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Child Item

Weddings - a terrible day out.

JohnnyFlash

Opened the letter box this morning, and discovered an invite to the wedding of my nephew and his girlfriend. Has put me in bad mood as a result. I’ll have to go, but I’d rather get a 5-fingered prostate exam than attend to be honest. Does anyone actually enjoy Irish weddings?

They take all day. They cost a fortune. The food is nearly always shîte, you end up talking to cousins and other relations you hate, the speeches are always the same, you can’t get too drunk or the extended family will be gossiping about you, you don’t know who you’ll be sitting beside, the music is terrible. Just a really bad day out. The only positive is that there’s a decent chance you’ll get the ride at the end of the night.

When will start having w mature conversation about this? No one wants to go to these dreadful affairs only Bridezilla and her bridesmaids. Fiasco.

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Heres Johnny

7 or 8 weddings to attend in a lifetime should be sufficient.
From the age of 25 to now, I'm 35, it has been about 10 a year.
Can't be doing that to yourself.
They're all the exact same.
What's seldom can be wonderful, but not when you find yourself on the circuit.

Appledreams15

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

HeidiHeidi wrote: »

You don't HAVE to go, you know.

You kind of do though. And you have to give 150 as a gift if you’re single, or 300 if you’re a couple. They are nearly always a complete waste of a day. As I said, the only positive is that there’s a decent chance you’ll chat up a bird later on in the evenings, and retire to the massively overpriced room for a bit of the beast with two backs.

Why do you have to go. I've turned down the last 2 weddings I was invited to. Dodge them!

valoren

hynesie08 wrote: »

So...............Deliveroo

Well a spin off of that but with discretion completely assured. You don't want to offend the bride and groom by having a uniformed cyclist milling about quizzically in the reception room. The deliverer is plain clothed and hands over the food discreetly away from the function room to ravenous guests.

splinter65

theyoungchap wrote: »

I think this might be an Irish thing - for our wedding, people flew from Australia, USA, and Canada and various parts of Europe! In total, almost 50 people flew in.

I think Irish people just love to complain, even about a happy occasion for people they (presumably) at least think something of. Couples go to enormous effort and expense for years for 1 day in their lives and all people can do is whinge about having to go? I know I'd rather people didn't bother coming!!

Even the people who love you very much find your modern Irish wedding expensive and too long and dragged out.
It’s how the weddings have metamorphosed over the last 20 years into these “extravaganzas” of excess and stamina I think that annoys people of my age.
What most wedding guests would like is if there was a minimum amount of effort required in actually traveling to your wedding.
You really liked that sweet little chapel up in the mountains in rural Tipperary. But it took so long to get there. And in the pouring rain it wasn’t really that sweet. And there wasn’t enough parking there so I had to park 10 minutes away.
And the hotel grounds certainly were nice for the purpose of your photos but the accommodation was too expensive and we had to book a B&B in the nearest town which meant either not drinking or booking taxis.
Speaking of photos, we wanted to wish you the best and tell you how well you looked but you disappeared after the church for nearly 2 hours. There were no snacks or anything back at the hotel and we couldn’t go back to the B&B. The alcohol was expensive at the hotel and anyway we don’t normally drink at that hour of the day.
Some tea and coffee and biscuits and a bit of cake would have filled the gap, instead of the ice cream van.
A bit boring I know but there you go.
Too many speeches. On and on it went, too many “in jokes” that only one or two understood. Should have just been the father of the bride and the best man.
The food was only so so.
In order to afford the hotel you had to sacrifice a few things, including the cake.
The cardboard cake looked ludicrous.
There wasn’t enough finger food later on either.
We all went to bed hungry.
The band were good!

iamwhoiam

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

This thread has turned into a competition of who had the plainest / smallest / shortest wedding. We get it, some of you don't enjoy weddings but there seems to be a snobbery here looking down on people who enjoy inviting a big gang and having a party.

My own wedding wasn't a very big one (in that there wasn't random neighbours invited etc, just close friends and family) but I really enjoy attending friends weddings where we can all catch up and hang out for a couple of days. If it weren't for weddings we'd barely see each other and it's lovely for the bride and groom to feel special and loved by those most important to them for a short time, what's the harm in it?

Exactly . People can be so judgmental of others because they don't enjoy the sane things . I would hate jazz or country music at mine but for heavens sake I am happy for others that they get music that they enjoy . I don't understand the hostility toward tradition or whatever the couple happen to want

Graces7

It is the way weddings/preparations have become Big Business; Fairs etc.

splinter65

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Exactly . People can be so judgmental of others because they don't enjoy the sane things . I would hate jazz or country music at mine but for heavens sake I am happy for others that they get music that they enjoy . I don't understand the hostility toward tradition or whatever the couple happen to want

But 2018 wedding has nothing to do with “tradition” or really what the couple “want”.
It’s a couple basically following a check box list in order to arrange a weekend event which will be superior in some way to the last identical weekend event the guests attended.
There is rarely any nod towards tradition at all.

iamwhoiam

splinter65 wrote: »

But 2018 wedding has nothing to do with “tradition” or really what the couple “want”.
It’s a couple basically following a check box list in order to arrange a weekend event which will be superior in some way to the last identical weekend event the guests attended.
There is rarely any nod towards tradition at all.

Thats a bit of a generalistion . There are 2018 weddings in all shapes and sizes .
I have one close to me and delighted to see the couple enjoy picking what they love and enjoy . She ( or he ) are in no competition with anyone at all . Not fair to generalise in my opinion

jk23

splinter65 wrote: »

But 2018 wedding has nothing to do with “tradition” or really what the couple “want”.
It’s a couple basically following a check box list in order to arrange a weekend event which will be superior in some way to the last identical weekend event the guests attended.
There is rarely any nod towards tradition at all.

Agreed. See flash mob dances at churches or singing by bride or bridesmaid after the initial one went viral at a reception!

duffman13

I've only gone to one wedding in the last 10 years where me or my missus weren't part of the bridal party. I've a few upcoming including my own.

Civil ceremony for me on at 3.30 on a Saturday, all in the one venue, guests can rock up and stay the night or it's a short hop home for the majority of guests if they don't want to stay. Only having a one day affair and tbh I've been a little surprised with the amount of people asking why we aren't having a second day!

A couple of weeks from now I've a wedding 2 and a half hours from the majority of the guests, in a church with an "atheist" groom on a Thursday, ceremony at 1pm. I'll go because my missus is a bridesmaid but it'll end out probably being 3 nights in a hotel for that one.

My general rule of thumb is if im surprised by an invitation then I'll decline ie I haven't spoken to the person in a long time or didn't know they were engaged. I do enjoy weddings generally though.

duffman13

Graces7 wrote: »

It is the way weddings/preparations have become Big Business; Fairs etc.

Wedding fairs are a joke, if people book someone at one those things in the RDS then they need their head examined. Suppliers at then gouge you so badly on price

mcgiggles

I've been to the guts of 20 weddings over the last few years, all at different places around Ireland and I've never had bad food at a wedding!

It bugs me that people are trying to do things at weddings in order for them to go viral! The hotel we had ours at, the last few years it seems to be the "thing" to drivein into the reception room in a tractor or vintage car or on a motorbike.. Like come on! One of the lads in work was asking me what we had planned for our entrance like how we are coming into the ballroom.. Eh.. The old fashioned way! On our own 2 feet!!

splinter65

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Thats a bit of a generalistion . There are 2018 weddings in all shapes and sizes .

In the main they are basically all the same. The odd couple do their own thing but mostly it’s the same thing over and over.

iamwhoiam

splinter65 wrote: »

In the main they are basically all the same. The odd couple do their own thing but mostly it’s the same thing over and over.

So are most ceromonies really but sure at the end of the day as long as they are happy and content . Only one really stands out for me as being annoying and that was down to an obnoxious priest who lectured the guests and was rude and horrible ! So bad that even us oldies got bold in the church !!

theteal

I can't think of any weddings that I've attended that I didn't want to. We have turned down a few as we just couldn't afford them/work commitments/prior appointments - not a second thought given. I also can't think of a wedding that I didn't enjoy - sure one or two, the churchy bit might have went on too long etc but the day overall was never a disappointment.

One thing I will say, for ye complaining about Irish weddings, I've been to a few English weddings at this stage and they leave a lot to be desired, one last week finished at 22:30, that was it, no resi bar, nothing, everyone left hanging. . .I was only getting warmed and about to break out the robot!

LirW

Also the stag/hen is now a few days abroad and a lot of wedding have a second day with a BBQ or some sort. Fair enough but not for me really. I've even read people saying that if you go to a wedding and want to spend some time with the bride and groom then go to the second day. Don't think that this is 100% fair, people travel, pay accommodation and so on and lots don't get a single minute to just talk to them.
Happened to us before, travelled 3 hours to some wedding of a good friend and while I was delighted for them tying the knot, the wedding was big and it felt like a summon with a lot of waiting and I think our whole group of friends didn't exchange a single word with the bride.
It was a long and for a lot of guests pretty boring day.

Personally, and this is just a personal opinion, I don't see the point in such a big wedding when a lot of people travel for you and get absolutely no acknowledgement for that. But then again back home wedding culture is very different, weddings are generally very small, outdoors and it all takes place in one location close to the couples home.

Yer Da sells Avon

Not my idea of a good day out. But then, I prefer a good day in.

woodchuck

I know a lot of people who have gotten married recently or are planning their weddings, so I've had to bite my tongue so much when they start stressing over things like needing a basket of flipflops in the loos. Nobody cares!!!

Oh you're doing it on a Tuesday, but you know your nearest and dearest are happy to make the effort? Keep dreaming.

You're doing a second day so that you can actually spend some time with your friends/family? Why bother with the circus of the first day at all so.

Your wedding is not going to be unique. Get over yourself.

meeeeh

splinter65 wrote: »

In the main they are basically all the same. The odd couple do their own thing but mostly it’s the same thing over and over.

What is 'their own thing'. Going for some food after civil ceremony with small party? Plenty of people do that you just probably won't be invited because they are smaller. Civil ceremony in the venue - fairly standard but there are less humanist celebrants available so there won't be as many. Eloping is hardly original, destination weddings are common, I've been to few.

I enjoyed myself at my own. We had about 65 guests, around 80 were invited. It was traditional wedding, we just made sure there was plenty of food and booze was free everywhere. I got one comment that people were hungry waiting for dinner. About half of finger food that was provided before dinner wasn't eaten (and I know the person complaining likes the type of food that was there). I just shrugged my shoulders. We had one other complaint from a relative that they didn't felt a bit sick because they 'had' to eat too much food. You just can't please everyone. Once you make a decent effort to accommodate people you just have to accept that not everyone will be happy no matter what you do.

Personally I just don't like the constant bickering about the stuff people that they know in advance will happen. I don't like people who can't wait to complain about something just so they can say something bad about the others and make themselves feel better. If you don't want to go to traditional/small/destination/humanist wedding then don't go.

irelandrover

The long wait after the church and before the meal always annoyed me. Its normally far too long to leave your guests with just a cupcake or a cracker smeared with pate.

Now i have a sandwich in the car for the drive from the church to the hotel.

Salvation Tambourine

Nettle Soup wrote: »

Weddings are a real chore. People only pretend to like them.

I don't agree with that at all. I've gone into some weddings expecting it to be a bit of a chore, my girlfriend's colleague's wedding for example. I knew nobody at the wedding and thought I'd be bored out of my tree. However, I talked to people, they talked to me, we had some drinks, we had a dance and in the end it was a fantastic night full of happy people. I've not met or thought of any of them since but that doesn't matter.

Last December I went to a wedding in a small village in Latvia, close to the Russian border. it was in a village hall, the food was very Latvian and not to my taste. Not many people even spoke English but it was brilliant fun.

I've only been to about seven or eight weddings, I'm 28 now and there's going to be more on the horizon but I'm looking forward to each and every one of them because pretty much everyone is in a good mood and ready for a fun night.

My brother's wedding was one of the best nights I've ever had, I didn't want it to end. I've recently got engaged and can't wait to have all my friends and family in one room hopefully having a great time.

But sure I'm only pretending apparently.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

iamwhoiam wrote: »

Exactly . People can be so judgmental of others because they don't enjoy the sane things . I would hate jazz or country music at mine but for heavens sake I am happy for others that they get music that they enjoy . I don't understand the hostility toward tradition or whatever the couple happen to want

The problem though is that some weddings now make huge demands of the guests in terms of time, money and convenience. So really people are entitled to comment if they find those weddings a bit of a trial. I am more than happy for Bob and Sarah to get married in the middle of nowhere and to spend 3 hours being photographed in front of the lake and so on. But if there's pressure on me to attend, using up 3 days annual leave, spending hundreds of euro, and hanging around bored on one of my precious days off work, then I think I am entitled to have a view.

iamwhoiam

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

The problem though is that some weddings now make huge demands of the guests in terms of time, money and convenience. So really people are entitled to comment if they find those weddings a bit of a trial. I am more than happy for Bob and Sarah to get married in the middle of nowhere and to spend 3 hours being photographed in front of the lake and so on. But if there's pressure on me to attend, using up 3 days annual leave, spending hundreds of euro, and hanging around bored on one of my precious days off work, then I think I am entitled to have a view.

Yes and thats fair enough . I just don't like people criticising every move a bride makes . Some brides are very reasonable and accomadating

LirW

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

The problem though is that some weddings now make huge demands of the guests in terms of time, money and convenience. So really people are entitled to comment if they find those weddings a bit of a trial. I am more than happy for Bob and Sarah to get married in the middle of nowhere and to spend 3 hours being photographed in front of the lake and so on. But if there's pressure on me to attend, using up 3 days annual leave, spending hundreds of euro, and hanging around bored on one of my precious days off work, then I think I am entitled to have a view.

This is pretty much how I think about it.

meeeeh

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

The problem though is that some weddings now make huge demands of the guests in terms of time, money and convenience. So really people are entitled to comment if they find those weddings a bit of a trial. I am more than happy for Bob and Sarah to get married in the middle of nowhere and to spend 3 hours being photographed in front of the lake and so on. But if there's pressure on me to attend, using up 3 days annual leave, spending hundreds of euro, and hanging around bored on one of my precious days off work, then I think I am entitled to have a view.

If only a word like 'no' would exist.

LirW

Nokotan wrote: »

I don't agree with that at all. I've gone into some weddings expecting it to be a bit of a chore, my girlfriend's colleague's wedding for example. I knew nobody at the wedding and thought I'd be bored out of my tree. However, I talked to people, they talked to me, we had some drinks, we had a dance and in the end it was a fantastic night full of happy people. I've not met or thought of any of them since but that doesn't matter.

It really depends hugely on the crowd. There are superb crowds that you could hang with days and then there are crowds being really stuck up and judgemental. I do look a little bit alternative and went to a wedding where the bride came from a very wealthy doctor family, a lot of her family was there and that was an incredibly uncomfortable and old crowd that was sitting around bitter and judging everything that doesn't remotely fit into their views. We then got seated on the table with one of the grooms cousins who was an incredible show-off and was only talking about his life achievements and where he travelled and then broke off an argument with another guest why they're vegetarian.
It's a bit of a lottery and you never know how this could turn out.

Seen both and it really can make or break the mood.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

meeeeh wrote: »

If only a word like 'no' would exist.

We've already explained why sometimes a bald refusal isn't really an option without causing difficulties or hurt feelings.

Gannicus

You don't have to go at all OP. Most people send out x amount of invites for y amount of spaces knowing that people won't go but may still send a small wedding gift or a few quid to the couple.

I've been to a few weddings over the years and only enjoyed 2 of them. The biggest bug to bear is how the hotels and venues know they are going to sell a heap of drink and rooms so they auto up the price and you say your with the "blah wedding" and get a quote unquote discounted rate on the room.

Was at a wedding there 2 years ago and the hotel had the reception hall (and some rooms) across a decent sized courtyard to the rooms and main hotel and there was a difference of €1 more in the price of the pints compared to the main bar. Needless to say once word got out the whole wedding shifted over to the main building and there was murder between the wedding party, their parents, and the hotel manager. about it. AFAIK after the wedding, solicitors got involved.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Gannicus wrote: »

You don't have to go at all OP. Most people send out x amount of invites for y amount of spaces knowing that people won't go but may still send a small wedding gift or a few quid to the couple.

I've been to a few weddings over the years and only enjoyed 2 of them. The biggest bug to bear is how the hotels and venues know they are going to sell a heap of drink and rooms so they auto up the price and you say your with the "blah wedding" and get a quote unquote discounted rate on the room.

Was at a wedding there 2 years ago and the hotel had the reception hall (and some rooms) across a decent sized courtyard to the rooms and main hotel and there was a difference of €1 more in the price of the pints compared to the main bar. Needless to say once word got out the whole wedding shifted over to the main building and there was murder between the wedding party, their parents, and the hotel manager. about it. AFAIK after the wedding, solicitors got involved.

In fairness I do think it makes sense, where possible, to accommodate wedding guests in a separate part of the hotel. I have spent many nights in hotels being kept awake by loud, drunk wedding guests shouting and singing at 2am and ignoring repeated requests by staff to keep the noise down.
Likewise it is really off putting, the following day, to have the lounge or bar area completely taken over by hung over, bleary eyed wedding guests, making other hotel residents feel like they're crashing a private event.

I actually hate staying in a hotel when there's a wedding on, and avoid it if possible.

Gannicus

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

In fairness I do think it makes sense, where possible, to accommodate wedding guests in a separate part of the hotel. I have spent many nights in hotels being kept awake by loud, drunk wedding guests shouting and singing at 2am and ignoring repeated requests by staff to keep the noise down.
Likewise it is really off putting, the following day, to have the lounge or bar area completely taken over by hung over, bleary eyed wedding guests, making other hotel residents feel like they're crashing a private event.

I actually hate staying in a hotel when there's a wedding on, and avoid it if possible.

I agree with you totally when it comes to the noise levels etc for non staying guests and it is a good idea to keep them in a separate building or wing of the hotel, but for the hotel to do what they do with the prices to try and further gouge people (who are already gonna spend a lot of money) of that much more money is reprehensible.