Weddings - a terrible day out.

GreeBo

We were very nice to people.

Dublin wedding, inviting only Dublin people and only family were at the Church.

So basically all anyone needed to do was join us from 6 for Dinner and drinks and go home when they wanted. (When the tab ran out :P)
Basically cost was a Taxi and a babysitter in some cases.

Shag that hotel in the midlands crap.

knucklehead6

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

You kind of do though. And you have to give 150 as a gift if you’re single, or 300 if you’re a couple. They are nearly always a complete waste of a day. As I said, the only positive is that there’s a decent chance you’ll chat up a bird later on in the evenings, and retire to the massively overpriced room for a bit of the beast with two backs.

Ahhh

We get to the point of the thread...

Johnny Flash is wealthy and needed to show it

theyoungchap

Got married a couple of years ago, maybe it is only when you get married yourself you realise what the day means to the couple involved.....gives you a new appreciation of weddings I have found.

Personally, I would rather people hadn't came if they viewed it as a chore. But it was their choice to come after all.

There is no "you have to give 200 quid" rule. If you have a load of weddings, or can't afford it, drop the present. Some
people gave us a small gift which is just as nice.

No couple will give 2 ***** whether you attend or not. We asked people out of feeling an obligation to do so....a few no's etc and I can honestly say we breathed a sigh of relief in some cases!

People complain about cost of hotel - drive then and leave early. Or stay in a local B&B. No couple will care that Paddy Murphy went home after the meal. Plenty of people left our wedding after the meal, thanked us for inviting them, we thanked them for coming, nobody cares when you leave.

I have been to all sorts of weddings, but as I get older I now realise they are the only occasion where I see some people, cousins, college friends, etc - other than funerals of parents, etc.

I have a massive problem with overseas weddings - they cost a fortune, you are generally forced into some poxy location which you can't leave because some narcissistic couple want to be indulged for the day with no distractions. I went to one a few years ago and will never go to another unless it is a relative from the country they are getting married in.

Irish people just love to complain about everything!

GreeBo

knucklehead6 wrote: »

Ahhh

We get to the point of the thread...

Johnny Flash is wealthy and needed to show it

Johnny Flash a.k.a. Flash Johnny

Spanish Eyes

A colleague had an "old fashioned" wedding breakfast/lunch thing last year. It was a small affair of about 25 people. (family only, so I wasn't one of them!)

Registry office around midday, off to long lunch somewhere can't remember think it was Schoolhouse. B+G legged it at 6pm and left a tab at the bar. No band or music either.

Now that sounds ideal to me!

Retro weddings, please come back! But I reckon that type of wedding would really only suit small gatherings, but still.....

pickarooney

qwerty ui op wrote: »

Simply not true. My OH was been in the same job for the last 5 years during that time she has obviously made work friends, 4 or 5 of those have been very good to her over that time. One of those friends(really sound girl) is to get married in 2 months, all she can talk about for the last few months is the wedding.
If my OH doesn't go to the wedding it will certainly mean the end of the friendship. If we don't go as a couple it will also cause problems.

This is how weddings work.

How is the problem solved by simply not going?

Who needs petty, childish "friends" like that?

erica74

LirW wrote: »

I always get the cringe when people give out about what they "have" to give. If you only can afford to give a box of biscuits, then give that. If you wanna get them a Tipperary crystal vase, do that. Sure, cash makes sense because they can do whatever, but the couple can't act like ar5ehole royalty when they get some picture frame or so.

This will tell you how ingrained the whole "have to" give a wedding gift idea is. When my husband and I got married, we told all of our guests that we didn't want gifts, no gifts, nothing, just come to the wedding if you can. We had 20 guests altogether. A few additional people were invited but couldn't make it but were insistent on sending a gift anyway "but sure we have to give you something", eh no.

LirW

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

A colleague had an "old fashioned" wedding breakfast/lunch thing last year. It was a small affair of about 25 people. (family only, so I wasn't one of them!)

Registry office around midday, off to long lunch somewhere can't remember think it was Schoolhouse. B+G legged it at 6pm and left a tab at the bar. No band or music either.

Now that sounds ideal to me!

Retro weddings, please come back! But I reckon that type of wedding would really only suit small gatherings, but still.....

We're having that, casual gathering with 18 people, registry office and some fancy early dinner in a function room with a private bar. They'll kick us out at 11 latest, whoever wants to go can go, no obligations. It's kind of nice keeping the timeline open to see what happens. Wedding car is probably going to be a Dublin taxi :pac:

c68zapdsm5i1ru

murpho999 wrote: »

This gift thing does annoy me.

You do not have to give €150.

Why would you? I have gone to plenty of weddings and given €100 as a couple and not been an issue.

How can people complain about a gift?

I've heard other people justifying by saying well the couple are paying for your food etc but I think that's rubbish.

You should be invited as you mean something to them and they want you to be part of their day and not just be a cash cow.

Weddings should be viewed as one of those occasions in life that cost money.

Years ago people just got household stuff as presents so where does this ridiculous idea of €150 a head come from?[/QUOTE]

Since weddings got bigger and flashier and turned into three ring circuses. Expectations around the gift have also grown. Obviously we're all eejits to go along with it, but at the same time no one wants to be seen as the miser who only gave forty euro.

Spanish Eyes

LirW wrote: »

We're having that, casual gathering with 18 people, registry office and some fancy early dinner in a function room with a private bar. They'll kick us out at 11 latest, whoever wants to go can go, no obligations. It's kind of nice keeping the timeline open to see what happens. Wedding car is probably going to be a Dublin taxi :pac:

Congratulations and best of luck for your day. Sounds great!

erica74

qwerty ui op wrote: »

Simply not true. My OH was been in the same job for the last 5 years during that time she has obviously made work friends, 4 or 5 of those have been very good to her over that time. One of those friends(really sound girl) is to get married in 2 months, all she can talk about for the last few months is the wedding.
If my OH doesn't go to the wedding it will certainly mean the end of the friendship. If we don't go as a couple it will also cause problems.

This is how weddings work.

How is the problem solved by simply not going?

Nowhere in your post have you stated that you or your OH don't want to go to the wedding so I don't really see your point? If you want to go, then go, if you don't want to go, then don't go.

Chaos Tourist

I got invited to a (relatives) wedding for the first time last year. I didn't go for reasons similar to what the OP said. I wouldn't see them from one end of the year to another. Here's to many more turn downs of invites. That's something I could toast to.

Graces7

Malayalam wrote: »

Hate them. Ran off and got married in secret abroad myself and saved everyone the bother. And the siblings and in laws had very quiet, lovely, low-key affairs. I cannot understand people shelling out that much money - you could have a fab holiday every year for a couple of decades with that amount of dosh! And probably love each other all the more because of it. The few I have been to seemed super stressful for at least the bride - plus the make-up, Jesus Christ, what's going on there!

Reminds me of a young unmarried mother I met many years ago here. She and he wanted to get married but they both had huge families and were trying to build a house to live in. Could not do both

So we arranged a small secret wedding as I knew the local Franciscans. I made the cake and did the flowers and just the couple, the little one and a couple of her friends in a small church.
A quiet meal after..

Then later when they had finished their home, they had a big party.

scarepanda

marvin80 wrote: »

Biggest load of sh*t ever:
- People having a big church wedding even though they haven't been in the church in years and then expect you to do the same.
- Then you have the hassle of driving to the church and to the hotel afterwards - couple of hours driving if you're not living in the same town as the church or hotel.
- Cheap, miserable cu*ts having their wedding on a Thursday (Friday isn't as bad) and you've to take a few days off work for it. Have a friend tell me he was doing this on purpose, cheaper but they'll still make loads of money from gifts.
- So much waiting around between the church, hotel, dinner etc..
- Speeches are usually sh*t - go on for ages and loads of in-jokes that no-one outside the immediate family get.
- Music is usually sh*t.
- Spending 30k on a piss-up - most people starting married life in debt because of it - idiots.
- Spending stupid money on stuff like the engagement rings - even though their real value is only about a 10th of the actual price.
- The traditions like asking the father of the bride for permission to marry his daughter or giving her away like she's a commodity.

Marvin80, I agree with you on pretty much every point except the day (we got married on a Friday because the date meant something to us), but you wouldn't believe the hassle we had because we didn't get married in a church, didn't have a big wedding (by Irish standards), didn't invite every relation just because they were uncle/aunts etc to ye full day.

We spent less than half of an average Irish wedding, all from savings and engagement and marriage rings cost about €800 total.
We didn't want our guests to feel under any pressure regarding costs, kept the wedding local so people didn't have to stay, asked for no gifts, stressed to people as we spoke to them not to bother going to get a new outfit etc.

So we didn't do a lot of the traditional things that make up and Irish wedding and it was still thrown at us that we just wanted to be different etc. Some relations had a huff at not being invited to the whole day (all bar 1 got either a full or evening invite). I was never so happy to have a day over and done with.

jimgoose

qwerty ui op wrote: »

Simply not true. My OH was been in the same job for the last 5 years during that time she has obviously made work friends, 4 or 5 of those have been very good to her over that time. One of those friends(really sound girl) is to get married in 2 months, all she can talk about for the last few months is the wedding.
If my OH doesn't go to the wedding it will certainly mean the end of the friendship. If we don't go as a couple it will also cause problems.

This is how weddings work...

No it isn't. If someone throws an enormous relationship-ending strop because they don't get their own way then I don't have any interest in them. You get to a certain stage in life where you just don't entertain this sort of horseshit anymore.

LirW

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

Congratulations and best of luck for your day. Sounds great!

Thanks!

I don't really see why I should play the game, I wouldn't feel comfortable. I rather have a fancy dinner with my closest because I love food and want to spoil them too. It's sad that a lot of women especially are lured into the whole thing and everything has to be an experience. The make-up trial, the hair trial, the dress shopping experience where people spend morbid money on dresses they wear for a few hours. Perfume experiences, wedding fairs, wedding magazines, fancy car for the trip, wedding stylist for the latest trend look to score a few pins on Instagram.
Honeymoon for crazy money right after it.

It's just completely missing the point somehow.

Zebra3

marvin80 wrote: »

Biggest load of sh*t ever:
- People having a big church wedding even though they haven't been in the church in years and then expect you to do the same.
- Then you have the hassle of driving to the church and to the hotel afterwards - couple of hours driving if you're not living in the same town as the church or hotel.
- Cheap, miserable cu*ts having their wedding on a Thursday (Friday isn't as bad) and you've to take a few days off work for it. Have a friend tell me he was doing this on purpose, cheaper but they'll still make loads of money from gifts.
- So much waiting around between the church, hotel, dinner etc..
- Speeches are usually sh*t - go on for ages and loads of in-jokes that no-one outside the immediate family get.
- Music is usually sh*t.
- Spending 30k on a piss-up - most people starting married life in debt because of it - idiots.
- Spending stupid money on stuff like the engagement rings - even though their real value is only about a 10th of the actual price.
- The traditions like asking the father of the bride for permission to marry his daughter or giving her away like she's a commodity.

Couldn’t agree more with all that.

The stench of hypocrisy of non-religious people getting married in a church and starting their life with vows intertwined with lies. And the stench of hypocrisy in the (usually) RC Church in staging the wedding of people who don’t give a toss about its’ “values”, but hey, it’s €300 tax-free payment for them. I mean, “voluntary donation”!!!!!! :rolleyes:

And lest we forget the bride turning up late cause you know, “she’s important”. Was at one wedding where she was over 40 minutes late. Very close to walking out on that one.

And as for the wedding on a Thursday.... I have actually heard people say they plan to get married on a Thursday because they expect people to take two days holidays for their gig.

Edit-Almost forgot, the same poxy music at almost every wedding. Nearly fainted at a couple of weddings I’ve been to when the Smiths and the Jam were played!!! Shove your Rock The Boat.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Zebra3 wrote: »

Couldn’t agree more with all that.

The stench of hypocrisy of non-religious people getting married in a church and starting their life with vows intertwined with lies. And the stench of hypocrisy in the (usually) RC Church in staging the wedding of people who don’t give a toss about its’ “values”, but hey, it’s €300 tax-free payment for them. I mean, “voluntary donation”!!!!!! :rolleyes:

And lest we forget the bride turning up late cause you know, “she’s important”. Was at one wedding where she was over 40 minutes late. Very close to walking out on that one.

And as for the wedding on a Thursday.... I have actually heard people say they plan to get married on a Thursday because they expect people to take two days holidays for their gig.

I know people involved in the Church and believe me, they would far prefer if couples to whom the sacrament is meaningless didn't partake in it, just using the Church as a pretty and traditional back drop for their 'big day'. The donation goes towards the upkeep of the church, cleaning it, maintaining the organ and the red carpet, heating the church if it's Winter and so on. It's not a profit making exercise.

AnneFrank

I hate weddings, if it's for love why not just get married with direct family somewhere nice,
otherwise it's just for show

Zebra3

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

I know people involved in the Church and believe me, they would far prefer if couples to whom the sacrament is meaningless didn't partake in it, just using the Church as a pretty and traditional back drop for their 'big day'. The donation goes towards the upkeep of the church, cleaning it, maintaining the organ and the red carpet, heating the church if it's Winter and so on. It's not a profit making exercise.

LOL. Of course not.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

Zebra3 wrote: »

LOL. Of course not.

Well, believe what you like.

Hector Savage

JohhnyFlash you should be excited about it tho, if your exploits on other threads are to be believed - you are in for some saucy times in a young ladies boudoir !!!!

You might even get a horn on ya that would bring order to a Wicklow GAA match*


*I stole that one from somewhere ...

DaeryssaOne

LirW wrote: »

Thanks!

I don't really see why I should play the game, I wouldn't feel comfortable. I rather have a fancy dinner with my closest because I love food and want to spoil them too. It's sad that a lot of women especially are lured into the whole thing and everything has to be an experience. The make-up trial, the hair trial, the dress shopping experience where people spend morbid money on dresses they wear for a few hours. Perfume experiences, wedding fairs, wedding magazines, fancy car for the trip, wedding stylist for the latest trend look to score a few pins on Instagram.
Honeymoon for crazy money right after it.

It's just completely missing the point somehow.

Some women (and men) really enjoy all the planning and fuss that goes with it and I don't think that takes away from the meaning of their marriage!

I would consider myself to have been a fairly middle of the road bride - I enjoyed getting a hair and make up trial as it was a lovely excuse to treat myself and feel special but had no interest in attending wedding fairs or anything like that.
I certainly don't judge anyone who does enjoy going to wedding fairs though, making all these plans can be great fun and especially when the two of you are enthusiastic about it (even if you have to hide your enthusiasm in front of miserable friends who hate weddings).

It's pretty patronising to think that 'women are lured into it' as if you alone see through the charade and therefore your marriage means more because you didn't have a big wedding.

erica74

Meadow Freezing Newsman wrote: »

I know people involved in the Church and believe me, they would far prefer if couples to whom the sacrament is meaningless didn't partake in it, just using the Church as a pretty and traditional back drop for their 'big day'. The donation goes towards the upkeep of the church, cleaning it, maintaining the organ and the red carpet, heating the church if it's Winter and so on. It's not a profit making exercise.

Why don't the churches just refuse to marry these people then?

Herb Powell

I've managed to only attend about 4 weddings in my life, I'd say, but then again I'm still too young to be in the wedding apocalypse age bracket, so we'll see how that goes in the next few years.......

Tbh I've enjoyed the weddings I've been at. The last one a few years ago was particularly good, just because it was mostly all sound people who I know anyway, in a nice location with excellent food.

My cousin is getting married in a few months, and it's happening in my city so there's no convenience issue. Really looking forward to it tbh, because they're a chilled-out couple, so I know the bullshiit will be kept to an absolute minimum, and there'll be other people there who I haven't seen in years.

iamwhoiam

LirW wrote: »

Thanks!

I don't really see why I should play the game, I wouldn't feel comfortable. I rather have a fancy dinner with my closest because I love food and want to spoil them too. It's sad that a lot of women especially are lured into the whole thing and everything has to be an experience. The make-up trial, the hair trial, the dress shopping experience where people spend morbid money on dresses they wear for a few hours. Perfume experiences, wedding fairs, wedding magazines, fancy car for the trip, wedding stylist for the latest trend look to score a few pins on Instagram.
Honeymoon for crazy money right after it.

It's just completely missing the point somehow.

You dont have to play any game at all .No one is forcing you but why criticise others for doing what they feel is what they would like ? You enjoy your way and let others enjoy their way

Conor Bourke

iamwhoiam wrote: »

How was it worded as a matter of interest ?

I forget the exact wording but basically it was all very lighthearted and irreverent, and poking fun at the commonly held “weddings are a pox” trope. They were the most laid back people and the wedding was so relaxed and enjoyable as a result. Zero notions, just a load of people who were pleased to be there to celebrate their happy day.

murpho999 wrote: »

Mmm. I had that too, wonder was it the same wedding?

Bank holiday weekend in Gorey?

Nope, Sept in the midlands.

c68zapdsm5i1ru

erica74 wrote: »

Why don't the churches just refuse to marry these people then?

Lots of reasons I presume. If they're both baptised they are, strictly speaking, Catholics entitled according to church law to marry in a church.
The priest doesn't want to discourage people who may be taking a first step back towards the church.
Nowadays it's very hard to know who attends Mass and who doesn't due to larger parishes, people living abroad and coming home to get married.
Also, presumably, because there would be uproar if they refused someone and the Church would be accused of being 'unwelcoming', 'discriminatory' and so on.

Steve F

knucklehead6 wrote: »

Ahhh

We get to the point of the thread...

Johnny Flash is wealthy and needed to show it

Fast forward to 40 seconds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwbfWR3VGuc

Spanish Eyes

iamwhoiam wrote: »

You dont have to play any game at all .No one is forcing you but why criticise others for doing what they feel is what they would like ? You enjoy your way and let others enjoy their way

Thing is, most people, judging by the comments (including my own) would prefer LirWs way!