The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

flyswatter

Camping sex?

It's fucking intense.

flyswatter

flyswatter wrote: »

Camping sex?

It's fucking intense.

except when the relationship is strained, then it's two tense!:pac:

castletownman

My girlfriend texted me earlier: "Why don't you ever put an x at the end of your texts?"
I replied: "Sorry babe. Michelle."

castletownman

*double post

Juwwi

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.

... Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are those?, asks the attendant.

"They're called tees" replies Tiger.

"Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.

"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.

"Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything!"

TheBegotten

You're as annoying as a Jerhovahs Witness with Alzheimers

chughes

The MET Office have declared that June 2012 is officially the wettest June since records began.

They have put the blame squarely on Fifty Shades Of Grey.

RikkFlair

Whats black & white and really hungry?

Whitney Houstons cat

admiralofthefleet

I was at an ATM today and this old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over

ciarang85

spiderman - another guy who end's up with sticky hands after using the web

ciarang85

what do you call a anorexic with thrush?

a quater pounder with cheese

leonidas83

What do Monaghan and Cows have in common

Their both near CAVAN

fasttalkerchat

staker wrote: »

Two nuns in a bath

one says to the other "where's the soap?"

the other goes "does,doesn't it?"

What's the difference between a nun in church and a nun in the bath?

One has hope in her soul; the other has soap in her hole.

Anyone

Las Vegas and Dublin.....two places in the world where sex is regularly paid for with chips.

Kev_2012

Why are there only 25 letters in the Cameroonian alphabet?

Because Samuel Eto'o.

admiralofthefleet

I love the Irish summer, it reminds me of when I first met my wife.

In the winter.

FanadMan

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

I love the Irish summer, it reminds me of when I first met my wife.

In the winter.

So when you first met your wife she was already wet.....am thinking that your laundry bill is massive "D

chughes

There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those that understand binary and those that don't.

Ghandee

Just got in from work to find the wife left a note stuck to the fridge that read;

"this isn't working, I'm going to stay with my mother."

I opened the fridge door, the light came on, and the milk was cold, so fcuk knows what she was talking about

Anyway, free gaff tonight!:D

--Kaiser--

Few I heard the other night:

Q: What is the motto of the Greek army?
A: Never leave your buddies behind...



A man goes to a doctor and tells him 'Doc, I've got five penises'
Doc is shocked and says 'How do your pants fit?'
'Like a glove' he replies



A mother is getting out of the shower and sees her little boy standing there.
'What's that?' The boy says, pointing between her legs
Thinking quickly she replies 'That's where daddy hit me with an axe'
'Wow' says the boy 'Got you right in the c**t!'

Capt'n Midnight

There are two types of people in this world.

Those who understand ternary , and those who don't

ComfyKnickers

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

There are two types of people in this world.

Those who understand ternary , and those who don't

There are three types of people in the world, those who can count and those who can't. :D

--Kaiser--

ComfyKnickers wrote: »

There are three types of people in the world, those who can count and those who can't. :D

There are two types of people in this world, those who can exrapolate from incomplete datasets

Stiffler2

What's the smallest book in the world ?
Womens book of rights

Why do women have a window in the kitchen
to give them a point of view

Why do women have legs
have you seen the mess a slug makes ?

What do you call a girl standing in a tennis court
Annette

What do you call a girl standing in between 2 house's
Elaine

What's the difference between an apple and an orange
you can't have an apple ba$tard

What do you do if an epileptic is having a fit in the bath ?
throw in your washing


Man walks into a bar, barman offers him a fruit which can taste like anything he wants
Man doesn't believe this, he says ok, give me an apple which tastes like a banana, barman hands him the apple, he takes a bite, wow that tastes like a banana. okay he says, give me an apple which tastes like pussy.
barman hands him the apple, he takes a bite
ugghhh, that taste's like $hit
barman says turn the apple around.

pappyodaniel

What do you call a single Jazz musician?





Homeless.

bijapos

MacAngus was over from Scotland visiting his Irish cousin, O'Brien in Connemara. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on afternoon, his cousin walked by.

"What are ye doing?" asked O'Brien.

"Fishin'," said MacAngus.

"Caught anything?"

"Ach, nae a bite,"

"What are ye usin' fer bait?"

"Worms"

"Let me see it," said O'Brien.

MacAngus lifted the line from the water and handed it to his cousin. O'Brien took out his flask of best Connemara potcheen and dipped the worm in it. He handed it back to MacAngus, who cast his line once more. As soon as the worm hit the water, his rod bent over double, the line screaming out.

"Have ye got a bite?" asked O'Brien.

"No!" shouted MacAngus, fighting with the rod, "The worm's got a salmon by the fcuking throat!"

sgb

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

I love the Irish summer, it reminds me of when I first met my wife.

Warm and moist?

wilser

sgb wrote: »

Warm and moist?

Wet and windy?

crazy cabbage

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

There are two types of people in this world, those who can exrapolate from incomplete datasets

There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who dont :cool:

Canard

There are 10 types of people. Those who read threads and those who don't. :cool: