Wives... were you glad pubs weren't open today

D0NNELLY

"osarusan wrote: »

Just kidding, I'm home making tomato soup for tomorrow's breakfast.

Think the family would rather you were out on the lash

Stheno

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I know you work in IT on contract so it's hardly like you wouldn't have heard of it?

There are numerous people I know who don't work hours that are compatible with achieving a perfect work/life balance that they believe they're supposed to be achieving, or anything even close to it. Everyone aspires to it, but there is always that person or persons waiting in the wings to point out where they're going wrong.

Some people revel in pointing out where someone else is going wrong, rather than try and understand them. I'd always be more likely to question the motives of someone who is quicker to pass judgement on other people, than they are to try and understand the same people they're so quick to criticise.

The post I was responding to basically implied plenty of people work 7 days a week

Outside of farmers and some self employed people I'd say that's rare people in the hospitality industry etc still get days off

I travel plenty with work often missing days at home on weekends etc but of 500 people I'd work with can think of ten others who are the same which is two percent

R.D. aka MR.D

There's a bit of a difference between working long days and irregular hours and choosing to spend your free time away from your family in the pub.

My own brother is a farmer who works 7 days a week and probably 12+ hours a day but when he has the time to spend with his children, he takes the opportunity.

He works so much to provide a good life for his family and make any time that he has with them quality time. He doesn't piss their money away in a pub. If yas can't see the difference in those two things then I just don't know. :rolleyes:

One eyed Jack

Stheno wrote: »

The post I was responding to basically implied plenty of people work 7 days a week

Outside of farmers and some self employed people I'd say that's rare people in the hospitality industry etc still get days off

I travel plenty with work often missing days at home on weekends etc but of 500 people I'd work with can think of ten others who are the same which is two percent

Shift workers in all sorts of industries? I used work for a large multinational of about 5,000 employees, and 90% of them were on shift, doing all sorts of hours. That's only one IT MNC, and I'm sure you could think of plenty more?

My child wanted me to come with himself and his mum to go see the new Fast and Furious film tonight, I can't because well, I'm working till 8 in the morning because the company I work for now provides 24/7 support to global clients in different time zones, and even when I'm not in the office, I could be working from home or I'm on-call. As nox said - that's just the reality of the situation for some people.

scopper

Ex-drunk here (or technically always one, but let's say free-from-booze 5 years drunk).

When I reflected on when my drinking had slipped from maybe OK to something else was actually when I was no longer allowed in the bed. You only really get like that when it becomes so common that your wife sees a pattern and routes around it. If it happens rarely it'd be closer to an anecdote, 'one night he came back wrecked and I made him sleep on the couch!'

Avoiding being with your SO because you prefer the pub may seem jokey, but if you are getting blitzed when doing it then there is likely more to it. I would say this is subtle too, you only cop on after that you are so beholden to booze you can't spent every second Friday with the missus, then it's any Friday, then you need 2 nights constantly a week. And so on.

It shows me all the basic signs. It might be nothing, but I'd have a word, just in case.

Stheno

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Shift workers in all sorts of industries? I used work for a large multinational of about 5,000 employees, and 90% of them were on shift, doing all sorts of hours. That's only one IT MNC, and I'm sure you could think of plenty more?

My child wanted me to come with himself and his mum to go see the new Fast and Furious film tonight, I can't because well, I'm working till 8 in the morning because the company I work for now provides 24/7 support to global clients in different time zones, and even when I'm not in the office, I could be working from home or I'm on-call. As nox said - that's just the reality of the situation for some people.

Seven days a week every week though?

I work a varied schedule but also aim to ensure I've plenty of time for close family it's a massive priority doesn't seem to be for the ops oh

The past two days for example my oh and I were both off with no commitments which is unusual. Priority for me is time with him and making up for the fact that I've been away from him about 70% of the time due to work recently
The op appears never to get that sort of recognition

Chuchote

OP, you might like to read Marian Keyes' first book, Rachel's Holiday. Entertaining, funny chicklit, and also an eye-opener. The author is someone I'd have a lot of respect for.
You might also think about going and talking to the people at Al-Anon http://www.al-anon-ireland.org/ and see if they have any help or suggestions.

PARlance

Stheno wrote: »

The post I was responding to basically implied plenty of people work 7 days a week

Outside of farmers and some self employed people I'd say that's rare people in the hospitality industry etc still get days off

I travel plenty with work often missing days at home on weekends etc but of 500 people I'd work with can think of ten others who are the same which is two percent

It didn't though. It implied that many people work a combination of evenings and a day or two during the weekend. Nothing really about 7 days a week, it wasn't explicit that they work every weekday.

Stheno

PARlance wrote: »

It didn't though. It implied that many people work a combination of evenings and a day or two during the weekend. Nothing really about 7 days a week, it wasn't explicit that they work every weekday.

To me it did so perhaps I read it wrong?

And look I'm in no position to criticise that I'd a job where I'd leave Saturday to work Monday due to flight restrictions, then I'd get home two weeks later at two am on a Friday night and be flying out to London the Sunday after.

Now I don't have kids but if you do that lifestyle is not on

Fighting Tao

Sorry to sound harsh but maybe he prefers to be away from his wife for other reasons them drink.

ChikiChiki

osarusan wrote: »

3-0! Time to get pissed!



Just kidding, I'm home making tomato soup for tomorrow's breakfast.

Plot twist. Tomato soup for breakfast.

WTF

nhunter100

osarusan wrote:

3-0! Time to get pissed!

Nice one, but one swallow doesn't make a summer. Enjoy the soup. ;-)

Fighting Tao

ChikiChiki wrote: »

osarusan wrote: »

3-0! Time to get pissed!



Just kidding, I'm home making tomato soup for tomorrow's breakfast.

Plot twist. Tomato soup for breakfast.

WTF

Why should any food be limited to a particular time of day? I say go for it osarusan!

Gerry T

Madelyn Nutritious Newsstand wrote:

Not everyone is happy to give up on enjoying life when they have kids.

Depends on what you mean by enjoying life. If partying & drinking long hrs and heading for afternoon lunch is your idea of fun then kids probably aren't for you. On the other hand if heading to the park, watching them play sport/music, helping with homework and all the extra work load (washing, cooking, cleaning etc...) is your idea of fun then kids are a good idea.
For me anyway (50 with 2 kids now 16) I don't understand anyone saying "I'm entitled to have a pint after working all week" what utter bo11ok, anyone that uses the word entitled in a sentence just doesn't get it. It does require both pulling together and geting all the work done together or its not going to work.
OP it sounds like you get on with your husband but he should do more work at home and spend more time with you. I don't know how you open that conversation up with him but hopefully you do and he cops on to how he's carrying on.

One eyed Jack

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

If yas can't see the difference in those two things then I just don't know. :rolleyes:

Of course people would be able to see the difference in those two things, they aren't even comparable, but from the outside, people could easily say the very same thing about me based upon their own standards. Surely you too must be able to understand that much?

I've had to develop a fairly thick skin to withstand the judgement of others, so I don't feel the same pressure which led to me becoming dependent upon drink, drugs and other addictions like being addicted to working hard and playing even harder type behaviour.

As an aside, but somewhat related - I will admit that men do have a much easier time of it in this regard as I know far more women working who are in relationships and they have children and the amount of times I've heard them so conflicted over the pressure to perform both at home and in their careers, they're literally burning the candle at both ends in an effort to live up to what they believe are modern expectations of womanhood. Then there are the number of women I've met who are mothers working in the home, who feel guilty because they're not employed, who feel that they're being judged harshly because they're not seen to be burning the candle at both ends!

I just don't think there's anything to be gained by demonising complete strangers tbh as I'll be the first to admit I have no idea what they may be going through.

R.D. aka MR.D

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Of course people would be able to see the difference in those two things, they aren't even comparable, but from the outside, people could easily say the very same thing about me based upon their own standards. Surely you too must be able to understand that much?

I've had to develop a fairly thick skin to withstand the judgement of others, so I don't feel the same pressure which led to me becoming dependent upon drink, drugs and other addictions like being addicted to working hard and playing even harder type behaviour.

As an aside, but somewhat related - I will admit that men do have a much easier time of it in this regard as I know far more women working who are in relationships and they have children and the amount of times I've heard them so conflicted over the pressure to perform both at home and in their careers, they're literally burning the candle at both ends in an effort to live up to what they believe are modern expectations of womanhood. Then there are the number of women I've met who are mothers working in the home, who feel guilty because they're not employed, who feel that they're being judged harshly because they're not seen to be burning the candle at both ends!

I just don't think there's anything to be gained by demonising complete strangers tbh as I'll be the first to admit I have no idea what they may be going through.

People do judge others by their own standards. Some people are more permissive in their ideas on what a good parent/spouse is and others are more rigid. However, when somebody posts about their life on a public internet forum, they are inviting people's opinions.

Earlier you stated that you don't bring your baggage to your interpretation of the post but the more and more responses you give and the language you use (eg demonising) betray the fact that this indeed has some personal relevance for you. You have been judged harshly and therefore you don't like others to be judged harshly. Nothing at all wrong with that but realise that what you are doing is also judging those of us who shared opinions on how the Op's husbands behaviour is unacceptable.

Unfortunately in a public forum, you don't get to be the final word in what is right or wrong. If the OP didn't want her relationship judged, she should have kept it private.

Sometimes people deserve to be judged.

Don't forget that.

mariaalice

mockingjay wrote: »

I have to say I was, hubbie often scuttles off to the pub after work on Fridays & is sick on Saturday, but he was off today, came for a walk & a coffee with me, spent time with the kids, joined us for a movie, it was so nice. He misses so much family time at the weekends as he goes out on a Saturday night too, I don't go out because the early morning football runs kill me, I need my sleep, he comes too, but often hungover, I can't do that... and to think he'll be up tomorrow morning to help out will be fantastic.... I loved it... I don't allow him to come into our bed at the weekend because of the snoring & smell of alcohol but it will be so nice to wake up warm tomorrow with no smell of beer!!! I might even get a cuddle:))

Im amazed there are people living like that in today's society its like something from the 1950's.

Reati

I've waited years to post this.

OP - follow this advice.

kylith

PARlance wrote: »

You're not really stuck are you?

Anyone in the bar & restaurant trade.
Drivers: taxi, delivery, truckers.
A lot in the entertainment industry, people working in cinemas, venues etc.
People working in sports: refs, physios, personal trainers.

There are a lot of jobs that revolve around servicing people outside of the common 9-5.

Bollocks to that. I have two abiding memories of my dad from my childhood: Asleep because he worked from 6am to 3pm as a delivery driver then 5pm to 9pm freelance building back kitchens to pay the bills OR driving us around the country at the weekend for family days out.

Yes, some men work all hours the gods send to look after their families. BUT if they actually care about their families they spend their off-time with them, not down the pub getting sh!t-faced.

iebamm2580

Going to get slaughtered now but the op is certainly looking for pity from her post the way its phrased 'he goes out Saturday night too'. Anyway personally i drink too much but im single but i do think that going out fri and sat nights alone is a bit much for a guy in a relationship but i do think that some women when in relationships or married want to just stop socializing altogether and i dont think thats fair on the guy, in saying all this i think he should be able to go out one night the weekend by himself if his wife/girlfriend has no interest in going out which is the impression im getting. If he is hungover one morning a week thats not going to have a detrimental affect on his kids or marriage and in the long run its a de-stresser to have a night out and that is a positive in all aspects of life.

One eyed Jack

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

People do judge others by their own standards. Some people are more permissive in their ideas on what a good parent/spouse is and others are more rigid. However, when somebody posts about their life on a public internet forum, they are inviting people's opinions.

The person most people in this thread are most critical of, didn't invite anyone's opinion of their behaviour and didn't post anything about themselves on the internet, so your criticism is effectively criticism by proxy. You can't even assume that the person you're critical of will ever be aware of your... concerns?

(I'm trying to be kinder in my use of language this time as you're reading far too much into it)

Earlier you stated that you don't bring your baggage to your interpretation of the post but the more and more responses you give and the language you use (eg demonising) betray the fact that this indeed has some personal relevance for you. You have been judged harshly and therefore you don't like others to be judged harshly. Nothing at all wrong with that but realise that what you are doing is also judging those of us who shared opinions on how the Op's husbands behaviour is unacceptable.

The only personal relevance it has is that I've never been a fan of people who are quick to judge complete strangers by their own standards, before they make any attempt to understand them. I used the word 'demonising' because that's exactly what some posters engaged in when they were passing some fairly harsh (IMO of course, but calling someone unknown to them an asshat, is right up there!) judgements on a complete stranger who didn't invite any criticism by posting anything about themselves on the internet.

I'm trying to understand why someone would feel they are entitled to do that, before I'd write off their opinion as offering nothing of any value. That's why I said I can appreciate where you were coming from, but I just don't see your reasons as justifiable based upon what little we know of the OP's husband, let alone any other aspect of their relationship.

(I do understand though that we'll probably have to agree to differ on that one)

Unfortunately in a public forum, you don't get to be the final word in what is right or wrong. If the OP didn't want her relationship judged, she should have kept it private.

Earlier you suggested that if people couldn't see what you saw as wrong, it was they who had the problem, and not you, so by your own standards - you yourself don't get to be the final word on right and wrong. Me personally I don't particularly care about "right" and "wrong" as I don't experience monochromatic vision. I don't believe that circumstances are ever so black and white and can be viewed in isolation like many posters here have done. I think your final line is indicative of the fact that you feel your own behaviour is justified. I don't agree, but I do understand where you're coming from. I do could only form that opinion once I had listened to you, whereas you on the other hand have formed an opinion of someone who didn't post anything about themselves on the internet, based upon your own perspective of your own experience.

Fair enough, I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, and I doubt the OP's husband will lose any sleep over it. I don't know could I say the same for the OP though.

iebamm2580

iebamm2580 wrote: »

Going to get slaughtered now but the op is certainly looking for pity from her post the way its phrased 'he goes out Saturday night too'. Anyway personally i drink too much but im single but i do think that going out fri and sat nights alone is a bit much for a guy in a relationship but i do think that some women when in relationships or married want to just stop socializing altogether and i dont think thats fair on the guy, in saying all this i think he should be able to go out one night the weekend by himself if his wife/girlfriend has no interest in going out which is the impression im getting. If he is hungover one morning a week thats not going to have a detrimental affect on his kids or marriage and in the long run its a de-stresser to have a night out and that is a positive in all aspects of life.

She works full time too but hasn't the money to get out. He goes out two nights and is non-functional with hangovers the next day, leaving her to take care of the kids and do family things with them, alone.

When is she supposed to de-stress, or does it not matter that she works all week and picks up all the slack at the weekend too?

PARlance

kylith wrote: »

Bollocks to that. I have two abiding memories of my dad from my childhood: Asleep because he worked from 6am to 3pm as a delivery driver then 5pm to 9pm freelance building back kitchens to pay the bills OR driving us around the country at the weekend for family days out.

Yes, some men work all hours the gods send to look after their families. BUT if they actually care about their families they spend their off-time with them, not down the pub getting sh!t-faced.

Bollocks to what exactly?

My post was in reply to someone asking what jobs center around weeknight work and weekends. Not sure where that rant came from.

Fair play to your father. My own was similar, he took 2 days off a year but found time to go to football matches and Sunday spins. A legend in his own right but he did it so we didn't have to.

iebamm2580

Sorry but i dont buy the i haven't got money to go out, are you honestly insinuating that the husband just spends money on himself and wouldn't bring the wife out with him, its clear that she has no interest in going out and thats ok but im saying that just because going to the pub is not her thing, doesn't mean he should be at home all week and not meet up with friends once a week. You dont have to be at home 24/7 to be a good husband and father. I do think 2 nights of the weekend is abit much however.

iebamm2580

Candie wrote: »

She works full time too but hasn't the money to get out. He goes out two nights and is non-functional with hangovers the next day, leaving her to take care of the kids and do family things with them, alone.

When is she supposed to de-stress, or does it not matter that she works all week and picks up all the slack at the weekend too?

Sorry but i dont buy the i haven't got money to go out, are you honestly insinuating that the husband just spends money on himself and wouldn't bring the wife out with him, its clear that she has no interest in going out and thats ok but im saying that just because going to the pub is not her thing, doesn't mean he should be at home all week and not meet up with friends once a week. You dont have to be at home 24/7 to be a good husband and father. I do think 2 nights of the weekend is abit much however.

iebamm2580

iebamm2580 wrote: »

Sorry but i dont buy the i haven't got money to go out, are you honestly insinuating that the husband just spends money on himself and wouldn't bring the wife out with him, its clear that she has no interest in going out and thats ok but im saying that just because going to the pub is not her thing, doesn't mean he should be at home all week and not meet up with friends once a week. You dont have to be at home 24/7 to be a good husband and father. I do think 2 nights of the weekend is abit much however.

So you've decided she's a lying whinger because she liked having her husband around last night and today, instead of hungover and out both Friday and Saturday nights - to have fun with his friends because he worked all week. If he takes her out to dinner once in a blue moon, he drops her home and goes out to the pub.

She works all week and is mother and father all weekend with the kids, so I think it's fair to say he's failing as a husband and a father. It's meant to be a partnership, but he seems to think she's staff.

kylith

PARlance wrote: »

Bollocks to what exactly?

My post was in reply to someone asking what jobs center around weeknight work and weekends. Not sure where that rant came from.

Fair play to your father. My own was similar, he took 2 days off a year but found time to go to football matches and Sunday spins. A legend in his own right but he did it so we didn't have to.

Bollocks to the idea that men in certain jobs rarely see their families. My father, and yours, worked all hours but still spent time with their families in a time when single-income families were the norm. If a man isn't spending time with his children these days it's rarely because he can't and more often because he can't be bothered.

iebamm2580

Candie wrote: »

So you've decided she's a lying whinger because she liked having her husband around last night and today, instead of hungover and out both Friday and Saturday nights - to have fun with his friends because he worked all week. If he takes her out to dinner once in a blue moon, he drops her home and goes out to the pub.

She works all week and is mother and father all weekend with the kids, so I think it's fair to say he's failing as a husband and a father. It's meant to be a partnership, but he seems to think she's staff.

Sorry but he goes to events with the kids too, she drives as is the sensible thing to do if the other person has been drinking the night before. One question do you think that the husband should not go out one night a week just because the wife doesn't? I already said 2 nights is too much but one night to meet with friends come on like. BTW i never said she was a whinger.

Omackeral

iebamm2580 wrote: »

Sorry but he goes to events with the kids too, she drives as is the sensible thing to do if the other person has been drinking the night before. One question do you think that the husband should not go out one night a week just because the wife doesn't? I already said 2 nights is too much but one night to meet with friends come on like. BTW i never said she was a whinger.

Don't think anyone would disagree with one night a week. However we're told it's two nights a week (fri and Sat) so that's what we're working off. The fact he is entitled to take friday and saturday to himself to get sh!tfaced while she needs to ask to go for a meal is the real worry in my opinion. Totally unfair.