Relationships - Age limits

Discodog

Some posters have been very specific in the age range that they would accept. So when do you find out their age ? Do you ask earlier on & they say "I am sorry but you are two years outside my range" ?

One eyed Jack

B0jangles wrote: »

Was she not 16/17 when they met, and he in his very late 30's? Or am I thinking of a different poster? The guy I'm thinking of said he used to babysit this girl's child with his previous girlfriend while his soon-to-be girlfriend/wife was at school.

Yes, you’re right, I wasn’t paying that much attention tbh, I was just thinking the whole thing was too cringe to be taken seriously, like “Pretty Woman” sort of thing.

B0jangles

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Yes, you’re right, I wasn’t paying that much attention tbh, I was just thinking the whole thing was too cringe to be taken seriously, like “Pretty Woman” sort of thing.

Yeah, it was all pretty unbelievable, which probably why I remember the details. That, and the way he used to bring up his <perfectly normal, not in the least bit weird> relationship at every possible opportunity :pac:

Wibbs

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I suppose you did say the real world and I’d have to agree men do tend to be more accepting of other men’s choices in terms of relationships, but I can think of numerous examples of men warning other men off ‘gold-diggers’ for example, where those men feel perfectly free to offer their opinions on how a man may be placing himself in a financially precarious position. In my experience at least, women are thinking about their friends welfare in terms of the emotional cost, whereas the financial cost tends to be at the forefront of most men’s minds when they see their middle-aged friend rocking up to the bar with some arm candy

Yeah that would be not far wrong J. I'd add that Women™ would also be thinking more of the social cost in relationships. Being generally more socially aware than men. If a 50 year old mate of mine rocked up with a 20 year old dolly bird, then I'd be concerned for him, after scoping her out of course. Especially if he was one of the well heeled ones and/or relationship clueless. My mates would be mostly clued in on the latter score mind you. Though if your mickey gets in the way... :DI;d be thinking of the emotional hit if he got in too deep. I'd be more "meh" if it was clearly a fling. Same with a woman friend in the same set up. If my advice was sought my main thrust would be "don't get attached". I would be of a cynical bent though.

One good mate of mine is 54 and his now wife is 31. Wasn't too concerned for either of them after meeting her. She's slightly more educated than him, both above average in brains and at the time they met she was actually slightly ahead in financial terms(he's minted now, but unless she had a crystal ball...). They just clicked, simple as that.

deirdremf

Alfredo Damaged Spectacle wrote: »

Many other countries have a so-called "Romeo and Juliet" exemption for young couples who are close in age. But that doesn't exist in Ireland.

Instead, we just have gender discrimination. If two 16-year-olds have sex, the boy can be prosecuted but the girl cannot.

http://www.thejournal.ie/statutory-rape-boy-concern-2643527-Mar2016/

I wonder what the outcome of that case was?

AndrewJRenko

frosty123 wrote: »

Ok, i'm a bloke of 38 and i'm contemplating asking out a 25 yr old woman..so thats a 13 year age gap.

Are you considering this as a possible long-term relationship, involving kids? If she were to have the first of two or three kids at 33, you could find yourself in your late 50s running around after energetic little kids. You could find that you've turned 70 before the kid has their 21st birthday.

Are you up for that?

^ Can not say that prospect is bothering me that much. My 29 year old partner is now in the early stages of her first pregnancy. I am about to turn 40. This is the first of her planned two children. So I would say she would be in the 33-34 area when the second starts coming on the scene. There is two children already in our relationship - now 8 and 4.

I look forward to it all - the age ranges now and when I am at 50 do not worry me.

pleas advice

I always wondered what age you were, but I thought it'd be rude to ask

xi5yvm0owc1s2b

deirdremf wrote: »

I wonder what the outcome of that case was?

I don't know, but here's the key passage:

The court heard how the girl, who is not in state care, went home and told her parents that consensual sexual contact had happened with the accused. Mr Dennehy said that the parents, who come from a “decent family”, objected to this boy being in a relationship with their daughter.

They contacted gardai and pressed charges.

The parents, who are from a "decent family" objected to this 16-year-old boy in state care having a consensual relationship with their daughter, so they called the Guards and pressed charges for statutory rape -- knowing that their daughter, being female, cannot be charged with the same offence.

In short, they just used the law to get rid of a boyfriend who was not up to their standards.

This is one area where Irish law urgently needs reform.

One eyed Jack

Alfredo Damaged Spectacle wrote: »

I don't know, but here's the key passage:

The parents, who are from a "decent family" objected to this 16-year-old boy in state care having a consensual relationship with their daughter, so they called the Guards and pressed charges for statutory rape -- knowing that their daughter, being female, cannot be charged with the same offence.

In short, they just used the law to get rid of a boyfriend who was not up to their standards.

Vox that is nonsense, as not only would it not be up to the parents to decide what anyone can be charged with, the offence of statutory rape doesn’t exist in Irish law.

This is one area where Irish law urgently needs reform.

You mean like this?


(6) Subject to subsection (8), it shall not be a defence to proceedings for an offence under this section for the defendant to prove that the child against whom the offence is alleged to have been committed consented to the sexual act of which the offence consisted.

(7) No proceedings for an offence under this section against a child under the age of 17 years shall be brought except by, or with the consent of, the Director of Public Prosecutions.

(8) Where, in proceedings for an offence under this section against a child who at the time of the alleged commission of the offence had attained the age of 15 years but was under the age of 17 years, it shall be a defence that the child consented to the sexual act of which the offence consisted where the defendant—

(a) is younger or less than 2 years older than the child,

(b) was not, at the time of the alleged commission of the offence, a person in authority in respect of the child, and

(c) was not, at the time of the alleged commission of the offence, in a relationship with the child that was intimidatory or exploitative of the child.

Source: Criminal Law (Sexual Offences) Act 2017

witchgirl26

AndrewJRenko wrote: »

Are you considering this as a possible long-term relationship, involving kids? If she were to have the first of two or three kids at 33, you could find yourself in your late 50s running around after energetic little kids. You could find that you've turned 70 before the kid has their 21st birthday.

Are you up for that?

My dad was 40 when his first child was born and 50 when I came along. He managed to keep up with us better than most other parents. Age doesn't always equal inability.

He also always said that we kept him feeling younger.

AndrewJRenko

witchgirl26 wrote: »

Age doesn't always equal inability.

You're absolutely right, age doesn't always equal inability.

But it does make things physically harder, and it is worthy of some consideration.

deirdremf

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Vox that is nonsense, as not only would it not be up to the parents to decide what anyone can be charged with, the offence of statutory rape doesn’t exist in Irish law.





You mean like this?


(6) Subject to subsection (8), it shall not be a defence to proceedings for an offence under this section for the defendant to prove that the child against whom the offence is alleged to have been committed consented to the sexual act of which the offence consisted.

(7) No proceedings for an offence under this section against a child under the age of 17 years shall be brought except by, or with the consent of, the Director of Public Prosecutions.

(8) Where, in proceedings for an offence under this section against a child who at the time of the alleged commission of the offence had attained the age of 15 years but was under the age of 17 years, it shall be a defence that the child consented to the sexual act of which the offence consisted where the defendant—

(a) is younger or less than 2 years older than the child,

(b) was not, at the time of the alleged commission of the offence, a person in authority in respect of the child, and

(c) was not, at the time of the alleged commission of the offence, in a relationship with the child that was intimidatory or exploitative of the child.

Source: Criminal Law (Sexual Offences) Act 2017

I'd imagine that the case went no further on the basis of this new law. It looks like sections 7 & 8 were brought in specifically to deal with the case mentioned; and of course any others that would follow in the future, which is probably why we heard no more about it.

Thank god for small mercies and that this anomaly was removed from the statute book.

Dial Hard

One eyed Jack wrote:

Vox that is nonsense, as not only would it not be up to the parents to decide what anyone can be charged with...

Exactly. Once the complaint is made it's out of their hands what happens with it. There was a similar-ish case a few years ago where the parents reported their daughter's boyfriend for same, then tried to retract the complaint when they realised their daughter was sticking by the boyfriend. DPP was having none of it and the case went ahead. IIRC he was convicted, got a suspended sentence, ended up on the offenders register but they stayed together throughout.

frosty123

AndrewJRenko wrote: »

Are you considering this as a possible long-term relationship, involving kids? If she were to have the first of two or three kids at 33, you could find yourself in your late 50s running around after energetic little kids. You could find that you've turned 70 before the kid has their 21st birthday.

Are you up for that?

thats fair comment,

no i'm not considering kids or anything like that for the moment..but thats something i would have to seriously consider if it ever got to that