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Child Item

Weddings - a terrible day out.

JohnnyFlash

Opened the letter box this morning, and discovered an invite to the wedding of my nephew and his girlfriend. Has put me in bad mood as a result. I’ll have to go, but I’d rather get a 5-fingered prostate exam than attend to be honest. Does anyone actually enjoy Irish weddings?

They take all day. They cost a fortune. The food is nearly always shîte, you end up talking to cousins and other relations you hate, the speeches are always the same, you can’t get too drunk or the extended family will be gossiping about you, you don’t know who you’ll be sitting beside, the music is terrible. Just a really bad day out. The only positive is that there’s a decent chance you’ll get the ride at the end of the night.

When will start having w mature conversation about this? No one wants to go to these dreadful affairs only Bridezilla and her bridesmaids. Fiasco.

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qwerty ui op

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

The amount of whinging in this thread is so ridiculous, having been to 20+ weddings in the last number of years I have never heard a single person complain like people are here.

AH has had several wedding threads and they are all just like this one, people anonymously complaining.

Nobody is going to pay half a fortune and start giving out at the actual event, having paid the money they may try and enjoy the day, most people would enjoy staring into the fire if they had enough booze on board. It doesn't change the fact that many people feel pressure to go to weddings and don't want to spend there money on them.

You can accuse these posters of being spineless etc but just because people are smiling on the day isn't really a good guide as to how they feel about being forced to go.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

iamwhoiam wrote: »

People are kind enough to invite you to their wedding and then get ripped apart for not " doing it as you would have done it "

That is not what people are saying.

splinter65

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

Have you honestly taken three days of annual leave to attend a wedding in the middle of nowhere where you had to wait around bored for three hours waiting for the bride and groom to come and entertain you, you couldn't possibly speak to anybody else or realise that their wedding day didn't centre around one guest?

The amount of whinging in this thread is so ridiculous, having been to 20+ weddings in the last number of years I have never heard a single person complain like people are here. Yes - sometimes the speeches go on far too long, yes sometimes there noticeably isn't enough food / wine or the band may not be to my taste but you know what - the day wasn't organised for me and 99% of the time it's a lovely day out, I understand it can be a racket and some couples get carried away but the negativity here is just silly

Complaining about weddings in public is taboo. There’ll always be someone in the immediate vicinity currently or recently involved in the organizing of a wedding who’s going to take gross offence. What you get here is honest opinions.

splinter65

meeeeh wrote: »

What is 'their own thing'. Going for some food after civil ceremony with small party? Plenty of people do that you just probably won't be invited because they are smaller. Civil ceremony in the venue - fairly standard but there are less humanist celebrants available so there won't be as many. Eloping is hardly original, destination weddings are common, I've been to few.

I enjoyed myself at my own. We had about 65 guests, around 80 were invited. It was traditional wedding, we just made sure there was plenty of food and booze was free everywhere. I got one comment that people were hungry waiting for dinner. About half of finger food that was provided before dinner wasn't eaten (and I know the person complaining likes the type of food that was there). I just shrugged my shoulders. We had one other complaint from a relative that they didn't felt a bit sick because they 'had' to eat too much food. You just can't please everyone. Once you make a decent effort to accommodate people you just have to accept that not everyone will be happy no matter what you do.

Personally I just don't like the constant bickering about the stuff people that they know in advance will happen. I don't like people who can't wait to complain about something just so they can say something bad about the others and make themselves feel better. If you don't want to go to traditional/small/destination/humanist wedding then don't go.

Anyone who makes a point of complaining to the host after any party is a **** anyway.
My grudge about Irish weddings is not personal it’s about the Irish wedding culture. I actually feel sorry for the couples either saving or borrowing a whole load of cash a little bit like sheep thinking that there is no alternative.

Mutant z

Only the very closest family members and friends should be there i dont see the logic with having guests which you dont speak to year to year it just makes the whole situation extremely awkward for both parties.

dib

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

And you have to give 150 as a gift if you’re single, or 300 if you’re a couple.

HAHAHA! OP I think your Nephew found this thread!! €300 me hole!!

topper75

jk23 wrote: »

Agreed. See flash mob dances at churches or singing by bride or bridesmaid after the initial one went viral at a reception!

These 'family emergencies'... they can come on at any time, can't they? :eek::o

DaeryssaOne

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

The problem though is that some weddings now make huge demands of the guests in terms of time, money and convenience. So really people are entitled to comment if they find those weddings a bit of a trial. I am more than happy for Bob and Sarah to get married in the middle of nowhere and to spend 3 hours being photographed in front of the lake and so on. But if there's pressure on me to attend, using up 3 days annual leave, spending hundreds of euro, and hanging around bored on one of my precious days off work, then I think I am entitled to have a view.

Have you honestly taken three days of annual leave to attend a wedding in the middle of nowhere where you had to wait around bored for three hours waiting for the bride and groom to come and entertain you, you couldn't possibly speak to anybody else or realise that their wedding day didn't centre around one guest?

The amount of whinging in this thread is so ridiculous, having been to 20+ weddings in the last number of years I have never heard a single person complain like people are here. Yes - sometimes the speeches go on far too long, yes sometimes there noticeably isn't enough food / wine or the band may not be to my taste but you know what - the day wasn't organised for me and 99% of the time it's a lovely day out, I understand it can be a racket and some couples get carried away but the negativity here is just silly

LirW

iamwhoiam wrote: »

People are kind enough to invite you to their wedding and then get ripped apart for not " doing it as you would have done it "

It goes both ways though: There are couples that make everything incredibly awkward for their whole party and treat them badly and then there are guests that you wouldn't wanna invite for tea, never mind such an important event.

qwerty ui op

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Yes and thats fair enough . I just don't like people criticising every move a bride makes . Some brides are very reasonable and accomadating

I completely agree but that's not the problem, the problem is that Irish people are already fully stocked up on weddings and it doesn't matter how you arrange the flowers, many of your guest in a large wedding really don't want to be there. If the couple were assholes it would make the situation a lot easier.

iamwhoiam

People are kind enough to invite you to their wedding and then get ripped apart for not " doing it as you would have done it "

meeeeh

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

We've already explained why sometimes a bald refusal isn't really an option without causing difficulties or hurt feelings.

It's preferable to bitching behind their back in my opinion. I accept the wedding of close friends or family might be a bit hard to get out. There are not that many of those. Some complaints are understandable, if people are rude or ignorant, if service is not right or band too loud. But when you know advance where the wedding is and that you won't enjoy the travel or the location then just say no.

Gannicus

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

In fairness I do think it makes sense, where possible, to accommodate wedding guests in a separate part of the hotel. I have spent many nights in hotels being kept awake by loud, drunk wedding guests shouting and singing at 2am and ignoring repeated requests by staff to keep the noise down.
Likewise it is really off putting, the following day, to have the lounge or bar area completely taken over by hung over, bleary eyed wedding guests, making other hotel residents feel like they're crashing a private event.

I actually hate staying in a hotel when there's a wedding on, and avoid it if possible.

I agree with you totally when it comes to the noise levels etc for non staying guests and it is a good idea to keep them in a separate building or wing of the hotel, but for the hotel to do what they do with the prices to try and further gouge people (who are already gonna spend a lot of money) of that much more money is reprehensible.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Gannicus wrote: »

You don't have to go at all OP. Most people send out x amount of invites for y amount of spaces knowing that people won't go but may still send a small wedding gift or a few quid to the couple.

I've been to a few weddings over the years and only enjoyed 2 of them. The biggest bug to bear is how the hotels and venues know they are going to sell a heap of drink and rooms so they auto up the price and you say your with the "blah wedding" and get a quote unquote discounted rate on the room.

Was at a wedding there 2 years ago and the hotel had the reception hall (and some rooms) across a decent sized courtyard to the rooms and main hotel and there was a difference of €1 more in the price of the pints compared to the main bar. Needless to say once word got out the whole wedding shifted over to the main building and there was murder between the wedding party, their parents, and the hotel manager. about it. AFAIK after the wedding, solicitors got involved.

In fairness I do think it makes sense, where possible, to accommodate wedding guests in a separate part of the hotel. I have spent many nights in hotels being kept awake by loud, drunk wedding guests shouting and singing at 2am and ignoring repeated requests by staff to keep the noise down.
Likewise it is really off putting, the following day, to have the lounge or bar area completely taken over by hung over, bleary eyed wedding guests, making other hotel residents feel like they're crashing a private event.

I actually hate staying in a hotel when there's a wedding on, and avoid it if possible.

Gannicus

You don't have to go at all OP. Most people send out x amount of invites for y amount of spaces knowing that people won't go but may still send a small wedding gift or a few quid to the couple.

I've been to a few weddings over the years and only enjoyed 2 of them. The biggest bug to bear is how the hotels and venues know they are going to sell a heap of drink and rooms so they auto up the price and you say your with the "blah wedding" and get a quote unquote discounted rate on the room.

Was at a wedding there 2 years ago and the hotel had the reception hall (and some rooms) across a decent sized courtyard to the rooms and main hotel and there was a difference of €1 more in the price of the pints compared to the main bar. Needless to say once word got out the whole wedding shifted over to the main building and there was murder between the wedding party, their parents, and the hotel manager. about it. AFAIK after the wedding, solicitors got involved.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

meeeeh wrote: »

If only a word like 'no' would exist.

We've already explained why sometimes a bald refusal isn't really an option without causing difficulties or hurt feelings.

LirW

Nokotan wrote: »

I don't agree with that at all. I've gone into some weddings expecting it to be a bit of a chore, my girlfriend's colleague's wedding for example. I knew nobody at the wedding and thought I'd be bored out of my tree. However, I talked to people, they talked to me, we had some drinks, we had a dance and in the end it was a fantastic night full of happy people. I've not met or thought of any of them since but that doesn't matter.

It really depends hugely on the crowd. There are superb crowds that you could hang with days and then there are crowds being really stuck up and judgemental. I do look a little bit alternative and went to a wedding where the bride came from a very wealthy doctor family, a lot of her family was there and that was an incredibly uncomfortable and old crowd that was sitting around bitter and judging everything that doesn't remotely fit into their views. We then got seated on the table with one of the grooms cousins who was an incredible show-off and was only talking about his life achievements and where he travelled and then broke off an argument with another guest why they're vegetarian.
It's a bit of a lottery and you never know how this could turn out.

Seen both and it really can make or break the mood.

meeeeh

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

The problem though is that some weddings now make huge demands of the guests in terms of time, money and convenience. So really people are entitled to comment if they find those weddings a bit of a trial. I am more than happy for Bob and Sarah to get married in the middle of nowhere and to spend 3 hours being photographed in front of the lake and so on. But if there's pressure on me to attend, using up 3 days annual leave, spending hundreds of euro, and hanging around bored on one of my precious days off work, then I think I am entitled to have a view.

If only a word like 'no' would exist.

LirW

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

The problem though is that some weddings now make huge demands of the guests in terms of time, money and convenience. So really people are entitled to comment if they find those weddings a bit of a trial. I am more than happy for Bob and Sarah to get married in the middle of nowhere and to spend 3 hours being photographed in front of the lake and so on. But if there's pressure on me to attend, using up 3 days annual leave, spending hundreds of euro, and hanging around bored on one of my precious days off work, then I think I am entitled to have a view.

This is pretty much how I think about it.

iamwhoiam

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

The problem though is that some weddings now make huge demands of the guests in terms of time, money and convenience. So really people are entitled to comment if they find those weddings a bit of a trial. I am more than happy for Bob and Sarah to get married in the middle of nowhere and to spend 3 hours being photographed in front of the lake and so on. But if there's pressure on me to attend, using up 3 days annual leave, spending hundreds of euro, and hanging around bored on one of my precious days off work, then I think I am entitled to have a view.

Yes and thats fair enough . I just don't like people criticising every move a bride makes . Some brides are very reasonable and accomadating

c68zapdsm5i1ru

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Exactly . People can be so judgmental of others because they don't enjoy the sane things . I would hate jazz or country music at mine but for heavens sake I am happy for others that they get music that they enjoy . I don't understand the hostility toward tradition or whatever the couple happen to want

The problem though is that some weddings now make huge demands of the guests in terms of time, money and convenience. So really people are entitled to comment if they find those weddings a bit of a trial. I am more than happy for Bob and Sarah to get married in the middle of nowhere and to spend 3 hours being photographed in front of the lake and so on. But if there's pressure on me to attend, using up 3 days annual leave, spending hundreds of euro, and hanging around bored on one of my precious days off work, then I think I am entitled to have a view.

Salvation Tambourine

Nettle Soup wrote: »

Weddings are a real chore. People only pretend to like them.

I don't agree with that at all. I've gone into some weddings expecting it to be a bit of a chore, my girlfriend's colleague's wedding for example. I knew nobody at the wedding and thought I'd be bored out of my tree. However, I talked to people, they talked to me, we had some drinks, we had a dance and in the end it was a fantastic night full of happy people. I've not met or thought of any of them since but that doesn't matter.

Last December I went to a wedding in a small village in Latvia, close to the Russian border. it was in a village hall, the food was very Latvian and not to my taste. Not many people even spoke English but it was brilliant fun.

I've only been to about seven or eight weddings, I'm 28 now and there's going to be more on the horizon but I'm looking forward to each and every one of them because pretty much everyone is in a good mood and ready for a fun night.

My brother's wedding was one of the best nights I've ever had, I didn't want it to end. I've recently got engaged and can't wait to have all my friends and family in one room hopefully having a great time.

But sure I'm only pretending apparently.

irelandrover

The long wait after the church and before the meal always annoyed me. Its normally far too long to leave your guests with just a cupcake or a cracker smeared with pate.

Now i have a sandwich in the car for the drive from the church to the hotel.

meeeeh

splinter65 wrote: »

In the main they are basically all the same. The odd couple do their own thing but mostly it’s the same thing over and over.

What is 'their own thing'. Going for some food after civil ceremony with small party? Plenty of people do that you just probably won't be invited because they are smaller. Civil ceremony in the venue - fairly standard but there are less humanist celebrants available so there won't be as many. Eloping is hardly original, destination weddings are common, I've been to few.

I enjoyed myself at my own. We had about 65 guests, around 80 were invited. It was traditional wedding, we just made sure there was plenty of food and booze was free everywhere. I got one comment that people were hungry waiting for dinner. About half of finger food that was provided before dinner wasn't eaten (and I know the person complaining likes the type of food that was there). I just shrugged my shoulders. We had one other complaint from a relative that they didn't felt a bit sick because they 'had' to eat too much food. You just can't please everyone. Once you make a decent effort to accommodate people you just have to accept that not everyone will be happy no matter what you do.

Personally I just don't like the constant bickering about the stuff people that they know in advance will happen. I don't like people who can't wait to complain about something just so they can say something bad about the others and make themselves feel better. If you don't want to go to traditional/small/destination/humanist wedding then don't go.

woodchuck

I know a lot of people who have gotten married recently or are planning their weddings, so I've had to bite my tongue so much when they start stressing over things like needing a basket of flipflops in the loos. Nobody cares!!!

Oh you're doing it on a Tuesday, but you know your nearest and dearest are happy to make the effort? Keep dreaming.

You're doing a second day so that you can actually spend some time with your friends/family? Why bother with the circus of the first day at all so.

Your wedding is not going to be unique. Get over yourself.

Yer Da sells Avon

Not my idea of a good day out. But then, I prefer a good day in.

LirW

Also the stag/hen is now a few days abroad and a lot of wedding have a second day with a BBQ or some sort. Fair enough but not for me really. I've even read people saying that if you go to a wedding and want to spend some time with the bride and groom then go to the second day. Don't think that this is 100% fair, people travel, pay accommodation and so on and lots don't get a single minute to just talk to them.
Happened to us before, travelled 3 hours to some wedding of a good friend and while I was delighted for them tying the knot, the wedding was big and it felt like a summon with a lot of waiting and I think our whole group of friends didn't exchange a single word with the bride.
It was a long and for a lot of guests pretty boring day.

Personally, and this is just a personal opinion, I don't see the point in such a big wedding when a lot of people travel for you and get absolutely no acknowledgement for that. But then again back home wedding culture is very different, weddings are generally very small, outdoors and it all takes place in one location close to the couples home.

theteal

I can't think of any weddings that I've attended that I didn't want to. We have turned down a few as we just couldn't afford them/work commitments/prior appointments - not a second thought given. I also can't think of a wedding that I didn't enjoy - sure one or two, the churchy bit might have went on too long etc but the day overall was never a disappointment.

One thing I will say, for ye complaining about Irish weddings, I've been to a few English weddings at this stage and they leave a lot to be desired, one last week finished at 22:30, that was it, no resi bar, nothing, everyone left hanging. . .I was only getting warmed and about to break out the robot!

iamwhoiam

splinter65 wrote: »

In the main they are basically all the same. The odd couple do their own thing but mostly it’s the same thing over and over.

So are most ceromonies really but sure at the end of the day as long as they are happy and content . Only one really stands out for me as being annoying and that was down to an obnoxious priest who lectured the guests and was rude and horrible ! So bad that even us oldies got bold in the church !!

splinter65

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Thats a bit of a generalistion . There are 2018 weddings in all shapes and sizes .

In the main they are basically all the same. The odd couple do their own thing but mostly it’s the same thing over and over.