My husband is a fussy eater, I need help

traveller0101 · 12-05-2018 02:58PM

Dizzyblonde wrote: »

traveller0101 and Uncharted - if you haven't got something constructive to add then don't post at all. Consider this a warning.

I critiqued the character in the post.

OP, here's some helpful information. If this man won't cook for himself and you won't let him starve: buy chicken nuggets and fish fingers and cook them for him while you are making yourself something nicer.

Rechuchote · 12-05-2018 03:54PM

Jaysus, I know where I'm not coming for marriage counselling! #lol at all the ragey posts here!

Tell me how · 12-05-2018 03:56PM

Rechuchote wrote:

Jaysus, I know where I'm not coming for marriage counselling! #lol at all the ragey posts here!

Posts are justified.
The behavior of the husband is absurd.

Doctors room ghost · 12-05-2018 04:20PM

Tell me how wrote: »

Posts are justified.
The behavior of the husband is absurd.

Dead right tell me how

cmoidd · 12-05-2018 07:08PM

Uncharted wrote: »

The more I of this thread I read,the more I smell BS.....
This just cannot all be true.
Maybe in 1968......Not in 2018.
If it is, you are as big of a failure as your husband.

Sorry OP.

Yes well nobody is perfect, no need to call me or my husband a failure!!!
I'm failure because i'm just trying to be nice to the man i love and married?
Is he a failure just because he always have been serve his dinner and don't know any better?
I just think he is realising how things should work around the table now... no need to call him a failure!

iamwhoiam · 12-05-2018 07:11PM

cmoidd wrote: »

Yes well nobody is perfect, no need to call me or my husband a failure!!!
I'm failure because i'm just trying to be nice to the man i love and married?
Is he a failure just because he always have been serve his dinner and don't know any better?
I just think he is realising how things should work around the table now... no need to call him a failure!

Your husband needs to learn respect . Its really that simple . Marriage is give and take and he seems to simply take . Respect yourself first and he might cop on

cmoidd · 12-05-2018 08:44PM

Today’s update

I’m not cooking his breakfast, and i’ve Noticed he had biscuits for breakfast but sure he is a grown up, he can do what he wants
For lunch, we ate spaghetti bolonese, the 3 of us at the table, I tried to add a little bit of vegetable to meal, carrots but it didn’t work, wasn’t nice, he just made a face when he saw it and asked why I did that? So I told him i’m Trying to include some veggies in our son’s diet, he said ok, and when he served himself he avoided the carrot, but didn’t say anything, and ate his lunch

For supper, I was really tired, we spent the afternoon at the beach, so I asked him to cook, he picked hotdogs in baguette. I asked him to make it because I was really tired... that was hard, he said he really didn’t know how to make them, he’ve tried before, and it never tasted as good as mine (it’s just putting sausages in the microwave and some ketchup on baguette, nothing hard here)
So instead of getting upset and do it for him, I said that’s ok I’ll show you how to do it. I sat down and walk him through to show him how to do it. At least he «*prepared «* the dinner
The eating at the table part was hard too, but he agreed to eat there, and then I saw him taking his phone out grrrr I just tried to relax, calm down and gently asked him if we could not use phone at the table to have family dinner. He got upset but put it away. After he was finished, our son wasn’t he took it out again, I gave him dirty eyes, he said what? And pretend to listen what our son was saying, still using his phone... I didn’t have the heart to say something, I just gave him dirty eyes...

So today wasn’t too bad except for the phone part...

traveller0101 · 12-05-2018 11:57PM

cmoidd wrote: »

Is he a failure just because he always have been serve his dinner and don't know any better?

Y...Ye..YES

You start a blog documenting all this

igCorcaigh · 13-05-2018 07:09AM

OP, Ive been following this thread, and haven't commented, but...

Do you think your husband actually understands why changes have to be made, or is he merely acquiescing (a little) under pressure from you?

I know you have talked, but it just seems to me that he's not fully understanding your position.

Stoner · 13-05-2018 07:59AM

Try Huel food for him.

Get him the flavour shots to mix it up

He can eat the same thing for life , costs very little, reasonably healthy.
Much better than burgers

looksee · 13-05-2018 08:36AM

I have known a couple for a long time with the exact same situation. This started back in the early 70s though and attitudes were different. He was a 'good husband' in that he worked hard and provided for the family. However he was a very fussy eater. His mother had never cooked 'proper' food and he was just not used to eating 'proper' meals.

Long story short, he always had a different meal to the family and gradually moved to bringing in his own food and fast food. He bought anything that had fat and sugar - cakes, trifles, cheese, jam, chipper food, gallons of fizzy drinks. His wife refused to buy this kind of food for him, so he did his own shopping. He is now over 25 stone and has a wide range of illnesses, mostly of the nausea variety, brought on by fat and sugar, though there are some more serious heart and gut issues. He does not want to know, he is, and always has been, stubborn, stupid and completely in denial.

OP, if you can 'train' your husband (even get him to a counsellor) then, well done. If you cannot then don't get into the situation I have outlined above. You have a life too, and unlike my generation it is now acceptable to walk away if your partner is unable or unwilling to behave like a civilised adult. Its your choice of course, but a lifetime is a very long time.

AndrewJRenko · 13-05-2018 08:57AM

cmoidd wrote: »

He is Irish yes, and only eat American food, like pizza, burger, nuggets
Fast food...

There is a fair chance he will be dead before he reaches 60 if this is the basis of your diet. You may want to take this into account in your long-term planning.

My teenager told us yesterday that NONE of her friends sit down at a table for family dinners. She emphasised the NONE.

masculinist · 13-05-2018 08:57AM

cmoidd wrote: »

Do you have any suggestions for me, i’m sick of fighting over food... and i’m 7 month and half pregnant, so I have something else to worry about than food!!!

Thanks

Keep it simple. I scrolled through the thread to see you were making so many different forms of basic food e.g chicken with sauces etc . Sauces tend to turn good food into unhealthy food.

So just throw a steak on the table. Keep it simple. Instead of putting a chicken and sauce dish onto the table , just roast a chicken. And next day a pork chop. And so on.
Simple food is also healthiest because sauces are usually just fat, sugar and calorie laden. Theres only so many different animals and fish to eat so just choose simple food and cycle through them all. You'll also keep him alive longer as from the sounds of it his preferred diet will give him a heart attack and diabetes.
The offers in Aldi/Lidl change with the seasons. When serving this simple food up , have a simple side dish of seasonable vegetables available. He can take them or leave them. However make sure your children eat them.

masculinist · 13-05-2018 09:11AM

I had a longer read through the thread and am cringing because I could see a bit of myself in them ...

My partner is foreign. When she met me here was my typical diet . I know some of my relatives eat cabbage at least with their sunday roast but men in my family never ate salad ever and we didnt even have cabbage . It was only ever roast potatoes or mashed potatoes. Salad was always something the girls ate. Girls were always more in touch with their physical health and well being . Ireland has changed since then I think. I hope. I hope you can transmit some of this changed thinking to your son because sons tend to copy and emulate fathers. Perhaps you need to try the tactic of explaining to your husband that he is an example in his behaviour for his son to copy.

Monday : Steak and chips /Roast potatoes
Tuesday: Pork chops and chips /Roast potatoes
wednesday: Chicken and chips /Roast potatoes
Thursday: Pizza and chips
Friday: Chicken curry with chips or rice ( usually home made)
saturday : Dirty kebab at 3 am after copious amounts of beer

In between junk food snacking non stop.

I never had one salad in my whole life until I met her. My first salad was in my late 20s.
My partner being from a mediterranean culture literally force fed me healthy food, healthy food which I previously had mentally associated with caterpillars, slugs and creepy crawleys.

Over time I lost weight slowly and stopped having heartburn due to her good influence. I think she probably saved my life. Maybe you can do the same thing OP but it requires some sort of common understanding.

OldMrBrennan83 · 13-05-2018 09:16AM

This post has been deleted.

paw patrol · 13-05-2018 09:26AM

this thread is fantasic
boards never ceases to amaze me with the blowhards willing do dish out the free and cheap advice based on a few lines of an OP with occasional follow-up.

Man is fussy about food yet we've had the usual "dump him" posts.
Like FFS.

Advice is cheap when you aren't the one following through on it.

I saw the OP was asked to cut his steak up before...so what.
Relationships are about give and take , my wife certainly does loads for me and i rely on her for stuff I did myself when single.
But there are stuff I do for her.

Silly things that when written on boards reads extremely stupid but it's how things work. Each relationship has it's inner nuances that sound stupid when mentioned in public.

Not saying the OP doesn't have an issue, cos she does. But some of the replies here are a joke.

OP , the better advise I read here was agreeing or discussing a weekly menu in advance and let him contribute.

Or just let him cook his own steak and chips. or cheese puffs

Pelvis · 13-05-2018 09:31AM

cmoidd wrote: »

Today’s update

For lunch, we ate spaghetti bolonese, the 3 of us at the table, I tried to add a little bit of vegetable to meal, carrots but it didn’t work, wasn’t nice, he just made a face when he saw it and asked why I did that? So I told him i’m Trying to include some veggies in our son’s diet, he said ok, and when he served himself he avoided the carrot, but didn’t say anything, and ate his lunch

Well to be fair carrots have no business being on a plate with spagbol. Had you done that to me I would have flipped the table and filed for divorce there and then.

Rechuchote · 13-05-2018 09:31AM

paw patrol wrote: »

Or just let him cook his own steak and chips. or cheese puffs

(…and just mention to him that you'd like him to take out a large life insurance policy with the OP as the beneficiary, and send him to the internet https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321382.php)

Tell me how · 13-05-2018 09:36AM

paw patrol wrote:

this thread is fantasic boards never ceases to amaze me with the blowhards willing do dish out the free and cheap advice based on a few lines of an OP with occasional follow-up.

And then you proceed to do the same thing.......

But of course, you are smarter than everyone else here. SMH.

BabysCoffee · 13-05-2018 09:38AM

David Coleman suggests offering fussy toddlers a degree of choice in their meals I.e would you like carrots or peas for dinner tonight.

You could try this with your husband. "I'm cooking lasagne or Bolognese tonight. Which would you prefer?"

effibear · 13-05-2018 09:40AM

Pelvis wrote: »

Well to be fair carrots have no business being on a plate with spagbol. Had you done that to me I would have flipped the table and filed for divorce there and then.

Google a recipe for spagbol and you’ll find carrots are in most recipes as an ingredient.

Pelvis · 13-05-2018 09:43AM

effibear wrote: »

Google a recipe for spagbol and you’ll find carrots are in most recipes as an ingredient.

In the recipe, yes. Not a side dish.

paw patrol · 13-05-2018 09:53AM

Tell me how wrote: »

And then you proceed to do the same thing.......

But of course, you are smarter than everyone else here. SMH.

But I did nothing of the sort.

I didn't judge the OPs relationship or tell her to dump him or say that my wife would stab me or anything hyperbolic at has appeared elsewhere in this thread.
All based on a few paragraphs, too.

so no i didn't.

Dial Hard · 13-05-2018 10:06AM

masculinist wrote:

Keep it simple. I scrolled through the thread to see you were making so many different forms of basic food e.g chicken with sauces etc . Sauces tend to turn good food into unhealthy food.

There's so much nonsense in this post I actually don't know where to begin.

Sauces cooked from scratch aren't unhealthy unless you are absolutely lacing them with salt, butter or cream, which good home cooks tend not to do.

Please point out to us ignorant denizens of the Food forum who have been posting here on a regular basis for years what's inherently unhealthy about a homemade tomato sauce? Or a curry one? Or a carbonara, perhaps?

effibear · 13-05-2018 10:12AM

Pelvis wrote: »

In the recipe, yes. Not a side dish.

Can’t see the logic of it being ok in the recipe but not on the side! A carrot is a carrot.

I cook carrots, broccoli etc on the side of most dishes because at least the kids will eat the veg if they don’t like the sauce.

Pelvis · 13-05-2018 10:22AM

effibear wrote: »

Can’t see the logic of it being ok in the recipe but not on the side! A carrot is a carrot.

I cook carrots, broccoli etc on the side of most dishes because at least the kids will eat the veg if they don’t like the sauce.

Oil is in mayo, that doesn't mean I want a glass of it with my sandwich.

For one, I don't put carrots in my spagbol. For two, it's not noticeable even if it is in there, big chunks of carrot on the side of a plate is noticeable. I prefer garlic bread personally.

Cheshire Cat · 13-05-2018 10:27AM

@OP: Hidden Veg sauces are a good way to sneak some goodness into your diet.

https://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/pasta-recipes/seven-veg-tomato-sauce/

https://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/vegetables-recipes/kerryann-s-hidden-vegetable-pasta-sauce/

Both recipes make a big batch that you can freeze in portions. Would make your life a lot easier, especially when the new baby has arrived.

theteal · 13-05-2018 10:35AM

I know everybody has their own tastes and all but I don't think I've ever in my life heard of/saw someone who didn't like carrots. His mother must have boiled them to mush. I used to hate broccoli as a kid, its amazing how your tastes change when you learn to cook your own food in your teens. Broccoli is crunchy awesomeness!

Anyway OP, small steps but it sounds like it's going in the right direction, you just may have to keep the pressure on for the time being. You have my best wishes.

EDIT - speaking of which, I have a big pot of bolognese on the hob right now but the one bloody ingredient I'm missing is carrots, we'll see how this turns out.

the beer revolu · 13-05-2018 10:39AM

Trick with carrots in a bolognaise is to dice them really finely along with the onion and celery.
(you could grate them also).
Carrot, onion and celery are on pretty much all the more authentic bolognaise recipes but I guess the anti carrot poster didn't know that.

Sofiztikated · 13-05-2018 10:40AM

I was a fussy eater for years, most meals involved potato products, plain meat, or nugget, or whatever. I lived in the chipper.

I reckon it stemmed from my mother being a terrible cook, and me being a bull headed person. I once ate nothing but custard for 2 weeks after the health nurse came into the school, and told us anything I was eating was bad for me.

I only really started eating a variety of foods in the last couple of years. We went traveling for a bit, and I wanted to make an effort to try different foods. I can't stand mushrooms, and still can't get around to trying fish.

I'd advise sitting down with your husband, and having a good old talk with him.

First and foremost, you have to explain to him that the children need to have a good diet. They're growing, they need the most nutrients, and make him understand that they see his behaviour as acceptable, and that's not on. He's about to be a father to a second child, and really needs to grow up a bit. You said you met him as a student, so I'm guessing you're in your late 20's/early 30's? It's possible he's having a hard time letting go of those glorious* years, and being a grownup. I did, sort of.

*To a given level of glory of ****ing about, with no responsibilities.

Secondly, he needs to cop on about his own health. As much as I love chips, and I could eat them 4 meals a day, they're not good for the oul ticker. He might work hard, and love his family, but that'll be no good to him when he's heading towards heart attacks at 40, or unable to run and play with his kids. And I'm sure he doesn't want that.

For me, I can point to my start of eating better to carrots. Baby carrots, par boiled, them put on a tray into the oven, bit of olive oil and a sprinkling of sugar, and caramelised in the oven. I found out carrots weren't the mushy boiled for 20 minutes things I remembered as a child.

People bang on about mental health, then slag a man has issues with food?

My husband is a fussy eater, I need help

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