'Wow' says the boy 'Got you right in the c**t!'

Capt'n Midnight

There are two types of people in this world.

Those who understand ternary , and those who don't

ComfyKnickers

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

There are two types of people in this world.

Those who understand ternary , and those who don't

There are three types of people in the world, those who can count and those who can't. :D