Wives... were you glad pubs weren't open today

Chuchote

https://www.addict-help.com/signs-of-alcoholism/

Signs Of Alcoholism – How to Tell If You Are An Alcoholic

1. Cravings for alcohol
2. Loss of control
3. Dependence
4. Drinking alone or in secret
5. Being unable to limit the amount of alcohol you drink
6. Losing interest in activities and hobbies that used to bring pleasure
7. Feeling the need or compulsion to drink
8. Irritability when your usual drinking time nears, especially if alcohol isn’t available
9. Keeping alcohol in unlikely places at home, at work or in the car
10. Having legal problems or problems with relationships, employment or finances
11. Experiencing physical withdrawal symptoms

__Alex__

Malari wrote: »

Insulting subject line. She's assuming just because her husband treats her badly that most other wives are in this situation too?:rolleyes:

For the love of god. It's a call out to see if anyone else is going through the same thing.

Malari

__Alex__ wrote: »

For the love of god. It's a call out to see if anyone else is going through the same thing.

Not the way I read it. How can you think that's normal!?

It's some jump by people to assume he is an alcoholic, sounds like a normal weekend to me.

Biggest issue here isn't the husband going out it's the lack of a bit of compromise now that there are kids. A person should be able to go out and have a good session after a weeks work and not have to give that up but if he does it Friday night then he should mind the kids sat night and let you out with your friends and also get up with the kids Sunday morning so you can have a sleep in and recover a bit.

__Alex__

Malari wrote: »

Not the way I read it. How can you think that's normal!?

Huh? I don't think it's normal. But I don't get the impression that she thinks all wives go through this.

bodice ripper

Ah yes. "Every right to de-stress". I remember that one being trotted out once I got old enough to question a parent's heavy drinking. It'll end in tears.

andekwarhola

Have a word with him, OP and suggest that he does a dry weekend (like this one you've enjoyed) every second weekend and on a 'pub' weekend, he just goes one night.

el_gaucho

Malari wrote: »

Not the way I read it. How can you think that's normal!?

Not the way I read it either, the OP seems to be accepting the situation and just happy to have one good weekend instead of expecting every weekend to be like this one. As someone else said she even seemed to be in a good mood.

Malari

__Alex__ wrote: »

Huh? I don't think it's normal. But I don't get the impression that she thinks all wives go through this.

Not you, the OP, I meant.

Generally when you start a thread (sorry, when ONE starts a thread, lest there be any confusion) with a question like in the subject line, you expect at least some people to agree with you; expect it to be somewhat common.

As a previous poster said, maybe in the 70's, when women were expected by many in society to stay at home and mind the kids and men went to the pub after working all week! It's a bizarre question to put to wives in general in 2017!

Thebe

mockingjay wrote: »

It was so nice. )

mockingjay I kindof hope you don't return to this thread until after the weekend, hopefully the weekend is still going nice for you.

I think your post has resonated with a lot of people and I think that most wish that you have more 'good Fridays'. From the different perspective that we have reading your post it seems like you are having too many bad Fridays. Personally I would be thinking he needs to cut back on the booze, it is coming across like a problem but you know best about this in fairness.

I'd also think that maybe you should enjoy the rest of the weekend and midweek have a chat with him about restructuring the weekend to have less alcohol and more family time. It may be just a pattern ye have fallen into or it may be more of a problem. If he is reluctant to make any change to his plans I think you need to get some advice, possibly from your GP.

Chuchote

Alma Weak Stabilizer wrote: »

It's some jump by people to assume he is an alcoholic, sounds like a normal weekend to me.

Getting drunk enough to have a hangover and neglecting your family? Sad thought.

myshirt

Why can't everyone see the positive side of this?

Stop laying into the chap, he has no doubt been busting his bollox working during the week for his family. Is it unreasonable that expending such effort would cause a man to build up a thirst? I would personally take the time with the children, but if this man like a few bruskies let him to it.

Chuchote wrote: »

Getting drunk enough to have a hangover and neglecting your family? Sad thought.

Ah come off it, that's outrageous. Do you know what neglect is? That's completely unfair.

Allinall

myshirt wrote: »

Why can't everyone see the positive side of this?

Stop laying into the chap, he has no doubt been busting his bollox working during the week for his family. Is it unreasonable that expending such effort would cause a man to build up a thirst? I would personally take the time with the children, but if this man like a few bruskies let him to it.



Ah come off it, that's outrageous. Do you know what neglect is? That's completely unfair.

What happens if she goes out as well on a Friday night after working hard all week to help provide for their family ( note- not her family).

Who would look after the kids then?

Pinch Flat

Fighting Tao wrote: »

By family you mean your bike? Right?

Yeah cycling and alcoholism. I can see the link now. :rolleyes:

Allinall

Allinall wrote: »

What happens if she goes out as well on a Friday night after working hard all week to help provide for their family ( note- not her family).

Who would look after the kids then?

If the grandparents etc are local then that might allow both our at the same time but probably the best compromise is one has their session on the Friday night and the other on the Saturday night and the one who wasn't out can look after the kids in the morning so the other can sleep/recover.

__Alex__

Malari wrote: »

Not you, the OP, I meant.

Generally when you start a thread (sorry, when ONE starts a thread, lest there be any confusion) with a question like in the subject line, you expect at least some people to agree with you; expect it to be somewhat common.

As a previous poster said, maybe in the 70's, when women were expected by many in society to stay at home and mind the kids and men went to the pub after working all week! It's a bizarre question to put to wives in general in 2017!

But it might well be the situation for some women in Ireland, as unpalatable as it might seem!

mockingjay

sugarman wrote: »

I love how everyone is so quick to judge the husband without knowing any real facts. Maybe he breaks his bollox doing a 50-60hrs week job he hates, trying to provide for said family and is more than entitled to destress and enjoy himself over the weekend as he feels. Maybe it's the only time he sees his friends.

Maybe the OP drops the kids off to school each day and sits at home catching up on her soaps.. maybe even having a glass of wine or two having a bit of me time.. or perhaps out shopping or having lunch with her friends.

Nobody knows.

...And maybe this thread is a fictional troll!

Well I'm not a troll, and I work full-time too and I rarely go out, don't really have the money - thanks for all the advice, I have been naive I think, I thought most people put up with this, his friends wives do, I'm going to have a big think about all of this today.

Raging_Ninja

mockingjay wrote: »

Well I'm not a troll, and I work full-time too and I rarely go out, don't really have the money - thanks for all the advice, I have been naive I think, I thought most people put up with this, his friends wives do, I'm going to have a big think about all of this today.

Are they his friends, or his drinking buddies?

weldoninhio

mockingjay wrote: »

I have to say I was, hubbie often scuttles off to the pub after work on Fridays & is sick on Saturday, but he was off today, came for a walk & a coffee with me, spent time with the kids, joined us for a movie, it was so nice. He misses so much family time at the weekends as he goes out on a Saturday night too, I don't go out because the early morning football runs kill me, I need my sleep, he comes too, but often hungover, I can't do that... and to think he'll be up tomorrow morning to help out will be fantastic.... I loved it... I don't allow him to come into our bed at the weekend because of the snoring & smell of alcohol but it will be so nice to wake up warm tomorrow with no smell of beer!!! I might even get a cuddle:))

That sounds like a healthy relationship.

Bredabe

__Alex__ wrote: »

But it might well be the situation for some women in Ireland, as unpalatable as it might seem!

Add sports training and you have the story of a lot of marriages.

midlandsmissus

This is a slap in the face for alcoholics.
To see how the affect their families.
Sad post.
Well done OP

mockingjay

Raging_Ninja wrote: »

Are they his friends, or his drinking buddies?

Funny:) I'm always saying they're only his drinking buddies! I honestly thought when I put up the question that loads of women would say yes, I didn't mean it as an insult to women, I know Boards, so it wasn't meant for Personal Issues.

Just to address a few issues that have come up, yes, some of it was hard to read, but definitely food for thought, so need to have a good think and thank you. Yes I have spoken to him before, but he doesn't see the problem because he only drinks on Fri/Sat night. My husband does work hard, but remember as I said earlier, I don't like to go out on Friday nights because I'm usually exhausted by that stage, I like to go to the matches with the kids which are on early and require driving - so drinking Friday night is out of the question - I simply couldn't do it, but I would love some company to watch a movie or something - that's why last night was so nice, I knew he wouldn't be going out, so that apprehension was not there all day. By Saturday night I'm usually tired too from running around, doing uniforms etc... If I ever ask to go out for a meal he would have no problem obliging... but then I go home and he goes to the pub! I wouldn't want to sit around in a pub all night, it would impact on my Sunday - I need the sleep in hangover free.

__Alex__

__Alex__ wrote: »

But it might well be the situation for some women in Ireland, as unpalatable as it might seem!

The fact is there are plenty of families where the wife has no option but to do most of the looking after of kids due to work commitments of the husband. Being from a rural area I know plenty working full time jobs and running a farm so throw in a few pints to try unwind and you are lucky to be home to see the kids before bed during the week and maybe get a reasonable amount of time on a Sunday. Same where there is a lot of work travel with a job and the husband is away a lot.

eviltwin

mockingjay wrote: »

I have to say I was, hubbie often scuttles off to the pub after work on Fridays & is sick on Saturday, but he was off today, came for a walk & a coffee with me, spent time with the kids, joined us for a movie, it was so nice. He misses so much family time at the weekends as he goes out on a Saturday night too, I don't go out because the early morning football runs kill me, I need my sleep, he comes too, but often hungover, I can't do that... and to think he'll be up tomorrow morning to help out will be fantastic.... I loved it... I don't allow him to come into our bed at the weekend because of the snoring & smell of alcohol but it will be so nice to wake up warm tomorrow with no smell of beer!!! I might even get a cuddle:))

Barely noticed the pubs weren't open. Neither myself or my husband are big drinkers and we would rarely get drunk to the point we need a day to recover. I have kids too so that's part of it but it's an age thing too. I don't understand the desire to drink to the point you know you're going to be dying the next day. How is that fun? Anyway you need to put your foot down and stop being a doormat. Where is your downtime? Will he be going out tonight to get ****faced?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Not my husband but pubs closed on a Friday doesn't make much difference to us as we never go out on Fridays

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Alma Weak Stabilizer wrote: »

If the grandparents etc are local then that might allow both our at the same time but probably the best compromise is one has their session on the Friday night and the other on the Saturday night and the one who wasn't out can look after the kids in the morning so the other can sleep/recover.

I don't know about you but you put your families needs before getting wrote off every week. Drawing up a roster and pawning the kids off on the grandparents so they can both have their turn sitting in a pub? Come on now. Husband in the OP needs to put on his big boy pants and deal with his real life responsibilities

Dr Crayfish

I don't think going to the pub once a week or whatever is the end of the world. My dad often did on Fridays after work and he was and still is a great father. Are people on boards really so perfect? The judgment on these threads when it comes to relationships just seems to be more and more ridiculous. You'd swear this was an American Christian website or something.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

I don't think going to the pub once a week or whatever is the end of the world. My dad often did on Fridays after work and he was and still is a great father. Are people on boards really so perfect? The judgment on these threads when it comes to relationships just seems to be more and more ridiculous. You'd swear this was an American Christian website or something.

Nothing at all wrong with going for a few drinks but if it's impacting on the time being spent with family AND it's bothering your wife then it's an issue. I don't think he sounds like an alcoholic, but if she's asking for a night in and he's constantly choosing to stay out get so drunk he's not allowed share her bed, and being in no fit state to help with the kids on Saturday well then it's an issue. Some wives wouldn't care, this wife does so there needs to be a compromise, IMO

One eyed Jack

Malari wrote: »

Not you, the OP, I meant.

Generally when you start a thread (sorry, when ONE starts a thread, lest there be any confusion) with a question like in the subject line, you expect at least some people to agree with you; expect it to be somewhat common.

Not in After Hours I wouldn't, the inevitable stampede of high horses as people rush to judge, while it's hilarious at times, at other times, well it's just literally off-putting.

Malari wrote: »

As a previous poster said, maybe in the 70's, when women were expected by many in society to stay at home and mind the kids and men went to the pub after working all week! It's a bizarre question to put to wives in general in 2017!

It's really not, relationship dynamics and family lives like the OP are very common in my experience (other people's experiences may vary), and whatever year it is, isn't particularly relevant at all. I can think of plenty of relationships that function somewhat similar to the OP, and I don't immediately suggest there might be anything up with that because I don't think the OP meant for the thread to be taken so seriously!

weldoninhio

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Nothing at all wrong with going for a few drinks but if it's impacting on the time being spent with family AND it's bothering your wife then it's an issue. I don't think he sounds like an alcoholic, but if she's asking for a night in and he's constantly choosing to stay out get so drunk he's not allowed share her bed, and being in no fit state to help with the kids on Saturday well then it's an issue. Some wives wouldn't care, this wife does so there needs to be a compromise, IMO

Exactly, I'm one of the only single guys in my group of friends. Most have kids now too. We get together as a group maybe three time a year now and I completely understand that their families come first. I wouldn't dream of putting pressure on them to come out. And these are lads who all have high stress, long hour jobs, some are travelling between Dublin and Belfast/London a few times a week and working 10-12 hour days.

They look forward to the weekends to get some downtime with their wives and kids.