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how to meet genuine nice men...i know they are out there ..where?
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10-11-2012 12:56am#1
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Hi I went through a tough time for a few years till not so long ago, no work, no cash, relationship finished, not good for the confidence. Things are turning around for me now though. Getting out of the house to work now for me makes a huge difference. I know you work from home. Could you spare a morning every week/fortnight to do some charity work, you're bound to meet 'nice' guys through that. I know of some guys near me who are single and do sponsored runs to raise cash for the Wheelchair association, that probably wouldn't specifically take a morning a week, but if you did that, during training, you'd form a friendship - who knows where it would go. Cancer support groups need people who will drive cancer survivors to hospital, there are groups around the country. You would be doing something good primarily and increasing your social circle at the same time.
Some friends recommend going to a place where guys go, or doing a sport/hobby like sailing where you will meet guys. You may not like noisy bars and night club meat markets, but what about going to a golf club for lunch, having golf lessons, lots of guys there.
And a post from me wouldn't be complete without recommending you to join the nice people who like Drama, amateur drama groups always love new people. Toastmasters is a great mixed group. It will help your confidence too.
All these things will bring new people into your life, increase your enjoyment of, and contribution to life so you won't lose even if you don't meet a guy to love right away.0 -
Hi I went through a tough time for a few years till not so long ago, no work, no cash, relationship finished, not good for the confidence. Things are turning around for me now though. Getting out of the house to work now for me makes a huge difference. I know you work from home. Could you spare a morning every week/fortnight to do some charity work, you're bound to meet 'nice' guys through that. I know of some guys near me who are single and do sponsored runs to raise cash for the Wheelchair association, that probably wouldn't specifically take a morning a week, but if you did that, during training, you'd form a friendship - who knows where it would go. Cancer support groups need people who will drive cancer survivors to hospital, there are groups around the country. You would be doing something good primarily and increasing your social circle at the same time.
Some friends recommend going to a place where guys go, or doing a sport/hobby like sailing where you will meet guys. You may not like noisy bars and night club meat markets, but what about going to a golf club for lunch, having golf lessons, lots of guys there.
And a post from me wouldn't be complete without recommending you to join the nice people who like Drama, amateur drama groups always love new people. Toastmasters is a great mixed group. It will help your confidence too.
All these things will bring new people into your life, increase your enjoyment of, and contribution to life so you won't lose even if you don't meet a guy to love right away.
I volunteer at an animal shelter once a week. But it is not great for socializing honestly at all ...and you are on your own mostly and outside walking dogs in the fields etc....
I think the hobby idea is interesting...also most people have simply said don't stress and chilling is the key ...i think they are right in this situation
You probably can't organize this stuff0 -
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Why are you so mean and negative? There is someone for everyone in this world. It's one of lifes only certanties, we all have a soulmate and the search for the one is a beautiful journey
Lots of people have lots of other people that they could very easily spend a happy lifetime with. There doesn't have to be just one.
There are also those who could never happily fully share their lives with any one other person - nothing wrong with that, either.
I think the idea of there being 'the one'; of having a 'soulmate'; well it's actually quite depressing, in a way! I mean, you're kind of screwed if your soulmate dies, or marries someone else before you meet them, or if you never happen to meet them, or whatever. You're kind of destined to a lifetime of unhappiness, I guess?
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Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,124 Mod ✭✭✭✭
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+1000. Out of the near 7 billion peeps in the world it would seem vanishingly small a figure that would result in an individual to have only one "soulmate". The average person meets maybe a couple of thousand people in their lives out of that number, yet the ones who meet their "soulmate" consider themselves lucky? With odds like that you'd damn near need to be proactive not to meet someone.chatterpillar wrote: »I think the idea of there being 'the one'; of having a 'soulmate'; well it's actually quite depressing, in a way! I mean, you're kind of screwed if your soulmate dies, or marries someone else before you meet them, or if you never happen to meet them, or whatever. You're kind of destined to a lifetime of unhappiness, I guess?
That may be part of the problem? We're all so bought into the soulmate/only The One(tm) for us that it scuppers our chances when it really shouldn't?
From a male perspective, I've encountered guys who say they can't get a woman and I honestly scratch my head. I mean 50% of the peeps in the world are women and if you take out those outside your age range, sexual prefs and attraction(for you), it still leaves a shedload of ladies out there. Statistically you're likely talking many millions. TBH if they ask for my take, at that point I tell them that the problem maybe lays closer to home? They're looking more for an idea of the ideal, rather than a living breathing woman/partner/human to share a life with(even if it's only for a finite time). I'd say the exact same thing to women in that situation.
Bear in mind I say that as a man who's only been truly in love twice in his life, so hardly one of those "I fall in love at the drop of a hat, so why can't everyone buy into this?" people.:)Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.
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Hi Wibbs,
It's great you have fallen in love twice. I think the problems people have meeting someone is that we can get in a routine, even more so if we are in a relationship for a long time. Then the relationship ends, a person left behind may have commitments, familial, work which leave little time, money or energy for socialising. When this happens, your world narrows and without the person who was other half of your world, it can be like looking into a paper bag.
Maybe you go out to work, but for people without work, or working from home including those with small children, life can be very isolated. There may be billions of people on the earth, but it can feel like you're on the moon if you are alone and experiencing loneliness. Add to this situation, shyness and insecurity, well, your odds of meeting someone to have a relationship can seem slender. If you have low self esteem, you could be the ONLY beautiful woman on the earth of billions of men and still not able to have a true loving relationship with a man. Keep in mind a woman may not be beautiful on the outside, but have a heart of gold, and there are probably a few billion beautiful women in this love game looking for men. And we all know, men are visual creatures The equation isn't as simple as there are peeps a billion going on this earth, you're going to bump into loves of your life left right and centre.
First a person must get out, it doesn't matter doing what, running, dancing, singing, pingpong. Change their routine, which thus far has not filled life with proposals galore, in the hope of finding groups of compatible people. In compatibility you will find yourself, be yourself and find people who suit you. You want to fall in love with a man who is compatible with you.0 -
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Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,124 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Join Date:Posts: 59053
Oh certainly D, you have to get out there to meet people. If you can't/won't/aren't able to for various reasons, like the ones you outlined then yes you're falling at the first hurdle. You can't catch fish with your net in the boat as it were. What I mean is that if you do get over that first hurdle, which I understand is going to be easier said than done for many, there are an awful lot of people out there who are potential partners.Hi Wibbs, Maybe you go out to work, but for people without work, or working from home including those with small children, life can be very isolated. There may be billions of people on the earth, but it can feel like you're on the moon if you are alone and experiencing loneliness. Add to this situation, shyness and insecurity, well, your odds of meeting someone to have a relationship can seem slender. If you have low self esteem, you could be the ONLY beautiful woman on the earth of billions of men and still not able to have a true loving relationship with a man. Keep in mind a woman may not be beautiful on the outside, but have a heart of gold, and there are probably a few billion beautiful women in this love game looking for men. And we all know, men are visual creatures The equation isn't as simple as there are peeps a billion going on this earth, you're going to bump into loves of your life left right and centre.
First a person must get out, it doesn't matter doing what, running, dancing, singing, pingpong. Change their routine, which thus far has not filled life with proposals galore, in the hope of finding groups of compatible people. In compatibility you will find yourself, be yourself and find people who suit you. You want to fall in love with a man who is compatible with you.
I've just noticed over the years that quite a few people, women and men, can self filter themselves out of the game(once they get over the getting out there part). On the women's looks front, I knew one woman, "nothing much to look at" plus a few other "disadvantages" in the mating/dating game(separated with a child and largely jobless for long periods) and she rarely stayed single for long, yet another I can think of who was something to look at who couldn't get much interest, much less a relationship going.
You nailed it when you said "You MUST create the environment(s) richly populated with available men, to have a chance of meeting a single man who suits you." And I'd add create the environment within yourself to be open to an available man.Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.
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