Coming out or not when I'm visiting apartments

what the hell!

what the hell! wrote: »

What about a gay Canadian Japanese now that's a totally different story!

As long as she kept her homosexual noises to a minimum, although - it's probably only men who can make them

tunedout

Deleted User wrote: »

I dunno, I just fail to see what difference it makes whether you're gay or straight, or black or white, or canadian or japanese. I will never get it. It's something that boggles my mind.

It clearly makes a difference for some people, maybe not for you, but definitely for some (most I would say) people. You will not be the only one living in the house so you should consider other peoples preferences also.

Deleted User wrote: »

Anyway, OP - my first reaction is no, you shouldn't tell them because it's none of their business, but in saying that - if you would be more comfortable being up front about it then that's what you should do. It's entirely up to you, but if you're happy not to say anything, you're certainly not obliged to.

It definitely is their business if you intend sharing the sitting room or kitchen with them. And if you want to have homosexual activity with someone in the sitting room, then it's definitely their business. Especially if they are not comfortable with that, which is an entirely reasonable position.

tunedout

Deleted User wrote: »

As long as she kept her homosexual noises to a minimum, although - it's probably only men who can make them

oh ha ha ha. LOL. ROFL. LMAO. LMFAO.
that is hilarious.

tunedout

Consider 3 lads who go out 2 nights a week. And they go out on the pull for women etc. They are looking for a 4th lad who they can get on well with and is happy with going out drinking etc also in the same clubs as them. They meet this 4th lad who seems like good craic etc, then they get a text from him saying he's homosexual.

If you think it's unreasonable for the 3 lads to decide that maybe it's not in anyone best interests and the gay person shouldn't move in because he might feel isolated or left out or not suited to the group that they form then there is something very wrong with you indeed, it is that simple.

Anyone who fails to see this point as being valid is too blinded by righteousness, or too far up on their high horse screaming 'discrimination' to see that actually the 3 lads made the right decision.

Awake&Unafraid

tunedout wrote: »

It clearly makes a difference for some people, maybe not for you, but definitely for some (most I would say) people. You will not be the only one living in the house so you should consider other peoples preferences also.


It definitely is their business if you intend sharing the sitting room or kitchen with them. And if you want to have homosexual activity with someone in the sitting room, then it's definitely their business. Especially if they are not comfortable with that, which is an entirely reasonable position.

Are you just assuming that every gay person has "homosexual activity" non stop or something? I fail to see how being a gay person changes how you use a kitchen or sitting room?
Whether you're gay or straight, if you begin sexual activities in the middle of a sitting room or kitchen while other housemates are there, that's inappropriate regardless of sexual orientation.

If a straight couple were to start having sex on your couch while you were there, you'd be ok with that? You'd be ok with heterosexual noises?

Your blatant homophobia and inability to accept you've made some very homophobic comments disgusts me.


I fully agree with whoopsadaisysoodles advice to the OP.

Annasopra

tunedout wrote: »

Consider 3 lads who go out 2 nights a week. And they go out on the pull for women etc. They are looking for a 4th lad who they can get on well with and is happy with going out drinking etc also in the same clubs as them. They meet this 4th lad who seems like good craic etc, then they get a text from him saying he's homosexual.

If you think it's unreasonable for the 3 lads to decide that maybe it's not in anyone best interests and the gay person shouldn't move in because he might feel isolated or left out or not suited to the group that they form then there is something very wrong with you indeed, it is that simple.

Anyone who fails to see this point as being valid is too blinded by righteousness, or too far up on their high horse screaming 'discrimination' to see that actually the 3 lads made the right decision.

Em - just because he is gay - they can't get on well with him or go drinking with him?

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mango salsa wrote: »

Em - just because he is gay - they can't get on well with him or go drinking with him?

Of course they can. But can they go on the pull with him? No.
Can they/do they want to go to the places where the gay person would have a better chance of enjoying himself/finding someone for the night. No.
Would they be off put by seeing the gay person doing what is natural to him. Possibly.

tunedout

Awake&Unafraid wrote: »

Are you just assuming that every gay person has "homosexual activity" non stop or something? I fail to see how being a gay person changes how you use a kitchen or sitting room?
Whether you're gay or straight, if you begin sexual activities in the middle of a sitting room or kitchen while other housemates are there, that's inappropriate regardless of sexual orientation.

If I am in the sitting room with my girlfriend I have no problem putting my hand around her or kissing her or holding hands with her. The other lads in the house have no problem with this either and have no problems doing it themselves.

If there were 2 gays doing it we would be uncomfortable with that because it would not be natural to us.

Now do you see? Or still blind I suppose.

Awake&Unafraid wrote: »

Your blatant homophobia and inability to accept you've made some very homophobic comments disgusts me.

Your blindness and inability to see other peoples points of view disgusts me.

Like I said, homophobic is a word used very lightly around here so I'm not impressed or surprised in any shape or form to be told I'm homophobic. So you can stop calling me that, because, really, to me, that word means nothing here. Every word out of your mouth about homosexuals has to be positive and pro homosexual or else you are homophobic.

Seems to me like, if you don't like homosexual activity on your couch, then you're a homophobe. Most the country is homophobic in this case.

Awake&Unafraid

How would that affect living with him though, the point of this thread is accomodation, not going out on the pull.

Unless I'm mistaken, if you move in with somebody it doesn't mean you're then joined at the hip, does it

You're coming up with pointless arguments to try and back yourself up. Just because you move in with someone doesn't mean you have to start going out with them.

L.Jenkins

TunedOut, why don't you just come out and say, "I don't want to live with Gay people because ...!" Quick way of ending the argument as opposed to beating around the bush. You seem to be giving every excuse possible, while avoiding your true sentiment towards the LGBT Community.

paulmorro

Homosexuality IS natural. Get over it!

@OP, of course it's your choice whether you tell prospective housemates or not. I personally would lean towards not saying it cause it feels stupid having to make an issue out of nothing. But then if you were moving in with some of the people on this thread, it'd be better to know what you're dealing with in advance.

tunedout

Awake&Unafraid wrote: »

You're coming up with pointless arguments to try and back yourself up. Just because you move in with someone doesn't mean you have to start going out with them.

No, you're right, I don't have to.

But if I want to live with someone who I can go out with, and share the same interests with, like chance 2 women friends together or double date those 2 women friends. Or have those 2 girls over. Then is there any problem with me rejecting a potential tenant based on there sexuality? Or STILL , you maintain that I should not do this?

There is nothing pointless and there is no argument.

Awake&Unafraid

tunedout wrote: »

If I am in the sitting room with my girlfriend I have no problem putting my hand around her or kissing her or holding hands with her. The other lads in the house have no problem with this either and have no problems doing it themselves.

If there were 2 gays doing it we would be uncomfortable with that because it would not be natural to us.

Now do you see? Or still blind I suppose.



Your blindness and inability to see other peoples points of view disgusts me.

Like I said, homophobic is a word used very lightly around here so I'm not impressed or surprised in any shape or form to be told I'm homophobic. So you can stop calling me that, because, really, to me, that word means nothing here. Every word out of your mouth about homosexuals has to be positive and pro homosexual or else you are homophobic.

Seems to me like, if you don't like homosexual activity on your couch, then you're a homophobe. Most the country is homophobic in this case.

I didn't say anything about holding hands or kissing, I said sex, which is what you seem to be implying every gay person does non stop. You completely changed the subject, and turned it to kissing and holding hands when I specifically mentioned sexual activity (which is what you have been posting you think gay people will just start doing on people's couches randomly)

If you're saying you don't mind heterosexual activity on your couch, but you don't want homosexual activity on your couch, then that's discrimination based on a persons sexuality. Don't try and cover it up with some other nonsense because its discrimination.

Annasopra

tunedout wrote: »

Of course they can. But can they go on the pull with him?

Possibly - they can go to lgbt spaces if they want and ordinary bars are becoming much more gay friendly

tunedout wrote: »

Can they/do they want to go to the places where the gay person would have a better chance of enjoying himself/finding someone for the night.

possibly. see above

tunedout wrote: »

Would they be off put by seeing the gay person doing what is natural to him.

well thats their problem if they are

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Itzy wrote: »

TunedOut, why don't you just come out and say, "I don't want to live with Gay people because ...!" Quick way of ending the argument as opposed to beating around the bush. You seem to be giving every excuse possible, while avoiding your true sentiment towards the LGBT Community.

To be honest I would have thought it was the homosexuals here are beating around the bush. Some of my points are very obvious and simple. I have given some examples and hypothetical scenarios that are very obvious and simple.

I don't want to live with gay people bacuse:
I want to live with people who share similar interests as me.
I want to be comfortable walking out of the shower or not having to be sure to close the door of my room when changing.
I would not be comfortable with two gays holding hands and kissing on the couch next to me.
I would like the whole house to be able to go out together without feeling pressured to accomodate any single individual.
I would not like a person in the house to be feeling left out or isolated.

To name, but a few.

tunedout

Awake&Unafraid wrote: »

I said sex, which is what you seem to be implying every gay person does non stop.

How?

Awake&Unafraid wrote: »

You completely changed the subject, and turned it to kissing and holding hands when I specifically mentioned sexual activity

Kissing and holding hands is sexual activity.

Awake&Unafraid wrote: »

(which is what you have been posting you think gay people will just start doing on people's couches randomly)

Nothing random atall about this scenario. NOTHING. Straight people have sexual activity (kissing/holding hands) on couches , all the time.

Awake&Unafraid wrote: »

If you're saying you don't mind heterosexual activity on your couch, but you don't want homosexual activity on your couch, then that's discrimination based on a persons sexuality. Don't try and cover it up with some other nonsense because its discrimination.

Back up on that horse crying "DISCRIMINATION". Wake up would you.
It's not about discrimination, it's about different people being comfortable with different things.

tunedout

By the way if you think by sexual activity on the couch I meant full blown sex on the couch then you misunderstood me. Maybe that was my fault. Sorry. I just meant sexual activity.

Annasopra

tunedout wrote: »

1. I want to live with people who share similar interests as me.
2. I want to be comfortable walking out of the shower or not having to be sure to close the door of my room when changing.
3. I would not be comfortable with two gays holding hands and kissing on the couch next to me.
4. I would like the whole house to be able to go out together without feeling pressured to accomodate any single individual.
5. I would not like a person in the house to be feeling left out or isolated.

1. Are you assuming that straight people and gay people can't possibly have the same interests? why?
2. Are you assuming that all gay guys will hop on you if they see you naked? why?
3. Not going there
4. They can - as I said above gay people do not ghettoise ourselves into lgbt only venues permanently
5. Surely by making them feel they can't show affection, they can't go drinking with you, you're scared of them coming onto you then they will feel isolated.

baby and crumble

tunedout wrote: »

Of course they can. But can they go on the pull with him? No.

Clearly you've never been on the pull with a gay person as wingman. Trust me, I've gotten my mates more women, and more men, than you'd ever imagine.

Tbh turnedout, I do actually see your point. Everyone needs to feel comfortable in their own home. So of course, you can choose who your flat mates are to make sure that you are as comfortable as possible. However, your obsession with gay sex, homosexual noises and going out on the pull with flat mates makes me think a couple of things.

1) you're relatively young, and probably have never really met or made friends with a gay person. Very little of our lives is about sex. When I come home I the evening, most of it is spent cooking, reading, making tea... Hardly homosexual activities. You might do well to open up your horizons a little bit.

2) Your reactions to this issue are based solely on gay men living with you. You raised the topic earlier about walking out of the shower and changing with the door open. Would you have a problem with a lesbian living with you? They would have the same amount of interest in you sexually as yor straight mates. What about a straight woman? They might be even more likely than a gay man to check you out. Would that be an issue?

3) Whether you want to admit it or not, you do have a problem with homosexuality. I won't use the word homophobic because people get wrapped up in the word and semantics rather than the meaning behind it. Having a problem and judging people because of a minority status IS discriminatory. We all have discriminations and biases.

December2012

OP I'm straight and have never had a flat share so bear that in mind with my advice.

Think about what you're looking for when you're seeing flats.

Do you want your flat mates to be buddies with you?
Do you think you could live with somebody who wasn't comfortable with your sexuality?
Do you have the confidence to tell some busy body to fück off and mind their own business?
Or is it a matter of finding a place close to work, college, etc in an area you like.

In what way do you think your sexuality might affect your flat mates and do you care about it?

baby and crumble

Also, am I the only one who would feel uncomfortable with flat mates wandering around out if the shower presumably without a towel on or getting changed without closing their door? Regardless of gender.

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mango salsa wrote: »

1. Are you assuming that straight people and gay people can't possibly have the same interests? why?

Yes. By their very definition, a gay person and a straight person cannot have the same set of interests. There will be at least one major difference.

mango salsa wrote: »

2. Are you assuming that all gay guys will hop on you if they see you naked? why?

No but I cannot be sure that they are not getting some sort of sexual pleasure at my expense by seeing me naked.

mango salsa wrote: »

4. They can - as I said above gay people do not ghettoise ourselves into lgbt only venues permanently

Permanently is the key word here.

mango salsa wrote: »

5. Surely by making them feel they can't show affection, they can't go drinking with you, you're scared of them coming onto you then they will feel isolated.

Anyone who has different interests to everybody else will feel isolated.

paulmorro

tunedout wrote: »

Yes. By their very definition, a gay person and a straight person cannot have the same set of interests. There will be at least one major difference.



No but I cannot be sure that they are not getting some sort of sexual pleasure at my expense by seeing me naked.


Permanently is the key word here.


Anyone who has different interests to everybody else will feel isolated.

All of those answers show you really don't have a clue.

Hoop66

tunedout wrote: »

No sex is not sex. The anal pipe on a man is not intended for that purpose, excrement on the penis etc.

The vagina on a female is intended for the purpose of sex.

That is how it is different for me, one is sick and one is not.

Can I just say that this is easily the funniest post I have ever read on Boards.

I can? Excellent. You guys are alright.

tunedout

J*sus there's just no way in hell ye'll see another side of the story.

If someone wants to live with a lad who has the same interests as him then that's discrimination. It's retarded.

I'd say the majority of houses these days selected their tenants in a discriminatory fashion.

Or else we wouldn't have houses of:
girls living together.
Rugby players living together.
Polish people living together.
Indians living together.
Computer gamers living together.
Past travellers living together.
Students living together.

People live with people who have similar interests, that's life. Chr*st are ye all just too busy with ye'r discrimination to notice that this method of selection is best for everyone.

tunedout

paulmorro wrote: »

All of those answers show you really don't have a clue.

Nah. Not a clue what's going on. Pure madness what I'm suggesting. People with same interests living together so they can be more comfortable.

Outrageous stuff altogether.

L.Jenkins

I want to live with people who share similar interests as me.

Gay people can have similar interests too. If going on the pull with other straight people is your only shared interest, then you need to get out more.

I want to be comfortable walking out of the shower or not having to be sure to close the door of my room when changing.

Who strolls around a house naked or leave their bedroom door open. I don't even do that with my fiancée.

I would not be comfortable with two gays holding hands and kissing on the couch next to me.

But it's ok for a straight couple?

I would like the whole house to be able to go out together without feeling pressured to accomodate any single individual.

A straight person may not share your interests either and may have to be accommodated. The could have high functioning Autism.

I would not like a person in the house to be feeling left out or isolated.
Because they're Gay. Most gay people I know love football and going on a boozing session. Don't need to be straight to enjoy that.

liquoriceall

I really do have to wonder.... do you really think that gay people are only friends with other gay people? Im gay and 95% of the time go to regular bars with my straight friends, I have no issues with helping them pull whilst having 'different interests'
I can only assume that you dont know any gay people and really think we are somehow different

paulmorro

tunedout wrote: »

Or else we wouldn't have houses of:
girls living together.
Rugby players living together.
Polish people living together.
Indians living together.
Computer gamers living together.
Past travellers living together.
Students living together.

People live with people who have similar interests, that's life. Chr*st are ye all just too busy with ye'r discrimination to notice that this method of selection is best for everyone.

So if you're living in a student house who likes football and cars, you'd let a gay student in who likes football and cars right?

Chazz Michael Michaels

You're better off finding out before hand. Could you imagine moving in with them and finding out they have a problem afterwards?