'I Wouldnt ride her into battle', 'Her face looks like a bag of bent euros'

Mickey H · 18-06-2012 03:40PM

Sir Gallagher wrote: »

I'm sweating like a traveller doing maths.

syndeyfife wrote: »

Sweating like a paedo in a barney suit

Sweating like a hooker in confessions.

ComputerKing · 18-06-2012 03:47PM

She's like the village bike everyone gets a ride,
She's like a rugby ball everyone gets a try.

mikemac1 · 18-06-2012 03:48PM

Had a dance with her, gave her a compliment. Told her she doesn't sweat much for a fat bird

twistedsoul · 18-06-2012 03:48PM

She has a head like a melted bucket and legs like cheesy wotsits !

FindingMimo · 18-06-2012 03:48PM

she looks like a melted welly

--Kaiser-- · 18-06-2012 03:55PM

He's so unlucky that if it was raining tits he'd get hit in the head with a willy

PhlegmyMoses · 18-06-2012 03:57PM

She had a fanny like a hippo's yawn.

ChippingSodbury · 18-06-2012 03:57PM

On nice bird: she'd give you a stalk that'd beat an ass out of a swamp
On bad bird: I wouldn't do her with yours
or: She was no show pony but she'd do for a ride around the house
In general: Suck dear, blow is just an expresion

mikemac1 · 18-06-2012 04:16PM

Ok, she's not a looker but you don't look at the pretty mantlepiece when you are poking the fire

She's a goer, AP McCoy would be struggling to ride her

Mickey H · 18-06-2012 04:23PM

She had straight hair and curly teeth.

Diamond_Ninja · 18-06-2012 04:26PM

She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Thats a favourite of my Dad, uses it frequently

sparks24 · 18-06-2012 04:40PM

Mickey H wrote: »

Sweating like a hooker in confessions.

sweating like a priest in a playground

Wibbs · 18-06-2012 04:46PM

PhlegmyMoses wrote: »

She had a fanny like a hippo's yawn.

On that theme; shagging her was like waving your arm around in a humid room.

SafeSurfer · 18-06-2012 04:46PM

He's such a liar he has to get somebody else to call his dog.

You couldn't wipe your arse without getting **** on your finger.

He is the two ends of a bollix.

He suffers from high self esteem.

jebuz · 18-06-2012 04:52PM

kfallon wrote: »

You don't have a birth cert, you have an apology letter from Durex!

I read this first and I was thinking why would a paint company give you a letter of apology...

I get it now

Wibbs · 18-06-2012 04:58PM

You do the work of two men. Laurel and Hardy.

He's so fat if you threw an ashtray at his head the fcuker would orbit.

If opposites attract your girlfriend must be a gorgeous member of mensa.

You disprove evolution.

You've your head so far up your arse to need a glass navel to get around.

number10a · 18-06-2012 05:06PM

All courtesy of my grandmother who spouted these well into her 80s:

Other aul wan: "Who's the father of yer wan's children?"
Nana: "Sure if you sat in a patch of nettles, how do you know which one stung you!!"

"That fella! Sure he'd stick it into a beehive!"

"She'd get up on her father if she had half a chance."

"He's as ugly as a basket of assholes."

aaronjumper · 18-06-2012 05:09PM

"He's worth ten men. Nine of em dead an' one of em dyin".

Kxiii · 18-06-2012 05:23PM

He's such a liar, if he came in wet you'd look outside to see if its raining.

neil_hosey · 18-06-2012 05:31PM

shed a face like a dog after licking piss off a nettle.

Dr conrad murray · 18-06-2012 05:39PM

sweating like a priest in a playground

Rezident · 18-06-2012 05:40PM

You're a model!? What do you model, balaclavas?

midlandsmissus · 18-06-2012 05:41PM

You wouldn't work on batteries.

Face like a half chewed toffo and half eaten apple made me laugh out loud

L.Jenkins · 18-06-2012 05:44PM

"Head on ya like the back end of a city link bus."

"Head on ya like a boiled shíte!"

"You've got a face only a mother could love. Unfortunately for you, you have two dads."

"I'm feeling as rough as a bears árse!"