Coming out or not when I'm visiting apartments

ultrasonic

tunedout wrote: »

No sex is not sex. The anal pipe on a man is not intended for that purpose, excrement on the penis etc.

At the risk of being labeled racist, anyone else read that with a Borat accent?

tunedout

Chloris wrote: »

I've read a fair bit of this thread and I'm with tunedout - the tenants were pretty commendable to have been honest and upfront. Fair enough, it's pretty harsh on the person looking for the house but some people don't want to be surrounded by gay all the time. Personally, I wouldn't care if it was lesbians (unless they were coming on to me) but if it were gay lads I'd be pretty squeamish about the whole anal sex thing and seeing men kissing each other might well make me throw up.

Well finally a bit of help, they still won't see it though, you're just another homophobe as far as they are concerned.

Amazingly, I would have no problem with a house of girls not accepting me because I'm male, a house of old people agreeing I'm not suited because I'm too young, a house of homosexuals only looking for a homosexual roommate only, or a house of Indians who are looking for another Indian to live with so they can feel more at home.

But a homosexual gets told no because they're a house of straight lads and everyone has to sob discrimination over it.

I would say there is an element of attention seeking or else there is a lack of maturity around here.

Awake&Unafraid

Chloris wrote: »

if it were gay lads I'd be pretty squeamish about the whole anal sex thing and seeing men kissing each other might well make me throw up.



(Cue tirade of "homophobe" accusations - the asshole is an exit, not an entrance. It's unhygenic. Acting like a woman does not negate the fact that you don't have a vagina. Stop looking for attention. Nobody cares about your sexuality. etc.)

Homophobe accusations? I won't accuse you, I'll tell you straight out that you're a blatant homophobe- "seeing men kiss each other might well make me throw up"

The vagina is also an exit too. As stated earlier in this thread not all gay men engage in anal sex. Straight couples can and do engage in anal sex. Like someone else said should a straight couple state they plan on engaging in anal sex before moving in with people? Would you refuse them to live with you if they planned on having anal sex?

If nobody cares about our sexuality, why would it be such a problem for me (a gay man) to move in with anyone regardless of sexual orientation, gender, colour, beliefs etc?

Knowing people like you exist makes me want to throw up.

Awake&Unafraid

tunedout wrote: »

I would say there is an element of attention seeking or else there is a lack of maturity around here.

The only one attention seeking is you, posting in a LGBT forum saying gay "sexual activity" is sick.

vard

I do agree that it shouldn't be a problem at all. I personally wouldn't care... But I have often seen adverts which state "gay flat share" or "gay only". I wouldn't see this case as being any different. Not necessarily discriminatory, just a little odd that it should matter.

bikeman1

This thread is a bit of a tennis match match, but here is my 2 cents.

I moved in with two guys, who didn't know I was gay at the time, after about a year I decided to tell them. Did they go, oh no get the hell out you disgusting thing, can't be having you here. No.

They behaved like most sensible people in their 20s who know at least one gay person and said thats cool, no problem. Do I go around kissing in the kitchen or living room? No. Actually some of the grunting Ive heard from their rooms have been quite funny!

I do wonder turned out if a sexy girl did move in and you didn't know that she was lesbian. After some time told you, would you have a problem if she said she had a girlfriend that she would like to bring over? Somehow I don't think you would have a problem with two hot girls kissing?

I really hope turnedout that you open your eyes and realise that someone you know is gay. And that apart from where they stick it, there is no difference. You wont find me in the George or screaming around the place. More like in my local enjoying a few Guinness watching the rugby or something!

Daith

vard wrote: »

I do agree that it shouldn't be a problem at all. I personally wouldn't care... But I have often seen adverts which state "gay flat share" or "gay only". I wouldn't see this case as being any different. Not necessarily discriminatory, just a little odd that it should matter.

Never seen gay only (though not doubting you) but gay friendly a lot. I always viewed it as you can be whatever but I'm gay just FYI.

Boo2112

Hey op, have you tried registering with easyroommate? It's pretty good, rather than picking the house you pick who you live with. You register and fill in a profile, sexual orientation is a question so its out there already without making it a big deal. Think it could be ideal for you! The person renting fills out stuff about themselves too and what they would like in a housemate so its all upfront.

There's also an lgbt site I seen that people advertise house shares like that but they put up pictures of themselves naked or crossdressing and all sorts in the ads for houses just thought that was kind of bizarre tbh.

Anyway best of luck OP, been trying myself for a month to find a place but nobody wants a student either so you're not alone :P

tunedout

Awake&Unafraid wrote: »

Homophobe accusations? I won't accuse you, I'll tell you straight out that you're a blatant homophobe- "seeing men kiss each other might well make me throw up"

If nobody cares about our sexuality, why would it be such a problem for me (a gay man) to move in with anyone regardless of sexual orientation, gender, colour, beliefs etc?

I would like you to answer this question. A Yes/No answer would be lovely.

If I don't want to live with an old person does that mean I have a phobia of old people?

baby and crumble

tunedout wrote: »

I would like you to answer this question. A Yes/No answer would be lovely.

If I don't want to live with an old person does that mean I have a phobia of old people?

For the last time, homophobia does not mean you're scared of homosexuals. It has never been classified as a phobia in the traditional sense.

It means that you judge people and find them Wanting somehow because thy are gay.

You not wanting to live with a gay person isnt homophobic. It's closed minded, but not in itself homophobic. Your repeated assertions that gay sex is sick, wrong, etc., and the ideas that you have that gay men cannot possibly have the same interests as straight men IS homophobic.

Your notions about this are just plain WRONG.

Gay men do not have constantly have anal sex. A straight couple are equally as likely to do so.

There are many 'exits' as you put it that are used for sexual gratification, by men and women alike.

You still haven't answered ANY of te questions regarding your attitude to lesbians moving in, who according to you would have the same interests as the rest of your house because they would be happy to go out and pull girls with you all. They woul have no interest in seeing you get changed or whatever it is.

All you are doing now is trying to get our backs up. You're comin into somewhere that is designed as a safe space for LGBT people to chat and get advice and are pontificating about our wrongness, and how it should be totally fine for straight people to feel like thy have NOTHING in common with us.

Frankly, you're either thick or trolling. You're possibly so stupid that you can't understand that gay people aren't going to suddenly agree with you in your beliefs that we're wrong, disgusting, make you throw up or make you uncomfortable.

Get over yourself and get into the real world.

tunedout

baby and crumble wrote: »

For the last time, homophobia does not mean you're scared of homosexuals. It has never been classified as a phobia in the traditional sense.

It means that you judge people and find them Wanting somehow because thy are gay.

You not wanting to live with a gay person isnt homophobic. It's closed minded, but not in itself homophobic. Your repeated assertions that gay sex is sick, wrong, etc., and the ideas that you have that gay men cannot possibly have the same interests as straight men IS homophobic.

Your notions about this are just plain WRONG.

Gay men do not have constantly have anal sex. A straight couple are equally as likely to do so.

There are many 'exits' as you put it that are used for sexual gratification, by men and women alike.

You still haven't answered ANY of te questions regarding your attitude to lesbians moving in, who according to you would have the same interests as the rest of your house because they would be happy to go out and pull girls with you all. They woul have no interest in seeing you get changed or whatever it is.

All you are doing now is trying to get our backs up. You're comin into somewhere that is designed as a safe space for LGBT people to chat and get advice and are pontificating about our wrongness, and how it should be totally fine for straight people to feel like thy have NOTHING in common with us.

Frankly, you're either thick or trolling. You're possibly so stupid that you can't understand that gay people aren't going to suddenly agree with you in your beliefs that we're wrong, disgusting, make you throw up or make you uncomfortable.

Get over yourself and get into the real world.

Wow. You're a very angry person. I wonder why you don't get "infracted" for that post (I got infracted for being 'insulting' earlier).

Anyway, like I was asking, is there anyone here would be able to answer this question. A Yes/No answer would be lovely.

If I don't want to live with an old person does that mean I have a phobia of old people?

Now, I know I might be pushing it, but a second question that might be able to be answered in the Yes/No format would be unreal:
If I am looking for a roommate, I am looking for someone about my own age? Is that discrimination?

I know it might be too much to ask to get answers to these questions around here.

tunedout

baby and crumble wrote: »

You're possibly so stupid that you can't understand that gay people aren't going to suddenly agree with you in your beliefs that we're wrong, disgusting, make you throw up or make you uncomfortable.

I would never expect a gay person to agree with me in those beliefs. But I might expect a gay person to respect that gay activity is something that makes me uncomfortable and they should respect that.

To give an example, being a dog lover, I would never agree with someone that thinks dogs are disgusting creatures.

I would never agree with that person, but I would try my best to respect the fact that that person might not be comfortable around dogs and therefore I wouldn't impose on that person bringing my dog around him.

I don't need to agree with someone to respect their beliefs (or their comfort zones).

I don't agree with many religions, but I respect their beliefs. And I would not accuse someone of being so 'stupid they expect me to believe their religion'.

tunedout

baby and crumble wrote: »

You're possibly so stupid that you can't understand that gay people aren't going to suddenly agree with you in your beliefs that we're wrong, disgusting, make you throw up or make you uncomfortable.

You are possibly so stupid that you can't understand that other people might not be comfortable with certain things.

You are possibly so stupid you think that people should be allowed impose those things upon those people, and you are possibly so stupid that you think if they don't agree to live with those things then they are discriminating and phobics.

wonderfulname

Final warning

The next poster to engage in off topic debate, derailing, snide comments or homophobic outbursts will be, at the least, infracted.

For what it's worth, as it appears to be a major talking point, the definition of homophobia I use is an irrational fear of, or aversion to, homosexuality or discrimination on that basis. You'd want to remember that.

tunedout

wonderfulname wrote: »

Final warning

The next poster to engage in off topic debate, derailing, snide comments or homophobic outbursts will be banned from this forum.

For what it's worth, as it appears to be a major talking point, the definition of homophobia I use is an irrational fear of, or aversion to, homosexuality or discrimination on that basis. You'd want to remember that.

Well now I hope that is not aimed at me. You will see that I have improved my attitude in this thread no end. And I was called 'so stupid' above and there was no warning or infraction given. And I have made no homophobic comments in quite some time.

I have just concentrated on trying to get my point across on how I think a person who does not want to live with someone based on there sexuality, is no worse (or no better) than a person who wants a roommate that is about the same age as them.

Annasopra

Tunedout - what do you want here?

If you are looking for some respect for your views then you are going completely the wrong way about it.

I'm not sure if we can respect your views

if you call our sexual practices sick,
if you completely ignore lesbians as if they don't exist,
if you infer that all gay males are only obsessed with sex and have no other life interests,
if you call us immature and attention seeking,
if you are suggesting that we think every single straight person is homophobic,
if you are infer that all gay men could not possibly see you in a towel without having sexual thoughts about you

We can respect your right to hold your views. It doesn't mean we can respect your views.

tunedout

mango salsa wrote: »

Tunedout - what do you want here?

If you are looking for some respect for your views then you are going completely the wrong way about it.

I'm not sure if we can respect your views

if you call our sexual practices sick,
if you completely ignore lesbians as if they don't exist,
if you infer that all gay males are only obsessed with sex and have no other life interests,
if you call us immature and attention seeking,
if you are suggesting that we think every single straight person is homophobic,
if you are infer that all gay men could not possibly see you in a towel without having sexual thoughts about you

mango salsa you clearly agree that baby_and_crumble was completely wrong and out of order in the above post, because you removed your Thanks. So why did he not get an infraction for 'insulting' behaviour.

Your list above shows you have completely misread what I am saying. But lets ignore everything I have said. In fact, lets assume everything I have said so far is wrong and homophobic.

My main point I wanted to get across, and the reason for everything I have said so far is as follows:
A person not wanting to live with someone based on their sexuality, is no better (or worse), in terms of discrimination, than a person who is looking for a roommate that is approximately the same age as them.

Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

baby and crumble

tunedout wrote: »

mango salsa you clearly agree that baby_and_crumble was completely wrong and out of order in the above post, because you removed your Thanks. So why did he not get an infraction for 'insulting'

I'm a she. A lesbian. Hard to believe we exist, isn't it?

Did you report my post, tunedout? I hope you did, if you felt I was going against the charter in some way.

No, I don't think that someone not wanting to live with an older person is phobic of older people. As I have repeatedly said, I think everyone has the right to live with whomever they choose. However, if I were to display the same attitude towards older people as you have towards gay people in this thread, then yes, I would be classed as agist. If I said that older people can have nothing in common with young people, if I said that seeing an older couple hold hands is disgusting, if I said that hearing old people have sex was disgusting, then clearly I have an irrational problem with old people.

I'm sorry for going off topic, mods, and im sorry for any level of aggression I have contributed to this thread. It's just difficult to remain impassive when my personality is being attacked, and my friends here are being told they are disgusting.

wonderfulname

tunedout will be taking a holiday from the forum, for reasons that should remain obvious.

deuve82

Hi again, guys, gals:

T h a n k s to all for all your comments, even for the side discussion. As I said in my first post, I don’t know how the things are working in this country, so this is helping me lot.

Tunedout, I don’t think that you’re an homophobic, you’re trying to show us your point of view and that’s exactly my aim with this thread. But definitely you are not gay friendly. I think that you can live with the “gay thing”, but only if it is far from you. That’s not fair, but maybe it’s not your fault, maybe in your life you haven’t had the chance to meet a gay guy who can show you how similar is your life and ours. At the end hate, love, jealous, sex and every single feeling is the same for you and for me, there are no differences. Let me ask you something: I’ve read that you’re living with guys who are your friends and they are straight as you. Now just try to figure out that tomorrow one of them discovers that he’s gay... what would you do? Try to erase his memory and your memory about all the times naked together? Would you kick him out? Would you move? I’m pretty sure that it will be shocking for you at the beginning, but after 10 times watching him kissing another guy under your same roof, it’s not going to be shocking, it’s going to be normal and he’s still going to be your friend. I’m sure, that happened to me in the past, with my classmates at the university, and they’re my friends.

My issue in that apartment was a prejudices issue, that’s all. They're a straight couple and another guy. I was almost inside, I repeat, after one hour of chat we were in a good mood and we agreed in every single point about our way of sharing. I don’t want to blow my own trumpet, but I’m a good flatmate (I’m usually cooking!), my group of friends is huge and mixed, I don’t have any strange/illegal habits... A common person with a common life! And I’m pretty sure that after a couple of months sharing when they realised that I’m gay it wouldn’t be a problem because, I repeat, (after all) they were so nice with me.

I don’t want to lose another apartment because of prejudices, this feeling is pissing me off and I didn’t come to this country to be unhappy or to life in a gay ghetto because I don't have another possibility.

Walker77

deuve82 wrote: »

Hi again, guys, gals:

T h a n k s to all for all your comments, even for the side discussion. As I said in my first post, I don’t know how the things are working in this country, so this is helping me lot.

Tunedout, I don’t think that you’re an homophobic, you’re trying to show us your point of view and that’s exactly my aim with this thread. But definitely you are not gay friendly. I think that you can live with the “gay thing”, but only if it is far from you. That’s not fair, but maybe it’s not your fault, maybe in your life you haven’t had the chance to meet a gay guy who can show you how similar is your life and ours. At the end hate, love, jealous, sex and every single feeling is the same for you and for me, there are no differences. Let me ask you something: I’ve read that you’re living with guys who are your friends and they are straight as you. Now just try to figure out that tomorrow one of them discovers that he’s gay... what would you do? Try to erase his memory and your memory about all the times naked together? Would you kick him out? Would you move? I’m pretty sure that it will be shocking for you at the beginning, but after 10 times watching him kissing another guy under your same roof, it’s not going to be shocking, it’s going to be normal and he’s still going to be your friend. I’m sure, that happened to me in the past, with my classmates at the university, and they’re my friends.

My issue in that apartment was a prejudices issue, that’s all. They're a straight couple and another gay. I was almost inside, I repeat, after one hour of chat we were in a good mood and we agreed in every single point about our way of sharing. I don’t want to blow my own trumpet, but I’m a good flatmate (I’m usually cooking!), my group of friends is huge and mixed, I don’t have any strange/illegal habits... A common person with a common life! And I’m pretty sure that after a couple of months sharing when they realised that I’m gay it wouldn’t be a problem because, I repeat, (after all) they were so nice with me.

I don’t want to lose another apartment because of prejudices, this feeling is pissing me off and I didn’t come to this country to be unhappy or to life in a gay ghetto because I don't have another possibility.

Well said good luck with the house hunting.

LittleBook

deuve82 wrote: »

Being polite, I decided to text them afterwards: "Thanks again for your time, you're so nice! One last thing: as I already said, I prefer to be honest, so I think I should say to you that I'm gay. I hope it won't be a problem. See you soon!". And their answer, about 20min later: "To be honest, it could be a problem".

Slightly off topic but ... they said it could be a problem ... then what happened?

Sorry if I've missed a post already answering this, thread is really hard to troll ... I mean trawl through. :rolleyes:

Chloris

I'll probably get another infraction for this but the only reason I came back to this thread was that I forgot about even posting in it until I saw the e-mail from mango salsa.

The OP's anecdote shows that homophobia actually is a factor in finding a place to rent. When you're living in a house, you want to feel at home. If you're uncomfortable, you will be unhappy. I would be uncomfortable if my housemate was a gay man (not at all if they were female, it's a hygiene thing), so I'd want to know in advance in case the people you move in with are massively against living with gay people. That's all I was saying.

On another note, Douglas Street in Cork is mostly inhabited by lesbians. That might be a good place to look for a house share if you're going to let your sexual orientation dictate your entire life.

Walker77

Chloris wrote: »

I'll probably get another infraction for this but the only reason I came back to this thread was that I forgot about even posting in it until I saw the e-mail from mango salsa.

The OP's anecdote shows that homophobia actually is a factor in finding a place to rent. When you're living in a house, you want to feel at home. If you're uncomfortable, you will be unhappy. I would be uncomfortable if my housemate was a gay man (not at all if they were female, it's a hygiene thing), so I'd want to know in advance in case the people you move in with are massively against living with gay people. That's all I was saying.

On another note, Douglas Street in Cork is mostly inhabited by lesbians. That might be a good place to look for a house share if you're going to let your sexual orientation dictate your entire life.

Excellent point

manic mailman

Chloris wrote: »

... it's a hygiene thing...

What are you getting at here?

Daith

Chloris wrote: »

On another note, Douglas Street in Cork is mostly inhabited by lesbians. That might be a good place to look for a house share if you're going to let your sexual orientation dictate your entire life.

The OP isn't. Other people are letting another person's sexual orientation dictate who they want to live with.

paulmorro

Chloris wrote: »

I'll probably get another infraction for this but the only reason I came back to this thread was that I forgot about even posting in it until I saw the e-mail from mango salsa.

The OP's anecdote shows that homophobia actually is a factor in finding a place to rent. When you're living in a house, you want to feel at home. If you're uncomfortable, you will be unhappy. I would be uncomfortable if my housemate was a gay man (not at all if they were female, it's a hygiene thing), so I'd want to know in advance in case the people you move in with are massively against living with gay people. That's all I was saying.

On another note, Douglas Street in Cork is mostly inhabited by lesbians. That might be a good place to look for a house share if you're going to let your sexual orientation dictate your entire life.

I'd reply in length to the absurdity of parts of your post but my hands are so unhygienic the keyboard is stiiiicking.

smcgiff

Have only read the first 40 posts, but here's my 2c's (apologies if already covered).

The OP's level of English may have not helped him here. There's a possibility that his text could have been taken as a come on (don't shoot!).

If I were in a flat looking for a flatmate and if a girl had sent me a similar text I'm not sure I'd want her around either (I'm married, but live some time away from home in a shared apartment) as it could be seen as suggestive.

But, I can see how the OP wants to be comfortable living in the apartment and doesn't want to hide his sexuality. So, it's a tricky one. Best communicated better I suppose.

paulmorro

smcgiff wrote: »

Have only read the first 40 posts, but here's my 2c's (apologies if already covered).

The OP's level of English may have not helped him here. There's a possibility that his text could have been taken as a come on (don't shoot!).

If I were in a flat looking for a flatmate and if a girl had sent me a similar text I'm not sure I'd want her around either (I'm married, but live some time away from home in a shared apartment) as it could be seen as suggestive.

But, I can see how the OP wants to be comfortable living in the apartment and doesn't want to hide his sexuality. So, it's a tricky one. Best communicated better I suppose.

Would you use the same reasoning (it being suggestive) not to share an apartment with a straight man? And if you wouldn't, why not?

Daith

smcgiff wrote: »

The OP's level of English may have not helped him here. There's a possibility that his text could have been taken as a come on (don't shoot!).

I read the OPs post and I don't see how it could? Can you explain further? There's a couple and a guy living in the apt? The couple would hardly see it as a come on?