how to meet genuine nice men...i know they are out there ..where?

Wibbs

fits wrote: »

Its just on boards and forums. Irish men are mostly lovely.

Well the online world is naturally going to be more attractive for people who may find social settings awkward, so you're going to find more of them and some of the attitudes that can come from that(conspiracy feeling folks another demographic). Even so the vast majority of people that might be described like that don't display heavy duty negativity. It's still quite a small percentage. I mean if you look on this site alone with many thousands of people posting daily, the percentage where one might ask WTF? is actually quite small.

On top of that you also get more slant towards younger men and women and attitudes can reflect that too. In general I find people pretty cool TBH.

I would say though that the dating scene has changed for many and while the online world seems to offer an amazing amount of avenues for more socialising, it can also be quite ephemeral and isolating too. It would also be my opinion that more young men find difficulty with navigating this changing social world. Women IME are generally more adaptable on that score, especially among the younger folks. I've certainly met/known more socially isolated/immature* men than I have women.

*I don't mean immature in a pejorative way, more as a description. IE folks through whatever background reason(s) missed out on learning the rules of interaction, particularly romantic. The media doesn't help, neither does the fast changing aspect to the whole thing. I mean look at how popular the "pickup artist" meme is/was. There was a huge market out there eager for help(and often led astray by same).

lufties

Wibbs wrote: »

Well the online world is naturally going to be more attractive for people who may find social settings awkward, so you're going to find more of them and some of the attitudes that can come from that(conspiracy feeling folks another demographic). Even so the vast majority of people that might be described like that don't display heavy duty negativity. It's still quite a small percentage. I mean if you look on this site alone with many thousands of people posting daily, the percentage where one might ask WTF? is actually quite small.

On top of that you also get more slant towards younger men and women and attitudes can reflect that too. In general I find people pretty cool TBH.

I would say though that the dating scene has changed for many and while the online world seems to offer an amazing amount of avenues for more socialising, it can also be quite ephemeral and isolating too. It would also be my opinion that more young men find difficulty with navigating this changing social world. Women IME are generally more adaptable on that score, especially among the younger folks. I've certainly met/known more socially isolated/immature* men than I have women.

*I don't mean immature in a pejorative way, more as a description. IE folks through whatever background reason(s) missed out on learning the rules of interaction, particularly romantic. The media doesn't help, neither does the fast changing aspect to the whole thing. I mean look at how popular the "pickup artist" meme is/was. There was a huge market out there eager for help(and often led astray by same).

I never personally bought into the whole pick up artist thing although David deangelo seems to talk some sense, but having bought his his material, has it improved my love-life? Not in the slightest, in fact it's had the opposite effect, Damn good marketing machine though.

PaurGasm

They are in the friendzone where you left them

Eve_Dublin

You know, I've given up (only recently) arguing with these kinds of guys on Boards. I've met similar guys who moan about the women of their country everywhere I've lived now and they've all been of a similar type. I used to take it to heart that so much venom was targeted at Irish women on Boards until I moved and integrated into the Spanish culture. I've heard Spanish and foreign guys complain about how women here are stuck up, loud, vain, clingy, frigid, ugly blah blah. The same complaints I've read on here from a handful (and it really is only a handful) of Irish men. The desire for some guys to group all of us by nationality and gender is such a joke and shows their blatant lack of understanding or experience of women. Inventing an "enemy" (50% of the population) to excuse their lack of social skills.

I understand it's tough for women and men who don't find it so easy to mix with the opposite sex in a social setting and I understand it can be frustrating but to label all women/Irish women (and men!) a certain way is even more off putting. Someone so bitter is obvious to spot. We're all complexed individuals who deserve to be treated as such. It's a genuine pity these women and men destroy their own chances of happiness by being so small-minded and choosing to put these massive all-encompassing labels on people solely because they happen to be one gender or another. I pity them. Life is much more pleasant when you try and see the bigger picture.

Maybe that comes with age though.

My experience with Irish men has been very positive and of the men I've dated, none of them had model looks and none of them held high status positions. The one thing they did have in common was their laid-back devil-may-care attitude, their "soundness" and their respect for me. Very attractive traits for most people irrespective of gender.

mood

Very well said Eve_Dublin.

Back on topic OP Try to join a few clubs or networking groups. Make an effort with your appearance. Arrange things with friends. Just try to get out an meet people more. And consider trying online dating. It's not for everyone but it's worth a try. I would recommend a paid site.

Wibbs

PaurGasm wrote: »

They are in the friendzone where you left them

Oh god not this old chestnut. Every and I do mean every guy(or gal for that matter) I've known who ended up in "friendzone" put and especially kept themselves there. Sometimes with enabling behaviour from the object of their attachment, but just as often without. You see similar with women who end up sleeping with a bloke hoping he'll "come around one day" or same hoping "he'll leave his wife/GF". I call that one "bonkzone". Either way the one in it is may have gotten into it by mistake or folly of inexperience, but they're also almost entirely responsible for remaining in it.

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

You know, I've given up (only recently) arguing with these kinds of guys on Boards. I've met similar guys who moan about the women of their country everywhere I've lived now and they've all been of a similar type. I used to take it to heart that so much venom was targeted at Irish women on Boards until I moved and integrated into the Spanish culture. I've heard Spanish and foreign guys complain about how women here are stuck up, loud, vain, clingy, frigid, ugly blah blah. The same complaints I've read on here from a handful (and it really is only a handful) of Irish men. The desire for some guys to group all of us by nationality and gender is such a joke and shows their blatant lack of understanding or experience of women. Inventing an "enemy" (50% of the population) to excuse their lack of social skills.

QFT. I've also heard it from men of different backgrounds inc Spanish. Seems to be a worldwide meme. Comes from women about "their" men too. Add in the grass is always greener about _______[insert nationality here] women/men and you've got the full set. While cultures do vary(EG Latin, esp Italian men are usually way more forward than Irish men) and the further you might get from the culture you've grown up in you'll generally see more diffs, but again generally people are people and individuals are individuals and there are many more similarities. I will say in defence f my nation and my gender of same, I've found Irish men in general more easy going and less overtly sexist than men from many other cultures. With Irish women I've found them less clingy than some too(TBH I'd kinda agree with your Spanish blokes re the clingy factor with the women in their culture).

Eve_Dublin

Wibbs wrote: »

QFT. I've also heard it from men of different backgrounds inc Spanish. Seems to be a worldwide meme. Comes from women about "their" men too. Add in the grass is always greener about _______[insert nationality here] women/men and you've got the full set. While cultures do vary(EG Latin, esp Italian men are usually way more forward than Irish men) and the further you might get from the culture you've grown up in you'll generally see more diffs, but again generally people are people and individuals are individuals and there are many more similarities. I will say in defence f my nation and my gender of same, I've found Irish men in general more easy going and less overtly sexist than men from many other cultures. With Irish women I've found them less clingy than some too(TBH I'd kinda agree with your Spanish blokes re the clingy factor with the women in their culture).

Fair enough. As nationalities, we share common traits alright and yes, I would agree that Spanish women have a propensity to be clingy (and I know you've had some Spanish exes to base that on) but I suppose the point I'm trying to make is that no one's perfect. On the whole, I find them lovely and that's what matters. To discount a gender or nationality on their supposed faults, particularly when you live in that country and are actively looking for love, is madness.

My boyfriend is Spanish. Spanish men don't leave home 'till they're in their mid-30s, are known to be quite sexist, are a little bit of a pushover and can be mammy's boys but they're also individuals, some good, some bad. If I came here and discounted 50% of the population because of these factors, I wouldn't have met this man I love dearly. It's less of the "Irish women drink too much (we do as a nation IMO)" and more the, "Irish women are bitches". Bitchiness is down to the individual. And the fact that someone would actively avoid a whole gender just because they have it in their head that ALL Irish women are bitches is completely retarded in my opinion.

Wibbs

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

To discount a gender or nationality on their supposed faults, particularly when you live in that country and are actively looking for love, is madness.

+1000

beks101

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

Man, some guys on boards.ie have SERIOUS issues. It's no wonder they have no success with women if they have this sort of crazy attitude to dating and Irish society and women having "power" over men.

I understand how both men and women can build up bitterness towards the opposite sex when they have little/no success but to develop into irrational generalisations - why is there such a prevelance of it on boards.ie? I really hope the majority of single Irish men out there don't feel this way. It's not healthy.

For example, I'm going to embarass myself here and say at the moment I'm having very little success with any sort of meaningful connection with the opposite sex, or indeed the same sex as I am bisexual. This doesn't mean I have some sort of bitterness or hatred towards them. It's frustrating, I'll give you that. I think to myself "God I'm 21 years old, I'm decent looking so it seems, people describe me as fun, friendly, interesting, why am I having no success?" But I don't then come to ridiculous generalisations about people.

Another example, to bring the tone down a bit (apologies for this), but I have been raped in the past, and sexually assaulted twice, yet I do not have some sort of hatred for men.

I'm sorry about the rant, and I suppose it is slightly off topic but I do feel it needs to be said, as these discussions regarding gender and dating and sex and love come up frequently on boards.ie and there is a scary number of men with ridiculous opinions and generalisations about Irish women.

+1,000,000 to this. Thanks for this post.

We've all had ****ty experiences with the opposite ( or same) sex. Dating is hard. It really is a jungle out there.

Personally, I've recently been through a horrible breakup where my happy little world came crashing around me and my ex let me down in a way I never could have predicted. After months of trying to get my head straight, I then reluctantly opened my heart to a friend who seemed to be becoming more, got my hopes up , only to have them dashed again by a 30 year old guy who doesn't know what he wants & let me down repeatedly to the point where I feel like retreating again and giving up "on men" altogether.

If I was younger and less experienced, my instinct would be to close up shop & call all men assholes, unreliable, undeserving of trust, "all they do is let you down". But I'm 27 years old, I've dated a lot, I've met a lot of gems and I have too many men who I adore & utterly respect in my life to be so narrow minded. I have examples of the type of man that I want - my Dad, who would do anything for his wife of 35 years; my friend K, who's been with and devoted to his girlfriend since he was 15 years old & is the life and soul of any party; my flatmate, who religiously skypes his long distance gf three times a day and posts her presents, plans his future with her, treats her with the utmost respect, worries about her, would take a bullet for her.

The fact is that dating sucks a lot of the time. The probability of meeting someone you are so compatible with that you can successfully share your life with them is understandably low given all the variables, so unless you're one of those lucky ones who hits the jackpot early in life, finding that person will be a hard slog. Yes it sucks, yes it's draining to go through that little "so what do you do for fun" dance over and over and OVER and yes, the easier option is to dismiss all men/women as jerks, because at least then you get to control the outcome, right?

At least that way you ensure you don't get stung again and you ensure you stay alone indefinitely.

Who wants that? Maybe this is just a risk that you have to take, sometimes repeatedly, to get the kind of life and love that you're looking for.

lufties

PaurGasm wrote: »

They are in the friendzone where you left them

I will say though if you think Irish women are difficult, stuck up etc (which many indeed are), you should visit Germany...my goodness, the place is crawling with so many hotties its ridiculous...but for one they never smile, if I try to approach one it seems like they're gonna bite the head off me(no not that head), difficult in the extreme I would say...I'll never complain about Irish wimmin again;) Ok I probably will, but you get my point

Wibbs

lufties wrote: »

I will say though if you think Irish women are difficult, stuck up etc (which many indeed are), you should visit Germany...my goodness, the place is crawling with so many hotties its ridiculous...but for one they never smile, if I try to approach one it seems like they're gonna bite the head off me(no not that head), difficult in the extreme I would say...I'll never complain about Irish wimmin again;) Ok I probably will, but you get my point

You seem to have completely missed the point of Eve Dublin's above post and indeed mine where I mention the "grass is greener" meme. Generalisations along these lines are usually seriously bogus. Put it another way, my encounters with German women were a polar opposite to yours. Doesn't mean either of us can make such wide ranging suppositions.

Eve_Dublin

Very kind of Lufties to give Irish women advice on Irish and German women though and to fill us in on the fact that many of us are stuck up and difficult. I'll definitely reconsider my actions next time I decide to chat up a German woman.

RDM_83 again

miamee wrote: »

Trying to tar all or even most women of any age group with the same brush just belies your lack of experience with any women whatsoever. We are all individuals, there is no such thing as "All men are this" or "All women are that".

Your constant use of the word 'power' is worrying. No one has ANY power over you unless you give it to them.

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

Man, some guys on boards.ie have SERIOUS issues. It's no wonder they have no success with women if they have this sort of crazy attitude to dating and Irish society and women having "power" over men.

I understand how both men and women can build up bitterness towards the opposite sex when they have little/no success but to develop into irrational generalisations - why is there such a prevelance of it on boards.ie? I really hope the majority of single Irish men out there don't feel this way. It's not healthy.

I'd just like to point out In my experience (as a guy) the people (not particularly many) I've met with a bad/bitter attitude to women actually have at the very least a bit of experience with women (some times a lot if older), while those who aren't (experienced) may be ****e at pulling/shy/awkward etc but don't have seem to have an attitude.

Wibbs wrote: »

I would say though that the dating scene has changed for many and while the online world seems to offer an amazing amount of avenues for more socialising, it can also be quite ephemeral and isolating too. It would also be my opinion that more young men find difficulty with navigating this changing social world.

I don't think things change as fast as people make out I went back to college and ended often around people a fair few years younger than me and it seemed to be much the same (not in the dating sense though and you may be talking about a much bigger age gap than I am). If anything I'd say there's probably more of a difference between what my age group compared to this group maybe 6/7 years ago (basing off a tiny sample size and no experience of what people did then, just making the point internet dating wasn;t a major thing for any younger person I knew)

One thing I've always felt about relationship advice in general is that there's no such thing as experienced, a person that has what can typically be thought of as a lot of experience (e.g lots of relationships) can be viewed from a different angle as having a wide but shallow experience or the other way around when one has one or two long term relationships (narrow but deep). I'l rephrased in terms of employment for clarity, Imagine being the interviewer for a job a job where each of the clients has experience in the industry but not the particular role.
Mr A has 5 years in one specialized job but thats it,
Mr B has had 5 one year contracts,
Mr C has done lots of interviews and lots of temp work
None of these sets of experience is really that much better than each other but each are really different (my basic point is advice is grand but don;t ever read too much into it).
Sorry for the off topicness!

lufties

Wibbs wrote: »

You seem to have completely missed the point of Eve Dublin's above post and indeed mine where I mention the "grass is greener" meme. Generalisations along these lines are usually seriously bogus. Put it another way, my encounters with German women were a polar opposite to yours. Doesn't mean either of us can make such wide ranging suppositions.

I hadn't read her post but anyway, I'm just giving an account of my experience, and of course every experience is different. In all fairness my post is also tongue in cheek. There are great Irish women out there that I've met too, and I've been out of the country the last few years travelling the globe. The real point of my post was actually to advise another poster that women are the same the world over and that the grass is in fact not always greener.

lufties

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Very kind of Lufties to give Irish women advice on Irish and German women though and to fill us in on the fact that many of us are stuck up and difficult. I'll definitely reconsider my actions next time I decide to chat up a German woman.

Anytime eve, in fact I could also fill you in on Thai women, Indian, Italian perhaps?

;-)

lufties

lufties wrote: »

I hadn't read her post but anyway, I'm just giving an account of my experience, and of course every experience is different. In all fairness my post is also tongue in cheek. There are great Irish women out there that I've met too, and I've been out of the country the last few years travelling the globe. The real point of my post was actually to advise another poster that women are the same the world over and that the grass is in fact not always greener.

By the same, I mean there is no perfect girl out there, everyone has their faults.

lufties

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

Man, some guys on boards.ie have SERIOUS issues. It's no wonder they have no success with women if they have this sort of crazy attitude to dating and Irish society and women having "power" over men.

I understand how both men and women can build up bitterness towards the opposite sex when they have little/no success but to develop into irrational generalisations - why is there such a prevelance of it on boards.ie? I really hope the majority of single Irish men out there don't feel this way. It's not healthy.

For example, I'm going to embarass myself here and say at the moment I'm having very little success with any sort of meaningful connection with the opposite sex, or indeed the same sex as I am bisexual. This doesn't mean I have some sort of bitterness or hatred towards them. It's frustrating, I'll give you that. I think to myself "God I'm 21 years old, I'm decent looking so it seems, people describe me as fun, friendly, interesting, why am I having no success?" But I don't then come to ridiculous generalisations about people.

Another example, to bring the tone down a bit (apologies for this), but I have been raped in the past, and sexually assaulted twice, yet I do not have some sort of hatred for men.

I'm sorry about the rant, and I suppose it is slightly off topic but I do feel it needs to be said, as these discussions regarding gender and dating and sex and love come up frequently on boards.ie and there is a scary number of men with ridiculous opinions and generalisations about Irish women.

Unfortunately, a lot of people in society are indeed bitter and resentive towards the opposite sex, this is for a reason, usually as a result of getting burnt/rejected. Also if someone went around in the 'real' world with this bitterness out for all to see, well simply put, they would be loners. So it's easy to come on here anonymous and vent this anger, saying ye''re All a shower of cnuts or whatever.

strobe

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

I'm sorry about the rant, and I suppose it is slightly off topic but I do feel it needs to be said, as these discussions regarding gender and dating and sex and love come up frequently on boards.ie and there is a scary number of men with ridiculous opinions and generalisations about Irish women.

If it's any consolation, I think sometimes the threads on here can give a false representation. What I mean by that is, while I agree that threads regarding gender and dating and sex and love tend to seem to have a lot of people coming in going " "Irish women are all bla bla bla grrr woof grrr", I think you have to keep in mind that those kinds of threads would tend to draw people with those views into them. But I mean, even in those threads, out of the people that post in them, the number of people posting stuff like that are a minority and are I feel over represented due to the fact that they will be more likely to post in them. There is also an observed phenomenon whereby 'an opinion spoken three times by the same person can have the same effect on those hearing it as a the same opinion spoken three times by three different people'.

If you are feeling a little disheartened by the stuff you see in threads like that, could I suggest maybe to restore your faith in humanity a little, do a search and pick out 5 or 6 of them and then skim through them while maintaining a detached mindset and keeping the above in mind. I think in a lot of cases what might at first, understandably, leave one thinking "Jesus, the amount of this stuff and the amount of people that think like this, is scary"... could better be seen as a small number of people, both within the thread in question and as a proportion of total men posting at boards, and certainly compared to men in the general population repeatedly posting the same stuff.

I'm not really explaining myself too well here I think but, from looking at those threads it seems to me it tends to be a very very small, negligible and insignificant even, number of people, comparatively, expressing these views repeatedly in these threads, rather than actually a scary number of people that hold these views. And I'd hate for anyone to come away thinking it's the latter rather than the former unnecessarily.

99%+ of people aren't bitter and crazy and vindictive over the opposite sex, it's just the .00001% tend to scream and shout a lot.

IMO etc.

Wibbs

strobe wrote: »

99%+ of people aren't bitter and crazy and vindictive over the opposite sex, it's just the .00001% tend to scream and shout a lot.

+10000000 S

IMO etc.

And an O you can take to the bank.

DramaQuee

The tall blonde preference is not really prevalent. I've met many, many guys who like dark haired larger ladies like Kim Kardashian, and my friend who is unremarkable looking, 5'1", a size 16 to 18, but is brilliant at small talk. She is very ladylike, wears slinky clothes, weird little ankle boots, mad gypsy black hair and has a very feminine voice. NO woman stands a chance to be noticed with her. She's like the bounty, she gets her man, Every time, even if there is a roomful of women eyeing him. She exudes feminine power and utter belief that all men find her sexy, so they DO!!!
If I can bottle THAT, I will let you all in on it

Eve_Dublin

strobe wrote: »

If it's any consolation, I think sometimes the threads on here can give a false representation. What I mean by that is, while I agree that threads regarding gender and dating and sex and love tend to seem to have a lot of people coming in going " "Irish women are all bla bla bla grrr woof grrr", I think you have to keep in mind that those kinds of threads would tend to draw people with those views into them. But I mean, even in those threads, out of the people that post in them, the number of people posting stuff like that are a minority and are I feel over represented due to the fact that they will be more likely to post in them. There is also an observed phenomenon whereby 'an opinion spoken three times by the same person can have the same effect on those hearing it as a the same opinion spoken three times by three different people'.

If you are feeling a little disheartened by the stuff you see in threads like that, could I suggest maybe to restore your faith in humanity a little, do a search and pick out 5 or 6 of them and then skim through them while maintaining a detached mindset and keeping the above in mind. I think in a lot of cases what might at first, understandably, leave one thinking "Jesus, the amount of this stuff and the amount of people that think like this, is scary"... could better be seen as a small number of people, both within the thread in question and as a proportion of total men posting at boards, and certainly compared to men in the general population repeatedly posting the same stuff.

I'm not really explaining myself too well here I think but, from looking at those threads it seems to me it tends to be a very very small, negligible and insignificant even, number of people, comparatively, expressing these views repeatedly in these threads, rather than actually a scary number of people that hold these views. And I'd hate for anyone to come away thinking it's the latter rather than the former unnecessarily.

99%+ of people aren't bitter and crazy and vindictive over the opposite sex, it's just the .00001% tend to scream and shout a lot.

IMO etc.

That makes sense. Good logic. Thanks!

DramaQuee

I hate though when friends think they're doing you a favour and mention to some guy who may ask, that you're just divorced/split up from a guy who was hell to be with. Or some such information you consider private.

A previous poster wrote that when he was single it was hard to get a girl, but once he hand one, lots of other women found him attractive.
This is very typical of human behaviour. No-one wants the hungry dog at the door, but the cute well kept, well fed dog that obviously has an owner, well petting him isn't so onerous, he isn't desperate.

I date, but sometimes I like to take a break from it, to study, or work overtime and spend extra time with my kids. When I'm ready to date, to see if I can meet a nice guy, I warn my friends though not to tell prospective boyfriends ANYthing about my situation, ex's etc. You cannot appear too keen, and it isn't a good idea to let future guys know that poor you has 'just come out of a relationship with a guy who (in your friends' minds) didn't treat you properly'. That is like a magnet for more guys who won't treat you properly, and private information in the wrong hands too early in the play is not good.

Interested suitors are like buses, none for a while, then 2 or 3 arrive on the scene at the same time, then you have the problem of trying to work out who suits you best without hurting anyone. I just heard today of a lovely glamorous 50 year old divorcee who has remarried, this time to a perfect gentleman. Apparently she met him when she was with friends at a recital in the Concert Hall.

cantdecide

One strange thing I've always noted is that most of the appreciation I get is from women that are in relationships. I get the 'you're so lovely you should find a nice girl' and 'I can't believe someone hasn't snapped you up' ALL the time from friends GFs etc. This leads me to believe there must be a you that's in a relationship and the you that gets into a relationship and these must be completely different people. It's the only thing that makes sense. I just don't know how to be the latter is my problem.

DramaQuee wrote: »

This is very typical of human behaviour. No-one wants the hungry dog at the door, but the cute well kept, well fed dog that obviously has an owner, well petting him isn't so onerous, he isn't desperate.

People will say here and IRL that people can exude desperation but I just don't understand it. I think I know how to conduct myself but on the rare occasion that I meet someone I like and who's available, I just can't seem to have them see me in the right light in the seemingly million to one chance that it could work without something else getting in the way. I can't help but feel like I have to step character of some alternate version of myself.

Not much help to the OP,of course. More of a whinge but hey, been having a bad few days so yis'll just have to put up with it!

DramaQuee

cantdecide wrote: »

I think I know how to conduct myself but on the rare occasion that I meet someone I like and who's available, I just can't seem to have them see me in the right light in the seemingly million to one chance that it could work without something else getting in the way. I can't help but feel like I have to step character of some alternate version of myself.

I previously wrote in this thread about joining a club or something people go to where you can just be yourself, whilst being around people interested in the same things. (Some charity things, I do Wheelchair Association collecting, you could also try toastmaster, evening classes, hill walking, DRAMA group, singing etc etc.) When you're in an environment you enjoy you should thrive, and find it easier to put your best foot forward.

There's a book called Around the World in 80 Dates. The author pointed out how many lovely people she dated, but they weren't right for her, she wasn't her 'best' self with them. Out of 80 dates, however she knew immediately with one guy he was the best for her, she felt so at ease. I think he was number 57. She met one other guy after that, and he was almost as good a match, not quite, before she reached the magic number of 80 dates. She married the guy soon after the experiment.

The point I was making about the perceived 'desperation' was, not to have your friends/mother/matchmaking other say too much, make out you're absolutely DYING to meet someone. Or you've been rightly messed up and want someone to salve your broken heart etc. You know the way people can come out with things (even though they are well meaning). I had my eye on this guy and a couple I know were friendly with him. I asked the couple to (keep my business private) but introduce me casually to him. The "husband" part of the couple was good as his word, and I'd just started to talk to Mr Fanciable. Then the wife part of the couple, came over with a few drinks on her and holding both our hands, putting them together, said loudly and obviously, have you met DRRRRRRRRRamaQueeeeeee, nudge nudge wink wink. Mr Fanciable got so embarrassed, said I feel like I'm in Lisdoonvarna. I said Me too. And he shuffled off, that was the end of that. So friends can **ck things up bigtime with a bit of over enthusing.

My reading on your dilemma is that you just haven't met someone who is right for you yet. The right one will be all the more appreciated when you meet her. Some people seem to suit about 80% of the population. A long term relationship breaks up, and few weeks later they're in another one, just as cosy. Other people are more complex, and there are not as many matches for them. But my granny always said, For every shoe, there's a foot to suit it.

Daisy78

circular motion wrote: »

internet dating??? any and i mean any woman can get messages galore, but a man literally needs to look like a model to get any replies.

Not everyone feels comfortable with the idea of online dating.

DramaQuee

Any update Poeticseraphim? Have you taken all the 'good advice' and found The love of your life which means are so happy you've forgotten about the thread you started?


(The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. Oscar Wilde)

Emme

DramaQuee wrote: »

The tall blonde preference is not really prevalent. I've met many, many guys who like dark haired larger ladies like Kim Kardashian, and my friend who is unremarkable looking, 5'1", a size 16 to 18, but is brilliant at small talk. She is very ladylike, wears slinky clothes, weird little ankle boots, mad gypsy black hair and has a very feminine voice. NO woman stands a chance to be noticed with her. She's like the bounty, she gets her man, Every time, even if there is a roomful of women eyeing him. She exudes feminine power and utter belief that all men find her sexy, so they DO!!!
If I can bottle THAT, I will let you all in on it

DramaQueen - there is no blonde preference in Ireland, there never was, dark haired women are more in demand here. Look at the success of women from Spain, Portugal and South America here. The blonde is the "panic shift", the woman men try to grab at closing time when they haven't scored.

I don't know why people think that blonde women are more in demand here than women with dark or red hair. I'm naturally blonde and have always found that men here prefer brunettes. I don't know if it's a cultural thing but men here like to have flings with blondes but seem to prefer brunettes for long term relationships.

I know women of all ages who were blonde for a while and always commented on how they were treated better by men here when they went brunette.

Maybe I'm just biased, but if there's a group of girls out with different hair colours the brunettes always seem to get chatted up first here.

Abroad I've found it to be different - some English and Northern European guys seem to be genuinely attracted to blondes. Maybe deep down men are looking for women they're comfortable with, women who look like their sisters or their mothers. In Ireland those women are more likely to be brunette.

The moral of the story - if you're naturally brunette in Ireland don't go blonde. I really think that brunettes have a better chance of finding decent guys who respect them.

cantdecide

Emme wrote: »

The moral of the story - if you're naturally brunette in Ireland don't go blonde. I really think that brunettes have a better chance of finding decent guys who respect them.

I think another perspective is just be the best you that you can be. It's like when guys think that all girls prefer tall men and if that were the case, I'd have them beating my door down. There is no formula for attraction. Never look for reasons to discount what you have because you will only prove yourself right.

DramaQuee

I think people have a preference alright, like a blueprint of what they want. Deep down there is a lot of conservatism here with guys when it's time to settle down, the girl chosen is different from the one they Go With (and waste her time).

Funny I've seen guys here go nuts for Eastern European girls who are dyed white blonde and wearing teeny minis, they even go off to those countries to marry them. Yet I've seen those same guys judging and calling a less blondie Irish girl in a longer mini tarty What's that about? I'm a mix between Nordic and Irish, and I have to say my personal experience is: original Vikings prefer blondes, but Irish men don't. Latvian, Lithuanian, Polish all tend to ask me out, probably because I look familiar and there are simply loads of those living here (otherwise I'd have very few Valentines). One way or another, being fair, tall and very slim, I meet more non-Irish than Irish.

cantdecide, don't worry, as you get older you will have more prospects for a good long term relationship. My friend had nobody interested in him in his early 20s, he was a 'marrying kind' rather than lothario. When he got to his 30s the power had shifted as women wanted to get married. He actually is only 5'6 or so, but he is genuine, kind and has a great business now. A good man's value and attraction go up as he gets older. He said the change was almost overnight, suddenly he was hot property as women over 30 looked around for a nice dependable guy to settle down with rather than the party guys with all the lines who won't settle down, just want to sleep around and party. He's very happily married last 10 years, he is an only child and he married an only child, they've 4 kids. Better times ahead

Emme

DramaQuee wrote: »

I think people have a preference alright, like a blueprint of what they want. Deep down there is a lot of conservatism here with guys when it's time to settle down, the girl chosen is different from the one they Go With (and waste her time).

I've been the girl whose time has been wasted! The worst part is the guys are perfectly happy to go along with things for a year or two, you think it's heading somewhere and they don't indicate otherwise then bang! It's "thanks for a nice time but we were only casual and I'm not really looking to settle down just yet".

DramaQuee wrote: »

Funny I've seen guys here go nuts for Eastern European girls who are dyed white blonde and wearing teeny minis, they even go off to those countries to marry them. Yet I've seen those same guys judging and calling a less blondie Irish girl in a longer mini tarty What's that about? I'm a mix between Nordic and Irish, and I have to say my personal experience is: original Vikings prefer blondes, but Irish men don't. Latvian, Lithuanian, Polish all tend to ask me out, probably because I look familiar and there are simply loads of those living here (otherwise I'd have very few Valentines). One way or another, being fair, tall and very slim, I meet more non-Irish than Irish.

I've seen guys here go for Eastern European girls as well. That could be a novelty factor - they're fed up of Irish women, they want to settle down and here's a hot Russian one who's into them. I know one guy who got sucked into a mail order bride website and ended up marrying a Russian girl. She's lovely but he could have anyone he wanted here. I've been mistaken for Russian a few times and got loads of attention until I opened my mouth and revealed myself as bog Irish I'm blonde but small (5'5") and size 10-12 with an hourglass figure. Probably not tall or slim enough for Eastern European guys but Italians seem to like me. However the Italians I met all lived up to their reputation for being players so it was just short-term fun. I thought about going brunette at one stage but I'd look like something out of Twilight and I'm a bit old for emos and goths.

DramaQuee wrote: »

antdecide, don't worry, as you get older you will have more prospects for a good long term relationship. My friend had nobody interested in him in his early 20s, he was a 'marrying kind' rather than lothario. When he got to his 30s the power had shifted as women wanted to get married. He actually is only 5'6 or so, but he is genuine, kind and has a great business now. A good man's value and attraction go up as he gets older. He said the change was almost overnight, suddenly he was hot property as women over 30 looked around for a nice dependable guy to settle down with rather than the party guys with all the lines who won't settle down, just want to sleep around and party. He's very happily married last 10 years, he is an only child and he married an only child, they've 4 kids. Better times ahead

That's true. Also cantdecide, don't dismiss women your own age when this happens. I know a lot of guys do. They're still a bit hurt about being rejected in their 20s and tend to take it out on women their own age when they become hot property in their 30s. Sometimes these guys date foreign women as a way of getting their own back on the Irish women who supposedly knocked them back. But remember, that 30 something girl who likes you might have had her time wasted by players in her 20s or she wasn't lucky enough to meet you at the right time. Maybe she always liked you but was too shy to let you know and a player got in there before you could approach her. Eitherways you have better times ahead.