Sex party, have you ever been?

demanufactured

I'd say the lads are too busy horsing the sausage up the chocolate stairway of some young polish wan who's absolutely gagging for it.

Mister Vain

anewme wrote: »

The women would be laughing at the likes of you. Like a bad caricature a gropey perve and ogler to be avoided at all costs. With the conversation skills and intellect of a bluebottle.

Talking about gashes and minges and flutes and sucking me knob at 50 odd

It’s hilarious .

You could just not keep a straight face.

Every office has one!

I wish. My job would be a it more entertaining if there was.

JohnnyFlash

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

Ill take that nugget to the bank.
Pure gold.

Theres apparently treatment for any performance anxiety you have. We dont all get it, despite what theyre telling you.

Youre right though, i havent had a daycent ride in 3 or 4 days. Met some auld doll the other day. Her husband was off at the races with their kids.

Tidy enough little thing. God she was gagging though. No stamina however, id say she hadnt gone more than 30 seconds in years. Went real slow for the first 15 mins, gradually speeding up the tempo. By the time I'd finished the foreplay, and actually put in the tip, she was roaring like the hoor among the nettles. By the time the whole lot was in, the Gardai were outside.
Man, she destroyed the place before she blacked out from exhaustion. Id say her poor schmuck of a husband wont even touch the sides for months.

You implying that you banged me ex-wife - pal? Rather you than me to be honest, but whatever gets you off. Be hard to touch the sides anyway: she has a fanny on her like a ripped out fireplace and is as dry as an old dog’s nose. Any port in a storm for yourself I suppose. Beats another date with Guru Palm and the five pillars of wisdom. :mad:

Ted Plain

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Nah. I don't have time for all that. Too busy bringing home the money.

In fact, the missus heading away on a break is my second favourite time after my own holidays. Kids dropped to the grandparents. Have the gaff to myself for the week. Feet up. Chinese takeaway and a few cans with the gaff to myself. Fantastic stuff.

Might head to that house nightclub with that JohnnyFlash fella next time hahaha!

You can't bate that, alright!

You and young Johnny post in a style that puts me in mind of Boards a couple of years ago and a well-known poster of those heady days. He used to spray everything in scutter instead of jizz, though.

Flower124 wrote: »

. That's what you think. Women have sex outside marriage just as much as men. Monogamy can very restricting for women aswell. Why be with one man when I can be with many?
I am married, and I am having an affair with a man in Spain. He is constant. Also if I meet a young man abroad that I want to have sex with, I will. I agree, it is easier to get away with abroad.
Monogamy can be stifling for all of us. I see no harm in being with someone else as long as the other partner also has that option.
So as long as you are totally fine with the idea of your wife getting a rimjob off a 20 year old Eastern European man( and believe me alot of married women like the younger men abroad) no harm done

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahwPfIZSqYo

FWD to 21:00 :pac: On a crate of aubergines!

Roger Hassenforder

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

You implying that you banged me ex-wife - pal? Rather you than me to be honest, but whatever gets you off. Be hard to touch the sides anyway: she has a fanny on her like a ripped out fireplace and is as dry as an old dog’s nose. Any port in a storm for yourself I suppose. Beats another date with Guru Palm and the five pillars of wisdom. :mad:

It must be a coincidence.
This burd was wetter than otters pocket . She had a kind of wide eyed 'virgin on prom night' when she saw the size of it. Im kind of used to it, but i wouldnt be surprised if it was her first "two hander". Certainly the first mickey shes held in years that didnt just go off in her hand "because they all do" she seemed to think.
In fairnes, she wasnt long getting to grips with it and was soon suckin like an 1100 gallon Abbey, with showers forecast for the morning. Not exactly a wizards sleeve, i found it comfortable, quiet bijoux. a more slender member might have struggled to make contact all round.

She reminded me of a 68 mustang, with a bad owner. Not maintained and badly driven. Sticky pistons and clutch gone because the owner couldnt take her for a proper ride. But once you cleared out those cylinder, she was mad to go- man she was throaty when she snarled at full throttle.

Mister Vain

She has had more pricks than a second hand dart board.

anewme

Another good feature of this thread is the "new" poster who turns up early every morning asking the same question (why does it bother you?) to various people and then disappears without a trace into obscurity, only to appear in another guise the next morning asking the same question.

They must wait up all night and then post just as the dawn breaks when the mods are having their second sleep.

This really is a bizarrely brilliant thread!

xzanti

Think I've just rekindled my love for After Hours

Boom_Bap

Ted Plain wrote: »

FWD to 21:00 :pac: On a crate of aubergines!

Never forward through an episode of Paths To Freedom!
Tis a sin.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

This thread

professore

And they said online forums are a dying art form ...

Seve OB

The poor aul OP.

this thread has gone off on such a tangent, there is no talk about any sex party and he still doesn't know if he should go or just raffle off his ticket to one lucky boardsie

Pintman Paddy Losty

Candie wrote: »

Sweetie, if they're being paid then pretending to be gagging for it is part of the job. It's not that you're so irresistible that they can't wait to be subjected to your grunting and the ensuing disappointment.

Though really, this thread makes me smile. My young nephews come up with better fiction.

Listen pet, not really too concerned whether or not you think I'm telling the truth here. Goes with the territory here on these boards but all I can say is I haven't been telling any fibs. Not my style sweetcheeks.

All I can go on is my own experiences and I can tell you that the birds I've played the beast of two backs with all seem to have a good time. What's not to like. We normally have a couple of villas rented for the week. The birds arrive, nice spread of food is normally laid on. Plenty of drink and whatever other vice tickles your fancy. Some of the younger lads are fond of the devil's dandruff, not my scene tho. I stay away from the performance enhancers. Everyone has a good time. Bitta dancing. Bitta skinny dipping. Great craic. Everyone having a right good laugh.

Two summers ago I spent the nearly the whole week with the same bird. Young asian one. Think she was chinese or maybe thai. I'm brutal at telling the orientals apart. Anyway, she hadn't much English but she took a shine to Paddy from the outset. She definitely enjoyed herself! Wined, dined and 69'd. She had a snatch on her like parochial house peephole! Not normally a fan of the bush but she had a small thicket of wiry shrub and it suited her well.

She may not have been able to speak a word of the queen's English but her eyes said she was enamoured. She was like a whimpering like puppy dog when I was leaving after the week. I returned home with a spring in my step and some fantastic imagery built up in the wankbank.

Franz Von Peppercorn

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

She may not have been able to speak a word of the queen's English but her eyes said she was enamoured. She was like a whimpering like puppy dog when I was leaving after the week. I returned home with a spring in my step and some fantastic imagery built up in the wankbank.

Was the last line there from Persuasion or Pride and Prejudice? I forget.

Boom_Bap

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Listen pet, not really too concerned whether or not you think I'm telling the truth here. Goes with the territory here on these boards but all I can say is I haven't been telling any fibs. Not my style sweetcheeks.

All I can go on is my own experiences and I can tell you that the birds I've played the beast of two backs with all seem to have a good time. What's not to like. We normally have a couple of villas rented for the week. The birds arrive, nice spread of food is normally laid on. Plenty of drink and whatever other vice tickles your fancy. Some of the younger lads are fond of the devil's dandruff, not my scene tho. I stay away from the performance enhancers. Everyone has a good time. Bitta dancing. Bitta skinny dipping. Great craic. Everyone having a right good laugh.

Two summers ago I spent the nearly the whole week with the same bird. Young asian one. Think she was chinese or maybe thai. I'm brutal at telling the orientals apart. Anyway, she hadn't much English but she took a shine to Paddy from the outset. She definitely enjoyed herself! Wined, dined and 69'd. She had a snatch on her like parochial house peephole! Not normally a fan of the bush but she had a small thicket of wiry shrub and it suited her well.

She may not have been able to speak a word of the queen's English but her eyes said she was enamoured. She was like a whimpering like puppy dog when I was leaving after the week. I returned home with a spring in my step and some fantastic imagery built up in the wankbank.

She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird

ThinkProgress

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

She may not have been able to speak a word of the queen's English but her eyes said she was enamoured. She was like a whimpering like puppy dog when I was leaving after the week. I returned home with a spring in my step and some fantastic imagery built up in the wankbank.

Hookers and your own hand... sounds like the missus doesn't put out much back at the auld homestead! (I wonder why that might be...??) :P

Pintman Paddy Losty

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Listen pet, not really too concerned whether or not you think I'm telling the truth here. Goes with the territory here on these boards but all I can say is I haven't been telling any fibs. Not my style sweetcheeks.

All I can go on is my own experiences and I can tell you that the birds I've played the beast of two backs with all seem to have a good time. What's not to like. We normally have a couple of villas rented for the week. The birds arrive, nice spread of food is normally laid on. Plenty of drink and whatever other vice tickles your fancy. Some of the younger lads are fond of the devil's dandruff, not my scene tho. I stay away from the performance enhancers. Everyone has a good time. Bitta dancing. Bitta skinny dipping. Great craic. Everyone having a right good laugh.

Two summers ago I spent the nearly the whole week with the same bird. Young asian one. Think she was chinese or maybe thai. I'm brutal at telling the orientals apart. Anyway, she hadn't much English but she took a shine to Paddy from the outset. She definitely enjoyed herself! Wined, dined and 69'd. She had a snatch on her like parochial house peephole! Not normally a fan of the bush but she had a small thicket of wiry shrub and it suited her well.

She may not have been able to speak a word of the queen's English but her eyes said she was enamoured. She was like a whimpering like puppy dog when I was leaving after the week. I returned home with a spring in my step and some fantastic imagery built up in the wankbank.

I believe every last word, Precious.

Every syllable rings true and there's no reason why anyone would doubt the word of anyone on the internet. No reason for a catch like yourself to fib, right Stud?

Pintman Paddy Losty

Candie wrote: »

I believe every last word, Precious.

Every syllable rings true and there's no reason why anyone would doubt the word of anyone on the internet. No reason for a catch like yourself to fib, right Stud?

Good girl. Glad you believe me.

JohnnyFlash

Candie wrote: »

I believe every last word, Precious.

Every syllable rings true and there's no reason why anyone would doubt the word of anyone on the internet. No reason for a catch like yourself to fib, right Stud?

Don't think Pintman is sayin' anything too unbelievable or outrageous. The Algrave is crawling with titty bars, brazzers and casinos. And big groups of Irish lads head over there to play golf, drink and end up up to the seam of their sac in fanny. Been going on for years. You would just hope they wrap the pork sword before heading into battle. Dont want them coming home crawlin' with a dose of crotch rot.
Sure for all we know, you could be making stuff up or be an imaginary character yerself. :eek:

pilly

Seve OB wrote: »

The poor aul OP.

this thread has gone off on such a tangent, there is no talk about any sex party and he still doesn't know if he should go or just raffle off his ticket to one lucky boardsie

Ah I think Johnny Flash deserves the prize. Don't you?

I don't know if I'm impressed or repulsed by some of the prose on this thread!

Malayalam

Hector Savage

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

You implying that you banged me ex-wife - pal? Rather you than me to be honest, but whatever gets you off. Be hard to touch the sides anyway: she has a fanny on her like a ripped out fireplace and is as dry as an old dog’s nose. Any port in a storm for yourself I suppose. Beats another date with Guru Palm and the five pillars of wisdom. :mad:

:D:D:D:D:D

Best post in the Best thread ever !!

Surely this will have to be stickied on to the thread of all time classic threads!!

This is almost as good as the dogging one a few years back!

And I don't get the anger at Paddy and JFlash ???

Jealousy me thinks ...

Roger Hassenforder

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

Listen pet, not really too concerned whether or not you think I'm telling the truth here. Goes with the territory here on these boards but all I can say is I haven't been telling any fibs. Not my style sweetcheeks.

All I can go on is my own experiences and I can tell you that the birds I've played the beast of two backs with all seem to have a good time. What's not to like. We normally have a couple of villas rented for the week. The birds arrive, nice spread of food is normally laid on. Plenty of drink and whatever other vice tickles your fancy. Some of the younger lads are fond of the devil's dandruff, not my scene tho. I stay away from the performance enhancers. Everyone has a good time. Bitta dancing. Bitta skinny dipping. Great craic. Everyone having a right good laugh.

Two summers ago I spent the nearly the whole week with the same bird. Young asian one. Think she was chinese or maybe thai. I'm brutal at telling the orientals apart. Anyway, she hadn't much English but she took a shine to Paddy from the outset. She definitely enjoyed herself! Wined, dined and 69'd. She had a snatch on her like parochial house peephole! Not normally a fan of the bush but she had a small thicket of wiry shrub and it suited her well.

She may not have been able to speak a word of the queen's English but her eyes said she was enamoured. She was like a whimpering like puppy dog when I was leaving after the week. I returned home with a spring in my step and some fantastic imagery built up in the wankbank.

When youre done with these burds Paddy, how are they expected to go back to their normal lives? Surely after seeing such riches they can no longer live with being poor.

When "she" said her name was Cathy, she said Katheoy, and will probably need sutures and rebalancing after being destroyed by your relentless and merciless pounding, Id say only one of you had any bit of a step at all. I heard one of the lads saying the poor chap couldn't even sit on a gurney in the A+E waiting to be pumped out. His hoop was like another aisan nations flag.

Still though, I cant imagine a classier and more sophisticated soiree with a bitta grub and booze laid on. A few cocktail sausages and cans of stella, on the terrace of the villa. pure Falcon crest - Living the dream boi.

Hector Savage

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

L

I returned home with a spring in my step and some fantastic imagery built up in the wankbank.

Just when I thought it couldn't get better !!

anewme

pilly wrote: »

Ah I think Johnny Flash deserves the prize. Don't you?

Yeah the BOOBY prize (in more ways than one!)

Roger Hassenforder

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Don't think Pintman is sayin' anything too unbelievable or outrageous. The Algrave is crawling with titty bars, brazzers and casinos. And big groups of Irish lads head over there to play golf, drink and end up up to the seam of their sac in fanny. Been going on for years. You would just hope they wrap the pork sword before heading into battle. Dont want them coming home crawlin' with a dose of crotch rot.
Sure for all we know, you could be making stuff up or be an imaginary character yerself. :eek:

I cant believe the local brazzers are having anything to do with Irish golfers in the Algarve at this stage. Surely they're so badly destroyed by our middle aged golfing heros, reeking of Lynx Africa*, in their Farah slacks and y-fronts, it renders them unfit for any further use for at least a month? Would a ho make enough in three nights with these sex panthers to cover her overheads. Would an experienced ho last even three nights of this Gomorrah?

And the poor cleaners having to clean up after this carnal carnage; corridors slick with quim lather, pools of gentlemens relish in the kitchen.
Piles of supersized condom litter overflowing the receptacles. Ripped off panties and bras with teeth marks behind every stick of furniture, abandoned and forgotten by their owners in their haste to flee while they can still hobble.
That pool filter will never be right after all the sods worn away in there.




*im not over that.

lukesmom

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

Don’t go breaking up with the wife if you’re happy and getting your hole on a semi-regular basis. Not advocating that at all. But there’s no point in been stuck in a lovelsss marriage either, like what happened to me. Having some bird pulling on your pole in the back of a taxi on the way back to her place is better than any antidepressant..... :cool:

As a woman I actually agree. If the sex is non existent then move on, unless of course its for an extremely valid reason like very poor health/illness. Life is too damn short to have bad/no sex.

Roger Hassenforder

Roger Hassenforder wrote: »

And the poor cleaners having to clean up after this carnal carnage; corridors slick with quim lather, pools of gentlemens relish in the kitchen.

/puts down tuna and mayo sandwich.

RubyGlee

Hang on now,they get fed too??