Porn, Strip Clubs And The Like

tigerlily

Hey all,

Im female and i just noticed the amount of crap going on with regards to the above, u read the emails from women on the web who are sick and tired of strip clubs, porn and just the lad culture that seems to be everywhere..ive done a bit if research and it seems to be destroying relationships, marriage and just trust and intimacy in general, whats the way forward, just beat it or join it?

I find majority of it distasteful and just geared to make women look like objects. So whats all your views guys n gals? i know it has affected lots of peoples relationships in negatative ways and alot consider it to be mental or emotional cheating.. i know boys will be boys, but what ever happened being happy and sexually satisfied with the one person...?

Keyzer

tigerlily wrote:

Hey all,

Im female and i just noticed the amount of crap going on with regards to the above, u read the emails from women on the web who are sick and tired of strip clubs, porn and just the lad culture that seems to be everywhere..ive done a bit if research and it seems to be destroying relationships, marriage and just trust and intimacy in general, whats the way forward, just beat it or join it?

I find majority of it distasteful and just geared to make women look like objects. So whats all your views guys n gals? i know it has affected lots of peoples relationships in negatative ways and alot consider it to be mental or emotional cheating.. i know boys will be boys, but what ever happened being happy and sexually satisfied with the one person...?

Evolution baby....
Nothing wrong with the majority of porn, the ladies are the stars and they get paid a lot more than the men. If they didn't want to be doing it then I'm sure they could find something else.
Strips clubs are different, every now and then is alright, but if its a regular thing then I would agree with girls who get pissed off with it...

The Bollox

pfft, men :rolleyes:

Beruthiel

tigerlily
could you kindly read the charter with regards to posting threads like this in PI
thanks
B

tigerlily

Yeah but is it evolution? i dont think so. in fairness im expecting alot of men to stick up and defend this, so im prepared to be bashed! But how and ever, i do believe that there has to be a better way then all the sleaze and sh**

Boston

I always find it funny that feminist will fight for a woman's choice to choose, stating that it's her body and her rights, but then chastise women for getting their tits out on stage, saying their being exploited. It their choice and it your choice if you want to watch it.

Keyzer

tigerlily wrote:

Yeah but is it evolution? i dont think so. in fairness im expecting alot of men to stick up and defend this, so im prepared to be bashed! But how and ever, i do believe that there has to be a better way then all the sleaze and sh**

A better way?
It boils down to what you have a problem with and what you don't have a problem with. The simple fact is most blokes like porn, they like looking at sexy ladies getting it on, and there is nothing wrong with this.
I think the problem women have with porn is that it makes them feel insecure or inadequate, correct me if im wrong.

Kell

The porn industry has been around since pre christian times. Cave men paintings depict sexual intercourse. I am sure if they had a 35mm SLR back in 600bc there would be some nice black and whites on the cave walls instead of crude drawings.

In the context of people being bought and sold as slaves and also child porn, it is just sick. As for people who willingly go into the industry without a gun to their head and that the proceeds dont pay for gun/child/drug trafficking, then what exactly is the problem with it given that prostition is the oldest industry on the planet.

Keyzer wrote:

makes the feel insecure

Well said.

K-

landser

first of all, who are you really??

anyway, porn is ok in limited amounts... good for the old stress relief etc. naturally if my woman offers me a shag and i say, naw thanks, i'm off to the bog with big jugs monthly, some moisturiser and a pack of kleenex velvet (much kinder to the skin) then it probaly is a problem.

strip joints are sleazy and sad however. loads of sad men thinking their some kinda suggardaddies. further, i could never see the point of them. it's like being given a stack of porn and then having your hands tied behind your back... the whole experience is just frustratuing

in general terms, i've no moral issues regarding either, and, for the most part and in my experience, the only people who do are jealous women.

Imposter

I don't think there's anything wrong with porn as both sexes can use it for their enjoyment. As for strip clubs and brothels I don't see a huge problem with these provided a girlfriend/wife knows their bf/hubby is going there and is ok with it. Also can't see a problem with single people going there.

These 'facilities' largely only exist because females more or less decide whether someone gets some or not. If a lad is single and not getting any regularly there's a fair chance that it's not a voluntary decision on his behalf. In saying that there are others who will cheat on partners by going to these places. These I don't really aggree with but I don't think the wives/gf's are entirely the victims or as blameless as they like to make out in this situation. After all they chose their partner in the first place and perhaps they should consider their lack of judgement, with regard to his character when he 'betrays' her!

As for the way it treats women that's a different issue but ideally if no woman was forced into it then I don't have a problem with that side of it either.

tigerlily

no i just think there is a problem with the world being so non-committal - in that people can do what they like when they like, but is that a good thing, u cant argue the facts that it is a controversial subject and not everyone shares a simple ideology on it check this http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=254696
you will see the views are quite strong- and p.s. im not a feminist- but yeah i do believe in a woman having a bit of respect for herself- sorry. As you said Keyser, they could be doing something else if they so choose. Sorry if i come accross as feminist, but i work hard for my money and career without gettig my c**t out for every tom dick and harry to see??...

Boston

tigerlily wrote:

no i just think there is a problem with the world being so non-committal - in that people can do what they like when they like, but is that a good thing, u cant argue the facts that it is a controversial subject and not everyone shares a simple ideology on it check this http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=254696
you will see the views are quite strong- and p.s. im not a feminist- but yeah i do believe in a woman having a bit of respect for herself- sorry. As you said Keyser, they could be doing something else if they so choose. Sorry if i come accross as feminist, but i work hard for my money and career without gettig my c**t out for every tom dick and harry to see??...

Typical feminist view point. Looking down on other women who don't share your view point. What makes you think they don't have respect for themselves, what makes you think they don't enjoy their work, and work hard at it? Have you ever known a stripper?

fade2black

When bitches are in heat...(and I mean canine here) if they were as advanced as humans I'd imagine they'd open up some kind of peep kennells to prey on gullible dogs...

Men were designed to spread their seed...reproduce...this is why we are in the world. Women are designed to entice men, send off signals etc...Throughout time with the interferance of money, the inevitable happened.

I'm sorry if this sounds in anyway sexist or anything but it's fact.

Keyzer

tigerlily wrote:

no i just think there is a problem with the world being so non-committal - in that people can do what they like when they like, but is that a good thing, u cant argue the facts that it is a controversial subject and not everyone shares a simple ideology on it check this http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=254696
you will see the views are quite strong- and p.s. im not a feminist- but yeah i do believe in a woman having a bit of respect for herself- sorry. As you said Keyser, they could be doing something else if they so choose. Sorry if i come accross as feminist, but i work hard for my money and career without gettig my c**t out for every tom dick and harry to see??...

But thats you, every one is different.
For a woman who is an exhibisionist and has a high sex drive, as a lot of the female porn stars are, the porn industry is perfect for her. She gets to do what she loves doing and gets paid handsomely.
Isn't this the kind of job satisfaction that we all aspire to have? a job we love and get paid well for....
Who are you to pass judgement on these woman?

Anyway, these ladies aren't stupid, they know exactly what they are doing.
In my opinion theres nothing wrong with porn as long as it doesn't become an obsession.

tigerlily

Sorry but cant agree with you there, there has been times in my life where ive needed money badly, to put myself through college and other things, but i didnt go and take my clothes off and tease men to earn some money, sorry i cant agree but theres no need...you can do plenty of other things before u do that. mostly its greed. So does a man who doesnt like male strippers and porn , what is he ?? the feminist equivalent, no thats bull****, hes just a man with an opinion, just as i am a person with an opinion

Kell

tigerlily wrote:

no i just think there is a problem with the world being so non-committal - in that people can do what they like when they like, but is that a good thing

The fact that people can do what they like within the law is great. You thankfully live in a liberal society whether you choose to agree or not. As someone above pointed out, if the woman decided to give it out to her man as often as he would like, then men might* not visit brothels, look at porn etc. Goes back to my thinking on relationships. Somewhere out there lies the perfect partner for everyone its just a case of being really fúckin choosey and having patience. Thats another topic though.

tigerlily wrote:

but i work hard for my money and career without gettig my c**t out for every tom dick and harry to see??...

So why should you worry about someone else who does. If you are happy with yourself, what someone else gets up to shouldnt worry you so long as it is within the remit of the law. You're not a curtain twitcher are you?

tigerlily wrote:

theres no need

Theres no need for some fridges to have a built in web cam on the door so you can watch your kids in playskool over the tinterweb, but there is a thing called choice. With the exceptions that I pointed out earlier, most of these girls have choise. Are you trying to deny them that right?

K-

*Some guys of course get as much as they want from their willing partner and still look for more. Glitches in the matrix that I have yet to remove from the equation

tigerlily

Kell wrote:

The fact that people can do what they like within the law is great. You thankfully live in a liberal society whether you choose to agree or not. As someone above pointed out, if the woman decided to give it out to her man as often as he would like, then men might* not visit brothels, look at porn etc. Goes back to my thinking on relationships. Somewhere out there lies the perfect partner for everyone its just a case of being really fúckin choosey and having patience. Thats another topic though.



So why should you worry about someone else who does. If you are happy with yourself, what someone else gets up to shouldnt worry you so long as it is within the remit of the law. You're not a curtain twitcher are you?

K-

*Some guys of course get as much as they want from their willing partner and still look for more. Glitches in the matrix that I have yet to remove from the equation

As someone above pointed out, if the woman decided to give it out to her man as often as he would like, then men might* not visit brothels, look at porn etc

That is TOTAL crap. In fairness its typical attiude of society - it might be a womans fault that a man does that cos she doesnt give to him often, and shes viewed as a feminist cos she doesnt wana take her clothes off. Total bull****

Boston

tigerlily wrote:

Sorry but cant agree with you there, there has been times in my life where ive needed money badly, to put myself through college and other things, but i didnt go and take my clothes off and tease men to earn some money, sorry i cant agree but theres no need...you can do plenty of other things before u do that. mostly its greed. So does a man who doesnt like male strippers and porn , what is he ?? the feminist equivalent, no thats bull****, hes just a man with an opinion, just as i am a person with an opinion

Actually it's the attitude that's these women are greedy, desperate, taken the easy option and less then you, that rings all the typical feminist dogma bells.

Keyzer

tigerlily wrote:

Sorry but cant agree with you there, there has been times in my life where ive needed money badly, to put myself through college and other things, but i didnt go and take my clothes off and tease men to earn some money, sorry i cant agree but theres no need...you can do plenty of other things before u do that. mostly its greed. So does a man who doesnt like male strippers and porn , what is he ?? the feminist equivalent, no thats bull****, hes just a man with an opinion, just as i am a person with an opinion

Listen, im not getting into an argument with you.
I don't see anything wrong with the porn industry (aside the sick **** etc. whic is disgusting). They know what they are getting involved in and get paid well for it. In the legit companies, like vivid entertainment, its the women who are in power, women who make the movies and run the company.
Sex sells and that the bottom line (cos Keyzer said so), these women are merely satisfying a demand and making a lot of money in the process...

edmund_f

great.. so all these things are 'bad', from your viewpoint i.e. strip clubs, porn etc.

2 points, as suggested earlier, 90% of these people (both male and female) are in it by choice so who are you to decide that their choice is wrong?. Also assuming the world where you are in charge what would you put in place of these things?. All the lads going out each evening at getting drunk?

i think the problem here is that you cannot generalise with reference to anything this intimate, what floats someone elses boat (or finds their lost remote) my be totally distasteful to you, just think of Troy McClure. To them it is the most natural thing in the world. (within limits)

I very much doubt any man in history has been 100% happy 100% of the time with just one woman, the fact that porn and strip clubs exist seem to bear out some truth to that.

tigerlily

Louiville im not a feminist- but you obviously feel threatened by a woman who has an opinion and her own mind.

The facts stand for themselves, alot of women in relationships are very unhappy as this industry is affecting their love life and their views on men in general

Kell

tigerlily wrote:

That is TOTAL crap. In fairness its typical attiude of society -

You didnt read the asterixed disclaimer. Nor did you pay attention to my comment that there is a sexual mental and spiritual partner for everyone out there if they are patient enough.

What about a woman then who wants to get her jollies with someone else while the hubby is away. Statistically more likely to happen when she is approaching ovulation. Men dont really go through periods of heat yet by your approach we are guilty of all the evils of infidelity.

K-

The Corinthian

tigerlily wrote:

check this http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=254696
you will see the views are quite strong

My reading of that thread was that the issue was not so much that the chap in question went to strip joints, but he was almost certainly paying for sex and cheating on his girlfriend.

im not a feminist- but yeah i do believe in a woman having a bit of respect for herself- sorry.

That’s your opinion of what respect for oneself is - it is your own morality and you’re welcome to live by it. However, you cannot expect other people to live by your set of values.

Sorry if i come accross as feminist, but i work hard for my money and career without gettig my c**t out for every tom dick and harry to see??...

I would have said you come across as either a prude or a snob.

Keyzer

The Corinthian wrote:

That’s your opinion of what respect for oneself is - it is your own morality and you’re welcome to live by it. However, you cannot expect other people to live by your set of values.

Well said... You live by your own rules and morals, but don't expect other people to. You have no right to pass judgement over what level of respect another woman has for herself...

Boston

tigerlily wrote:

Louiville im not a feminist- but you obviously feel threatened by a woman who has an opinion and her own mind.

I respect women that know their own mind and body. You on the other hand don't. You're the only one here having a dig at women.

Kell

Tigerlily- hows about you just accept that just as about 98%* of men stand up when taking a píss 90% of men like porn?

If women actually set about understanding men (save for the caveats already posted) as opposed to bending men to their way of thinking, maybe, just maybe we wouldnt have these situations.

*There are some countries where mothers encourage their young sons to sit when píssing. I kid you not. An example of bending blokes to be as women want them to be as opposed to being what they are.

Another imbalance in the Matrix that I am working on.

K-

Fysh

Getting back to the OP and the original issue...basically you seem to be suggesting that the existence of strip clubs and porn is a "threat" to relationships and stability.

Do you also consider the notion of gay marraige to be a "threat" to so-called "normal" marriage, by any chance? Because the notion carries about as much weight.

As has been variously pointed out, these things are all about choice. If someone wants to work in porn, it is not your place to tell them whether they are allowed to or not, nor is it your right to start passing blanket judgements on them claiming they have no respect for themselves. In any democratic nation you are required to tolerate dissenting opinion, regardless of whether you like having to do so.

I think that before people start calling porn and strip clubs a threat to relationships they should examine the foundation their own relationships are built on. People don't cheat or stray because there was something on offer, they do it because there was something on offer and they weren't happy with what the already had.

I also think that if you want to start talking about how you've "done some research" you should provide links to reliable sources.

edmund_f

i think what would be much better would be to outright ban all these, porn strip clubs etc. Then perhaps in a few years time we can do the same to mini skirts, then perhaps ballroom dancing. Realise that porn and strips clubs may make some feel uncomfortable, but it is always going to be about in some form, depending on your perception.

Keyzer

All quiet on the western front it seems....

simu

You don't seem to have much faith in relationships, tigerlilly. It seems you think that the only way a relationship can work is if there are no competing sources of sexual release. I disagree.

Also, you're painting a pretty stereotypical picture of women as passive, fragile victims of men's sexual desires - tis considerably less black and white in reality.

Please link to your "research".

I love these threads because you always get women who just know what all strip clubs are like without being in any.

I've been single all my life. Never been in a serious relationship. I live a healthy single life. And I go to Lap-dancing/strip clubs. I've been to alot of them across Europe . So please believe me when I say your opinions are archaic beyond belief. You're the result of female advertising against an industry they find offensive without knowing a thing about it.

Try going to a lap-dancing club, and after speaking to a few of them you'll learn that they're doing very well both in money and lifestyle. They're not forced to do anything. In fact, they're more in control over what happens in the club, than in most other aspects of their lives. They get paid to take off their clothes. In Strip clubs its just that. In lap-dancing clubs, they grind or dance on the customer. Customers hands behind back, and the booth/room will have a camera for security.

There's a gentlemans club in London called the "Windmill". Women working there earn a fortune, and are treated with serious respect. (Get a mortgage if you do go though. U can spend a grand easily)

Porn. bores me to tears. After working on the Internet for over a decade I've seen most of whats up there, and it just doesn't do it for me. BUT. I think its perfectly natural, and more people would be happier if they partook every once in a while. People would be alot more relaxed about themselves anyway.

Sorry but cant agree with you there, there has been times in my life where ive needed money badly, to put myself through college and other things, but i didnt go and take my clothes off and tease men to earn some money, sorry i cant agree but theres no need...you can do plenty of other things before u do that. mostly its greed.

me neither. but then nobody would hire me to take off my clothes. And perhaps these women would rather not take the steps you have in your life. Its possible they see some of the risks/sacrifices you've made as being beyond their desires.

You see, taking your clothes off isn't such a big deal. Go to Spain, and its perfectly natural. Hell, you'll have your girlfriend going to the lapdance with you. Same with many of the other hot countries. Colder climate people tend to be more prude-ish. :rolleyes:

Kingsize

haha! sexual liberation me bollix !women are just as guilty at objectifying men its just that men dont really seem to get pi-ssed off about it.
i mean some tv programmes & adverts are completly bised against men, & wouldnt be broadcast were the situation reversed.
Footballers wives is just a porn programme for women FFS.
Nobody is up in arms about it though or are they.
has anybody come on here & said"my wife wont stop watching this tripe & buying clothes, the other night i caught her reading "heat" magazine ...??

this so called " lad culture" is that where groups of men hang around wearing pink & lemon shirts & looking at their false tans & hairstyles in the mirror?
& then go to a strip club & get sexually aroused in the presense of their mates? look out girls!!!

live & let live i think............

nesf

tigerlily wrote:

Louiville im not a feminist- but you obviously feel threatened by a woman who has an opinion and her own mind.

The facts stand for themselves, alot of women in relationships are very unhappy as this industry is affecting their love life and their views on men in general

*yawns*

Really? I never noticed and most of my friends are female. Most of them view porn and strip clubs as harmless, better than their bf cheating on them. So long as the guy is upfront about going there they genuinely don't mind. They then remind them of it whenever they are caught oogling some hot guy.

My honest opinion is, if a woman is blaming this industry for a bad relationship, then she is just deluding herself and ignoring the actual issues in the relationship.

The problem will generally be down to the two people involved and have nothing at all to do with said industry. It's just a handy excuse to blame something external for relationship problems.


Yes there are men (and women, though less so) who have a problem with porn/strip clubs, and are addicted to it and their world view is corrupted by it. But these people are not typical of your average guy. Your average guy does not have this problem.


And the above is coming from a guy who has no interest in porn or strip clubs. I don't care if porn and strip clubs are available or not, but I do think you are just ignoring the real issue.

Then again most people seem unable to actually deal with anything that doesn't fit precisely into their "world view", so I guess you're not alone.

tigerlily

fiar point nesf

The Sweeper

Men like visual imagery.

Women like emotional security.

A man comparing the woman he knows to the women in the visual imagery he likes, can rattle that woman's feeling of emotional security.

This is the basis of "men like porn and women don't".

Women can actually be just as titillated as men by vivid images of sex.

However it's the accompanying insecurities - am I not enough for him? why does he want to watch that stuff? Wow, does he want me to do that sort of thing? Hey based on his taste in titillation he likes women with large breasts/long legs/big bums/small bums/small breasts/big lips/blonde/red/black/brown hair and I don't have [insert as appropriate] like that so I can't be satisfying him... - that are the problem.

Women think differently to men. Men think differently to women. If women just accepted that men like porn, the world would be a nicer place. If men accepted that women are not likely to appreciate being compared to someone in a porn film, asked to perform an act from a porn film or accept an offer to watch a porn film that has something a little more 'specialised' than one-on-one action, the world would also be a nicer place.

Porn, strippers and lapdancing clubs aren't destroying relationships. What's happening is that the views of both sexes are becoming more polarised on these subjects, because of media and peer pressure to accept or reject the presence of outside sexual stimulus in a monogamus relationship based on a set of given moral values we're all supposed to aspire to.

So: you and 'the girls' think your boyfriends should be sexy, romantic men who are faithful to you and who don't look at other women, which includes strippers and porn. Therefore, if you accept your man doing that, 'the girls' will look down on you because he's a dirtbag and you're putting up with it so you must have no self respect.

And you and 'the boys' aren't going to be henpicked by the girls, and you'll do whatever the hell you want, so sneak along to the lapdancing clubs and get a private dance and assert your masculinity, but don't tell the girl, or she'll be like a nagging harpie about it and 'the boys' will think you're whipped.

Porn doesn't damage relationships. People's sh1tty lack of respect for each other damages relationships.

I've said it once, I'll say it again:

Porn - it's the marmite of the bedroom.

Kell

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Porn - it's the marmite of the bedroom.

Buy that woman a drink. Such wonderful eloquence in the summation.

K-

tigerlily

http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2372/is_1_40/ai_101530211 an interesting link for y'all as i was asked 2 provide

Dr.Feelgood

In all honesty, i have no problem as such with porn strip clubs and the likes.
I would question the people that get roped up in those industries though.
I think its the people who ruin marriages not those industries. Remember prostituition and adultery have been here long before you or i. Its not a new thing.

Personally i would not attend such a venue, without my girlfriend. I have nothing to hide from her. We went to Amsterdam together and had a luagh, there was no question of either of us being tempted!! I think we both have a massive physical & emotional attachment that could never be broken by a third party, especially not on ground of attraction. I reckon people that do allow themselves lust after others shouldn't really be in a relationship either.

I think if one of the couple was doing it behind the others back, then something would be wrong.

I know a real man needs a woman, and a real man wont hide himself from her. All other males that differ are "lads" , and you do not take a "lad" home to your mothers do ya i dont know/

I'm going to stop now.

What do you think?

tigerlily

i think if there were more men that were a little understanding like you itd be better, u are calmer and seem to understand, and i totally agree, why lust after somebody else in all these various type of ways if you claim to love and are totally attracted to your partner, no it doesnt make sense.

A real man doesnt hide or decieve and is more than happy to share things together.

simu

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Porn doesn't damage relationships. People's sh1tty lack of respect for each other damages relationships.

Yeah, good point. I find the rest of your post a bit stereotypical though - maybe some people think like those you describe but certainly not everybody.

Scarinae

From the article that tigerlily gives the link to:

Many sex workers joked about really being "therapists" and understood their jobs to be about boosting a man's ego by convincing him that he is desirable, masculine, and successful. Thus customers were at times seeking an otherness within themselves, a sense of escape from those aspects of the self that felt oppressive in other spheres, such as old age, ugliness, insecurity, a lack of social skills, or intimate failures.

Ugh, I would hate to be a stripper

I'll admit the idea of porn and strip clubs makes me feel kind of sick, I'm definitely the type that doesn't like the Marmite. Maybe it is because I'm insecure, I don't know, it's certainly possible. Ok, I have never been in a strip club and I have never watched porn - maybe that's what's causing rifts, that women don't know enough about this kind of thing and they make assumptions which are a bit inaccurate or else completely wrong. Maybe if people were more open with each other it would help? Some people in this thread have already said that they wouldn't mind their partner going to a strip club if they knew about it beforehand, but it's the secret visits that annoy them

tigerlily

The article is a from the journal of sex research fyi- being open is very good for a relationship theres no doubt. secrets only damage it.

nesf

tigerlily wrote:

The article is a from the journal of sex research fyi- being open is very good for a relationship theres no doubt. secrets only damage it.

I disagree. I don't think the concept of "being open" is a good one. Yes there needs to a lot of sharing of thoughts between couples, but being in a relationship does not remove your right to privacy!

If I am in a relationship, there are certain things and parts of myself that are mine alone and not something that I feel would be shareable.

The concept of total openess works fine in principle, but apply it to imperfect people (ie everyone) and it falls apart.


There are things about me and in my mind that I do not have to share with anyone if I do not wish to. Just because I'm in a relationship, my right to privacy is not automatically removed.

In an ideal world, yes I would love to be able to share everything. But guess what, we don't live in one.

Kell

tigerlily wrote:

i think if there were more men that were a little understanding like you itd be better, u are calmer and seem to understand, and i totally agree,

Every one here has posted a rational, sound and calm opinion, however you only listen to the one that agrees with your point of view.

You suggest that men should be more understanding to women who are offended by porn however you choose not to be understanding to other peoples points of view or choice- especially people in the porn industry.

I work in a respectable industry selling trying to sell people things that some will want and some wont. A hooker or a porn actress sells herself to an audience where some will want it and some wont. Whats the difference?

By your ready acceptance of Dr. Feelgoods statement of honesty you seem to assume that the rest of us other posters or the majority of men visit strip joints etc without their other half knowing about it. What a generalisation. Jeez.

K-

limpdd

tigerlily wrote:

why lust after somebody else in all these various type of ways if you claim to love and are totally attracted to your partner, no it doesnt make sense.

It totally makes sense !!!

When your with someone and are totally in love with them and attracted to them, you senses don't just shut up shop and leave you. Your still turned on by the things that turned you on before, by you logic (?), if someone has a partner they can no longer find any other human being attractive?

Remember that the next time your with your bf and you see Brad Pitt or Jonny Depp (or whoever you find attractive) on the T.V.

Plus going to stip clubs and watching porn does not mean that a person will cheat or ruin a relationship, your mixing this up with the element of trust in a relationship, and lack of trust has nothing to do with porn or strip clubs.

Scarinae

nesf wrote:

The concept of total openess works fine in principle, but apply it to imperfect people (ie everyone) and it falls apart.

I disagree actually. I think if a relationship is really going to work then you have to be able to accept the other person's imperfections. If you can't accept them, then you shouldn't be together - I know most people will probably disagree with me though!

tigerlily

The porn loop is de rigueur, no longer outside the pale; starlets in tabloids boast of learning to strip from professionals; the “cool girls” go with guys to the strip clubs, and even ask for lap dances; college girls are expected to tease guys at keg parties with lesbian kisses à la Britney and Madonna.


But does all this sexual imagery in the air mean that sex has been liberated—or is it the case that the relationship between the multi-billion-dollar porn industry, compulsiveness, and sexual appetite has become like the relationship between agribusiness, processed foods, supersize portions, and obesity? If your appetite is stimulated and fed by poor-quality material, it takes more junk to fill you up. People are not closer because of porn but further apart; people are not more turned on in their daily lives but less so.


The young women who talk to me on campuses about the effect of pornography on their intimate lives speak of feeling that they can never measure up, that they can never ask for what they want; and that if they do not offer what porn offers, they cannot expect to hold a guy.

After all, pornography works in the most basic of ways on the brain: It is Pavlovian. An orgasm is one of the biggest reinforcers imaginable. If you associate orgasm with your wife, a kiss, a scent, a body, that is what, over time, will turn you on; if you open your focus to an endless stream of ever-more-transgressive images of cybersex slaves, that is what it will take to turn you on. The ubiquity of sexual images does not free eros but dilutes it.


Other cultures know this. I am not advocating a return to the days of hiding female sexuality, but I am noting that the power and charge of sex are maintained when there is some sacredness to it, when it is not on tap all the time. In many more traditional cultures, it is not prudery that leads them to discourage men from looking at pornography. It is, rather, because these cultures understand male sexuality and what it takes to keep men and women turned on to one another over time—to help men, in particular, to, as the Old Testament puts it, “rejoice with the wife of thy youth; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times.” These cultures urge men not to look at porn because they know that a powerful erotic bond between parents is a key element of a strong family.


from New york Metro .com i think its a great example of how some women would feel, as i do somtimes

simu

tigerlily wrote:

... its a great example of how some women would feel, as i do somtimes

Those women need to get some self-esteem tbh.

The Corinthian

tigerlily wrote:

These cultures urge men not to look at porn because they know that a powerful erotic bond between parents is a key element of a strong family.

from New york Metro .com i think its a great example of how some women would feel, as i do somtimes

Right, let me get this straight - you begin this thread by arguing that strip joints and porn are bad because they are demeaning (or at least the women involved lack self respect) and now apparently it’s bad because it dilutes the passion between two people in a relationship...

You’re not very secure in your relationships, are you?

tigerlily

fair enough- but its human nature for a lady to feel a little insecure when she knows her guy is looking at not only a few, but thousands of naked girls on the web, and in strip clubs etc.

I guarentee if women were into that and the shoe was on the other foot, the guy wouldnt feel 100% self-confident either- c'mon lets be honest.

tigerlily

FYI Corinthian - i believe the negative stuff overwhelms the positive yes, and it can affect relationships in lots of ways,not just one.

I can guarentee you i personally know women who feel the same way as i do- so i dont feel like an odditty sorry!