Weddings - a terrible day out.

AlphabetCards

splinter65 wrote: »

The brides “going away outfit” was nearly as important as the wedding dress.
They’d disappear up to the room and reappear then hand in hand all dressed up. Then all the guests would link arms around them and the DJ would strike up with Congratulations! By Cliff Richard and everyone would be dancing around them in a ring singing along.
And all the male guests would be slagging the groom about his wedding night even though everyone knew that they were at it like rabbits since they met.
And the bride would be blushing while her mother dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.
Off they’d head then in his car to Dublin Airport being chased down the hotel avenue, to get a flight to Santa Ponsa at some god awful hour.
All the guests went back in the hotel to resume getting pissed.

That sounds ideal. I'm gonna suggest that to the girlfriend. If she likes it, she'll make it to Fiancé.

foxy farmer

Was at 1 black tie wedding back in 2010. Christ what a load of pretentious bollox. A small orchestra and opera singer in the church . Bride left us sitting in church for well over an hour. Hotel had marquee outside but weather was sh1te. Wasn't able to cope with demand for drinks when we arrived.
The meal was another disaster. Some getting starter while more were on main course. Portions were miniscule with no seconds. Turned into a generic event with same music and disco as you'd hear at most weddings. Struck off for a take away around 10 that night as i was starved. Worst wedding i was at by a country mile. Went on till Sunday with a BBQ at the bride's parents house. Thankfully I didn't qualify for that.

OldMrBrennan83

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qwerty ui op

splinter65 wrote: »

My brother in law just refuses to go too. Especially family occasions. No excuses and no apologies. Just “thanks for asking but no, I don’t go to any of these things”. End of story now change the subject.

That's the best way to do it, if you do it across the board.
But at lot of people like to go to them at the start in their early twenties, after 2 or 3 the novelty wears off, by then your already caught up in them.

Teyla Emmagan

My uncle says "I'm busy that day".

This could be a year and a half out, before he has even been invited!!

qwerty ui op

Busy catching up on much needed R and R!

theyoungchap

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

Yay! I'd love to see smaller 1950s style weddings come back into fashion. Even in the 80s and 90s brides still changed into 'Going away' clothes and were seen off by the guests, all standing on the steps of the hotel as the B&G drove away with cans and horseshoes trailing behind them.
It was a lovely end to the wedding. Nowadays the bedraggled bride and stocious groom are usually the last to leave the resident's lounge, still in their wedding gear. It's just not the same.

The only reason people rushed off back then was because Mr Groom wanted to get balls deep for the first time.......

theyoungchap

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

I've often wondered what input grooms have into all the trappings of a BIG wedding?

I suppose they just go along with it and leave the Bride and entourage to it. Easier for the Groom I think!

Am I wrong?

For me you are, every decision we made was made equally, there were things I wanted and things she wanted. If a man lets a woman order him around with a wedding, he can get ready for a life of being ordered around!

VinLieger

Love me a good irish wedding, you're all a bunch of whingers who arent able to make your own fun.

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theyoungchap

I think this might be an Irish thing - for our wedding, people flew from Australia, USA, and Canada and various parts of Europe! In total, almost 50 people flew in.

I think Irish people just love to complain, even about a happy occasion for people they (presumably) at least think something of. Couples go to enormous effort and expense for years for 1 day in their lives and all people can do is whinge about having to go? I know I'd rather people didn't bother coming!!

qwerty ui op

Most people when asked to go for a pint or coffee would give an excuse if they didn't want to, True or false they'd give a reason. People on here, are off their heads if they think you can just say "NO" to a wedding invite.

You can accuse those who "GO" out of obligation of all kinds of things but to say, "simply don't go" is just daft.

About the speeches being boring, if that was the only problem it wouldn't be that bad but you'll always get some old codger standing up blowing **** about how mighty his own daughter is. Talk about crass.

You force almost everyone you know to spend a fortune on your "big day" and then you force them to listen to your father and partner boosting about you.

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Diemos

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Opened the letter box this morning, and discovered an invite to the wedding of my nephew and his girlfriend. Has put me in bad mood as a result. I’ll have to go, but I’d rather get a 5-fingered prostate exam than attend to be honest. Does anyone actually enjoy Irish weddings?

They take all day. They cost a fortune. The food is nearly always shîte, you end up talking to cousins and other relations you hate, the speeches are always the same, you can’t get too drunk or the extended family will be gossiping about you, you don’t know who you’ll be sitting beside, the music is terrible. Just a really bad day out. The only positive is that there’s a decent chance you’ll get the ride at the end of the night.

When will start having w mature conversation about this? No one wants to go to these dreadful affairs only Bridezilla and her bridesmaids. Fiasco.

You seem to care an awful lot about the opinion of people you don't like.......

irelandrover

....... wrote: »

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Thats bad form in my opinion. That means the couple will have booked and paid for your seat. If you don't want to go just decline the invite.

Graces7

My first Irish wedding.. I was looking round a church when they told me there was a wedding about to start; hence the lovely if unusual flowers.. (Her bouquet was a single hydrangea blossom)

They invited me to stay so I slipped into a corner at the back.

The best man was the couple's 9 year old son.

A youngster played a piece on the trumpet.

A lady sang ... the church was of course packed.

It was,, interesting. I knew the priest so chatted then slipped quietly away.

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irelandrover

....... wrote: »

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If it happens legimately then its fine. If you know months in advance that you arent going and only pull out on the day then thats bad form. if you pay on the number attending you are paying for the seat.

LirW

Another thing outside of the city is that the popular venues, especially in the peak season and on weekends require a very high minimum number number of guests (between 80 and 100).
So if you want to book one of the hotels that do all in service you can't really have a small wedding with let's say 50 people. You might get away with it if you're doing it in a Tuesday on January if you negotiate well but generally it really limits your option.
The remaining options are: Go to Dublin, pick one of the venue that focus on small parties (they're horrifyingly expensive) and you often have to order a separate caterer or do it very low key in a local function room and sort out all the suppliers yourself.

When we started looking around we estimated 50 people max in the wider area where we live and boy, was I surprised how limited all in options were, so we scrapped numbers and went to Dublin.

meeeeh

....... wrote: »

If you are not going to go you would get away with having a family emergency on the day sooner than youd get away with saying you dont want to go months in advance.

That's the sort of cowardly spineless behaviour I can't stand. Unless there is actual emergency have the decency to show up. I would have no problem with people declining ahead and we had a few of those because half of the guests had to travel (although not as many cancelled as expected). The only cancellation that annoyed me was someone who we knew won't be going because ge doesn't like to travel but kept going on about how he is going, could we please send him hotel and flight options and he will book. After sending out information and links twice we stopped bothering. A week before wedding he finally managed to say he is not going. Just be upfront, say yes or no and that's it. Without explanations, long dragged out stories and excuses that everyone can see through.

LirW

Edit: baby hijacked keyboard5r4r

theyoungchap

Another thing - if you don't want to go, tell the couple well in advance. Don't make up some rubbish excuse the day before, it will completely screw up their seating plan. I was looking at mine the morning of my wedding due to a couple of (presumably, benefit of the doubt but I don't care either) genuine drop outs.

valoren

I have an idea for a new business. A catering company that will deliver 'grub' at ridiculous-o-clock to Wedding venues to drink soaked and starving wedding guests

The company logo would be a 'Bat Signal' with the silhouette of a slice of pizza.

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meeeeh

valoren wrote: »

I have an idea for a new business. A catering company that will deliver 'grub' at ridiculous-o-clock to Wedding venues to drink soaked and starving wedding guests

I think that might be a bit overstated. I was hungry before dinner couple of times but nothing too bad, just needing to watch what and how much I was drinking. More or less all weddings I've been to had after midnight food.

hynesie08

valoren wrote: »

I have an idea for a new business. A catering company that will deliver 'grub' at ridiculous-o-clock to Wedding venues to drink soaked and starving wedding guests

The company logo would be a 'Bat Signal' with the silhouette of a slice of pizza.

So...............Deliveroo

DaeryssaOne

This thread has turned into a competition of who had the plainest / smallest / shortest wedding. We get it, some of you don't enjoy weddings but there seems to be a snobbery here looking down on people who enjoy inviting a big gang and having a party.

My own wedding wasn't a very big one (in that there wasn't random neighbours invited etc, just close friends and family) but I really enjoy attending friends weddings where we can all catch up and hang out for a couple of days. If it weren't for weddings we'd barely see each other and it's lovely for the bride and groom to feel special and loved by those most important to them for a short time, what's the harm in it?

inforfun

The Dutch word for wedding is "huwelijk"
There are only 2 words in Dutch that rhyme with "huwelijk" which are "gruwelijk" and "afschuwelijk"

1st one means horrible and the 2nd means horrid.

That cant be a coincidence.

meeeeh

....... wrote: »

How would you know?

If someone cancels on the morning of - do you go to their home to check if there really was a family emergency?

No I would not check, why would I? I would believe them. But I would never cancel last minute unless I had to and from my experience vast majority of people don't. It's not about being caught it's about being decent person.

LirW

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

This thread has turned into a competition of who had the plainest / smallest / shortest wedding. We get it, some of you don't enjoy weddings but there seems to be a snobbery here looking down on people who enjoy inviting a big gang and having a party.

My own wedding wasn't a very big one (in that there wasn't random neighbours invited etc, just close friends and family) but I really enjoy attending friends weddings where we can all catch up and hang out for a couple of days. If it weren't for weddings we'd barely see each other and it's lovely for the bride and groom to feel special and loved by those most important to them for a short time, what's the harm in it?

Someone mentioned it before, people just got very cynical about weddings, because they all follow a very similar timeline, have very similar gimmicks, similar food and so on. Throw in the ridiculous etiquette about presents, and there is no denying it exists, was just reading earlier on a FB group about a ton of girls giving out about people that wouldn't give gifts or an envelope with money, you have the perfect recipe for something that is sour for many people.
There is a lot of superficial attributes towards it, you need to dress really fancy, in many cases you have to drive to the middle of nowhere and then go to another place equally remote.

I've been to weddings back home and I've been to Irish weddings and Irish weddings for me are just a bit OTT, they are rarely laid back with the strict timelines to follow. Maybe I see that differently as someone not from Ireland.

Maybe a lot of people also prefer a "less is more" affair.

People are perfectly entitled to have their dream day, the cost of a big day though is someone people are equally cynical about.

Heres Johnny

7 or 8 weddings to attend in a lifetime should be sufficient.
From the age of 25 to now, I'm 35, it has been about 10 a year.
Can't be doing that to yourself.
They're all the exact same.
What's seldom can be wonderful, but not when you find yourself on the circuit.

Appledreams15

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

HeidiHeidi wrote: »

You don't HAVE to go, you know.

You kind of do though. And you have to give 150 as a gift if you’re single, or 300 if you’re a couple. They are nearly always a complete waste of a day. As I said, the only positive is that there’s a decent chance you’ll chat up a bird later on in the evenings, and retire to the massively overpriced room for a bit of the beast with two backs.

Why do you have to go. I've turned down the last 2 weddings I was invited to. Dodge them!

valoren

hynesie08 wrote: »

So...............Deliveroo

Well a spin off of that but with discretion completely assured. You don't want to offend the bride and groom by having a uniformed cyclist milling about quizzically in the reception room. The deliverer is plain clothed and hands over the food discreetly away from the function room to ravenous guests.

splinter65

theyoungchap wrote: »

I think this might be an Irish thing - for our wedding, people flew from Australia, USA, and Canada and various parts of Europe! In total, almost 50 people flew in.

I think Irish people just love to complain, even about a happy occasion for people they (presumably) at least think something of. Couples go to enormous effort and expense for years for 1 day in their lives and all people can do is whinge about having to go? I know I'd rather people didn't bother coming!!

Even the people who love you very much find your modern Irish wedding expensive and too long and dragged out.
It’s how the weddings have metamorphosed over the last 20 years into these “extravaganzas” of excess and stamina I think that annoys people of my age.
What most wedding guests would like is if there was a minimum amount of effort required in actually traveling to your wedding.
You really liked that sweet little chapel up in the mountains in rural Tipperary. But it took so long to get there. And in the pouring rain it wasn’t really that sweet. And there wasn’t enough parking there so I had to park 10 minutes away.
And the hotel grounds certainly were nice for the purpose of your photos but the accommodation was too expensive and we had to book a B&B in the nearest town which meant either not drinking or booking taxis.
Speaking of photos, we wanted to wish you the best and tell you how well you looked but you disappeared after the church for nearly 2 hours. There were no snacks or anything back at the hotel and we couldn’t go back to the B&B. The alcohol was expensive at the hotel and anyway we don’t normally drink at that hour of the day.
Some tea and coffee and biscuits and a bit of cake would have filled the gap, instead of the ice cream van.
A bit boring I know but there you go.
Too many speeches. On and on it went, too many “in jokes” that only one or two understood. Should have just been the father of the bride and the best man.
The food was only so so.
In order to afford the hotel you had to sacrifice a few things, including the cake.
The cardboard cake looked ludicrous.
There wasn’t enough finger food later on either.
We all went to bed hungry.
The band were good!

iamwhoiam

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

This thread has turned into a competition of who had the plainest / smallest / shortest wedding. We get it, some of you don't enjoy weddings but there seems to be a snobbery here looking down on people who enjoy inviting a big gang and having a party.

My own wedding wasn't a very big one (in that there wasn't random neighbours invited etc, just close friends and family) but I really enjoy attending friends weddings where we can all catch up and hang out for a couple of days. If it weren't for weddings we'd barely see each other and it's lovely for the bride and groom to feel special and loved by those most important to them for a short time, what's the harm in it?

Exactly . People can be so judgmental of others because they don't enjoy the sane things . I would hate jazz or country music at mine but for heavens sake I am happy for others that they get music that they enjoy . I don't understand the hostility toward tradition or whatever the couple happen to want

Graces7

It is the way weddings/preparations have become Big Business; Fairs etc.

splinter65

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Exactly . People can be so judgmental of others because they don't enjoy the sane things . I would hate jazz or country music at mine but for heavens sake I am happy for others that they get music that they enjoy . I don't understand the hostility toward tradition or whatever the couple happen to want

But 2018 wedding has nothing to do with “tradition” or really what the couple “want”.
It’s a couple basically following a check box list in order to arrange a weekend event which will be superior in some way to the last identical weekend event the guests attended.
There is rarely any nod towards tradition at all.

iamwhoiam

splinter65 wrote: »

But 2018 wedding has nothing to do with “tradition” or really what the couple “want”.
It’s a couple basically following a check box list in order to arrange a weekend event which will be superior in some way to the last identical weekend event the guests attended.
There is rarely any nod towards tradition at all.

Thats a bit of a generalistion . There are 2018 weddings in all shapes and sizes .
I have one close to me and delighted to see the couple enjoy picking what they love and enjoy . She ( or he ) are in no competition with anyone at all . Not fair to generalise in my opinion

jk23

splinter65 wrote: »

But 2018 wedding has nothing to do with “tradition” or really what the couple “want”.
It’s a couple basically following a check box list in order to arrange a weekend event which will be superior in some way to the last identical weekend event the guests attended.
There is rarely any nod towards tradition at all.

Agreed. See flash mob dances at churches or singing by bride or bridesmaid after the initial one went viral at a reception!

duffman13

I've only gone to one wedding in the last 10 years where me or my missus weren't part of the bridal party. I've a few upcoming including my own.

Civil ceremony for me on at 3.30 on a Saturday, all in the one venue, guests can rock up and stay the night or it's a short hop home for the majority of guests if they don't want to stay. Only having a one day affair and tbh I've been a little surprised with the amount of people asking why we aren't having a second day!

A couple of weeks from now I've a wedding 2 and a half hours from the majority of the guests, in a church with an "atheist" groom on a Thursday, ceremony at 1pm. I'll go because my missus is a bridesmaid but it'll end out probably being 3 nights in a hotel for that one.

My general rule of thumb is if im surprised by an invitation then I'll decline ie I haven't spoken to the person in a long time or didn't know they were engaged. I do enjoy weddings generally though.

duffman13

Graces7 wrote: »

It is the way weddings/preparations have become Big Business; Fairs etc.

Wedding fairs are a joke, if people book someone at one those things in the RDS then they need their head examined. Suppliers at then gouge you so badly on price

mcgiggles

I've been to the guts of 20 weddings over the last few years, all at different places around Ireland and I've never had bad food at a wedding!

It bugs me that people are trying to do things at weddings in order for them to go viral! The hotel we had ours at, the last few years it seems to be the "thing" to drivein into the reception room in a tractor or vintage car or on a motorbike.. Like come on! One of the lads in work was asking me what we had planned for our entrance like how we are coming into the ballroom.. Eh.. The old fashioned way! On our own 2 feet!!

splinter65

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Thats a bit of a generalistion . There are 2018 weddings in all shapes and sizes .

In the main they are basically all the same. The odd couple do their own thing but mostly it’s the same thing over and over.

iamwhoiam

splinter65 wrote: »

In the main they are basically all the same. The odd couple do their own thing but mostly it’s the same thing over and over.

So are most ceromonies really but sure at the end of the day as long as they are happy and content . Only one really stands out for me as being annoying and that was down to an obnoxious priest who lectured the guests and was rude and horrible ! So bad that even us oldies got bold in the church !!

theteal

I can't think of any weddings that I've attended that I didn't want to. We have turned down a few as we just couldn't afford them/work commitments/prior appointments - not a second thought given. I also can't think of a wedding that I didn't enjoy - sure one or two, the churchy bit might have went on too long etc but the day overall was never a disappointment.

One thing I will say, for ye complaining about Irish weddings, I've been to a few English weddings at this stage and they leave a lot to be desired, one last week finished at 22:30, that was it, no resi bar, nothing, everyone left hanging. . .I was only getting warmed and about to break out the robot!

LirW

Also the stag/hen is now a few days abroad and a lot of wedding have a second day with a BBQ or some sort. Fair enough but not for me really. I've even read people saying that if you go to a wedding and want to spend some time with the bride and groom then go to the second day. Don't think that this is 100% fair, people travel, pay accommodation and so on and lots don't get a single minute to just talk to them.
Happened to us before, travelled 3 hours to some wedding of a good friend and while I was delighted for them tying the knot, the wedding was big and it felt like a summon with a lot of waiting and I think our whole group of friends didn't exchange a single word with the bride.
It was a long and for a lot of guests pretty boring day.

Personally, and this is just a personal opinion, I don't see the point in such a big wedding when a lot of people travel for you and get absolutely no acknowledgement for that. But then again back home wedding culture is very different, weddings are generally very small, outdoors and it all takes place in one location close to the couples home.

Yer Da sells Avon

Not my idea of a good day out. But then, I prefer a good day in.

woodchuck

I know a lot of people who have gotten married recently or are planning their weddings, so I've had to bite my tongue so much when they start stressing over things like needing a basket of flipflops in the loos. Nobody cares!!!

Oh you're doing it on a Tuesday, but you know your nearest and dearest are happy to make the effort? Keep dreaming.

You're doing a second day so that you can actually spend some time with your friends/family? Why bother with the circus of the first day at all so.

Your wedding is not going to be unique. Get over yourself.

meeeeh

splinter65 wrote: »

In the main they are basically all the same. The odd couple do their own thing but mostly it’s the same thing over and over.

What is 'their own thing'. Going for some food after civil ceremony with small party? Plenty of people do that you just probably won't be invited because they are smaller. Civil ceremony in the venue - fairly standard but there are less humanist celebrants available so there won't be as many. Eloping is hardly original, destination weddings are common, I've been to few.

I enjoyed myself at my own. We had about 65 guests, around 80 were invited. It was traditional wedding, we just made sure there was plenty of food and booze was free everywhere. I got one comment that people were hungry waiting for dinner. About half of finger food that was provided before dinner wasn't eaten (and I know the person complaining likes the type of food that was there). I just shrugged my shoulders. We had one other complaint from a relative that they didn't felt a bit sick because they 'had' to eat too much food. You just can't please everyone. Once you make a decent effort to accommodate people you just have to accept that not everyone will be happy no matter what you do.

Personally I just don't like the constant bickering about the stuff people that they know in advance will happen. I don't like people who can't wait to complain about something just so they can say something bad about the others and make themselves feel better. If you don't want to go to traditional/small/destination/humanist wedding then don't go.

irelandrover

The long wait after the church and before the meal always annoyed me. Its normally far too long to leave your guests with just a cupcake or a cracker smeared with pate.

Now i have a sandwich in the car for the drive from the church to the hotel.