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Coming out or not when I'm visiting apartments

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    #152
    tunedout
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 448 ✭✭tunedout


    Awake&Unafraid wrote: »
    But it would be ok for you to verbally abuse gay people kissing on the couch?
    I never said I would verbally abuse them. Instead, I would politely avoid living with them.
    Awake&Unafraid wrote: »
    Do you really not understand how you're being discriminative or are you taking the p!ss? Straight people should avoid gay people and gay people should avoid straight people?

    I think if the cases arises where people don't want to live with someone because they don't share the same sexual interest then that should not be thought of as discrimination.


    In the same way, if 3 19 year old girls don't want to live with a 64 year old man. Then I don't think the 64 year old man has suffered discrimination.


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    #153
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 41,054 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    tunedout wrote: »
    I think if the cases arises where people don't want to live with someone because they don't share the same sexual interest then that should not be thought of as discrimination.

    Do you think a persons sexual orientation is the entire facet of their personality?

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #154
    tunedout
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 448 ✭✭tunedout


    Awake&Unafraid wrote: »
    Whatever about kissing, but holding hands you really see as sexual activity? If you see an elderly couple(or any couple really I'm just using this as an example) walking home and they're holding hands do you consider this as sexual activity?

    Well, yes, in the vast majority of cases then that to me is sexual activity. Now lets not go down the route of a mother holding her childrens hands, or a blind person holding someones hands.That's not what I am talking about atall.

    But to answer your question, I quote two sources:
    Quote1 "Holding hands is a form of physical intimacy involving two or more people. It may or may not be romantic."
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holding_hands
    Quote2:"Physical intimacy is sensual proximity or touching.[1] It is an act/reaction or be an expression of feelings (such as close friendship, love, or sexual attraction) which people have for one another. Examples of physical intimacy include being inside someone's personal space, holding hands, hugging, kissing, caressing, and sexual activity."
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_intimacy

    The kind of holding hands I am on about, is the romantic sort. The romantic sort can be considered sexual activity.


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    #155
    tunedout
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 448 ✭✭tunedout


    mango salsa wrote: »
    Do you think a persons sexual orientation is the entire facet of their personality?

    Nope.


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    #156
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    This thread gets better and better.

    Can you please stop getting so aggressive, tunedout. You're resorting to language like "the gays" and frankly it's demeaning.

    In the scenarios you described above, I actually would think that if the only reasons that a group of people had for dismissing a potential flatmate was gender, age, religion, or anything like that then yes. It is discriminatory. Of course you might not gel as individuals, but I know many 65 year olds that would be well up for drinking and partying more than me, I know the same number of Muslims who want to convert me as much as I want to convert them (ie not at all) and I know a lot of straight couples that get up to far kinkier **** on couches than I would in a 50 Shades of Grey themed dungeon. If you arbitrarily dismiss people as fundementally different to you, and therefore incompatible to you then you are very small minded.

    You seem to be mixing up hobbies and interests with sexuality and behaviour. They are wildly different things. Homosexuality isn't my hobby. It's my sexuality. None of my other hobbies relate to my sexuality. My sexuality doesn't impact my choice of hobbies.


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    #157
    face1990
    Registered Users Posts: 1,039 ✭✭✭face1990


    tunedout wrote: »
    3 girls who wont leave a male move in because they are looking for a similar aged girl
    3 lads who wont leave a Chinese guy move in because he doesn't have good English and they are looking for someone they can speak with.
    2 guys and 2 girls in a student house who wont leave a 62 year old mature student move in because they are all 18-21 and they are looking for someone they can be comfortable around especially if they are bringing back partners or going out late at night etc.
    2 very devoted Catholic parents who don't want to leave a Muslim move in because they think he might want to bring his bible and follow Muslim traditions around the house.

    I would think all of the above are closed minded people (although, as was said earlier, lets not turn this into a "which minority would you hate to live with most" competition).



    Tunedout, I hope someday you become friends with a gay person. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised! :)


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    #158
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 41,054 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    We're going round in circles here. I don't think think there is anything more to add to this discussion if we are just continuously discussing what tunedout has to say. Could we please keep this thread to advice for the OP

    I'll be deleting off topic posts from now on.

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #159
    L.Jenkins
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 19,240 Mod ✭✭✭✭L.Jenkins


    misc_granny_kicking_clapping_baby.gif

    Sorry, had to be done :P


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    #160
    tunedout
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 448 ✭✭tunedout


    mango salsa wrote: »
    We're going round in circles here. I don't think think there is anything more to add to this discussion if we are just continuously discussing what tunedout has to say. Could we please keep this thread to advice for the OP

    I'll be deleting off topic posts from now on.

    IF you want me to stop posting at any stage just say so and it will be done. I think the discussion is very relevant to the OP's question and it doesn't look like ye get a lot of outside (or opposite) views in here.


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    #161
    tunedout
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 448 ✭✭tunedout


    Grand. so they're deleting posts now. That helps a lot.


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    #162
    tunedout
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 448 ✭✭tunedout


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    This thread gets better and better.

    Can you please stop getting so aggressive, tunedout. You're resorting to language like "the gays" and frankly it's demeaning.

    In the scenarios you described above, I actually would think that if the only reasons that a group of people had for dismissing a potential flatmate was gender, age, religion, or anything like that then yes. It is discriminatory. Of course you might not gel as individuals, but I know many 65 year olds that would be well up for drinking and partying more than me, I know the same number of Muslims who want to convert me as much as I want to convert them (ie not at all) and I know a lot of straight couples that get up to far kinkier **** on couches than I would in a 50 Shades of Grey themed dungeon. If you arbitrarily dismiss people as fundementally different to you, and therefore incompatible to you then you are very small minded.

    You seem to be mixing up hobbies and interests with sexuality and behaviour. They are wildly different things. Homosexuality isn't my hobby. It's my sexuality. None of my other hobbies relate to my sexuality. My sexuality doesn't impact my choice of hobbies.

    Well heterosexuality IS my hobby. So does that make it fine now to not live with someone based on someones sexuality?


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    #163
    Cavehill Red
    Registered Users Posts: 6,109 ✭✭✭Cavehill Red


    mango salsa wrote: »
    Actually I changed that because I am unsure.

    I asked a solicitor about this in passing today. Without looking anything up, he felt fairly certain that you can't be forced by law to live with anyone you don't want to.


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    #164
    Daith
    Registered Users Posts: 4,946 ✭✭✭Daith


    Cavehill Red wrote: »
    I asked a solicitor about this in passing today. Without looking anything up, he felt fairly certain that you can't be forced by law to live with anyone you don't want to.

    Yes this seems to be the consensus. It's up to the Landlord and/or tenants if the landlord is letting them pick someone.

    I guess you might as well tell them because at least you know straight up if they're ok with it.


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    #165
    GalwayGuy2
    Registered Users Posts: 2,269 ✭✭✭GalwayGuy2


    Whatever about kissing, but holding hands you really see as sexual activity? If you see an elderly couple(or any couple really I'm just using this as an example) walking home and they're holding hands do you consider this as sexual activity?

    Completely and utterly random aside, but apparently it's quite common to see men holding hands while walking together in the Arab World. No idea, why I mentioned that, but it's quite interesting.

    But anyway...

    One part of me says you shouldn't have to say your sexuality as if it is an anomaly.

    Another says, eh maybe you should as you don't want to be living in an uncomfortable environment.

    And another says, hmmm do you really want someone to, before they get to know you, perhaps fall on per-supposed "gay" stereotypes?


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    #166
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    There's been a lot of seeking offence when there's nothing there on this thread.

    People should live with people they can get along with/feel comfortable with. Nobody needs to prove how pc they are when it comes to living arrangements.

    Coming out when visiting apartments can be a good idea because you don't want to live with people for whom it would be a problem. You wouldn't feel comfortable, they wouldn't feel comfortable. Everybody loses. If you ask the right questions you all should be able to get a good enough feel for what each other is like in general within 10-15 minutes so you don't need to worry about people assuming stereotypes.

    I'm saying this as a gay man who has lived happily in houseshares with straight people for years.


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    #167
    Lingua Franca
    Registered Users Posts: 2,800 ✭✭✭Lingua Franca


    Daith wrote: »
    Yes this seems to be the consensus. It's up to the Landlord and/or tenants if the landlord is letting them pick someone.

    I guess you might as well tell them because at least you know straight up if they're ok with it.

    But if the landlord alone turns someone down on the basis of their sexuality, for example, had the landlord been sent a text saying "by the way I'm gay, hope that's not a problem" and the landlord refused to let on the grounds that it was aproblem, that's actionable. I doubt it applies to the other tenants choosing their housemate but a landlord doing that would certainly be discriminating illegally.


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    #168
    manic mailman
    Registered Users Posts: 303 ✭✭manic mailman


    tunedout wrote: »
    Well heterosexuality IS my hobby...

    To borrow some internet slang....

    "LOLWUT?"


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    #169
    tunedout
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 448 ✭✭tunedout


    Has anyone seen all the blatant discrimination going on daft.ie lately?

    To borrow some internet slang there is loads of it.


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    #170
    tunedout
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 448 ✭✭tunedout


    There was one ad that said "females only".

    SHOCKING, thought I.


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    #171
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    tunedout wrote: »
    There was one ad that said "females only".

    SHOCKING, thought I.

    Give it a rest, man. No-one here is going to agree with you. It's the LGBT board ffs.


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    #172
    manic mailman
    Registered Users Posts: 303 ✭✭manic mailman


    tunedout wrote: »
    There was one ad that said "females only".

    SHOCKING, thought I.
    .

    Yeah, people should put up "pipe only" adverts while they're at it, along with "my hobbies include heterosexuality with a dash of homo on the side". :)


    OP - be up front, safer in the long run.



    Aaaaaand I'm outta here (*ascends into the sky on a flying, rainbow streaked unicorn).


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    #173
    tunedout
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 448 ✭✭tunedout


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    Give it a rest, man. No-one here is going to agree with you. It's the LGBT board ffs.

    I suppose.

    Worth a try to help them though.


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    #174
    tunedout
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 448 ✭✭tunedout


    manic mailman wrote: »
    .
    Aaaaaand I'm outta here (*ascends into the sky on a flying, rainbow streaked unicorn).

    Riding your unicorn.


    Poor unicorn.


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    #175
    Vojera
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,812 ✭✭✭Vojera


    OP, are you in a rush to move? Is your current lease almost up? The reason I ask is because if you're not under pressure then you can take your time looking, and maybe mention that you're gay and find the right fit. If you need to find a new place ASAP then maybe the priority for you is finding somewhere to live rather than finding a great place to live, if you get me.

    Someone mentioned that on daft you can put up house-share ads looking for a gay-friendly house, and you can look for similar ads too.

    If you do mention that you're gay, you don't need to make a big deal of it. If you have the time to look then you can make sure you find somewhere that you're comfortable rather than getting stuck in a lease with people you don't gel with.


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    #176
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    tunedout wrote: »
    I suppose.

    Worth a try to help them though.

    Help with what, exactly?


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    #177
    tunedout
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 448 ✭✭tunedout


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    Help with what, exactly?

    You're off again.


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    #178
    Chloris
    Closed Accounts Posts: 535 ✭✭✭Chloris


    I've read a fair bit of this thread and I'm with tunedout - the tenants were pretty commendable to have been honest and upfront. Fair enough, it's pretty harsh on the person looking for the house but some people don't want to be surrounded by gay all the time. Personally, I wouldn't care if it was lesbians (unless they were coming on to me) but if it were gay lads I'd be pretty squeamish about the whole anal sex thing and seeing men kissing each other might well make me throw up.

    Everybody is entitled to have their own personal preferences in roommates. I think Ireland has avoided indoctrination into pro-gay propaganda to the extent that some lad who just stepped out of the cast of Glee would be an annoying room mate. I'm not saying that I think all gay men are like that, I'm just saying it would be just as annoying as having a cheese-licker in the house.

    (Cue tirade of "homophobe" accusations - the asshole is an exit, not an entrance. It's unhygenic. Acting like a woman does not negate the fact that you don't have a vagina. Stop looking for attention. Nobody cares about your sexuality. etc.)


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    #179
    jaffacakesyum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    Oddly, I actually have no problem with someone refusing to live with a gay person, but at least have the decency to admit you're homophobic.

    Same if you went around saying you're uncomfortable watching a black couple hold hands or make "BLACK NOISES" in the bedroom and that what they do is "sick" and "disgusting", then at least have the decency to admit you're a racist.


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    #180
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Chloris wrote: »
    I've read a fair bit of this thread and I'm with tunedout - the tenants were pretty commendable to have been honest and upfront. Fair enough, it's pretty harsh on the person looking for the house but some people don't want to be surrounded by gay all the time. Personally, I wouldn't care if it was lesbians (unless they were coming on to me) but if it were gay lads I'd be pretty squeamish about the whole anal sex thing and seeing men kissing each other might well make me throw up.

    Everybody is entitled to have their own personal preferences in roommates. I think Ireland has avoided indoctrination into pro-gay propaganda to the extent that some lad who just stepped out of the cast of Glee would be an annoying room mate. I'm not saying that I think all gay men are like that, I'm just saying it would be just as annoying as having a cheese-licker in the house.

    (Cue tirade of "homophobe" accusations - the asshole is an exit, not an entrance. It's unhygenic. Acting like a woman does not negate the fact that you don't have a vagina. Stop looking for attention. Nobody cares about your sexuality. etc.)

    ??????????????????????


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    #181
    jaffacakesyum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    Chloris wrote: »
    I've read a fair bit of this thread and I'm with tunedout - the tenants were pretty commendable to have been honest and upfront. Fair enough, it's pretty harsh on the person looking for the house but some people don't want to be surrounded by gay all the time. Personally, I wouldn't care if it was lesbians (unless they were coming on to me) but if it were gay lads I'd be pretty squeamish about the whole anal sex thing and seeing men kissing each other might well make me throw up.

    Everybody is entitled to have their own personal preferences in roommates. I think Ireland has avoided indoctrination into pro-gay propaganda to the extent that some lad who just stepped out of the cast of Glee would be an annoying room mate. I'm not saying that I think all gay men are like that, I'm just saying it would be just as annoying as having a cheese-licker in the house.

    (Cue tirade of "homophobe" accusations - the asshole is an exit, not an entrance. It's unhygenic. Acting like a woman does not negate the fact that you don't have a vagina. Stop looking for attention. Nobody cares about your sexuality. etc.)

    What about heterosexual couples who engage in anal sex? Are you going to ask them before they move in if they have ever or ever plan on having anal sex?


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