Porn, Strip Clubs And The Like

tigerlily

Simu, perhaps you are right, maybe we do underestimate the power we hold. I swear im not a bible basher, i just believe that its should be your loving girl/wife/whatever/partner sharing sexual love with you, and only you. I think you should nourish that and make it grow rather than focusing your sights on other stupid unattainble, sometimes cheapening things that take away what love and sex is.

Reading this thread has only confirmed for me that most people dont believe in this and sex has become a cheapened,common and de-valued thing.

Iago

tigerlily wrote:

You seem like your out to deliver us from evil etc

thats your view but keyser if you werent interested/ or annoyed then you have a choice not to log onto this thread also, but you obviously feel strongly enough to write about it so whats the problem? i feel the same.

Guys dont want to go out with porn stars but they wan* off to them and get aroused, and they expect the girlfriend to behave differently cos they love them. sounds like double standards to me. sorry.

Who said they want their gfs to behave differently? If a male strip club opened tomorrow in Dublin it would be packed every night of the week, and there's nothing wrong with that either.

I've had gfs that were into porn and gf's that weren't. Gf's that would go to strip clubs male or female and gfs that wouldn't be interested in that. It made no difference to how I felt about them, that was they're opinion and what they liked and that was fine with me.

Accept that other people have a different viewpoint to you, you don't like them, that's fine. You know others that don't like them, that's fine and understandable as well. You don't thin you're an oddity, you're right, you aren't...but either are the posters here who have the opposite viewpoint to you.

I don't see any problems with porn or strip clubs or alcohol or drugs or fast food, I see problems with people who aren't able to control their obessions with any of these things. Male or female it doesn't matter. Anything can have a negative effect on a relationship if you go overboard on it.

Fysh

tigerlily wrote:

Well sorry but i dont give a sh** if ur annoyed, your quite annoying yourself. I was trying to achieve a perspective but i still want (ed) to fight my own views..nothing wrong with that.

Fight for your own views by all means. But don't come on here, ask what people's opinions are, ignore everyone (including myself) who has pointed out that your arguments don't quite hold water and then claim that people are trying to opress you or something by disagreeing with you.

Things you're going to have to accept if this discussion is going anywhere:

1)Not everyone feels, like you appear to, that being involved in the sex industry is demeaning. While I have a big moral objection to the way sections of the industry are run (particularly the way degradation seems to be becoming a more common feature in porn), I don't think that trying to sweep it under the carpet is going to do anything other than further harm the people involved. You are going to have to accept that people are entitled to disagree with you.

2)You haven't posted anything that proves that strip clubs and porn, as opposed to lack of fidelity or trust generally, are damaging people's relationships. They are a symptom, not a cause. As previously pointed out, you could blame short skirts for a rise in infidelity, except that you'd be missing the real point - that the person being unfaithful has made a choice to be unfaithful.

3)Being extremely selective about what posts you respond to is not something that will go unnoticed, and it will get you a reputation as a bit of a fool who's not really worth listening. Post an interesting and well-argued defence of your point of view, and the rest of us will sit up and take note. So far most of us are rolling our eyes and/or laughing.

On a slightly separate note....does this remind anyone else of those tabloid-style stories about how "The internet is to blame for rising divorce rates!!!!!?1111omg!one!" - where the actual story was that people were meeting sex partners over the web and then being unfaithful to their spouse/SO? Much the same argument and much the same idiocy, imo.

tigerlily

As with the personal insults:

No offence Corinthian but im actually not a pain in the arse to go out with, my boyf and I have shared some very sexy, loving six years and hes very much his own person. This was a view, i dont have big style problems with this in our relationship personally

Keyzer

tigerlily wrote:

You seem like your out to deliver us from evil etc

thats your view but keyser if you werent interested/ or annoyed then you have a choice not to log onto this thread also, but you obviously feel strongly enough to write about it so whats the problem? i feel the same.

Guys dont want to go out with porn stars but they wan* off to them and get aroused, and they expect the girlfriend to behave differently cos they love them. sounds like double standards to me. sorry.

So what?
Would you prefer men to sleep with other women instead?
Where are you seeing the harm in this? I really don't get it.

I'll bet those campus girls you spoke to read Heat, Now and all those other bullsh9t mags and compare themselves to celebs, and try to emulate them as best they can.... Then they realise they can't and end up insecure because they aren't as beautiful as [insert dumb blonde/brunette celeb], they don't have perky tats or long legs...its the same thing, yet week in and weke out these mags fly off the shelves...

Kell

tigerlily wrote:

and they expect the girlfriend to behave differently cos they love them. sounds like double standards to me. sorry.

Sorry. How exactly do we want GF's to behave differently? Is your understanding of the typical male in a relationship, one that goes along the lines of-

"He watched a porn last night. OK, I am not disgusted, I promise myself. But I do feel sorta low because he obviously wants her more than me. Damn, now he's going to ask to put large blunt objects up my behind".

Perhaps there is an underlying personal issue to this thread from someone thats caused you to feel this way that you might try reposting on PI's where this came from. Be woman enough to look at the underlying problem and not the presenting one.

K-

Fysh

tigerlily wrote:

Simu, perhaps you are right, maybe we do underestimate the power we hold. I swear im not a bible basher, i just believe that its should be your loving girl/wife/whatever/partner sharing sexual love with you, and only you. I think you should nourish that and make it grow rather than focusing your sights on other stupid unattainble, sometimes cheapening things that take away what love and sex is.

Reading this thread has only confirmed for me that most people dont believe in this and sex has become a cheapened,common and de-valued thing.

You do realise that your post basically says "you are unable to distinguish between emotional love/attachment and physical intimacy", right? And that this is most likely the source of your distaste for it?

Just because other people can enjoy sex without emotional intimacy (as it happens, I'm not one of those people) doesn't mean that sex is some horrible tacky thing. The fact that you think so points at a bible-basher or similarly puritanical background, regardless of your denial. Sex doesn't have to have "love" tacked on to it to be something healthy.

tigerlily

Fysh I am taking peoples account into play here, i really am, that doesnt mean im not dissapointed or not feeling very odd right now, cos i am, trust me. I feel like the bloody minority! Its not fair to say i have not taken peoples views into account.

As for retaliating, its something everyone does when people gets personal. I agree it is down to the individual

The Corinthian

tigerlily wrote:

No offence Corinthian but im actually not a pain in the arse to go out with, my boyf and I have shared some very sexy, loving six years and hes very much his own person. This was a view, i dont have big style problems with this in our relationship personally

I would probably think you’re a pain in the arse to go out with. A lot of other men would agree with me and a lot of other men would disagree. Your boyfriend is one of the latter. As I said in my previous post - horses for courses.

Having said that, you still don’t really trust him to go to a strip joint, do you..?

Keyzer

tigerlily wrote:

Fysh I am taking peoples account into play here, i really am, that doesnt mean im not dissapointed or not feeling very odd right now, cos i am, trust me. I feel like the bloody minority! Its not fair to say i have not taken peoples views into account.

As for retaliating, its something everyone does when people gets personal. I agree it is down to the individual

Thats because you are the minority, and it is fair to say you haven't taken other peoples views into account because you have blatantly ignored what some people are posting here and selectively responding as Corinthian pointed out earlier.

Just a quick roll call, how many women are involved in this thread?

Iago

tigerlily wrote:

Simu, perhaps you are right, maybe we do underestimate the power we hold. I swear im not a bible basher, i just believe that its should be your loving girl/wife/whatever/partner sharing sexual love with you, and only you. I think you should nourish that and make it grow rather than focusing your sights on other stupid unattainble, sometimes cheapening things that take away what love and sex is.

Reading this thread has only confirmed for me that most people dont believe in this and sex has become a cheapened,common and de-valued thing.

Sometimes the best sex physically you have is with people you barely know, the animal attraction and lust of being with somebody new who you are hugely attracted to is a major turn-on.

However and this is key, I believe that the most fulfilling and memorable love making you will ever have is with someone you are committed to and love unconditionally (or as unconditionally as you can be in this imperfect world)

It is possible to enjoy both and although I wouldn't swap lovemaking for sex, it doesn't mean that they haven't both got appeal.

Sex can be very good physically, even with someone you don't know.

Love making is very good physically but even better mentally with someone you love.

simu

Anyway, tigerlilly, have you ever tried porn, casual sex etc yourself? You might learn to stop worrying and love the eh... love!

tigerlily

Corinthian -I would trust him if he went to strip joint- but thats not to say id like it or I feel it would enhance our love in any way, cos it doesnt.

Trust is very important (so i can see why u'd say that) - i just feel that all of these things diminish love and being close.

tigerlily

Yeah i have looked at it, but i found alot of it geared purely towards men, even the way the women looked, they were just uniform, plastic and generic. That kind of glorifys a 'perfect' image, yet there is nothing special or individual about them, not like real, beautiful women. If it were more natural and not geared towards male - satisfaction then maybe it would be liked more by girls i dont know, can only speak for myself.

Casual sex, yes i have - but to be honest although it was sexy at the time, after i felt cheap. can only speak for myself. I believe you can re-create that with your partner even after the years roll in, if both partners focus their attention on that and not some stupid fantasy

Kell

tigerlily wrote:

i just feel that all of these things diminish love and being close.

Why- some here have agreed that porn is OK, some have not. None, barring you has agreed with your sentiments that the topic of your post is to blame for infidelity, marital/relationship break ups.

Why do you draw that link.

Why can you not see that relationships break up for all the other reasons you have so far refused to look at i.e. there might actually be an underlying problem which forces the male OR female partner to go seek their jollies elsewhere.

tigerlily wrote:

If it were more natural and not geared towards male - satisfaction then maybe it would be liked more by girls i dont know

Then explain why there is a huge amateur video/webcast market? I suggest it might have something to do with more realism for the women that watch it, as well as men because believe it or not, we are not all typecast into looking for big títted long legged blondes.

K-

The Corinthian

tigerlily wrote:

Corinthian -I would trust him if he went to strip joint- but thats not to say id like it or I feel it would enhance our love in any way, cos it doesnt.

Now, now tigerlily be honest; those soft little whispers of doubt at the back of your mind as he’s out watching those hard-bodied women strutting their stuff - is that really the voice of trust?

Shabadu

In my opinion, whether or not you find it distasteful or abhorrent, there are always going to be strippers and prostitutes. What we have to do is ensure these women are being treated with respect and can work in safety.

It is also my opinion that they should have access to regular counselling and psychiatric analysis, as well as std testing. Some women suffer very badly emotionally and mentally in the sex industry, these women should not be allowed to work in it as it is almost a form of self-harm if they do.

However, many women can thrive in the sex industry, and legislation should be passed to ensure they're safety and well-being.

(Hypothetical, not directed at anyone specifically:)If your boyfriend is going to go to a stripper knowing you don't want him to, you shouldn't be going out with him anyway. Wouldn't you rather know so you could look for someone you're more compatible with?

simu

tigerlily wrote:

Yeah i have looked at it, but i found alot of it geared purely towards men, even the way the women looked, they were just uniform, plastic and generic. That kind of glorifys a 'perfect' image, yet there is nothing special or individual about them, not like real, beautiful women. If it were more natural and not geared towards male - satisfaction then maybe it would be liked more by girls i dont know, can only speak for myself.

Actually, I find many of the women in porn look very tacky as well and they always have really poor quality shoes etc but there is some quality stuff out there too! On the other hand, porn doesn't really work if they get too detailed about the wonderful, non-sexual attributes of the people involved - they're images to get off with, not images to fall in love with. That said, the males in porn tend o be rather unrealistically sized as well!

Anyway, the big Dr. Phil moment: it seems you've found a relationship with a guy who shares your ideas so I don't see what you're so unhappy about - this shows that such a relationship is possible in today's world. There may be other women out there who are unsecure about porn etc but it's up to them to come to terms with this themselves as individuals and decide what sort of relationships they want to have. One person can't take on all the worries of the world.

Kell

The Corinthian wrote:

those soft little whispers of doubt at the back of your mind as he’s out watching those hard-bodied women strutting their stuff

The whispers, the whispers.....................please make them stop..

K-

The Sweeper

TC, that wasn't nice.


...funny, yes, but not nice.

tigerlily

Now now Corinthian.I am being honest when i say i trust him, so i dont know why your trying to analyse me. No offence but i am 'hard bodied' myself and also considered very attractive so its not about me feeling not worthy or sexy cos i am , but that doesnt have to be in that way, it can be expressed in lots of different ways.

Scarinae

simu wrote:

That said, the males in porn tend o be rather unrealistically sized as well!

Out of curiosity, is it true that the guys in porn tend to be really unbelievably ugly, or is that just a myth?
I'm female by the way. I can see exactly where tigerlily is coming from, but I'll admit that I am the insecure type. I have a boyfriend, but I have no idea what he sees in me. I wouldn't be happy about him going to a strip club, and I don't know many girls who would be happy about their boyfriends doing the same. However, if I knew he was going on a stag night or something and he told me beforehand it'd rest easier with me, especially since he's really not the cheating type (in fact, it'd be quite unlike him to go to a strip club, he doesn't like the idea of them either)

Shabadu

tigerlily wrote:

Now now Corinthian.I am being honest when i say i trust him, so i dont know why your trying to analyse me. No offence but i am 'hard bodied' myself and also considered very attractive so its not about me feeling not worthy or sexy cos i am , but that doesnt have to be in that way, it can be expressed in lots of different ways.

You can't post that on the internet w/out photographic proof. You could be some 78 yr old heifer.

tigerlily

FA0- Kell, its no surprise u can be so immature, from reading your previous posts- it seems to be quite a theme for you.

The Corinthian

tigerlily wrote:

Now now Corinthian.I am being honest when i say i trust him, so i dont know why your trying to analyse me. No offence but i am 'hard bodied' myself and also considered very attractive so its not about me feeling not worthy or sexy cos i am , but that doesnt have to be in that way, it can be expressed in lots of different ways.

So what happened to your protestations of "its human nature for a lady to feel a little insecure when she knows her guy is looking at not only a few, but thousands of naked girls on the web, and in strip clubs etc."?

It would seem unlikely that you would say something like that; indeed bring up the topic in the first place, if you did not empathise with it.

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

TC, that wasn't nice.


...funny, yes, but not nice.

Old Chinese proverb - "fragile objects dropped from great heights make interesting noises".

tigerlily

Sorry shabadu- i didnt realise the personal insults were part of this discussion- I am not 78 years old and Fat, i am in my mid 20's and i do have the self-confidence to say i am an attractive woman, im not going to post a pic to a twat like you soz..

tigerlily

So what happened to your protestations of "its human nature for a lady to feel a little insecure when she knows her guy is looking at not only a few, but thousands of naked girls on the web, and in strip clubs etc."?

It would seem unlikely that you would say something like that; indeed bring up the topic in the first place, if you did not empathise with it.

Quote:




sorry Corinthian- no matter if your considered the best looking chic in the world OR guy- thats doesnt mean you dont suffer from insecurity every now and then

Keyzer

Tigerlilly, why aren't you replying to me?
I feel left out...

simu

tigerlily wrote:

Sorry shabadu- i didnt realise the personal insults were part of this discussion- I am not 78 years old and Fat, i am in my mid 20's and i do have the self-confidence to say i am an attractive woman, im not going to post a pic to a twat like you soz..

Post up your pic! Gwan!

tigerlily

Sorry Keyser- i dont really have much to say that i havent spoken about before and i was criticised for not responding to people, which in fairness I HAVE done