My husband is a fussy eater, I need help

igCorcaigh

We're quite a lot of posts in, but I think the best advice given here is to have an agreed menu plan for each week.

Once that's in place, the nutrition aspect can be slowly changed.

I would be more concerned about the personal difficulties rather than the dietary health right now.

Tell me how

juneg wrote:

This is an excellent point. Your husband may have sensory issues around food. It may not be the taste but the texture and the feel of it that is the problem. This may well be completely outside your control. Look after yourself. You are doing your best.

While this is in a food forum and mods have tried to keep it to that, I think the root of the problem is his unwillingness to be responsible for his own food.

Blaming the OP originally for him having to eat cheese puffs and not being interested in trying to find solutions as shown below indicate, to me, that this is a personality thing more than the food.

cmoidd wrote:

No he doesn’t want to look at recipe books... and i know what I usually make he won’t like it...

James 007

CarrickMcJoe wrote: »

......As for OP, why not ask his mammy, clearly he prefers her cooking. Maybe he's getting fed there and you don't know it..

Back to the graveyard again for mammys cooking

retro:electro

cmoidd wrote: »

then later on after story time for our son, he cane to me saying, he felt puky and it was because of me, I didn’t cook anything for him so he had to eat an entire big bag cheese puff...

This is the most unattractive thing I’ve ever read in the history of boards.

igCorcaigh

It is (a personal issue), but it can be addressed through food planning.
An agreed plan will allow op's husband to assess his eating habits.

Right now, it seems like he arrives home, wants dinner, but doesn't like any of it.

If he can see his weekly plan in advance, that takes the uncertainty out of the picture.

So what if it's all chips and nuggets. He will eventually want to expand on that naturally. Baby steps.

magentis

retro:electro wrote: »

This is the most unattractive thing I’ve ever read in the history of boards.

More unattractive than the guy that ****e all over the carpet in a hotel at a wedding that the bride had to pay for?

Teyla Emmagan

Sofiztikated wrote:

Respectfully, I disagree. While he doesn't "fit" into those 3 categories, that doesn't mean that it's not a sign of something further.

True, and I suppose phobia stuff can get worked in there.

Appledreams15

igCorcaigh wrote: »

Appledreams15 wrote: »

But normally he made his dinners, and I made mine.

That's how I and my partner work it too.
I think op does like the idea of preparing meals for all the family, and that's a good thing too!

It is a good thing. As long as it is appreciated. But if I was making loads of dinners for my boyfriend, and he said that he didn't like them, I would tell him to make his own.

It is so disrespectful.

igCorcaigh

Hubbie must like some foods. It can be frustrating if he comes home and cannot eat what is on offer. An agreed food plan is the way to go.

Appledreams15

OP.
I would say to him, I am happy to cook for you, but I am not happy to cook for you and then you tell me don't like it, when you won't say what you want.

He should contribute to a list of meals he wants during the week, you are not a mind reader.

Tell him it is teamwork. Good luck

iamwhoiam

retro:electro wrote: »

This is the most unattractive thing I’ve ever read in the history of boards.

Its passive agressive abuse in my opinion . This thread makes me sad , no one should have to live like this . I had a friend with a very similar relationship but no one could help her see it until she saw it herself .

faceman

Food planning isn’t going to make the carrots or salads taste better...

Numerous tudies have shown with kids that develops a distaste for healthy food, getting them involved in the cooking process creates a sense of pride and ownership.

I imagine a similar approach may help the OP here. It will probably be laborsome at first but it’s a wonderful way for the whole family to get involved and the pay off is eating together.

Just to pull an anecdotal example. I used to never eat salads until someone showed me how. Might seem stupid, as there is no cooking in salad! But over time it worked. The pleasure for me was experimenting in making different dressings.

Nowadays Id sooner prepare my own salad with the love and care I won’t get in an €8 salad from one of these new salad bars popping up over Dublin.

As a final comment, all these posts suggesting mental health issues, talking to his (dead) mother etc, are in poor taste (argh no pun intended) and insulting to the OP. This is a food forum.

igCorcaigh

faceman wrote: »

As a final comment, all these posts suggesting mental health issues, talking to his (dead) mother etc, are in poor taste (argh no pun intended) and insulting to the OP. This is a food forum.

So much agreed!

demanufactured

Sounds like a fooking tool.

Appledreams15

It does sound abusive.

Dizzyblonde

demanufactured - please don't post again in this thread unless it's to say something constructive.

Last warning folks - insulting, unhelpful or uncivil posts will result in infractions

RHJ

This post has been deleted.

traveller0101

Ah here, how is Appledreams15 allowed get away with murder??

OP, got any good updates on the situation? What was for dinner today?

Rubberchikken

God, what age is he!?
If he can survive when youre not there then ket him manage when you are.
Tbh he needs to grow up and you need to step back.

If he wants to sort this instead of whining about being puky, he needs to list out what he'll actually eat and then take turns to cook it.
Not everyone wants certain foods
Some like plain even bland or boring food but be behaving lile a spoiled child isnt on.

goat2

Dial Hard wrote: »

She's dead.

If he has siblings, ask them, what the usual fare was at their home growing up, for us it was Irish stew, Shephards pie, bacon cabbage potato, bangers and mash, fish fingers peas and mash, chicken, bought sliced ham

cmoidd

Hi guys,

Today's update

We had another chat today, about deeper issue than just food, i followed your advices and told him everything that i didn't like in his behaviour, he didn't like it... like the cleaning and tyding part...

But he actually took some action in the good way and help me a lot today, i even had time for myself, not just cleaning all day, that was great

Dinner went ok, no complaining during lunch time, just later on in the afternoon,
Our son didn't eat anything, he tried rice for the 1st time and wouldn't eat, so he end up not eating at all, i didn't prepare anything else, so my husband told me that the dinner was really bland... tasteless, so he wasn't surprise the little man didn't eat it... i told him if wasn't happy he could cook next time! It was something, easy, rice cook in a vegetable stock, breaded chichen for him, beef mince for my son and I, tomatoes for me, and fryied carrot for them. i tried to keep it simple... no matter what i do, he doesn't seem to work...

For tonight, we had someone over, so we couldn't have a family dinner, our son was starving all day, because he didn't eat anything from lunch and was asking for food all day, i kept offering the rice but he wouldn't try so at 7pm i had to give something to eat, his usual pasta... i couldn't let him starve for longer he was crying saying he was hungry... so people that say, starve them, they will eat what we want eventually, i'm sorry but it doesn't work... he has some will power this little fella...

For my husband and i, we put the little man in bed and then ate on the coach, him pizza, me a sandwich, but i guess it's ok, the little man was in bed

So today wasn't a great day food wise, but great about the other issues, so i guess i'm getting somewhere... i think...

retro:electro

He sounds really insulting to your efforts, constantly saying the food is bland. I would find it extremely hard not to shove the food in his face and give him a kick up the hole.
Next meal should be a bag of cheese puffs and 7oz of Aptimil.

igCorcaigh

I think the onus is on him to provide you with a list of foods he will eat.
That also gives him control, and avoids any unpleasant surprises.

Dizzyblonde

Mod note:Moved to the Relationship Issues forum because the problem goes beyond food and meal advice. Hopefully you'll get plenty of sound advice here OP.

Rechuchote

If the kid hates rice, perhaps it's not great to force it on him, OP (sorry, I don't mean to diss your efforts). With new foods, try a little bit at a time, and keep trying it in different ways. Like, he might eat rice pudding - there's a tinned one called Ambrosia that's probably about 0% nourishing, but it can introduce the texture. Then if that hooks him, give him a *little* risotto as part of a meal. If he likes that, fantastic. And so on.

Don't do the "Eat it or starve" thing. Hey, you're French. It's about loving food, not forcing it down your family's throat! Zut alors!

And - not to be insulting to your husband, but really you're going to have to kind of treat him like a kid in the same way here - not by forbidding and punishing, but by the same kind of introduction of new tastes in tiny bits.

I wouldn't stand for having my food reviewed, by the way, or at least not by someone who isn't prepared to try cooking themselves! I'd be out of that room and upstairs with a book!

Tell me how

OP, I'd be paying close attention to the quoted post below.

RHJ wrote:

This post has been deleted.

I'm not advocating this lightly either but just to say I believe the right thing to do is to approach any issue with the level of seriousness required and in this instance, I believe (based on what you've told us here) your husband needs professional guidance to understand how his behavior is unacceptable.

Ye have another baby on the way. You have enough on your plate.

igCorcaigh

I would still stick with the food issue at hand.
Because:

1) OP has presented the issue as such and has posted in the food forum
2) I find that dealing with issues like this is best addressed at the level of how it surfaces.

I want OP to make sure that hubbie understands the need to solve the issue of what he eats, when he comes home.
Then, there will be less friction, and more time for hubbie to take control over an issue that he currently barely things about.

Many posters have expressed their anger at OP's partner, which I think is unfair, and OP has been at pains to defend her partner, as she is right to do.

Let's focus on the issue at hand and less judgementalism.
We are here to help OP and her family, after all.

iamwhoiam

igCorcaigh wrote: »

I would still stick with the food issue at hand.
Because:

1) OP has presented the issue as such and has posted in the food forum
2) I find that dealing with issues like this is best addressed at the level of how it surfaces.

I want OP to make sure that hubbie understands the need to solve the issue of what he eats, when he comes home.
Then, there will be less friction, and more time for hubbie to take control over an issue that he currently barely things about.

Many posters have expressed their anger at OP's partner, which I think is unfair, and OP has been at pains to defend her partner, as she is right to do.

Let's focus on the issue at hand and less judgementalism.
We are here to help OP and her family, after all.

In fairness the issue presented to us by the OP goes way beyond a food issue .

osarusan

When the kids were younger, for stuff like bolognese sauce, we used a hand mixer to blitz everthing, so there is no trace of any individual vegetable left. Some tomatoes/tinned tomato and some puree leave it looking red and tasting of tomato, but there will always be some carrot, garlic, onion, pepper, mushroom in there...the kids just couldn't see them.

Neyite

I had a fussy child eater - what age is your son OP? My partner can be slightly fussy or averse to some foods but it's important to both of us to present a united front so our son didn't pick up on our food likes and dislikes.

I take it you've ruled out sensory issues that might contribute to the food aversions for both of them?

So, my rules for my son were fairly simple and the OH has to abide by them too:

- One dinner gets made. I might leave some ingredients on the side to get mixed in at the table or blend it up so much it can't be seen (carrots in bolognese for example.

- You don't have to eat it, but you do have to try it. An honest try with a genuine inability to stomach it got a pass - but they get bread or porridge instead, not delicious takeaway. Otherwise they'll hate everything.

- once a month I do a new recipe night and we decide whether or not to keep it on the menu rotation - that might come down the line when you've overcame the hurdle of them being willing to try something new.

If they won't eat veg, then would a fruit smoothie be acceptable? You can even frame it as a treat after meals. You can then sneak in the likes of avocado, spinach, carrots and loads more good stuff to blitz in with it.

I do think with your husband you've got some relationship issues though. His attitude towards food seems psychological mostly combined with being a bit stubborn, whereas your son's seems to be either sensory or just being a fussy kid which he might grow out of.

Could it be that because you are Mammy now, that because your husband has been programmed all his life to hate Mammy's food that subconsciously he's developed that bias towards yours before trying it? To give you an example, my OH was adamant that Lidl meat was substandard and declared his dislike for it immediately. If I had said "Oh I got this in Lidl today" putting it in front of him he would have been convinced that it tasted different or was off or fatty or whatever. He got quite a surprise when I told him that every dinner I'd cooked for him for years had Lidl meat in it.

Could you get him interested in a barbecue now that it's coming into the season for it? It might help him cook more and be more prepared to experiment with different foods that can be barbecued. If you've any place to grow some easy veg it might also spur them on to try something you grew yourselves.

Without a doubt, your husband needs to do more around the house as an equal partner, even if you are a SAHM. Bathing the child but leaving a bathroom needing tidying and cleaning is not helping if it creates more work for you. You can't be both a mother and a lover to him, because how can you remain attracted to a man who wants to be literally spoonfed lying down, and being so infantile and childish is so unsexy so he needs to choose which role he wants you to perform for him.

You'll have small victories along the way if he's willing to cop on and change a bit, but you need to look after you too, and know where your limit of what you'll tolerate is. If he is insistent on remaining a man-child then you are not going to have a happy life being the only functioning adult in your home, and your relationship will not be a good one.