Weddings - a terrible day out.

meeeeh

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

We've already explained why sometimes a bald refusal isn't really an option without causing difficulties or hurt feelings.

It's preferable to bitching behind their back in my opinion. I accept the wedding of close friends or family might be a bit hard to get out. There are not that many of those. Some complaints are understandable, if people are rude or ignorant, if service is not right or band too loud. But when you know advance where the wedding is and that you won't enjoy the travel or the location then just say no.

iamwhoiam

People are kind enough to invite you to their wedding and then get ripped apart for not " doing it as you would have done it "

qwerty ui op

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Yes and thats fair enough . I just don't like people criticising every move a bride makes . Some brides are very reasonable and accomadating

I completely agree but that's not the problem, the problem is that Irish people are already fully stocked up on weddings and it doesn't matter how you arrange the flowers, many of your guest in a large wedding really don't want to be there. If the couple were assholes it would make the situation a lot easier.

LirW

iamwhoiam wrote: »

People are kind enough to invite you to their wedding and then get ripped apart for not " doing it as you would have done it "

It goes both ways though: There are couples that make everything incredibly awkward for their whole party and treat them badly and then there are guests that you wouldn't wanna invite for tea, never mind such an important event.

DaeryssaOne

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

The problem though is that some weddings now make huge demands of the guests in terms of time, money and convenience. So really people are entitled to comment if they find those weddings a bit of a trial. I am more than happy for Bob and Sarah to get married in the middle of nowhere and to spend 3 hours being photographed in front of the lake and so on. But if there's pressure on me to attend, using up 3 days annual leave, spending hundreds of euro, and hanging around bored on one of my precious days off work, then I think I am entitled to have a view.

Have you honestly taken three days of annual leave to attend a wedding in the middle of nowhere where you had to wait around bored for three hours waiting for the bride and groom to come and entertain you, you couldn't possibly speak to anybody else or realise that their wedding day didn't centre around one guest?

The amount of whinging in this thread is so ridiculous, having been to 20+ weddings in the last number of years I have never heard a single person complain like people are here. Yes - sometimes the speeches go on far too long, yes sometimes there noticeably isn't enough food / wine or the band may not be to my taste but you know what - the day wasn't organised for me and 99% of the time it's a lovely day out, I understand it can be a racket and some couples get carried away but the negativity here is just silly

topper75

jk23 wrote: »

Agreed. See flash mob dances at churches or singing by bride or bridesmaid after the initial one went viral at a reception!

These 'family emergencies'... they can come on at any time, can't they? :eek::o

dib

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

And you have to give 150 as a gift if you’re single, or 300 if you’re a couple.

HAHAHA! OP I think your Nephew found this thread!! €300 me hole!!

Mutant z

Only the very closest family members and friends should be there i dont see the logic with having guests which you dont speak to year to year it just makes the whole situation extremely awkward for both parties.

splinter65

meeeeh wrote: »

What is 'their own thing'. Going for some food after civil ceremony with small party? Plenty of people do that you just probably won't be invited because they are smaller. Civil ceremony in the venue - fairly standard but there are less humanist celebrants available so there won't be as many. Eloping is hardly original, destination weddings are common, I've been to few.

I enjoyed myself at my own. We had about 65 guests, around 80 were invited. It was traditional wedding, we just made sure there was plenty of food and booze was free everywhere. I got one comment that people were hungry waiting for dinner. About half of finger food that was provided before dinner wasn't eaten (and I know the person complaining likes the type of food that was there). I just shrugged my shoulders. We had one other complaint from a relative that they didn't felt a bit sick because they 'had' to eat too much food. You just can't please everyone. Once you make a decent effort to accommodate people you just have to accept that not everyone will be happy no matter what you do.

Personally I just don't like the constant bickering about the stuff people that they know in advance will happen. I don't like people who can't wait to complain about something just so they can say something bad about the others and make themselves feel better. If you don't want to go to traditional/small/destination/humanist wedding then don't go.

Anyone who makes a point of complaining to the host after any party is a **** anyway.
My grudge about Irish weddings is not personal it’s about the Irish wedding culture. I actually feel sorry for the couples either saving or borrowing a whole load of cash a little bit like sheep thinking that there is no alternative.

splinter65

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

Have you honestly taken three days of annual leave to attend a wedding in the middle of nowhere where you had to wait around bored for three hours waiting for the bride and groom to come and entertain you, you couldn't possibly speak to anybody else or realise that their wedding day didn't centre around one guest?

The amount of whinging in this thread is so ridiculous, having been to 20+ weddings in the last number of years I have never heard a single person complain like people are here. Yes - sometimes the speeches go on far too long, yes sometimes there noticeably isn't enough food / wine or the band may not be to my taste but you know what - the day wasn't organised for me and 99% of the time it's a lovely day out, I understand it can be a racket and some couples get carried away but the negativity here is just silly

Complaining about weddings in public is taboo. There’ll always be someone in the immediate vicinity currently or recently involved in the organizing of a wedding who’s going to take gross offence. What you get here is honest opinions.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

iamwhoiam wrote: »

People are kind enough to invite you to their wedding and then get ripped apart for not " doing it as you would have done it "

That is not what people are saying.

qwerty ui op

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

The amount of whinging in this thread is so ridiculous, having been to 20+ weddings in the last number of years I have never heard a single person complain like people are here.

AH has had several wedding threads and they are all just like this one, people anonymously complaining.

Nobody is going to pay half a fortune and start giving out at the actual event, having paid the money they may try and enjoy the day, most people would enjoy staring into the fire if they had enough booze on board. It doesn't change the fact that many people feel pressure to go to weddings and don't want to spend there money on them.

You can accuse these posters of being spineless etc but just because people are smiling on the day isn't really a good guide as to how they feel about being forced to go.

LirW

splinter65 wrote: »

Anyone who makes a point of complaining to the host after any party is a **** anyway.
My grudge about Irish weddings is not personal it’s about the Irish wedding culture. I actually feel sorry for the couples either saving or borrowing a whole load of cash a little bit like sheep thinking that there is no alternative.

That really. The industry behind it messes it up, that's often the real problem. There are millions and millions of gimmicks out there that everyone's raving about, new wedding dress collections hit the market every single year and shops are sprinkled all over the country like fairy dust, good money is made by vintage car hiring services and every hotel in the backsticks has their own open day for weddings just in time after Valentine's day.
To top it off, you'd have weight watchers and magic slimming powder merchants creeping around everywhere where anything wedding related is around.

The the crux, many people don't wanna buy into it but it's heavily pushed, because people spend money on it.
The single most common conflict couples have is because something isn't done a certain way. Some people genuinely enjoy it but some don't yet there are very high expectations from people close to them.
So in the end the couple ends up having more people than they're comfortable with because Mammy in law decided to pay for her 20 pals herself to have them around, finger food is too 80's according to all suppliers so you order a food truck, that's how you do it 2018.

That's the real thing that's sad about it, there are so many expectations, there is a lot of pressure doing things a certain way and there is an horrendous amount of emotional blackmailing (Then I won't be coming blah blah).

Everyone knows someone who had drama like that and it makes people somewhat cynical about the whole thing.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

Have you honestly taken three days of annual leave to attend a wedding in the middle of nowhere where you had to wait around bored for three hours waiting for the bride and groom to come and entertain you, you couldn't possibly speak to anybody else or realise that their wedding day didn't centre around one guest?

The amount of whinging in this thread is so ridiculous, having been to 20+ weddings in the last number of years I have never heard a single person complain like people are here. Yes - sometimes the speeches go on far too long, yes sometimes there noticeably isn't enough food / wine or the band may not be to my taste but you know what - the day wasn't organised for me and 99% of the time it's a lovely day out, I understand it can be a racket and some couples get carried away but the negativity here is just silly

It can be a lot more than 3 days if the wedding is abroad. Even in Ireland a wedding midweek a four hour drive away can necessitate travelling over the day before, staying the day of the wedding, and travelling back the next day, so three days in all.
And yes, I have often been left hanging around for three hours waiting for food. It's not that people want the bride and groom to stop having photos taken so they can come back and entertain their guests. It's that the meal can't start until they're back and people are starving.
No one is whinging. We are taking part in a discussion about modern weddings and some of the newer elements that we don't like because of the cost and inconvencience they put guests to.

NIMAN

OP is bang on.

Hate weddings, only attend to not offend the bride and groom. If I had my way, I wouldn't be at another.

One coming up soon, will have to laugh at the jokes I've heard 20 times already, the same best man speech, applaud the bridesmaids (aren't they looking lovely), applaud the priest, the hotel for a lovely meal (which they are getting handsomely paid for, they are a business after all), and listen to the same old songs for hours on end by the band.

gabsdot40

I like weddings. I've been to some really good ones.
Unfortunatly we're going to one on the same day as the Champions League Final.
They better have a TV in the corner.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

I'm beginning to think the world is divided into those who love weddings and those who hate them.

qwerty ui op

NIMAN wrote: »

OP is bang on.

Hate weddings, only attend to not offend the bride and groom. If I had my way, I wouldn't be at another.

One coming up soon, will have to laugh at the jokes I've heard 20 times already, the same best man speech, applaud the bridesmaids (aren't they looking lovely), applaud the priest, the hotel for a lovely meal (which they are getting handsomely paid for, they are a business after all), and listen to the same old songs for hours on end by the band.

My first wedding in my mid teens was just like this that was twenty two years ago and no sign of anything changing -depressing

jk23

splinter65 wrote: »

Anyone who makes a point of complaining to the host after any party is a **** anyway.
My grudge about Irish weddings is not personal it’s about the Irish wedding culture. I actually feel sorry for the couples either saving or borrowing a whole load of cash a little bit like sheep thinking that there is no alternative.

This is exactly it, when you hear of upwards of 20,000 being spent on one day it’s overboard.

All the things that type of money could be used on while still have a nice wedding for a whole lot less.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

jk23 wrote: »

This is exactly it, when you hear of upwards of 20,000 being spent on one day it’s overboard.

All the things that type of money could be used on while still have a nice wedding for a whole lot less.

Except that nowadays, much of that 20,000 comes from the guests 'covering their plate'.

jk23

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

Except that nowadays, much of that 20,000 comes from the guests 'covering their plate'.

Absolutely crazy! There does seem to be an emotionally driven pressure for the guests to give money. Seems to be 150 for a couple minimum 😳 150 euro x 150 guests = 22,250 euro

c68zapdsm5i1ru

jk23 wrote: »

Absolutely crazy! There does seem to be an emotionally driven pressure for the guests to give money. Seems to be 150 for a couple minimum ��

Yes, wedding presents were originally about guests rallying around to provide young couples setting up house together for the first time with all the basics - pots and pans, crockery, cutlery, bed linen and so on.

Nowadays it seems to be about covering the costs of an extravagant wedding that the couple can't afford, or an expensive holiday in the Maldives.

Times have really changed.

Steve F

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

I'm beginning to think the world is divided into those who love weddings and those who hate them.

Bang on!!!:D

LirW

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

Yes, wedding presents were originally about guests rallying around to provide young couples setting up house together for the first time with all the basics - pots and pans, crockery, cutlery, bed linen and so on.

Nowadays it seems to be about covering the costs of an extravagant wedding that the couple can't afford, or an expensive holiday in the Maldives.

Times have really changed.

That mentality is really awful. It really doesn't sit right with me and I'd find it financially unwise to speculate with presents to cover the cost of my wedding.
Main thing why I'm having a small thing is because I couldn't justify spending more than the amount we are going to. That's what we can shoulder ourselves without help, so we're not going to be in debt or a financial predicament when the whole thing with presents doesn't pan out :pac:

Steve F

Fred Swanson wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

A castle in Co Louth

Steve F

_Dara_ wrote: »

One thing that amazes me is the level of analysis some couples put into planning their wedding. I kinda get it. It's costing a lot of money and you are asking people to spend time and money to attend. So I can understand the fretting. But looking at the wedding forum can be eye-opening (well, when it was busier a few years back at least) in how analytical people can be about a day that people will enjoy well enough but quickly forget about if it's not somebody really, really close to them.

It's 18 months of rigmarole for what?.... 18 hours at most?
And don't get me started on the total cost of a wedding
Divide the total cost by 18 to get the hourly rate :pac:
Madness

meeeeh

jk23 wrote: »

Absolutely crazy! There does seem to be an emotionally driven pressure for the guests to give money. Seems to be 150 for a couple minimum �� 150 euro x 150 guests = 22,250 euro

Well if it's 150 per couple and you had 150 guests then it's 75 x 150 = 11,250

Just in case you are planning to organize your wedding like that because you might end up with a bit of hole in your finances.

Then again I shouldn't comment because our planning included just paying bills and I haven't got a clue what our total cost was.

jk23

meeeeh wrote: »

Well if it's 150 per couple and you had 150 guests then it's 75 x 150 = 11,250

Just in case you are planning to organize your wedding like that because you might end up with a bit of hole in your finances.

Thanks for that! Maths was never my strong point :L

qwerty ui op

jk23 wrote: »

Absolutely crazy! There does seem to be an emotionally driven pressure for the guests to give money. Seems to be 150 for a couple minimum �� 150 euro x 150 guests = 22,250 euro

This is true and people who want to bury their heads in the sand and say "if you don't want to go then just don't go " or " you don't have to put X amount in the card" are just not facing up to the issue here.
This threads OP has 115 thanks and counting! why would so many people say they are under pressure to go along with this madness , if they weren't

LirW

qwerty ui op wrote: »

This is true and people who want to bury their heads in the sand and say "if you don't want to go then just don't go " or " you don't have to put X amount in the card" are just not facing up to the issue here.
This threads OP has 115 thanks and counting! why would so many people say they are under pressure to go along with this madness , if they weren't

What issue exactly? That the couple decided to get married in a super fancy location that puts them out of pocket in the first place? I don't really see why the guests should be expected to pay for the couple's choices.
If you can't afford getting married in Castle X, then there are a lot other, more budget friendly options or save for it.

If I can only afford 50 quid and a tin of biscuits, that's what I can afford to give them.