The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

Seve OB wrote: »

I guess you also failed maths

That's the joke...

Olympics Joke

An Olympics pundit meets a man with an eight-foot metal stick and asks him, "Are you a pole vaulter?"

"Nein" says the man, "I'm German. But how did you know my name was Walter?"

any pat hickey jokes?

^^^^^^^^^^^^

?

I'm just a normal, regular guy...

Interestingly, I am friends with 25 letters if the alphabet.


I don't know why.

Husband and wife are shopping in Tesco's when the man
picks up a crate of Stella and sticks them into the trolley

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife

'They're on offer, only 20 euros for 24 cans', he says

'Put them back. We can't afford it,' says the
wife and they carry on shopping...

A few aisles later the woman picks up a jar of face
cream and sticks it into the trolley.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the man,

'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says.

The man replies... 'so does 24 cans of Stella and it's half the ****'ing price'

Old but I still like it.........

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Go **** yourselves who?

2nd Row Donkey wrote: »

Homeless guy in the city centre pulled this one on me the other day.


Knock knock?

Who's there?

Big 'ish.

Big 'ish who ? (Big Issue)

*puts out hand awaiting money* "arwh thanks love, That'll be two euro please, thanks for helping the pooor".

Ah in fairness I'd stump up...

I was doing a job interview in Norwich once and when I arrived in the city off the plane I was carrying a rake of bags. Big Issue lad just smiled and said "something else for you to carry, sir?"

Beats the usual aggressive poking the magazine in your face

Whats the difference between a hare and a rabbit?

A/ You can pull a hair out of your arse!

My dad suggested that I register for an organ donor card,he's a man after my own heart.

Calling all antiquarian jokestars......

Q/Who invented the glass bra?

Half Man Half Biscuit wrote: »

Calling all antiquarian jokestars......

Q/Who invented the glass bra?

Seymour Tit?