'I Wouldnt ride her into battle', 'Her face looks like a bag of bent euros'

Mickey H

Sir Gallagher wrote: »

I'm sweating like a traveller doing maths.

syndeyfife wrote: »

Sweating like a paedo in a barney suit

Sweating like a hooker in confessions.

ComputerKing

She's like the village bike everyone gets a ride,
She's like a rugby ball everyone gets a try.

mikemac1

Had a dance with her, gave her a compliment. Told her she doesn't sweat much for a fat bird

twistedsoul

She has a head like a melted bucket and legs like cheesy wotsits !

FindingMimo

she looks like a melted welly

--Kaiser--

He's so unlucky that if it was raining tits he'd get hit in the head with a willy

PhlegmyMoses

She had a fanny like a hippo's yawn.

ChippingSodbury

On nice bird: she'd give you a stalk that'd beat an ass out of a swamp
On bad bird: I wouldn't do her with yours
or: She was no show pony but she'd do for a ride around the house
In general: Suck dear, blow is just an expresion

mikemac1

Ok, she's not a looker but you don't look at the pretty mantlepiece when you are poking the fire

She's a goer, AP McCoy would be struggling to ride her

Mickey H

She had straight hair and curly teeth.

Diamond_Ninja

She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Thats a favourite of my Dad, uses it frequently

sparks24

Mickey H wrote: »

Sweating like a hooker in confessions.

sweating like a priest in a playground

Wibbs

PhlegmyMoses wrote: »

She had a fanny like a hippo's yawn.

On that theme; shagging her was like waving your arm around in a humid room.

SafeSurfer

He's such a liar he has to get somebody else to call his dog.



You couldn't wipe your arse without getting **** on your finger.



He is the two ends of a bollix.



He suffers from high self esteem.

jebuz

kfallon wrote: »

You don't have a birth cert, you have an apology letter from Durex!

I read this first and I was thinking why would a paint company give you a letter of apology...

I get it now

Wibbs

You do the work of two men. Laurel and Hardy.

He's so fat if you threw an ashtray at his head the fcuker would orbit.

If opposites attract your girlfriend must be a gorgeous member of mensa.

You disprove evolution.

You've your head so far up your arse to need a glass navel to get around.

number10a

All courtesy of my grandmother who spouted these well into her 80s:

Other aul wan: "Who's the father of yer wan's children?"
Nana: "Sure if you sat in a patch of nettles, how do you know which one stung you!!"

"That fella! Sure he'd stick it into a beehive!"

"She'd get up on her father if she had half a chance."

"He's as ugly as a basket of assholes."

aaronjumper

"He's worth ten men. Nine of em dead an' one of em dyin".

Kxiii

He's such a liar, if he came in wet you'd look outside to see if its raining.

neil_hosey

shed a face like a dog after licking piss off a nettle.

Dr conrad murray

sweating like a priest in a playground

Rezident

You're a model!? What do you model, balaclavas?

midlandsmissus

You wouldn't work on batteries.



Face like a half chewed toffo and half eaten apple made me laugh out loud

L.Jenkins

"Head on ya like the back end of a city link bus."

"Head on ya like a boiled shíte!"

"You've got a face only a mother could love. Unfortunately for you, you have two dads."

"I'm feeling as rough as a bears árse!"

ladysarastro

He's a face on him that looks like someone tried to put a forest fire out with a screwdriver

midlandsmissus

We should vote on the best one.

You've a Face on ya for modelling balaclavas is another of my favourites

El Tarangu

Don't know if this one's been posted already, but here goes:

"I'd call him a cúnt, but he lacks the warmth and depth".

Daveysil15

She's had more pricks than a second hand dart board.

She's seen more bare arses than a coppers torch.

Knex*

She has a face like roadkill.

You were definitely shat out as a baby anyway.

D1976

My favourite

She has a face that´d bring tears to a sledgehammer