My husband is a fussy eater, I need help

cmoidd

Hi everyone,

My husband is a fussy eater, and so does is our son... he probably takes that from his daddy...

It’s becoming a nightmare, we always fight because of food 😭

He doesn’t like anything...
I’m French and love food, but he won’t try anything I make, he calls it “weird” food
when I ask him, what do you want to eat? He says Food! So I asked him, which kind of food? He says cooked food. I then says can you be more specific, and here the fight begins, he doesn’t know... I need to pull some kind of food from my hat, but whatever I propose he is either not in a mood for it or doesn’t like it... and then he is upset with me because I’m out of ideas,and he ends up just snacking...

I don’t know what to do with him... he is worst than a child!!!!

The worst is the evening, he doesn’t want to eat at the table, he wants something quick and easy to eat
So I usually make something like Porridge or toasted sandwiches with ham or hotdogs... but Mr is sick of it, and complaining I always cook the same, but in the same time he won’t eat anything!!! It’s hard enough it has to be something he can eat in the sofa

The problem is when I finally found something he likes, he then eats it all the time and gets sick of it!
He used to love wrap with lettuce and breaded chicken, now just seeing a wrap make him nauseous
He used to love spaghetti bolonese, so I did it twice a week, now he won’t eat it, same with omelette

Can you help me find food he might like, and can cook for him
He doesn’t like any kind of cheese, except melted on pizza
He doesn’t like any kind of vegetables, maybe lettuce but only if he has no choice
About potatoes he will only eat them if they are roasted in the oven or if it’s chips
He hates stew
He won’t eat pasta, except if it’s spaghetti
He can tolerate rice but not more than once a week and, when he will see it he will make this face and say “ewwww”
He is sick of toast too

Do you have any suggestions for me, i’m sick of fighting over food... and i’m 7 month and half pregnant, so I have something else to worry about than food!!!

Thanks

Noo

Get him to cook his own food

Das Reich

If he is Irish or northern european he probably like only potatoes, or american "food" like mcdonalds. And tea with milk.

Peregrinus

Noo has it. Let him take over cooking for the family. From time to time you can make something just to vary the fairly bland diet that he is likely to serve up (at least until he becomes a bit more adventurous); if he doesn't eat what you make it's no big deal.

cmoidd

Noo wrote: »

Get him to cook his own food

If only it was this simple. He will get upset... it’s what I did yesterday, I cooked a lovely chicken stew for today, then prepared a raclette cheese with potatoes and ham for my supper, I wouldn’t eat it. So I didn’t prepare anything for him. And asked him to make his own dinner, while I was done cooking, tired, it’s a bit of work... seating at the table about to start my supper, he came in the kitchen and said what’s for me? I said I don’t know, pick what you want. And he got upset....
then later on after story time for our son, he cane to me saying, he felt puky and it was because of me, I didn’t cook anything for him so he had to eat an entire big bag cheese puff...

cmoidd

Das Reich wrote: »

If he is Irish or northern european he probably like only potatoes, or american "food" like mcdonalds. And tea with milk.

He is Irish yes, and only eat American food, like pizza, burger, nuggets
Fast food...

Peregrinus

He can't cook? How come he wasn't dead when you met him?

cmoidd

Peregrinus wrote: »

Noo has it. Let him take over cooking for the family. From time to time you can make something just to vary the fairly bland diet that he is likely to serve up (at least until he becomes a bit more adventurous); if he doesn't eat what you make it's no big deal.

Unfortunately, no way he will do that! In my deepest dream maybe...
At the end of the day he is always tired...
but in fairness me too, it’s not easy being 7 months and half pregnant...
but I guess he is the one working, I should be the lovely housewife cooking nice lovely meal for him... but i’m Not

Jogathon

If I was giving you advice on how to make a toddler eat, then I'd suggest the "take it or leave it" approach. When the child is hungry enough, then they will eat what is in front of them and there is no pandering to special diets.

I would approach this problem with your grown up toddler the same way.

Imagine a grown man blaming you because he felt sick after he choose to eat a big bag of cheesy puffs. Hilarious. However, its not at all funny as this is your husband who is acting out in this spoilt and babyish way.

cmoidd

Peregrinus wrote: »

He can't cook? How come he wasn't dead when you met him?

When I met him, he was a student, had one meal a day, takeaway
And was happy with it

And nowadays when i’m away to France, he only eat pizza for lunch and biscuits or microwave popcorn on the evenings...

Peregrinus

Your husband needs to grow up, I think.

He has a choice: he can learn to cook the stuff he likes to eat, or he can be dependent on others to cook for him, in which case he gets to eat the stuff they like to cook.

What he can't do is demand that others cook what he likes for him, while he refuses to say what he likes.

I realise this creates a problem for you; to bring this situation to an end your husband needs to take some responsiblity and make some choices but, until he's ready to do that, he's not ready to do that.

You could have a word with his mother. Not that I would dream of criticising anyone's parenting style, but your husband obviously got this attitude - that it is the responsibility of others to know what food he will like and to cook it for him - from somewhere, and I'm guessing that the reason he wasn't dead when you met him was that, up to that point, his mother mostly cooked for him, and he liked what she cooked. So find out what she cooked and produce your own variation on that two or three nights a week.

cmoidd

Jogathon wrote: »

If I was giving you advice on how to make a toddler eat, then I'd suggest the "take it or leave it" approach. When the child is hungry enough, then they will eat what is in front of them and there is no pandering to special diets.

I would approach this problem with your grown up toddler the same way.

Imagine a grown man blaming you because he felt sick after he choose to eat a big bag of cheesy puffs. Hilarious. However, its not at all funny as this is your husband who is acting out in this spoilt and babyish way.

I know!!! It’s crazy!!! Worst than a child, but I would like things to change, introduce him to new food, cook something he might like, if he is willing to try
Any suggestions??

Das Reich

cmoidd wrote: »

He is Irish yes, and only eat American food, like pizza, burger, nuggets
Fast food...

So he eats only **** and says the food you do is "weird"?

If I was giving you advice on how to make a toddler eat, then I'd suggest the "take it or leave it" approach. When the child is hungry enough, then they will eat what is in front of them and there is no pandering to special diets.

It is a European approach. I prefer the Brazilian approach, take your belt and hold it till the child clean the plate affraid of being belted.

cmoidd

Peregrinus wrote: »

Your husband needs to grow up, I think.

He has a choice: he can learn to cook the stuff he likes to eat, or he can be dependent on others to cook for him, in which case he gets to eat the stuff they like to cook.

What he can't do is demand that others cook what he likes for him, while he refuses to say what he likes.

I realise this creates a problem for you; to bring this situation to an end your husband needs to take some responsiblity and make some choices but, until he's ready to do that, he's not ready to do that.

You could have a word with his mother. Not that I would dream of criticising anyone's parenting style, but your husband obviously got this attitude - that it is the responsibility of others to know what food he will like and to cook it for him - from somewhere, and I'm guessing that the reason he wasn't dead when you met him was that, up to that point, his mother mostly cooked for him, and he liked what she cooked. So find out what she cooked and produce your own variation on that two or three nights a week.

I understand, what you’re saying, he has to stop depending on someone
And be ready to accept new food, how can I help him do that?

unfortunately I can’t ask his mother she passed away a couple of years ago, and she was cooking for her entire family.

But my husband always says she was a terrible cook, and never really liked what she was making, he ate it because he had no choice

listermint

cmoidd wrote: »

I know!!! It’s crazy!!! Worst than a child, but I would like things to change, introduce him to new food, cook something he might like, if he is willing to try
Any suggestions??

Stop enabling him would be a start.

Don't cook for him make it a point and tell him why. You mothering him it's enabling his attitude and it's not healthy for him or you.

You should be spending your time on the child's diet and not man boy

Bigus

Not what I'd normally recommend, but some home cooked foods that emulate take always or greasy spoon might wean him onto being more adventurous in time .

Fried egg ,Sausages and chips and bachelors beans.
Homemade burger and chips.
Bangers and mash
Roast Chicken and chips and mushy peas.
Chicken Caesar salad
Fish fingers beans and mash or chips.
Chicken wings with franks hot sauce and butter mixed in.
Fajitas (aldi Lidl or old El Paso kit) , with chicken ,(peppers,mushroom, onion mixed in)
Hot Nachos with chilli mince and melted cheese on top.
Boiled bacon cabbage and mash, (cabbage cooked in the bacon water)

Roast a chicken/ lamb leg or beef and have nice carved hot meat sandwiches .

Hurling Rankings

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Peregrinus

cmoidd wrote: »

I understand, what you’re saying, he has to stop depending on someone
And be ready to accept new food, how can I help him do that?

You can't. This won't happen until he decides it's going to happen.

cmoidd wrote: »

unfortunately I can’t ask his mother she passed away a couple of years ago, and she was cooking for her entire family.

But my husband always says she was a terrible cook, and never really liked what she was making, he ate it because he had no choice

And there's your answer, delivered from beyond the grave, and through the man himself! He'll eat what you cook too, if he has no choice. He'll make the odd protest, like eating crap and blaming you for it, but he can't live off Cheesy Wotsits forever.

As long as he refuses to negotiate with you over what he would like to eat, or to learn to cook it himself, he has no choice but to eat what you prepare.

I suggest maybe telling him that you're going to do a bit of weekly menu planning. You'd appreciate his input, but only in the form of suggestions about what he would like to eat, not about what he wouldn't. That gives him an easy path to taking some responsibility for meeting his own food requirements. As I say, you can't force him to take it. If he won't take it, then prepare what you think you and your son ought to be eating, and let your husband eat it or not as he pleases. After a couple of weeks of living off extruded cornstarch products, he may see advantages in contributing some menu suggestions.

Sunflower 27

It's all very childish isn't it? Liking different food should not be such an issue. It's already been said, let him feed himself. I don't know why it's got to this insulting your cooking and calling your taste weird.

Leave him to his burger and chips or whatever he wants. He sounds ungrateful and rude. I don't know why he didn't suggest sorting his own food out a long time ago. Maybe he's been waiting for you to change to his junk food diet?

elbyrneo

Show him this thread. When he reads through it might make him realise:
a) the effort and energy you put into cooking and the level of frustration you have
b) what an ungrateful a-hole he is being.

Having said that, if food is just one issue in a dominating relationship I imagine you wouldnt dream of showing him this. In which case maybe you need to consider the bigger picture......

ChikiChiki

cmoidd wrote: »

Hi everyone,

My husband is a fussy eater, and so does is our son... he probably takes that from his daddy...

It’s becoming a nightmare, we always fight because of food 😭

He doesn’t like anything...
I’m French and love food, but he won’t try anything I make, he calls it “weird” food
when I ask him, what do you want to eat? He says Food! So I asked him, which kind of food? He says cooked food. I then says can you be more specific, and here the fight begins, he doesn’t know... I need to pull some kind of food from my hat, but whatever I propose he is either not in a mood for it or doesn’t like it... and then he is upset with me because I’m out of ideas,and he ends up just snacking...

I don’t know what to do with him... he is worst than a child!!!!

The worst is the evening, he doesn’t want to eat at the table, he wants something quick and easy to eat
So I usually make something like Porridge or toasted sandwiches with ham or hotdogs... but Mr is sick of it, and complaining I always cook the same, but in the same time he won’t eat anything!!! It’s hard enough it has to be something he can eat in the sofa

The problem is when I finally found something he likes, he then eats it all the time and gets sick of it!
He used to love wrap with lettuce and breaded chicken, now just seeing a wrap make him nauseous
He used to love spaghetti bolonese, so I did it twice a week, now he won’t eat it, same with omelette

Can you help me find food he might like, and can cook for him
He doesn’t like any kind of cheese, except melted on pizza
He doesn’t like any kind of vegetables, maybe lettuce but only if he has no choice
About potatoes he will only eat them if they are roasted in the oven or if it’s chips
He hates stew
He won’t eat pasta, except if it’s spaghetti
He can tolerate rice but not more than once a week and, when he will see it he will make this face and say “ewwww”
He is sick of toast too

Do you have any suggestions for me, i’m sick of fighting over food... and i’m 7 month and half pregnant, so I have something else to worry about than food!!!

Thanks

My first thought on reading is that maybe you should take it to the personal issues as it seems like a behavioural problem. Your husband sounds like a child moreso than a grown man.

You shouldn't have to put up with such nonsense. The fact that he is getting upset is a bit concerning.

He is being a total ungrateful a-hole to a wife who is going above and beyond for him.

Good luck.

Hurling Rankings

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weiland79

Is this in personal issues forum? How can you expect people to suggest what foods to give your husband when he acts so immaturely and unreasonably?
It seems to me that you have been more than accomadating so what else can you do?
Child psychologist perhaps?

dudara

I’ll be honest, there’s no way I’d tolerate this. This is the behaviour of a 2 year old toddler, not a grown man who’s about to become a father again. It’s absolutely pathetic behaviour from an adult, and a terrible way to treat his wife. How are you coping with all of this, how does it make you feel?

Given that he is such a man-child, perhaps you can try applying techniques for toddlers to him? Perhaps the folks in the parenting forum might have suggestions for getting fussy kids to eat more variety.

RunRoryRun

Tell him to eat it, make his own or go hungry. And to stop being a complete dickhead. For every day he eats your dinner and moans about it, exclude him from what you make the following day. No human over 3 years old should behave like this.

wildwillow

I bet he doesn't do any housework or tidy up after himself either. What you have here is a spoilt and manipulative man. I think it's a control issue for him, even if he doesn't realise it.
I have a few ideas which may help but not knowing the person, they may be of no use. But you have to do something to make family life better before the baby arrives.

Start by insisting on all meals at a properly set table, with no television or phones. Prepare meals which are nutritious and varied, eat for a set period of time and then clear up. Explain that you want to teach your child proper eating habits and you need him to give good example.

Then refuse to discuss or think about food till the next meal. You are teaching two babies how to behave and the bigger one needs to toe the line.

Don't comment if he complains. Maybe buy a book on basic nutrition and let him read about the need to have a balanced diet with the correct minerals and vitamins.

Try to set up a new routine before baby arrives, otherwise you will not cope.

Get him to do the shopping using a detailed shopping list based on a weekly menu plan. If he has never cooked he might actually enjoy it if he had some lessons.

Children tend to eat veg if the are involved in growing it. could you have a tiny veg patch and grow some lettuce and scallions and maybe a few herbs.

Get him some multivitamin and mineral tablets as he must be deficient in these as a result of his diet.

You are his wife, not mother or slave. Good luck and hope things change for the better.

OldMrBrennan83

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Bandito909

What about a hypnotist? I'm actually serious, I've heard of this being done before, and it does work with some People.

mille100piedi

I think his problem is not with food, people that behave like that many time have some kind of depression or mood disorder. An adult person shouldn't be so upset regarding food, there something else wrong here

Reati

Tl;dr

You married a typical Irish man child. Life's too short and I never get why people martyrdom themselves in such a relationship.

A relationship is a two person give and take, not a one take all. If I went on like that my wife would rightly put me in my place as I would for her.

Figure out what you want from him, lay it out clearly to him and if it doesn't change in a given time move on.

Life is short but it can be fierce long married to a person like that...

El_Duderino 09

cmoidd wrote: »

He will get upset... said what’s for me?...I said I don’t know, pick what you want. And he got upset....

then later on after story time for our son, he cane to me saying, he felt puky and it was because of me, I didn’t cook anything for him so he had to eat an entire big bag cheese puff...

Is this your son or your husband? It's very childish and manipulative behaviour. I wonder if you would put up with it if your son behaved like that.

It's clear that he doesn't appreciate how hard you work to cook good food for him. He doesn't know what he wants so he needs to start by learning about food. He needs to be able to do the weekly shop and plan out what he family wants for the week.

Rather than making meals day to day, try getting him tonight down and plan out the food for the week. Get him to say what dinners he likes and agree get him to come with you to do the weekly shop.

He needs to learn about food because it's not fair to expect you to be a mind reader when he can't tell you what he wants. The first thing is he needs to learn about food so he knows what he wants.

RunRoryRun

mille100piedi wrote:

I think his problem is not with food, people that behave like that many time have some kind of depression or mood disorder. An adult person shouldn't be so upset regarding food, there something else wrong here

Does being a dickhead qualify?

mille100piedi

RunRoryRun wrote: »

Does being a dickhead qualify?

yes unfortunately many men with mental disorders are dickheads, women tend to cry and men tend to be a dickhead and get angry for stupid things. Also men have more problem to admit they have a problem

Minderbinder

If the man likes plain food give him plain food. Steak and Chips, lamb chops, pork chops and potatoes, shepherds pie, bacon and cabbage.

A lot of Irish people don’t like food covered in sauce and our relationship with food is more practical than the French. Men are very habitual usually and they don’t really like trying new things while women like to try new foods even at the risk of not liking it.

I can totally understand why he might not like French food and maybe there are issues around dining etiquette that he doesn’t like. Not everyone is the adventurous type. Calling him a man child is not going to help anyone. The man is going out everyday providing for his family. Yes he has flaws but reducing him to ‘manchild’ is a bit unfair. Warren Buffett is one of the wealthiest people in the world and he has what would be considered a poor diet.

Your husband is working all day and wants to come home to a simple dinner. He doesn’t want to play the gourmet lottery.

I’m not excusing his behaviour at all because he should be able to express himself clearly and make it easy for you.

Doctors room ghost

Minderbinder wrote: »

If the man likes plain food give him plain food. Steak and Chips, lamb chops, pork chops and potatoes, shepherds pie, bacon and cabbage.

A lot of Irish people don’t like food covered in sauce and our relationship with food is more practical than the French. Men are very habitual usually and they don’t really like trying new things while women like to try new foods even at the risk of not liking it.

I can totally understand why he might not like French food and maybe there are issues around dining etiquette that he doesn’t like. Not everyone is the adventurous type. Calling him a man child is not going to help anyone. The man is going out everyday providing for his family. Yes he has flaws but reducing him to ‘manchild’ is a bit unfair. Warren Buffett is one of the wealthiest people in the world and he has what would be considered a poor diet.

Your husband is working all day and wants to come home to a simple dinner. He doesn’t want to play the gourmet lottery.

I’m not excusing his behaviour at all because he should be able to express himself clearly and make it easy for you.

Boll1x to that.give him whatever the rest of ye are having and if he doesn’t want it give it to the dog.
Hunger is a great sauce.fussy eater my hole.a spoiled baba more like.

OldMrBrennan83

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cursai

Get a real man. And tell him to go back to his mammy.

heroics

Minderbinder wrote: »

If the man likes plain food give him plain food. Steak and Chips, lamb chops, pork chops and potatoes, shepherds pie, bacon and cabbage.

A lot of Irish people don’t like food covered in sauce and our relationship with food is more practical than the French. Men are very habitual usually and they don’t really like trying new things while women like to try new foods even at the risk of not liking it.

Or he could just cop the f*ck on to himself. If he resorts to eating a bag of crisps because he doesn't like a dinner he wont even try then he is a child. At the end of the day she is his wife not his slave to only cook what he likes when he won't even make a suggestion of what he wants. I'm a guy so maybe I'm different but I'd stop buying crisps and cr@p in the weekly shop and let him starve.

Most of my mates have no problem trying new foods (men or women) In fact the fussiest eaters I know are women. Nothing better than food covered in sauce from casseroles to steak and pepper sauce to garlic cheese fries. More sauce the better.

I don't understand people not being able to at least cook the basics. It was something my mam always insisted on us doing growing up. we would take turns cooking dinner after school once we got to about 13/14.

theteal

Did this place turn into AH? Is this a joke? Has to be.....?

Triangle

cmoidd wrote: »

I know!!! It’s crazy!!! Worst than a child, but I would like things to change, introduce him to new food, cook something he might like, if he is willing to try
Any suggestions??

You need to not try and change someone who doesn't want to change. I presume you married him cod you loved the person he is, not the person you want him to be.

Coming from being a fussy eater in my childhood, trying foods that are not strong flavoured is the easiest way to get to like new foods.

Heres Johnny

One thing I can agree with is that when he finds something he likes he eats every day and gets sick of it, I do that too! Stumble on something I like, have it every day then get fed up of it.
But then I move on to something else, problem solved.
I agree this is much more a behaviour issue than a fussy eater issue.

Options

Tell you what he likes and you seem happy to cook for him

Cook himself

Starve

Get a takeaway

Eat cheesy poofs for a while see how he feels

Grow up

Cop on

B0jangles

cmoidd wrote: »

If only it was this simple. He will get upset... it’s what I did yesterday, I cooked a lovely chicken stew for today, then prepared a raclette cheese with potatoes and ham for my supper, I wouldn’t eat it. So I didn’t prepare anything for him. And asked him to make his own dinner, while I was done cooking, tired, it’s a bit of work... seating at the table about to start my supper, he came in the kitchen and said what’s for me? I said I don’t know, pick what you want. And he got upset....
then later on after story time for our son, he cane to me saying, he felt puky and it was because of me, I didn’t cook anything for him so he had to eat an entire big bag cheese puff...

When I first read this post I honestly thought it was your toddler child who'd eaten the cheese puffs and came to tell he felt 'pukey' and that it was your fault.

Your adult husband is behaving like a stroppy 4 year-old, and I really don't think you should be doing anything to accomodate the tantrums of a giant baby.

He needs to either grow up and cook for himself, grow up and learn to eat like an adult or grow up and learn how to talk to the person who's doing the cooking to come to an agreement about meal options.

GreeBo

Stop buying the junk food, he will soon start eating what you cook.

scarepanda

cmoidd wrote: »

And be ready to accept new food, how can I help him do that?

By going the take it or leave it route!

He's acting like a toddler, so be prepared for the toddler like tantrums when you stop being his maid.

Do what you would do with an older toddler, sit him down this evening. Explain to him that you would love to cook for him, but from now on if he wants you to cook for him then he eats what's on the menu at the dinner table (and you cook a mixture of your stuff and his, without stressing yourself). And tell him that it's up to him whether he takes it or leaves it after that, but that your only cooking the one meal. And leave it at that. He won't go hungry

You then proceed to have you dinner, and give your actual child the same options. They won't go hungry either.

Pelvis

OP, this is not the behaviour of a normal adult. You have much bigger problems than trying to figure out what to feed your husband.

Doctors room ghost

He needs to be taken outside and shot with balls of his own sh1te carrying on like that.
He refuses dinners cooked and left up to him cos he’s an ungrateful fukr and he eats a bag of cheesy puffs and feels “puky” and then blames the wife.fukn priceless.
And then the dr phils come on here saying to offer him a steak or a few plain chops.why not set up a restaurant and give him a menu while ye are at it.
Holy sh1t balls is this what this country is coming to.and people died in the ditches eating grass during the famine.
Give him what ever the rest of ye are having and if he doesn’t want it,toodle fukn doo jack you will be going to bed hungry or get whatever you want yourself.otherwise you are just enabling an arse hole and encouraging his bull sh1te behavior.

Hannibal_Smith

It's not fussy eating, it's being difficult. Coming in to you as you're reading your kid a bad time story and telling you he's feeling sick and it's all your fault because he ate a bag of cheese puffs??? Really??

He's not telling you what he wants, you're not a mind reader. I would cook a meal for the 3 you sit down the three of you. If he eats it he eats it. If he doesn't let him make something himself. Don't let your kid grow up thinking this is right.

morritty

I used to be the same, delighted I changed though (made to change by the other half), the amount of amazing food I had missed out on over the years.

kylith

My mother had a wonderful saying for situations like this: you know where the bread is.

I think you should sit down with him and give him 3 options: give input into the family dinners, eat what’s put in front of him, or feed himself.

If he just wants nuggets, or burgers he can research and make them himself.

SusanC10

I think your Husband's behaviour is awful and I just couldn't put up with that.
I am a SAHM at the moment and my Husband works long hours plus a commute so I do the cooking Monday-Friday. No way would I continue to cook for him if he behaved like that.

Our Daughter is a fussy eater. She doesn't eat a lot of different foods but worse she may eat something this week and then refuse it the next.
I cook for all of us and put her portion on a plate in front of her. If she eats it great but there is no alternative provided and if she refuses it at a weekend she won't get Dessert. She doesn't have to finish the portion but she does need to make a good effort at it. So we leave it up to her.
If she wants a snack it must be Fruit/Veg/Yogurt.

I would try this approach with your Husband. Put Dinner on the Table in front of him. Offer no alternative. Stop buying Junk Food. See what happens.

sbsquarepants

Doctors room ghost wrote: »

He needs to be taken outside and shot with balls of his own sh1te carrying on like that
.

Pretty much this.

He's a grown man acting like a spoiled toddler.

My approach would be - there's dinner, your options are -

A: Eat it.
B: Leave it.

That's dinner taken care of.


"What do you want?" "Cooked food" - Go cook for yourself, you clown!