Coming out or not when I'm visiting apartments

smcgiff

paulmorro wrote: »

Would you use the same reasoning (it being suggestive) not to share an apartment with a straight man? And if you wouldn't, why not?

Not sure I follow - how could it be suggestive coming from a straight man?

smcgiff

Daith wrote: »

I read the OPs post and I don't see how it could? Can you explain further? There's a couple and a guy living in the apt? The couple would hardly see it as a come on?

I only read the first page (40 posts), and assumed it was a bunch of lads. It does seem less suggestive when there's a couple and another bloke. Unless the single bloke took it the wrong way.

paulmorro

smcgiff wrote: »

Not sure I follow - how could it be suggestive coming from a straight man?

Sorry, thought you were a girl and talking about a lesbian.
Anyway fair enough if you look at it that way I guess. But do you not think it a bit cynical to think that people can't live together without the undertones of something more?

Daith

smcgiff wrote: »

I only read the first page (40 posts), and assumed it was a bunch of lads. It does seem less suggestive when there's a couple and another bloke. Unless the single bloke took it the wrong way.

I don't see how "btw I'm gay" is anyway suggestive to be honest.

smcgiff

paulmorro wrote: »

But do you not think it a bit cynical to think that people can't live together without the undertones of something more?

Not sure cynical is the word, but if they took it the wrong way it wouldn't have helped the OP.

Hopefully in the three or so other pages people have better suggestions fot the OP how he brings it up. Of course he doesn't have to tell his new flatmates, but it seems he wants to be up front with them.

smcgiff

Daith wrote: »

I don't see how "btw I'm gay" is anyway suggestive to be honest.

Context, what you quoted wasn't his text.

Can you imagine if I had visited an apartment and sent a text to three girls*.


"Thanks again for your time, you're so nice! One last thing: as I already said, I prefer to be honest, so I think I should say to you that I'm straight. I hope it won't be a problem. See you soon!".

* I know now it wasn't three girls...

Daith

smcgiff wrote: »

Context, what you quoted wasn't his text.

Fine I still don't see anything suggestive in this post

"Thanks again for your time, you're so nice! One last thing: as I already said, I prefer to be honest, so I think I should say to you that I'm gay. I hope it won't be a problem. See you soon!".

If you do fine, I don't.

L.Jenkins

I don't see anything in text apart from honesty and it shouldn't be a reason to deny someone accommodation.

smcgiff

Itzy wrote: »

I don't see anything in text apart from honesty and it shouldn't be a reason to deny someone accommodation.

Okay, if you are the only person renting apartments then the OP is fine.

I'm trying to point out where the OP can improve his communication.

Daith

smcgiff wrote: »

Okay, if you are the only person renting apartments then the OP is fine.

I'm trying to point out where the OP can improve his communication.

So how would you recommend and word how he would tell a straight couple and a guy that he is gay in a text? I'm honestly struggling to see anything wrong with what he sent.

smcgiff

Daith wrote: »

So how would you recommend and word how he would tell a straight couple and a guy that he is gay in a text? I'm honestly struggling to see anything wrong with what he sent.

First of all, should he mention it at all? By bringing it up he's suggesting there's an issue with it.

If he is going to mention it may be best face to face. That way he can address their predjudices (if any).

L.Jenkins

If the OP was a complete and utter sex fiend regardless of orientation, I'd be concerned. I don't see an issue with communicating and being up front. If the recipient misconstrued the message, that's their problem, not the OPs.

smcgiff

Itzy wrote: »

If the recipient misconstrued the message, that's their problem, not the OPs.

No, clearly it's the OP's. He's the one without a flat.

paulmorro

smcgiff wrote: »

First of all, should he mention it at all? By bringing it up he's suggesting there's an issue with it.

If he is going to mention it may be best face to face. That way he can address their predjudices (if any).

He shouldn't HAVE to. But as you can see in this thread there are people blind with prejudice still out there. Face to face might avoid miscommunication but given what he wrote I think you're stretching to suggest that's the case.

Daith

smcgiff wrote: »

First of all, should he mention it at all? By bringing it up he's suggesting there's an issue with it.

If he is going to mention it may be best face to face. That way he can address their predjudices (if any).

Ok but that's the entire point of this topic? Should you have to tell someone that you're gay when looking for a room.

However I thought you said there was a problem with the way he phrased his text.

"The OP's level of English may have not helped him here. There's a possibility that his text could have been taken as a come on (don't shoot!)."

So it's why I asked you what was wrong with his text? Or do you think he just should have communicated face to face instead of a text.

Sorry not having a go at you at all! Just getting confused.

L.Jenkins

smcgiff wrote: »

No, clearly it's the OP's. He's the one without a flat.

That's besides the point. The entire argument is based on their orientation and not their residential status.

smcgiff

paulmorro wrote: »

given what he wrote I think you're stretching to suggest that's the case.

Perception is reality - but, I'm off out shopping with the missus - let's hope I communicate better with her.

All the best to the OP.

smcgiff

Itzy wrote: »

That's besides the point. The entire argument is based on their orientation and not their residential status.

Clearly I misunderstood - I thought the OP was looking for advice as to how he can get an apartment and be up front about his sexuality. My bad.

paulmorro

smcgiff wrote: »

Perception is reality - but, I'm off out shopping with the missus - let's hope I communicate better with her.

Well great but that's a really forced perception.

Annasopra

manic mailman wrote: »

What are you getting at here?

I think it's a lazy generalisation that all men are unhygienic

Paramite Pie

I think it's best to let people get to know you first so they're less likely to be prejudiced once they realise your a normal person who just happens to be gay. There's still alot of silly notions about gay people out there.

People worry far too much about what goes on in our bedrooms... they really fixate on it....

Also moving into a house that has mixed male/female tenants is a good idea and people might be more open.

bp1989

I've lived with 5 other guys for the past 6 months and not one of them knows I am gay. Why do you feel the need to tell them? It's nobody's business but yours and who you choose to tell....but choose wisely.

--LOS--

I think what we've learned here is that yeah you should mention it, in case you end up living with tunedout

tunedout wrote: »

What I would really love to see is how many of you would honestly agree, and be comfortable with living with a traveller. I know I wouldnt, because I wouldnt be comfortable with that. But i suppose most people here would have no problem with that because they would "never" discriminate anyone based on that ground etc etc yada yada

Too righteous, is what it is here.

I know he's gone now but I just want to say yes I would live with a traveller (insert black, asian etc), because like homosexual or w/e it is just a label and doesn't define the person.

Timmyctc

--LOS-- wrote: »

I think what we've learned here is that yeah you should mention it, in case you end up living with tunedout



I know he's gone now but I just want to say yes I would live with a traveller (insert black, asian etc), because like homosexual or w/e it is just a label and doesn't define the person.

This.
I think there was an AH thread recently about Ballymun and how all people from there are lovely/rough kants and it really highlighted how even in areas that can be really really rough you find lots of absolute gems of people. The exact same is true of any group of people, race or sex or sexual orientation; anything.

tunedout

deuve82 wrote: »

Tunedout, I don’t think that you’re an homophobic, you’re trying to show us your point of view and that’s exactly my aim with this thread. But definitely you are not gay friendly. I think that you can live with the “gay thing”, but only if it is far from you.

Well I'm back after my ban sorry if I caused any offence to anyone. I guess to summarise my point:

I think people shouldn't be offended if people prefer to live with someone who are in the same category as them (even if those categories include sex, religion, age, sexuality etc). If it is considered discrimination to include these categories when choosing who to live with, then almost everyone in the entire country can be considered discriminatory.


Looking back at my posts I can see how they'd be misinterpreted especially where i used the word 'sick'. But what I meant was the thought of homosexual activity is not a pleasant thought for me.

And as an example one of the reasons I 'might' be uncomfortable with living with a homosexual person is , just to give an example, there is a thread on this very forum with the thread title "Turning a Straight Guy - Every gay man's fantasy?".

That could create a very uncomfortable an awkward situation if my housemate tried to 'turn' me. I am not saying this is a fantasy for every gay man. But the fact that it is a fantasy for 'some' is enough for me to not want to take the risk of this situation arising.

That is just one example of why I might not like to live with a homosexual person, and on that basis, I think it is better for all involved if homosexuality is disclosed before moving in with someone.

Those were the main points I was trying to get across. Sorry again if any offence caused.

jaffacakesyum

tunedout wrote: »

Well I'm back after my ban sorry if I caused any offence to anyone. I guess to summarise my point:

I think people shouldn't be offended if people prefer to live with someone who are in the same category as them (even if those categories include sex, religion, age, sexuality etc). If it is considered discrimination to include these categories when choosing who to live with, then almost everyone in the entire country can be considered discriminatory.


Looking back at my posts I can see how they'd be misinterpreted especially where i used the word 'sick'. But what I meant was the thought of homosexual activity is not a pleasant thought for me.

And as an example one of the reasons I 'might' be uncomfortable with living with a homosexual person is , just to give an example, there is a thread on this very forum with the thread title "Turning a Straight Guy - Every gay man's fantasy?".

That could create a very uncomfortable an awkward situation if my housemate tried to 'turn' me. I am not saying this is a fantasy for every gay man. But the fact that it is a fantasy for 'some' is enough for me to not want to take the risk of this situation arising.

That is just one example of why I might not like to live with a homosexual person, and on that basis, I think it is better for all involved if homosexuality is disclosed before moving in with someone.

Those were the main points I was trying to get across. Sorry again if any offence caused.

I know what ya mean, sure it's some heterosexuals fantasys to beat the crap out of, and rape and murder people.

I know that's not all heterosexual peoples fantasys. But the fact that it's a fantasy for 'some' is enough for me not to want to take the risk of the situation arising.

LOL!

Fair play to you though for at least admitting you are uncomfortable with homosexual people. Strangely enough, I don't get annoyed with people who are homophobic, I get annoyed with people who cover up their nonsense. I know you're not admitting you're a homophobe here but you're at least admitting you're uncomfortable with gays for no good reason only for the fact that 'some' may try and turn you (very unlikely, btw).

I suspect you aren't a troll though and perhaps in the future will be more open minded about not necessarily living with but being around different sexualities, orientations, races and religions. Sure it's too short a life not to

paulmorro

tunedout wrote: »

Well I'm back after my ban sorry if I caused any offence to anyone. I guess to summarise my point:

I think people shouldn't be offended if people prefer to live with someone who are in the same category as them (even if those categories include sex, religion, age, sexuality etc). If it is considered discrimination to include these categories when choosing who to live with, then almost everyone in the entire country can be considered discriminatory.


Looking back at my posts I can see how they'd be misinterpreted especially where i used the word 'sick'. But what I meant was the thought of homosexual activity is not a pleasant thought for me.

And as an example one of the reasons I 'might' be uncomfortable with living with a homosexual person is , just to give an example, there is a thread on this very forum with the thread title "Turning a Straight Guy - Every gay man's fantasy?".

That could create a very uncomfortable an awkward situation if my housemate tried to 'turn' me. I am not saying this is a fantasy for every gay man. But the fact that it is a fantasy for 'some' is enough for me to not want to take the risk of this situation arising.

That is just one example of why I might not like to live with a homosexual person, and on that basis, I think it is better for all involved if homosexuality is disclosed before moving in with someone.

Those were the main points I was trying to get across. Sorry again if any offence caused.

Wow, your attempt on balance is pathetically inept.

Paramite Pie

tunedout wrote: »

Looking back at my posts I can see how they'd be misinterpreted especially where i used the word 'sick'. But what I meant was the thought of homosexual activity is not a pleasant thought for me.

Of course the 'thought' of it is unpleasant to you, if it turned you on you wouldn't be very straight would you? Some straight people (esp women) would consider certain heterosexual activity unpleasant (how many straight girls wont go anal for example, some won't even give a blowjob) so we all have our hang ups.

However I would prefer if you felt indifferent to these acts.. I doubt you spend too much time thinking about them anyways.

tunedout wrote: »

And as an example one of the reasons I 'might' be uncomfortable with living with a homosexual person is , just to give an example, there is a thread on this very forum with the thread title "Turning a Straight Guy - Every gay man's fantasy?".

It's more to do with everyone wanting what they can't have. Most gay people have a crush on someone who happens to be 'straight' and to be honest, if they turned someone then they obviously weren't 'straight' in the first place.

tunedout wrote: »

That could create a very uncomfortable an awkward situation if my housemate tried to 'turn' me. I am not saying this is a fantasy for every gay man. But the fact that it is a fantasy for 'some' is enough for me to not want to take the risk of this situation arising.

That is just one example of why I might not like to live with a homosexual person, and on that basis, I think it is better for all involved if homosexuality is disclosed before moving in with someone.

But if you moved in with someone who many months later reveals they're gay then you'd probably feel more comfortable around them as you'd already know them.

I also don't know of any guys who ever tried to actually turn anyone. Also imagine if you had a hot lesbian roommate. You gonna tell me you wouldn't fantasize about her? Ever? Not the same as acting on it, which would be inappropriate.

tunedout wrote: »

Those were the main points I was trying to get across. Sorry again if any offence caused.

I think you learned your lesson....... just avoid any words which could be perceived as an insult!:p

oisindoyle

tunedout wrote: »

Well I'm back after my ban sorry if I caused any offence to anyone. I guess to summarise my point:

I think people shouldn't be offended if people prefer to live with someone who are in the same category as them (even if those categories include sex, religion, age, sexuality etc). If it is considered discrimination to include these categories when choosing who to live with, then almost everyone in the entire country can be considered discriminatory.


Looking back at my posts I can see how they'd be misinterpreted especially where i used the word 'sick'. But what I meant was the thought of homosexual activity is not a pleasant thought for me.

And as an example one of the reasons I 'might' be uncomfortable with living with a homosexual person is , just to give an example, there is a thread on this very forum with the thread title "Turning a Straight Guy - Every gay man's fantasy?".

That could create a very uncomfortable an awkward situation if my housemate tried to 'turn' me. I am not saying this is a fantasy for every gay man. But the fact that it is a fantasy for 'some' is enough for me to not want to take the risk of this situation arising.

That is just one example of why I might not like to live with a homosexual person, and on that basis, I think it is better for all involved if homosexuality is disclosed before moving in with someone.

Those were the main points I was trying to get across. Sorry again if any offence caused.

Well no nothing was "misinterpeted" you made some quite offensive , blatant homophobic comments .

As for your illusion that some gay guy might try to "turn you",again you come across as someone who basically hasn't got a clue and assumes all gay guys are just out to try it on with any guy around

..Pathetic that you think like this ...

You need to open your eyes get rid of your blinkered opinion of gay PEOPLE ,get rid of your homophobia and maybe get yourself a bigger shovel ,because you are digging a bigger hole !

tunedout

I just wonder about the case of a guy who is shy and nervous around girls.

Is it discrimination if he chooses his flatmates to be males only.

Although, his shyness and nervousness could be treated as irrational as there is nothing to suggest a girl would cause him any harm I wouldn't label him as being femaphobic and discriminant and all that , rather I'd let the guy be comfortable in his own living space and appreciate his wishes.