how to meet genuine nice men...i know they are out there ..where?

The Corinthian

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

How did a discussion on meeting a nice genuine man (or woman) turn into a discussion on the fashion sense/weight/diet/exercise regimes of Irish women?

No idea, it was already like this when I got here. Probably some guy posted how Irish women are [INSERT INSULT] and the whole thing went off track from there.

Then again, the whole premise that it's somehow difficult to find genuine, nice men (implying that most are not) is a bit silly to begin with.

mood

Lets try to get back on track.

Where/how to meet nice, single men

confuseddotcom

..........

daisybelle2008

The Corinthian wrote: »

No idea, it was already like this when I got here. Probably some guy posted how Irish women are [INSERT INSULT] and the whole thing went off track from there.

Then again, the whole premise that it's somehow difficult to find genuine, nice men (implying that most are not) is a bit silly to begin with.

I can kind of see how it can become defensive and contentious, the thread title kind of states nice genuine men are hard to find, thereby maybe implying that 'not nice ungenuine men' are ten a penny. So maybe it is inviting the going down the negative battle of the sexes rabbitt hole.

Instead of starting from the negative premise 'good men are hard to find' the more appropriate question might be 'How can I increase my chances of meeting a singleton that I will connect too'?. It's a bit more positve and inclusive to all.

The Corinthian

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

Instead of starting from the negative premise 'good men are hard to find' the more appropriate question might be 'How can I increase my chances of meeting a singleton that I will connect too'?.

'Somewhere where I am likely to find people with similar mindsets or interests to me?'

poeticseraphim

Yousef wrote: »

I can't understand for the life of me how women would have a hard time meeting men.....

These women must not leave their homes, I'm sure of it. How can you walk through the city centre, stand at a bus stop, sit on a bus, enter a shop, be in a queue, grocery shopping, waiting for a lift, in a lift etc etc....crazy stuff altogether. What you don't realise is, a man can be quite intimidated if a woman appears "standoff-ish". If you give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. For example, whenever you're somewhere thinking that the guy next to you or behind you or beside you is good looking, chances are he has already undressed you and is wondering in what way he'd like to do you....

All he needs is some form of encouragement from you to show him that you're not totally up your own ass and that communication with you will not turn into a horror movie. In other words, a simple "hi" will suffice.

It's really sad that two people could potentially like each other but they'll never know because the girl is shy and he thinks she's totally up her own ass.

YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD....i am very very shy in person at first...exceptionally so...it takes time...and i don't drink and i go out a lot but it is my stuff that i like doing...i hate night clubs

cantdecide

poeticseraphim wrote: »

YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD....i am very very shy in person at first...exceptionally so...it takes time...and i don't drink and i go out a lot but it is my stuff that i like doing...i hate night clubs

I always reckon there are daytime people and nigh time people. As a non-drinking daytime type person who doesn't like night clubs I'd advise you that you need to embrace the daytime!! It's pretty unorthodox in this country but you have to find ways of getting your flirt on with guys you meet on a day to day basis where it wouldn't normally occur to people to flirt.

It really can as easy as just making a little eye contact and giving a little smile. You don't have to turn into an unstoppable force, you just have to show guys it's safe to approach you. Mention to friends that you're lonely and would like to meet someone. They don't necessarily know this to be the case and may think you're happily single.

This sounds like a big-time comfort zone issue more than anything else. You're going to have to start being proactive.

poeticseraphim

The Corinthian wrote: »

No idea, it was already like this when I got here. Probably some guy posted how Irish women are [INSERT INSULT] and the whole thing went off track from there.

Then again, the whole premise that it's somehow difficult to find genuine, nice men (implying that most are not) is a bit silly to begin with.

You are inserting that implication. That INDICATES you felt accused and I am inserting that. There are certain men who seem here to be trying to purge a certain guilt that they don't allow surface.

There are some bitches and assholes out there. But this is my thread..from my perspective. It's about the assholes.. You might not be used to advising or seeing the perspective of what an nasty male is to a female and only the other way around. But that simply says you over empathize with your own gender. Both men and women have a tendency to over empathize with their own gender or over identify with them and be less empathetic to the opposite.

I didn't ask about finding people with my interests....but i can meet people with my own interests..and i don't care if they have my own interests that is not what i want...i want a NICE PERSON....that is what i want...that is what I asked....the fact that I stated i wanted one implies I know they are out there. But we are not connecting. I think it is because i myself am ( I hope NICE)...but there are certain other characteristics which tend to go along with this such as humility ....deference....shyness ...these might make meeting people difficult...and if you have these and the type of person you want to meet have these well....I am no angel i know...but still


There is nothing in my OP that persecutes men at all. Simply that i was having trouble meeting nice ones. I often have trouble finding good friends in a new place.

I will say this.

When it comes to the opposite gender..I think some PEOPLE are assholes.

Sorry i said it. And some people are assholes all the time.


Many of these are men....may of these men post on boards......many of these are women ..may these also post on boards....


Yes there are lovely nice boardsies too.....

But generally people dehumanize the opposite gender.


I have seen men and women who speak completely differently to their own gender than the opposite and not in a good way. And yes there are just people who are complete dicks.


But this is about the difficult people that I have to worry about..I imagine nice men have t worry about horrible women.


It is not my job to understand mean difficult or aloof people...I am not the asshole whisperer.

poeticseraphim

cantdecide wrote: »

I always reckon there are daytime people and nigh time people. As a non-drinking daytime type person who doesn't like night clubs I'd advise you that you need to embrace the daytime!! It's pretty unorthodox in this country but you have to find ways of getting your flirt on with guys you meet on a day to day basis where it wouldn't normally occur to people to flirt.

It really can as easy as just making a little eye contact and giving a little smile. You don't have to turn into an unstoppable force, you just have to show guys it's safe to approach you. Mention to friends that you're lonely and would like to meet someone. They don't necessarily know this to be the case and may think you're happily single.

This sounds like a big-time comfort zone issue more than anything else. You're going to have to start being proactive.

BINGO


Definitely i think i have to embrace a daytime approach. I think I am nervous about it. And i think I worry that i will not know when and where it is appropriate. Thank you this was a very helpful post :-)

cantdecide

poeticseraphim wrote: »

...It is not my job to understand mean difficult or aloof people...I am not the asshole whisperer.

Serious LOL!!

Sadderday

you need to build up your confidence to the point where rejection won't knock you back too much,

You have the fear. You could doll yourself up and approach 10 men (pub, walking dog, library.. doesn't matter)

Someone is bound to be interested and its a confidence boost alone when you do meet someone thats into you (even if it turns out your not into them after conversing)

approaching a man or chatting in a queue doesn't make you seem desperate - you can aim to come across cool and makes it easier for a man to get chatting (sometimes they do need a hand)

You got it, like every girl does... don't be afraid to use it... leave the house feeling good and chat or smile or flirt with at least ten men on your travels. You will be amazed with the results and with boost... and if exchanging numbers or going for a coffee doesnt happen, try it again tomorrow.

Your very best bet though is to just stop looking. When your looking for something - your not yourself.
When your happy on your todd you will attract the right person. Nobody wants to pick up someone that will rely on them for happiness, so be carefree, happy and comfortable and men will be drawn to you because honestly, you won't look like hard work.

The Corinthian

poeticseraphim wrote: »

You are inserting that implication. That INDICATES you felt accused and I am inserting that. There are certain men who seem here to be trying to purge a certain guilt that they don't allow surface.

Well if you didn't imply such a thing in your OP, you pretty much nailed it in that post.

Go join a club, association, bible group (if you're religious), political party (if you're politically passionate) or any group that would share a mindset or interest that you have and you're going to more likely meet someone you're compatible with than a random nightclub, bar or other traditional meeting place where people hook up with other people who may or may not have anything in common, based on random chance.

One thing I've seen is that many here have met their other halves on Boards, posting on the same fora and having similar views in those fora. PM someone you like the sound of and ask them to go for coffee.

Does that help?

captainpants23

poeticseraphim wrote: »

Hello Ladies:p

So i want to meet genuine guys.

I work freelance from home and i feel like sometimes i have been cut off socially because of it.

I am also a little shy ...at first ....then i am fine after the initial butterflies.


My confidence took a knock in the past....i really feel i need to get out there.

But i really dislike clubs/pubs etc.

Previously i always met men either through college, work sometimes friends etc.

I was thinking of joining a few societies etc.


But i think i need tips on coming out of my shell too.

I need confidence.:o

TY

I am sure many others are in the same boat.

My advice would be to try to not care if you meet someone or not. Not act as if you don't care, but genuinely not care. Both sexes are very adept at spotting desperation or neediness in the opposite sex, in my opinion. And everybody loves a challenge. I always seem to get chatting to girls easier when I don't care that I am single and don't feel like I need a partner to be as good as the guy who does have a partner. Also, I find that woman fall into two broad categories; those women who are friendly and approachable and easy to get talking to and those women who are less so. I don't believe that playing hard to get works in the real world. From your post you seem like a nice, reasonable person. And you make a good point about it being harder to meet new people as we get older, and no longer meet new people as easily as we did in school, college etc., especially when the club and pub scene leaves you cold. I wish you the best in your search, and hope you meet someone nice.

blacklilly

I think it really depends on your openness. A small smile, eye contact, positive body language can all help.
I'm single a couple of years now and find it difficult to meet men but I think I know why.
I avoid eye contact if someone is looking at me, if someone smiles at me I tend to look the other way etc. I must honestly seem like a right stuck up bitch and that impression men may get is the total opposite of what I am.

mood

blacklilly wrote: »

I think it really depends on your openness. A small smile, eye contact, positive body language can all help.
I'm single a couple of years now and find it difficult to meet men but I think I know why.
I avoid eye contact if someone is looking at me, if someone smiles at me I tend to look the other way etc. I must honestly seem like a right stuck up bitch and that impression men may get is the total opposite of what I am.

I think me being a bit shy holds me back. Appearing more open may help.

Any flirting tips? I just never learned how to flirt.

blacklilly

mood wrote: »

I think me being a bit shy holds me back. Appearing more open may help.

Any flirting tips? I just never learned how to flirt.

Well I think flirting comes natural to some people. The most important thing is to be relaxed with yourself, don't think too much about it. Smile loads, eye contact, let them know that you are interested but don't go over the top about it. I think if you have an engaging conversation with a man and are interested in the conversation and you're not being short or denfensive he will probably pick up that you're interested in him.

cantdecide

mood wrote: »

I think me being a bit shy holds me back. Appearing more open may help.

Any flirting tips? I just never learned how to flirt.

Just show interest. Eye contact. Be light and engaging. Share you're observations about them- it shows you're taking an interest. Smile/ laugh at their jokes (even the mediocre ones).

captainpants23

mood wrote: »

I think me being a bit shy holds me back. Appearing more open may help.

Any flirting tips? I just never learned how to flirt.

All I know about flirting is that it comes naturally when I am relaxed about the whole dating thing and is next to impossible when I am feeling wound up. It either comes naturally or it doesn't happen. It can't be forced, in my experience.

cantdecide wrote: »

Just show interest. Eye contact. Be light and engaging. Share you're observations about them- it shows you're taking an interest. Smile/ laugh at their jokes (even the mediocre ones).

Not so sure about this. I'd rather be told my joke stinks like a week old kipper, than have a woman pretend it is funny, when it isn't. I can pick up pretty quick whether someone is genuinely amused or not.

blacklilly wrote: »

I think it really depends on your openness. A small smile, eye contact, positive body language can all help.
I'm single a couple of years now and find it difficult to meet men but I think I know why.
I avoid eye contact if someone is looking at me, if someone smiles at me I tend to look the other way etc. I must honestly seem like a right stuck up bitch and that impression men may get is the total opposite of what I am.

Initial male/female contact is fertile ground for wild misunderstandings, especially when both parties are stone cold sober, in my experience.

cantdecide

captainpants23 wrote: »

Not so sure about this. I'd rather be told my joke stinks like a week old kipper, than have a woman pretend it is funny, when it isn't. I can pick up pretty quick whether someone is genuinely amused or not.

Do you know what mediocre means? I didn't say 'Scream like a Banshee at every pathetic jokes'. I said, let him know you are looking at him in a favourable light. It's a signal. You'd feel better about a sneer?

What difference does it make if she's willing to give you her number anyway it's happy days.

captainpants23

cantdecide wrote: »

Do you know what mediocre means? I didn't say 'Scream like a Banshee at every pathetic jokes'. I said, let him know you are looking at him in a favourable light. It's a signal. You'd feel better about a sneer?

I'd feel better about a woman with the confidence to tell the truth about whether a joke is funny or not. How else am I supposed to learn which jokes work and which don't?

cantdecide wrote: »

What difference does it make if she's willing to give you her number anyway it's happy days.

Texting is the work of the devil, and creates distance between people, rather than bringing them closer together.

coffee_cake

Giving a number can be used for calling too. I know, so old fashioned...

Lyaiera

Is it romcoms that have perpetuated this myth of setting out to flirt? I know on the very few occasions I have been flirting it wasn't because I thought, "Holy feck he's hot, I'd better flirt." Rather it's been much more a case of "OH MY GOD I'M FECKING FLIRTING WITH HIM! When did that happen? I didn't think I liked him. I think I like him. Does he like me? I'd better stop smiling like an eejit. Holy crap control your face! You're grimacing now! QUICK STICK IN A PINT IN YOUR FACE AND DON'T DRIBBLE!"

captainpants23

bluewolf wrote: »

Giving a number can be used for calling too. I know, so old fashioned...

Even more old-fashioned would be cutting out the phones, and doing it the way it was done before smart-phones with their 500+ apps for free voice calls and instant messaging. Twenty years ago, things must have been so much simpler and less drawn-out. Now you have to spend at least a week texting and facebook-stalking before the first date. Nothing like being stood up, to let me know exactly where I stand.:D

anonymous2013

There are plenty of nice guys out there looking for dates , i went on this dating matchmaking thing with a woman matchmaker called sheilia,she advertises in the Limerick post,i had no success there,one guy never turned up,another guy couldnt stop farting and making inappropirate comments,another guy had wifebeater written all over him..Tried the other ad beside sheila and had better luck,first off they werent scary,and it wasnt intimidating like speed dating can be,and after many tries im happy now with a guy from kilrush we meet up every week when hes off shifts he works as a mechanic so handy if my car breaks down haha..

mood

I don't know if the matchmaker route would be for everybody!

seenitall

*hums*

Matchmaker, Matchmaker,
Make me a match,
Find me a find,
catch me a catch,
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
Look through your book,
And make me a perfect match...

TommieBoy

Lyaiera wrote: »

Is it romcoms that have perpetuated this myth of setting out to flirt? I know on the very few occasions I have been flirting it wasn't because I thought, "Holy feck he's hot, I'd better flirt." Rather it's been much more a case of "OH MY GOD I'M FECKING FLIRTING WITH HIM! When did that happen? I didn't think I liked him. I think I like him. Does he like me? I'd better stop smiling like an eejit. Holy crap control your face! You're grimacing now! QUICK STICK IN A PINT IN YOUR FACE AND DON'T DRIBBLE!"

'n here I thought I was the only one with such an inner dialogue - I can so relate!
...mine is a wee less sophisticated and much less courageuos. After it delights at setting me in panic mode, it (mercifully) ceases all thought processes, facial expressions, and sets an alarm off demanding my body follow explicit orders: "back away slowly, g'wan girl just walk away, walk.a.way -awayawayaway... Hmm, WALK-A-WAY YOU FOOL, NOWWWWWWW!" ...My inner dialogue is :rolleyes: not so good at making connections, but it averts any damage my pitiful attempts at flirting could cause my ego.

captainpants23

I think a huge part of this romantic process for both sexes is to get over the fear of making a fool of yourself. Confidence could be defined as not caring that I have just made a prat of myself. Again.

Lyaiera

captainpants23 wrote: »

I think a huge part of this romantic process for both sexes is to get over the fear of making a fool of yourself. Confidence could be defined as not caring that I have just made a prat of myself. Again.

And romcoms have it right here. If you're going to be good with someone they'll find you making a prat of yourself charming and endearing.

Doesn't stop unrequited crushes though. :mad:

captainpants23

Lyaiera wrote: »

And romcoms have it right here. If you're going to be good with someone they'll find you making a prat of yourself charming and endearing.

Doesn't stop unrequited crushes though. :mad:

If they find you "making a prat of yourself" charming and endearing, you haven't really made a prat of yourself, though.

Unrequited crushes are tough going, thats for sure. Especially when the object of your desire is nice to you, but you know you will be getting no further than "lets just be friends".