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    #212
    ZeroImpurities
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 108 ✭✭ZeroImpurities


    LizzieJones wrote: »
    What in the hell is Justin Bieber doing here?

    To which the guard replied:

    'Are you being smart with me here? Are you? 'Cos I deal with smart-arses every day'


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    #213
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    ZeroImpurities wrote: »
    To which the guard replied:

    'Are you being smart with me here? Are you? 'Cos I deal with smart-arses every day'

    But no, it was true. The annoying popster was on location after all. The Gardai didn't hesitate. Baton to the skull, pepper spray to the eyes and Justice all came raining down on Bieber.


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    #214
    LizzieJones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,459 ✭✭✭LizzieJones


    ZeroImpurities wrote: »
    To which the guard replied:

    'Are you being smart with me here? Are you? 'Cos I deal with smart-arses every day'

    With that said, Justin Bieber sneaked up behind the guard and whacked him in the head.


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    #215
    ZeroImpurities
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 108 ✭✭ZeroImpurities


    LizzieJones wrote: »
    With that said, Justin Bieber sneaked up behind the guard and whacked him in the head.

    What Justin did not know however, was that Irish cops travel in pairs.......


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    #216
    not yet
    Registered Users Posts: 7,008 ✭✭✭not yet


    ZeroImpurities wrote: »
    What Justin did not know however, was that Irish cops travel in pairs.......

    An the other cop stabbed Bieber in the boll0x, Bieber let out a scream that could be heard in Istanbul which happened to be where the bad man lived...


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    #217
    Heraldoffreeent
    Registered Users Posts: 1,467 ✭✭✭Heraldoffreeent


    ZeroImpurities wrote: »
    What Justin did not know however, was that Irish cops travel in pairs.......

    However this time he was lucky, as de udder Garda was in the queue at Supermacs waitin' for a puddin' box.


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    #218
    ZeroImpurities
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 108 ✭✭ZeroImpurities


    Heraldoffreeent wrote: »
    However this time he was lucky, as de udder Garda was in the queue at Supermacs waitin' for a puddin' box.

    Garda Puddin Box heard a commotion outside as his puddin box was being prepared. He had to make a snap decision.......


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    #219
    kingchess
    Registered Users Posts: 795 ✭✭✭kingchess


    ZeroImpurities wrote: »
    Garda Puddin Box heard a commotion outside as his puddin box was being prepared. He had to make a snap decision.......

    did he have time to grab a cup of coffee and chat up the fine young wan behind the deli counter or should he...


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    #220
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    kingchess wrote: »
    did he have time to grab a cup of coffee and chat up the fine young wan behind the deli counter or should he...

    snap kick Bieber around the back of his head? Why not both?


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    #221
    ZeroImpurities
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 108 ✭✭ZeroImpurities


    gerrybbadd wrote: »
    snap kick Bieber around the back of his head? Why not both?

    'Why not both? ' His rotund middle was grumbling. His rotund middle impaired him from moving quickly or undetected. He had notions of becoming detective 15 years ago, but pies had not been kind to him..........


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    #222
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    ZeroImpurities wrote: »
    'Why not both? ' His rotund middle was grumbling. His rotund middle impaired him from moving quickly or undetected. He had notions of becoming detective 15 years ago, but pies had not been kind to him..........

    It's a good thing he was well endowed though. "Beer Can" is what the lads used to call him in the showers in school. He decided there and then to put his love truncheon to use - kill two birds with the one stone so to speak...


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    #223
    stefan idiot jones
    Registered Users Posts: 3,518 ✭✭✭stefan idiot jones


    gerrybbadd wrote: »
    It's a good thing he was well endowed though. "Beer Can" is what the lads used to call him in the showers in school. He decided there and then to put his love truncheon to use - kill two birds with the one stone so to speak...
    but, but, Lizzie Jones just closed her account. Was she stabbed with a knife or was she stabbed with a mutton truncheon?


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    #224
    Mr. RED
    Closed Accounts Posts: 76 ✭✭Mr. RED


    stefan idiot jones wrote: »
    but, but, Lizzie Jones just closed her account. Was she stabbed with a knife or was she stabbed with a mutton truncheon?

    The truth is; what with the way the story was turning out; the crude, violent nature of the tale - LizzieJones and Mr. Red couldn't take it anymore. They called Stabby to do the deed. This was to be Mr. RED's last post.

    Stabby looked at what he had done; and for the first time in his life it was all so clear. He wiped a tear from his eye; looked at his bottle - and threw it away. He didn't need alcohol anymore.

    R.I.P. LizzieJones & Mr. Red.

    They lie together; on the internet - forever.

    Account closed.


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    #225
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Or was it?


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    #226
    Fuzzytrooper
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 896 Mod ✭✭✭✭Fuzzytrooper


    Tired of the sheer scumbaggery invading his city, Stabby McHobo decided to assemble a crack team of Vigilantes consisting of himself, Facekicker and Trent.


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    #227
    ZeroImpurities
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 108 ✭✭ZeroImpurities


    Fuzzytrooper wrote: »
    Tired of the sheer scumbaggery invading his city, Stabby McHobo decided to assemble a crack team of Vigilantes consisting of himself, Facekicker and Trent.

    He had not reckoned on the force of Da Force - Mr. Mc.Stuffin and Mr. Almost Dead.


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    #228
    Fuzzytrooper
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 896 Mod ✭✭✭✭Fuzzytrooper


    "Hahaha too easy" said Trent as he pulled a gun from his pocket


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    #229
    not yet
    Registered Users Posts: 7,008 ✭✭✭not yet


    Fuzzytrooper wrote: »
    "Hahaha too easy" said Trent as he pulled a gun from his pocket

    Then he was stabbed...


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    #230
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Or was he?

    PARKOUR! Trent whipped his neck with an awesome wheel kick. A random receptionists blouse popped open in Swindon (sorry padraiggg!)


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    #231
    Fuzzytrooper
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 896 Mod ✭✭✭✭Fuzzytrooper


    'Hahaha' Trent said as he removed the knife from his stab proof vest. 'I am wearing a stab proof vest' he said with a smug face on his face. 'Stabby has trained me well in the art of not being stabbed.'


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    #232
    thomur
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 279 ✭✭thomur


    And then Stabby, the baddest penguin in Dublin walked around the corner and said 'Wheres the


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    #233
    Heraldoffreeent
    Registered Users Posts: 1,467 ✭✭✭Heraldoffreeent


    thomur wrote: »
    And then Stabby, the baddest penguin in Dublin walked around the corner and said 'Wheres the

    ...............Supermacs?


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    #234
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    "I'll have a Chicken Breast Sandwich, curry cheese chips, and your life, hahaha" said Trent, as he knew that the Supermac's employee was secretly...


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    #235
    Fuzzytrooper
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 896 Mod ✭✭✭✭Fuzzytrooper


    gerrybbadd wrote: »
    "I'll have a Chicken Breast Sandwich, curry cheese chips, and your live, hahaha" said Trent, as he knew that the Supermac's employee was secretly...

    Planning to leave out the cheese and maybe the curry under orders of Da Force. The terrified cashier glanced behind the counter at...


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    #236
    stefan idiot jones
    Registered Users Posts: 3,518 ✭✭✭stefan idiot jones


    The lunatic trying to gas himself in an electric oven. A swift boot up the ring piece was dealt.


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    #237
    Fuzzytrooper
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 896 Mod ✭✭✭✭Fuzzytrooper


    SNAPKICK!!! "There will be no dying unless I say so" thought Trent as he flew through the air to kick the suicidal manager before breaking his neck with a swift karate chopping action - like a man karate chopping a piece of wood but in this case the wood was a neck. "Now back to the cashier" Trent said to no one in particular.


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    #238
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    Suddenly, Linda Martin!!!!

    "Why Me", she warbled, as she burst through the doors of the well thought of eatery. She made her way up to Trent via locomotive method of cartwheeling, all the while looing like the Banshee...


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    #239
    stefan idiot jones
    Registered Users Posts: 3,518 ✭✭✭stefan idiot jones


    Then Achmed the Turkish barber burst in and proclaimed 'Linda, you fcukin' bellend, it's time for your shave. Don't keep me waiting or I'll mount you like I did that Walsh fella earlier.


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    #240
    Fuzzytrooper
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 896 Mod ✭✭✭✭Fuzzytrooper


    "Not so fast" said Stabby stepping out from behind the door. "That was my cousin Sheepy McHobo. If there's any shaving to be done I'll do it with my trusty blade, and with a stabbing motion."


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    #241
    stefan idiot jones
    Registered Users Posts: 3,518 ✭✭✭stefan idiot jones


    Achmed, being from Turkish descent was well used to the feel of a blade. He has been shaving Mr. Martin for forty five years and not prepared to see this cash cow be taken away from him.
    'Look, you filthy tramp (not Linda) get your hands off her, thats my beard to shave. If you want to take this outside then please do as I'm no stranger to nicking the odd artery or two.


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