'I Wouldnt ride her into battle', 'Her face looks like a bag of bent euros'

davemc180

state of ya love, the doctor must have had a bad aim when he threw you at the abortion bucket

shes a good strong leg that one shes built for distance

ya look like your after been chewing on black cats

Sea Filly

number10a wrote: »

All courtesy of my grandmother who spouted these well into her 80s:

Other aul wan: "Who's the father of yer wan's children?"
Nana: "Sure if you sat in a patch of nettles, how do you know which one stung you!!"

"That fella! Sure he'd stick it into a beehive!"

"She'd get up on her father if she had half a chance."

"He's as ugly as a basket of assholes."

Brilliant.

Sky King

She's polished more wood than Mr Sheen.

sharpy2010

hes about as frustrated as a midget in a theme park.
"sweating like josef fritzel on an episode of grand designs"
even stevie wonder seen that coming and hes black

2 stroke

Said about a newborn baby. She has her fathers hair and her mothers tits.

Bluegrass

She has a face for the radio

A face for modelling balaclavas for lidl

mikemac1

You're so useless if you fell out of a boat you'd miss the water - a favourite line of GAA coaches for underperforming corner forwards

viper006

"Last time i saw a face like hers.. I fed it a banana."

"She has a fanny like a wizards sleeve"

omck80

She's had more loads in her than my washing machine.

When he was born he was so ugly they didn't know if they should put him in a cot or a cage.

ChippingSodbury

She was so big you'd have to dip her in flour and look for the wet spot

I wouldn't believe his radio

neil_hosey

Id crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the exhaust of the van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry.

viper006

she a fanny like a badly packed kebab.

shes a face like a welders bench.

BillyMitchel

She wouldn't get a kick in a stampede


He'd give a paracetamol a headache

whatstherush

She had a body out of baywatch and a face out of crimewatch

I Heart Internet

Said by a lesbian friend to me about a coworker:

"She's a face that would make my strapon go limp"

I nearly choked on my tea

donalg1

viper006 wrote: »

"Last time i saw a face like hers.. I fed it a banana."

"She has a fanny like a wizards sleeve"

Can someone explain this please

On another note I heard someone being called a whore's abortion once

I Heart Internet

^ Urban Dictionary is your friend for all these matters:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=wizard%20sleeve

El Siglo

donalg1 wrote: »

Can someone explain this please

On another note I heard someone being called a whore's abortion once

Wizard's sleeve.

"I was making more money than a hug salesman in retard town."

Jesus Shaves

Fanny like a stab wound in a gorillas back
Fanny like a wizards sleeve
It'd be like throwing a sausage up o Connell street
She's been cocked more times than elmer fudds shotgun
She looks like she's been bobbing for apples in the frying pan
She's had more hands up her than sooty

boomkatalog

I'd ate the balls off a low flying duck.

I've seen better heads on a cabbage.

(said by my father at the dinner table) I'm so hungry I'd ate the arse off a scabby baby through the bars of the cot.

Ann22

marwelie wrote: »

He used to be schizophrenic but his little voices got fed up and left

Winston has it sorted though.....I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

I thought Oscar Wilde said that.

chughes

Ann22 wrote: »

I thought Oscar Wilde said that.

Definitely said by Churchill. He said it to Lady Astor.

During another argument between them she told him that if she was his wife she'd poison his coffee. He replied that if he was her husband he'd drink it.

Ann22

chughes wrote: »

Definitely said by Churchill. He said it to Lady Astor.

During another argument between them she told him that if she was his wife she'd poison his coffee. He replied that if he was her husband he'd drink it.

Genius:D ...Do you know who it was that when lying on a sofa half asleep with his willy accidentally exposed, surprised this woman walking into the room. She gasped 'oh sir...look at what's sticking out'...to which he drily replied 'don't flatter yourself woman, it's hanging out, not sticking out'...?
Oscar Wilde? (or maybe Lord Byron?...prob not tho 'cos he'd probably have shagged her senseless)

My hubbie's mates when talking about a passing good looking girl...
First chap: 'would you ride her?'
Reply: 'Ride her?..I'd ride you ridin' her'.

Fire1985

She's a head on her like a boiled ****e

She's a head on her like a well chewed toffee

alabandical

She's the type of woman that goes into a restaurant, looks at the menu and says 'OK'.

johnr1

"i'd lick her in half"


If all the cock she took was put together, - twould make a walking stick for the man on the moon.....

johnROSS

(on bad soccer player)

"He wouldn't score in a brothel!"

johnROSS

(on bad soccer player)

"He wouldn't score in a brothel!"

pablohoney87

Des Kelly wouldnt lay her

carliebaby1

If I bought my mickeys in tescos I wouldnt lend her one

If I grew my fannies in my back garden I wouldnt let ye look over the wall

face like a melted basin that one

sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish market

tight as a crabs arse him, and thats water-tight

him "would ye risk it for a biscuit?"
her "not for all the biscuits in jacobs love"

best part of you is still on your mothers mattress

my favourite "you look like I need another drink"