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    #122
    Flippyfloppy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,748 ✭✭✭Flippyfloppy


    He peed uncontrollably


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    #123
    Merkin
    Registered Users Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    'Why must I always soil my pantaloons like this at the most inopportune moments?' he thought.


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    #124
    Mr. RED
    Closed Accounts Posts: 76 ✭✭Mr. RED


    As he wiped the p*ss from the very sultry redheaded womans face.

    "I DO apologise M'Lady" he said as he...


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    #125
    Mint Aero
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,570 ✭✭✭Mint Aero


    Get lost. This isn't the desperation Ireland Forum of Connecting Singles.


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    #126
    Mr. RED
    Closed Accounts Posts: 76 ✭✭Mr. RED


    Mint Aero wrote: »
    Get lost. This isn't the desperation Ireland Forum of Connecting Singles.

    Said Mint Aero has he wiped a single tear from his eye; failing to acknowledge the true perpetrator(s) of the sexual innuendos.

    (Try getting hit over the head with a paddle and stabbed in the ribcage by this poster; unprovoked; for no justifiable reason!! I think I can at least p*ss on the [insert insult here] face.


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    #127
    Santa Cruz
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,126 ✭✭✭Santa Cruz


    Mr. RED wrote: »
    As he wiped the p*ss from the very sultry redheaded womans face.

    "I DO apologise M'Lady" he said as he...

    but I am partial to a bit of anal


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    #128
    Asarlai
    Registered Users Posts: 512 ✭✭✭Asarlai


    Not so quickly, said Dick Noir, private detective, who had been hiding behind the bushes, "You gotta wash the dishes first."


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    #129
    Santa Cruz
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,126 ✭✭✭Santa Cruz


    Asarlai wrote: »
    Not so quickly, said Dick Noir, private detective, who had been hiding behind the bushes, "You gotta wash the dishes first."

    as he slowly but firmly fingered Twink


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    #130
    Asarlai
    Registered Users Posts: 512 ✭✭✭Asarlai


    "My God", though Dick Noir, "amn't I lucky". "In what other job, could I be washing the dishes and at the same time be firmly (but slowly) fingering Twink?"


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    #131
    Santa Cruz
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,126 ✭✭✭Santa Cruz


    Asarlai wrote: »
    "My God", though Dick Noir, "amn't I lucky". "In what other job, could I be washing the dishes and at the same time be firmly (but slowly) fingering Twink?"
    "You certainly have a unique wrist action" thought Twink's daughter as she gazed in awe from the pantry and slowly moved her hand towards her crotch


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    #132
    Asarlai
    Registered Users Posts: 512 ✭✭✭Asarlai


    "Oh My God, Oh My God", though Dick Noir, "amn't I lucky". "In what other job, could I be washing the dishes and at the same time be firmly (but slowly) fingering Twink, while watching Twink's daughter fingering herself while she looked over at Dick Noir's burgeoning manhood?"


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    #133
    dgt
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,985 ✭✭✭✭dgt


    She then pulled out a shoe, a string of sausages and a duck statue as part of her magic tricks practicing routine


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    #134
    Santa Cruz
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,126 ✭✭✭Santa Cruz


    dgt wrote: »
    She then pulled out a shoe, a string of sausages and a duck statue as part of her magic tricks practicing routine

    I'm sure Linda Martin will be jealous as hell thought Twink as she greedily swallowed Dick's salt tasting love juices


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    #135
    Asarlai
    Registered Users Posts: 512 ✭✭✭Asarlai


    Dick Noir could barely control himself as could be seen from his effervescent manhood. "And why should I control myself", Dick thought, "Why the hell should I control myself?", as he finished washing the dishes and reached out with his free hand....


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    #136
    LizzieJones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,459 ✭✭✭LizzieJones


    dgt wrote: »
    She then pulled out a shoe, a string of sausages and a duck statue as part of her magic tricks practicing routine

    Winks Winkerton threw the book down in disgust. 'This story has gotten weirder and weirder' she thought as she packed up the book and the receipt to return to the bookstore so she could demand her money back.


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    #137
    Mr. RED
    Closed Accounts Posts: 76 ✭✭Mr. RED


    LizzieJones wrote: »
    Winks Winkerton threw the book down in disgust. 'This story has gotten weirder and weirder' she thought as she packed up the book and the receipt to return to the bookstore so she could demand her money back.

    Off she went to the bookstore with haste! She arrived in 10 minutes; with not a minute to waste; she got to the counter and recoiled in great horror when the assistant who was serving her was...

    Stabby the hobo!


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    #138
    dgt
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,985 ✭✭✭✭dgt


    Previously, she had taken stabby for coffee as part of a business conference meeting. She had feelings toward this rugged gent, thus it came as a surprise to see stabby working as a book store clerk.


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    #139
    LizzieJones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,459 ✭✭✭LizzieJones


    Mr. RED wrote: »
    Off she went to the bookstore with haste! She arrived in 10 minutes; with not a minute to waste; she got to the counter and recoiled in great horror when the assistant who was serving her was...

    Stabby the hobo!

    "It was all a dream !!" she cried as she woke up from a long nap " a very bad dream. Never again will I drink so much Guinness!!"


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    #140
    not yet
    Registered Users Posts: 7,008 ✭✭✭not yet


    LizzieJones wrote: »
    "It was all a dream !!" she cried as she woke up from a long nap " a very bad dream. Never again will I drink so much Guinness!!"

    Then she got stabbed to death by a lunatic who escaped from the mad house....


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    #141
    Mr. RED
    Closed Accounts Posts: 76 ✭✭Mr. RED


    not yet wrote: »
    Then she got stabbed to death by a lunatic who escaped from the mad house....
    No she didn't.
    LizzieJones wrote: »
    "It was all a dream !!" she cried as she woke up from a long nap " a very bad dream. Never again will I drink so much Guinness!!"

    She thought; as she realised it wasn't actually a dream. What actually happened was this...
    dgt wrote: »
    Previously, she had taken stabby for coffee as part of a business conference meeting. She had feelings toward this rugged gent, thus it came as a surprise to see stabby working as a book store clerk.


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    #142
    Asarlai
    Registered Users Posts: 512 ✭✭✭Asarlai


    Or so she thought...

    No sooner had the word "Guinness" left her mouth when she turned around and, to her horror, saw the beautiful shape of Stabby's tumescent manhood not 3" away from her left knee. She knew it was wrong, very wrong, but she felt a stirring in her loins.


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    #143
    Santa Cruz
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,126 ✭✭✭Santa Cruz


    not yet wrote: »
    Then she got stabbed to death by a lunatic who escaped from the mad house....
    .... and whose fixation with self pleasuring while viewing a poster of Twink had been the subject of a number of dissertations submitted by psychology students


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    #144
    Mr. RED
    Closed Accounts Posts: 76 ✭✭Mr. RED


    Asarlai wrote: »
    Or so she thought...

    No sooner had the word "Guinness" left her mouth when she turned around and, to her horror, saw the beautiful shape of Stabby's tumescent manhood not 3" away from her left knee. She knew it was wrong, very wrong, but she felt a stirring in her loins.

    Is what would have happened; had this actually not happened...

    Previously, she had taken stabby for coffee as part of a business conference meeting. She had feelings toward this rugged gent, thus it came as a surprise to see stabby working as a book store clerk.


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    #145
    gerrybbadd
    Registered Users Posts: 10,301 ✭✭✭✭gerrybbadd


    All of a sudden, he went off like Mount Vesuvius. But not from his loins... "Oh no" , he exclaimed, as the last of the skitter ran down his legs. Feckin' Indian food


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    #146
    LizzieJones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,459 ✭✭✭LizzieJones


    Mr. RED wrote: »
    Is what would have happened; had this actually not happened...

    Previously, she had taken stabby for coffee as part of a business conference meeting. She had feelings toward this rugged gent, thus it came as a surprise to see stabby working as a book store clerk.

    Swallowing hard, Winks looked Stabby directly in the eye and said .......


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    #147
    Asarlai
    Registered Users Posts: 512 ✭✭✭Asarlai


    "Yes, Stabby, I will", she found herself thinking, "I will self-pleasure myself while you watch."

    When she suddenly realized that she wasn't just thinking, she was speaking and everyone in the book store heard her, including the two "nuns" up from the country for they gay pride parade.


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    #148
    Mr. RED
    Closed Accounts Posts: 76 ✭✭Mr. RED


    A single tear fell from Stabbys eye.


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    #149
    Asarlai
    Registered Users Posts: 512 ✭✭✭Asarlai


    He realized that he was about to become a man


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    #150
    Mr. RED
    Closed Accounts Posts: 76 ✭✭Mr. RED


    Asarlai wrote: »
    He realized that he was about to become a man

    At the age of 72. Another tear fell from his eye. He wiped it away; took a sip of his gin and thought...


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    #151
    LizzieJones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,459 ✭✭✭LizzieJones


    "I give up!" Winks exclaimed as she walked out of the bookstore "You men are daft!!!"


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