how to meet genuine nice men...i know they are out there ..where?

poeticseraphim

Hello Ladies:p

So i want to meet genuine guys.

I work freelance from home and i feel like sometimes i have been cut off socially because of it.

I am also a little shy ...at first ....then i am fine after the initial butterflies.


My confidence took a knock in the past....i really feel i need to get out there.

But i really dislike clubs/pubs etc.

Previously i always met men either through college, work sometimes friends etc.

I was thinking of joining a few societies etc.


But i think i need tips on coming out of my shell too.

I need confidence.:o

TY

I am sure many others are in the same boat.

another question

I am always of the opinion that if you are 'looking' you won't find. The best relationships seem to be often those that happen when neither person is actually looking....but a few suggestions might be to socialise in places that you feel comfortable in or that you have interests in...even sitting in a cafe on a Saturday afternoon, doing your own thing for a hour...'he' may be doing the same and suddenly you begin to notice each other...Clubs/pubs - you are well right to avoid...brutal idea...It will happen when it's meant to happen...:)

JimmyCrackCorn

Structure your social life in areas where you are going to meet they type of person your looking for.

But as a general rule getting out in a new social group is key. So try new (social) hobbies. There are also the usual online dating and speed dating events.

Also be prepared to date allot until you find someone who either surprises you or is what your looking for...


Also good guys are all around your probably looking right at them and not seeing them.

RubyRoss

Have you an interests or hobbies - like photography or hillwalking? Meetup.com has a wide range of groups you could join in Dublin or elsewhere. You could even make new friends which is always good.

Goldenlady

I feel your pain. I work from home and live alone (Just very recently out of an 8 year relationship!) So I can not looking for anything relationship wise at the moment, but more of a social outlet. Friends all married with kids etc, so have gone out to pubs twice with younger work colleagues... the most depressing thing ever!! :-) it will be interesting to see what responses you get... Good luck x

Tigger99

Meetup.com times a million. It's more for meeting friends, than dating but I know people who have met their partners through it.

starlit

Can be hard to weed them out but as you get older you can spot the difference.

Being yourself, widening your social activities/circle, join a new club/hobby, being happy with yourself, taking each day as a new day, doing something different and learning something different can bring new joy I suppose. It can happen when you least expect it but you could meet a nice genuine lad anywhere so keep your eyes peeled. Kind of go places and not expect to meet anyone and it might happen.

Its probably when life is busy and you doing things for you have done all that opens your heart more I suppose. Smile even a simple hello can help boost your confidence!

MrCreosote

How about renting out a shared office space, say a couple of days a week?

Not saying you'll meet someone there, but you might get the social benefits of work without the office politics.

syjg18

You shouldn't search for true love. It will come to you at the right time and with the right man.

poeticseraphim

Goldenlady wrote: »

I feel your pain. I work from home and live alone (Just very recently out of an 8 year relationship!) So I can not looking for anything relationship wise at the moment, but more of a social outlet. Friends all married with kids etc, so have gone out to pubs twice with younger work colleagues... the most depressing thing ever!! :-) it will be interesting to see what responses you get... Good luck x

It is tough isn't??

I feel out of the loop.

I am going to join a running club or something....social but not so chatty chatty social that i feel nervous.

Good luck to you too:-)
x

tiny timy

It's like this.my wife and i both met by faith.neither of us went out to meet anyone but it happened. She simply just stood on my foot and it went from there.The way i see it is if you go out to meet someone you'll find it very hard, but if you just go out for the craic then it happens.

poeticseraphim

MrCreosote wrote: »

How about renting out a shared office space, say a couple of days a week?

Not saying you'll meet someone there, but you might get the social benefits of work without the office politics.

Putting career hat on.

It would be an expense of capital that would not bring in any extra revenue.

I could write it off for tax purposes maybe.

It would be a hassle work wise though. And you do get more done with solitude. Plus working from home it good in other ways.

But I would consider it. But it is probably not practical.

dave3004

Define "genuinely nice guy".

I hold doors open for people, I won't cheat on you, have good manners and am polite when talking to friends parents (Why can't you be more like Dave) but I wouldn't say I am nice.

I like porn, sports, gambling, drinking, ghetto booties and long eyelashes.
Am I "genuinely nice"?

DramaQuee

Hi I went through a tough time for a few years till not so long ago, no work, no cash, relationship finished, not good for the confidence. Things are turning around for me now though. Getting out of the house to work now for me makes a huge difference. I know you work from home. Could you spare a morning every week/fortnight to do some charity work, you're bound to meet 'nice' guys through that. I know of some guys near me who are single and do sponsored runs to raise cash for the Wheelchair association, that probably wouldn't specifically take a morning a week, but if you did that, during training, you'd form a friendship - who knows where it would go. Cancer support groups need people who will drive cancer survivors to hospital, there are groups around the country. You would be doing something good primarily and increasing your social circle at the same time.

Some friends recommend going to a place where guys go, or doing a sport/hobby like sailing where you will meet guys. You may not like noisy bars and night club meat markets, but what about going to a golf club for lunch, having golf lessons, lots of guys there.

And a post from me wouldn't be complete without recommending you to join the nice people who like Drama, amateur drama groups always love new people. Toastmasters is a great mixed group. It will help your confidence too.

All these things will bring new people into your life, increase your enjoyment of, and contribution to life so you won't lose even if you don't meet a guy to love right away.

poeticseraphim

DramaQuee wrote: »

Hi I went through a tough time for a few years till not so long ago, no work, no cash, relationship finished, not good for the confidence. Things are turning around for me now though. Getting out of the house to work now for me makes a huge difference. I know you work from home. Could you spare a morning every week/fortnight to do some charity work, you're bound to meet 'nice' guys through that. I know of some guys near me who are single and do sponsored runs to raise cash for the Wheelchair association, that probably wouldn't specifically take a morning a week, but if you did that, during training, you'd form a friendship - who knows where it would go. Cancer support groups need people who will drive cancer survivors to hospital, there are groups around the country. You would be doing something good primarily and increasing your social circle at the same time.

Some friends recommend going to a place where guys go, or doing a sport/hobby like sailing where you will meet guys. You may not like noisy bars and night club meat markets, but what about going to a golf club for lunch, having golf lessons, lots of guys there.

And a post from me wouldn't be complete without recommending you to join the nice people who like Drama, amateur drama groups always love new people. Toastmasters is a great mixed group. It will help your confidence too.

All these things will bring new people into your life, increase your enjoyment of, and contribution to life so you won't lose even if you don't meet a guy to love right away.

I volunteer at an animal shelter once a week. But it is not great for socializing honestly at all ...and you are on your own mostly and outside walking dogs in the fields etc....

I think the hobby idea is interesting...also most people have simply said don't stress and chilling is the key ...i think they are right in this situation

You probably can't organize this stuff

poeticseraphim

dave3004 wrote: »

Define "genuinely nice guy".

I hold doors open for people, I won't cheat on you, have good manners and am polite when talking to friends parents (Why can't you be more like Dave) but I wouldn't say I am nice.

I like porn, sports, gambling, drinking, ghetto booties and long eyelashes.
Am I "genuinely nice"?

Yes

But you don't count you are in Melbourne.

DramaQuee

poeticseraphim wrote: »

I volunteer at an animal shelter once a week. But it is not great for socializing honestly at all ...and you are on your own mostly and outside walking dogs in the fields etc....

I think the hobby idea is interesting...also most people have simply said don't stress and chilling is the key ...i think they are right in this situation

You probably can't organize this stuff

Any luck?

stephanied83

dave3004 wrote: »

I like porn, sports, gambling, drinking, ghetto booties and long eyelashes.
Am I "genuinely nice"?

I don't actually think of those things take away from you being a nice person Dave!

Clubs/pubs - you are well right to avoid...brutal idea.

I don't really get why people are so against bars & clubs. I love going out for drinks, having some craic and chats & boogie. I met probably the nicest guy I'll ever meet in a bar, we went out for 3 years (wasn't to be in the end) and I met lots of other nice people that have become really good friends too. I am not long out of a long term relationship either and to be honest the few nights out are what has kept me sane!

I also think going out like that brings you out of your shell when you are a bit shy.

BraziliaNZ

syjg18 wrote: »

You shouldn't search for true love. It will come to you at the right time and with the right man.

Try telling that to my 41 year old friend who always wanted kids but never met the right man and seems to be pretty down about the whole thing.
Maybe it wont come to her, Christ, you sound like a Hallmark card. A lot of people never meet anyone.
The only advice I can give is to just try and get out there more, say yes to everything you can, and if you don't have any invites or anything like that I suppose you can resort to internet dating which everyone seems to be doing these days.

Nickcaved

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Try telling that to my 41 year old friend who always wanted kids but never met the right man and seems to be pretty down about the whole thing.
Maybe it wont come to her, Christ, you sound like a Hallmark card. A lot of people never meet anyone.
The only advice I can give is to just try and get out there more, say yes to everything you can, and if you don't have any invites or anything like that I suppose you can resort to internet dating which everyone seems to be doing these days.

Why are you so mean and negative? There is someone for everyone in this world. It's one of lifes only certanties, we all have a soulmate and the search for the one is a beautiful journey

DramaQuee

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Try telling that to my 41 year old friend who always wanted kids but never met the right man and seems to be pretty down about the whole thing.
Maybe it wont come to her, Christ, you sound like a Hallmark card. A lot of people never meet anyone.
The only advice I can give is to just try and get out there more, say yes to everything you can, and if you don't have any invites or anything like that I suppose you can resort to internet dating which everyone seems to be doing these days.

I agree, with Brazilian, you have to be active. It's pretty rare Mr Right is going to knock on your door. You MUST create the environment(s) richly populated with available men, to have a chance of meeting a single man who suits you.

All this talk about 'someone's there for you, it'll all happen' is rubbish. You have to look and see where the opportunities are. It's like saying to a person who has just done their leaving cert, Oh, there is sooo much education available, it's just everywhere, thousands of courses. If the student hasn't worked out what they want, seen where the courses are she/he wants to do are, and applied through CAO, FAS etc. HOW WILL THEY GET WHAT THEY WANT. You have to plan meeting a guy.

starlit

DramaQuee wrote: »

I agree, with Brazilian, you have to be active. It's pretty rare Mr Right is going to knock on your door. You MUST create the environment(s) richly populated with available men, to have a chance of meeting a single man who suits you.

All this talk about 'someone's there for you, it'll all happen' is rubbish. You have to look and see where the opportunities are. It's like saying to a person who has just done their leaving cert, Oh, there is sooo much education available, it's just everywhere, thousands of courses. If the student hasn't worked out what they want, seen where the courses are she/he wants to do are, and applied through CAO, FAS etc. HOW WILL THEY GET WHAT THEY WANT. You have to plan meeting a guy.

That's kind of true, but I often think its kind of luck - being at the right place at the right time kind of thing when that person comes into your life?

seenitall

Nickcaved wrote: »

Why are you so mean and negative? There is someone for everyone in this world. It's one of lifes only certanties, we all have a soulmate and the search for the one is a beautiful journey

He's not being mean or negative, he's being realistic.

As for one of life's only certainties, it is definitely that there is NOT someone for everyone in this world. I shouldn't even have to elaborate on such a given, but I'm sure you know/know of many old people who never managed to find a life partner, at all. However young or idealistic you are.

stop animal cruelty

dave3004 wrote: »

Define "genuinely nice guy".

I hold doors open for people, I won't cheat on you, have good manners and am polite when talking to friends parents (Why can't you be more like Dave) but I wouldn't say I am nice.

I like porn, sports, gambling, drinking, ghetto booties and long eyelashes.
Am I "genuinely nice"?

and you have to be in Melbourne? *sighs*

The Big Red Button

Nickcaved wrote: »

Why are you so mean and negative? There is someone for everyone in this world. It's one of lifes only certanties, we all have a soulmate and the search for the one is a beautiful journey

Lots of people have lots of other people that they could very easily spend a happy lifetime with. There doesn't have to be just one.

There are also those who could never happily fully share their lives with any one other person - nothing wrong with that, either.

I think the idea of there being 'the one'; of having a 'soulmate'; well it's actually quite depressing, in a way! I mean, you're kind of screwed if your soulmate dies, or marries someone else before you meet them, or if you never happen to meet them, or whatever. You're kind of destined to a lifetime of unhappiness, I guess?

DramaQuee

Regarding changing anything in your life: If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting.
Even making small changes will create differences. If you're working at home, it's quite isolating, you must be proactive in meeting people. I applaud OP for their work dog-walking for the homeless dogs, but you need to do things less solitary. Apart from meeting male companions, just keeping your world full of rich and colourful events is important at every age. When there is a lot happening, and you meet lots of people, go different places, this exposure to life is what increases your chance of meeting a person who will become your significant other/soulmate/husband/love of your life. xgood luck

Wibbs

chatterpillar wrote: »

I think the idea of there being 'the one'; of having a 'soulmate'; well it's actually quite depressing, in a way! I mean, you're kind of screwed if your soulmate dies, or marries someone else before you meet them, or if you never happen to meet them, or whatever. You're kind of destined to a lifetime of unhappiness, I guess?

+1000. Out of the near 7 billion peeps in the world it would seem vanishingly small a figure that would result in an individual to have only one "soulmate". The average person meets maybe a couple of thousand people in their lives out of that number, yet the ones who meet their "soulmate" consider themselves lucky? With odds like that you'd damn near need to be proactive not to meet someone. That may be part of the problem? We're all so bought into the soulmate/only The One(tm) for us that it scuppers our chances when it really shouldn't?

From a male perspective, I've encountered guys who say they can't get a woman and I honestly scratch my head. I mean 50% of the peeps in the world are women and if you take out those outside your age range, sexual prefs and attraction(for you), it still leaves a shedload of ladies out there. Statistically you're likely talking many millions. TBH if they ask for my take, at that point I tell them that the problem maybe lays closer to home? They're looking more for an idea of the ideal, rather than a living breathing woman/partner/human to share a life with(even if it's only for a finite time). I'd say the exact same thing to women in that situation.

Bear in mind I say that as a man who's only been truly in love twice in his life, so hardly one of those "I fall in love at the drop of a hat, so why can't everyone buy into this?" people.:)

DramaQuee

Hi Wibbs,
It's great you have fallen in love twice. I think the problems people have meeting someone is that we can get in a routine, even more so if we are in a relationship for a long time. Then the relationship ends, a person left behind may have commitments, familial, work which leave little time, money or energy for socialising. When this happens, your world narrows and without the person who was other half of your world, it can be like looking into a paper bag.

Maybe you go out to work, but for people without work, or working from home including those with small children, life can be very isolated. There may be billions of people on the earth, but it can feel like you're on the moon if you are alone and experiencing loneliness. Add to this situation, shyness and insecurity, well, your odds of meeting someone to have a relationship can seem slender. If you have low self esteem, you could be the ONLY beautiful woman on the earth of billions of men and still not able to have a true loving relationship with a man. Keep in mind a woman may not be beautiful on the outside, but have a heart of gold, and there are probably a few billion beautiful women in this love game looking for men. And we all know, men are visual creatures The equation isn't as simple as there are peeps a billion going on this earth, you're going to bump into loves of your life left right and centre.

First a person must get out, it doesn't matter doing what, running, dancing, singing, pingpong. Change their routine, which thus far has not filled life with proposals galore, in the hope of finding groups of compatible people. In compatibility you will find yourself, be yourself and find people who suit you. You want to fall in love with a man who is compatible with you.

cantdecide

Amen @DramaQuee

To put yourself in the same places where potential partners are is almost impossible. To have a conventionally acceptable intro to meeting MOTAS is another hurdle. To identify someone that fulfils your requirements while simultaneously fulfilling theirs from whatever the hell is on their list? While both of you are likely to have life plans that allows any form of relationship to gain momentum? While both of you are available and in a position and frame of mind to mutually engage?

It takes one or two difficult circumstances to knock you off kilter and your ability to find a partner turns to dust before your eyes. In a cruel twist of fate, the more out of your way you go to try and fix it, the dreaded desperation kills the last chance you had. To me, it's a miracle that those of us without some kind of unfair advantage find anyone ever.

Wibbs

DramaQuee wrote: »

Hi Wibbs, Maybe you go out to work, but for people without work, or working from home including those with small children, life can be very isolated. There may be billions of people on the earth, but it can feel like you're on the moon if you are alone and experiencing loneliness. Add to this situation, shyness and insecurity, well, your odds of meeting someone to have a relationship can seem slender. If you have low self esteem, you could be the ONLY beautiful woman on the earth of billions of men and still not able to have a true loving relationship with a man. Keep in mind a woman may not be beautiful on the outside, but have a heart of gold, and there are probably a few billion beautiful women in this love game looking for men. And we all know, men are visual creatures The equation isn't as simple as there are peeps a billion going on this earth, you're going to bump into loves of your life left right and centre.

First a person must get out, it doesn't matter doing what, running, dancing, singing, pingpong. Change their routine, which thus far has not filled life with proposals galore, in the hope of finding groups of compatible people. In compatibility you will find yourself, be yourself and find people who suit you. You want to fall in love with a man who is compatible with you.

Oh certainly D, you have to get out there to meet people. If you can't/won't/aren't able to for various reasons, like the ones you outlined then yes you're falling at the first hurdle. You can't catch fish with your net in the boat as it were. What I mean is that if you do get over that first hurdle, which I understand is going to be easier said than done for many, there are an awful lot of people out there who are potential partners.

I've just noticed over the years that quite a few people, women and men, can self filter themselves out of the game(once they get over the getting out there part). On the women's looks front, I knew one woman, "nothing much to look at" plus a few other "disadvantages" in the mating/dating game(separated with a child and largely jobless for long periods) and she rarely stayed single for long, yet another I can think of who was something to look at who couldn't get much interest, much less a relationship going.

You nailed it when you said "You MUST create the environment(s) richly populated with available men, to have a chance of meeting a single man who suits you." And I'd add create the environment within yourself to be open to an available man.

DramaQuee

Wibbs wrote: »

nd I'd add create the environment within yourself to be open to an available man.

I think OP certainly had THAT criterion.
The missing part was getting out to meet people, which, unless you've experienced working from home for a year or more, can create isolation from society which can be hard to envisage.

Yousef

I can't understand for the life of me how women would have a hard time meeting men.....

These women must not leave their homes, I'm sure of it. How can you walk through the city centre, stand at a bus stop, sit on a bus, enter a shop, be in a queue, grocery shopping, waiting for a lift, in a lift etc etc....crazy stuff altogether. What you don't realise is, a man can be quite intimidated if a woman appears "standoff-ish". If you give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. For example, whenever you're somewhere thinking that the guy next to you or behind you or beside you is good looking, chances are he has already undressed you and is wondering in what way he'd like to do you....

All he needs is some form of encouragement from you to show him that you're not totally up your own ass and that communication with you will not turn into a horror movie. In other words, a simple "hi" will suffice.

It's really sad that two people could potentially like each other but they'll never know because the girl is shy and he thinks she's totally up her own ass.

Stheno

DramaQuee wrote: »

I think OP certainly had THAT criterion.
The missing part was getting out to meet people, which, unless you've experienced working from home for a year or more, can create isolation from society which can be hard to envisage.

+1

Yousef wrote: »

I can't understand for the life of me how women would have a hard time meeting men.....

These women must not leave their homes, I'm sure of it. How can you walk through the city centre, stand at a bus stop, sit on a bus, enter a shop, be in a queue, grocery shopping, waiting for a lift, in a lift etc etc....crazy stuff altogether. What you don't realise is, a man can be quite intimidated if a woman appears "standoff-ish". If you give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. For example, whenever you're somewhere thinking that the guy next to you or behind you or beside you is good looking, chances are he has already undressed you and is wondering in what way he'd like to do you....

All he needs is some form of encouragement from you to show him that you're not totally up your own ass and that communication with you will not turn into a horror movie. In other words, a simple "hi" will suffice.

It's really sad that two people could potentially like each other but they'll never know because the girl is shy and he thinks she's totally up her own ass.

I split my work time between travelling, working from home, and working in a location in Ireland.

The split is approx 50/20/30 directly in relation to the above.

I rarely see my colleagues and we rarely have work nights out.

As I am either abroad or at home almost 70% of the time and as my travel abroad includes weekends, I cannot commit to any clubs/regular hobbies as I will be unavailable at least 50% of the time they meet, it's actually caused me to resign from professional committees.

I'd rarely see the same man twice in the shop/at the bus stop etc as my routine varies wildly.

That make sense? As to how someone like me would find it hard to meet a man socially?

I'm in a relationship, but my sort of lifestyle takes it's toll be it single or in a relationship, I'd hate to be single with it presently, the one constant in my life is my partner.

Dinkie

Hi,

I am field based, and work from home. I also travel a lot for work, spending a lot of time either cancelling evening outs or delaying them by an hour - as I can't guarantee when I would be home.

I used to be the same as you - not taking up any hobbies as I would be missing for at least 40% of anything. A lot of my friends also forgot about me as I would never be around whenever they were arranging nights out, etc.

Things changed for me about 3 years ago - I signed up to do a course - telling the course co-ordinator at the start I wouldn't be able to attend all of it and asked if that was a problem. I probably missed at least 30-40 % of it, but I met my now fiance there and made some super friends out of it.

I also joined a local gym (very flexible with timing so no excuse not to go). Its a small gym - so have gotten to know loads of people there (single men included). They also have regular social nights - and more then one couple have gotten together through this.

Finally, I do drama classes. Its very relaxed - and no-body minds if I don't make all the classes - and is a nice mix of married / single people in it - who tend to go out for a drink at the end of class

What I'm trying to say is that using the fact that you travel isn't a good enough excuse not to get out and do things. My life changed when I lost that mentality. It really doesn't matter that 100% of something isn't attended. The goal is to get out, have fun and the rest will come.

I also found that when I really had to be somewhere, I could often amend my schedule to make it. However that may not work for you. Good luck anyway OP. I know just how tough and depressing it is.

swiftman

Yousef wrote: »

I can't understand for the life of me how women would have a hard time meeting men.....

These women must not leave their homes, I'm sure of it. How can you walk through the city centre, stand at a bus stop, sit on a bus, enter a shop, be in a queue, grocery shopping, waiting for a lift, in a lift etc etc....crazy stuff altogether. What you don't realise is, a man can be quite intimidated if a woman appears "standoff-ish". If you give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. For example, whenever you're somewhere thinking that the guy next to you or behind you or beside you is good looking, chances are he has already undressed you and is wondering in what way he'd like to do you....

All he needs is some form of encouragement from you to show him that you're not totally up your own ass and that communication with you will not turn into a horror movie. In other words, a simple "hi" will suffice.

It's really sad that two people could potentially like each other but they'll never know because the girl is shy and he thinks she's totally up her own ass.

100% agree here. if a girl talks to a guy, 9/10 times the guy will be glad to talk back, about anything as long is the girl is friendly.
for example when a guy talks to a girl, the girl is not to interested, feels uncomfortable or feel afraid of what he wants etc, which is crap.

you never said why you didnt like pubs. pubs are great place to find someone genuine, if it not after 1am.
go to a table quiz and say your alone and ask if others are without a team, might not win but you'll have a laugh.

here is a good trick but you might have to do a small bit research. saturday of sunday afternoon, look what kind of sport is on tv, soccer or rugby. do research on line if your clueless on sport and go to a pub that will show the games and stand at the counter with your drink. if someone who's watching the game stand next to you, make a comment about the game.
a way to a mans heart is trough his stomach.
a way to a mans head is by talking about sport

The Big Red Button

swiftman wrote: »

here is a good trick but you might have to do a small bit research. saturday of sunday afternoon, look what kind of sport is on tv, soccer or rugby. do research on line if your clueless on sport and go to a pub that will show the games and stand at the counter with your drink. if someone who's watching the game stand next to you, make a comment about the game.
a way to a mans heart is trough his stomach.
a way to a mans head is by talking about sport

Not all men like sport.

And I'm sure most people (male or female) would prefer to get to know a genuine person, even with different interests, than to talk to someone who is faking an interest in something just to impress them!

beks101

Yousef wrote: »

I can't understand for the life of me how women would have a hard time meeting men.....

These women must not leave their homes, I'm sure of it. How can you walk through the city centre, stand at a bus stop, sit on a bus, enter a shop, be in a queue, grocery shopping, waiting for a lift, in a lift etc etc....crazy stuff altogether. What you don't realise is, a man can be quite intimidated if a woman appears "standoff-ish". If you give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. For example, whenever you're somewhere thinking that the guy next to you or behind you or beside you is good looking, chances are he has already undressed you and is wondering in what way he'd like to do you....

Ridiculous. Maybe that guy is just going about his day, waiting for a bus, in a queue, grocery shopping blah blah blah & would be just as taken aback & put on the spot by a woman's impromptu approach as vice versa. Maybe he has a wife, a girlfriend, an appointment, or zero interest in talking to a random woman in the queue behind him.

Women suffer rejection too you know, and men aren't some sex-starved sub species walking around desperately gagging for any chance with any woman who'll look their way. Women can be intimidated too. Women can find it just as difficult to meet men as some men do with women, particularly when it's something meaningful & long lasting they're looking for.

Eve_Dublin

I've met all and I mean ALL my exes and now my current fella on nights out. People discounting meeting people in pubs and clubs seems bizarre to me. I'd say the vast majority of people met their partners in pubs or parties (although I can't back up that claim...just going on my own friends).

If you don't have any friends to go out with, you have to come up with a plan B. Find ways to make more (I know that's not easy but it's possible). I think at this age (30s), you have to be a bit brave when it comes to making friends and you can't expect to make best friends as easily as you did in your teens or twenties but you can still make friends. If you work with someone you like and get on with but don't socialise outside work, bite the bullet and ask them if they'd like to get a drink after work (male or female...I'm talking about friendship here).

I did this yesterday with a girl I was working with for a few days on an intensive course who I got on well with and I asked her if she'd like to come out Friday night with my friends. We might not become lifelong buddies but hopefully she'll at least become a friend of some sort.


Head out wearing something you feel good in and keep an open mind. One thing about Ireland is that you can very easily get chatting to strangers. People are very open to it (they're not so much in other countries I've been to), so use that to your advantage.

And I'd also say be a bit bold. Do the approaching. If you see someone you like, find a reason to get near them and strike up a conversation. Again, easier said than done for many but I really think you have to just bite the bullet sometimes (and if that means Dutch courage, then so be it).

I don't think many people go out with the intention of meeting someone for a relationship but it can and does happen for many. People who discount bars and clubs (I'm not a clubber but I like bars with a dance floor) as crap places to meet people are shooting themselves in the foot IMO. I think they're ideal places to meet people....but not the only places either.

My ex husband met the woman his is currently seeing at a car boot sale, she had a stall with sold craft stuff that is connected to a hobby of his over the course of a few weeks he got talking to her and eventually asked her out, you can meet people in all sorts of places but one thing is for certain you wont meet them staying at home and simultaneously giving out about never meeting anyone.

leahyl

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I've met all and I mean ALL my exes and now my current fella on nights out. People discounting meeting people in pubs and clubs seems bizarre to me. I'd say the vast majority of people met their partners in pubs or parties (although I can't back up that claim...just going on my own friends).

If you don't have any friends to go out with, you have to come up with a plan B. Find ways to make more (I know that's not easy but it's possible). I think at this age (30s), you have to be a bit brave when it comes to making friends and you can't expect to make best friends as easily as you did in your teens or twenties but you can still make friends. If you work with someone you like and get on with but don't socialise outside work, bite the bullet and ask them if they'd like to get a drink after work (male or female...I'm talking about friendship here).

I did this yesterday with a girl I was working with for a few days on an intensive course who I got on well with and I asked her if she'd like to come out Friday night with my friends. We might not become lifelong buddies but hopefully she'll at least become a friend of some sort.


Head out wearing something you feel good in and keep an open mind. One thing about Ireland is that you can very easily get chatting to strangers. People are very open to it (they're not so much in other countries I've been to), so use that to your advantage.

And I'd also say be a bit bold. Do the approaching. If you see someone you like, find a reason to get near them and strike up a conversation. Again, easier said than done for many but I really think you have to just bite the bullet sometimes (and if that means Dutch courage, then so be it).

I don't think many people go out with the intention of meeting someone for a relationship but it can and does happen for many. People who discount bars and clubs (I'm not a clubber but I like bars with a dance floor) as crap places to meet people are shooting themselves in the foot IMO. I think they're ideal places to meet people....but not the only places either.

To be honest I used to be one of those people (who thought that there was no chance of meeting someone in a pub/club) but recently I've come to the conclusion that it might be my only hope. The only thing is that I have that problem of not having many friends to go out with so don't get out as often as I should.

Recently, I went up to a guy in a club who's mother is friends with my mother (they are always saying that we would get on really well) and is really cute and meant to be a nice guy too - I was tipsy (of course!) so that is the only reason that I went up to him but we 'chatted' (if you could call it that - he was rather drunk also) briefly so that was something but now sure it could be ages again before I see him and he mightn't even remember me the next time I see him so it's hard that way to meet someone.

I enjoy going out now more than I did when I was younger (I wasn't much of a drinker then - couldn't relax when I was out - I'm still not a mad drinker but I get tipsy and this gives me a bit more confidence!).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the social scene does revolve around the pub in Ireland whether you like it or not - sometimes you just have to suck it up and get out when you can (I'm not one for joining things on my own so it's all that's left really!)

Eve_Dublin

leahyl wrote: »

To be honest I used to be one of those people (who thought that there was no chance of meeting someone in a pub/club) but recently I've come to the conclusion that it might be my only hope. The only thing is that I have that problem of not having many friends to go out with so don't get out as often as I should.

Recently, I went up to a guy in a club who's mother is friends with my mother (they are always saying that we would get on really well) and is really cute and meant to be a nice guy too - I was tipsy (of course!) so that is the only reason that I went up to him but we 'chatted' (if you could call it that - he was rather drunk also) briefly so that was something but now sure it could be ages again before I see him and he mightn't even remember me the next time I see him so it's hard that way to meet someone.

I enjoy going out now more than I did when I was younger (I wasn't much of a drinker then - couldn't relax when I was out - I'm still not a mad drinker but I get tipsy and this gives me a bit more confidence!).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the social scene does revolve around the pub in Ireland whether you like it or not - sometimes you just have to suck it up and get out when you can (I'm not one for joining things on my own so it's all that's left really!)

It's not the only place to meet someone but as you said, a vast majority of people in Ireland do their socialising in bars (but were not the only ones). I personally don't see any problem with that and I found it fun while I lived there but I understand it's not for everyone.

I think think boxing yourself off as a certain kind of person is disastrous. To tell yourself you're not the kind of person who does this and that does you no favours. The only person putting that label on yourself is you and in turn, you've the ability to change the label.

Sucking it up/biting the bullet is something you should try and do if you're looking for someone. I'm not a particularly confident person but I've done things in my life that would be classed as the actions of a confident person because in that moment, I bit the bullet and acted instead of over thinking it and that includes approaching guys I've liked (alcohol definitely helped).

I really do understand that making friends as you get older is not easy....but it's not impossible either.

Don't even think about the fact that the guy you're talking to could be a potential boyfriend, just have a chat for the sake of having a chat and having fun. If something comes of it...deadly! If not, at least you met someone new.

Daisy78

The problem with pubs and clubs though is that very much a looks based environment, which means you are at an immediate disadvantage if you don't fit the average man's stereotype of a good looking woman, I.e. a tall, blonde show pony sort of a woman. I made a New years resoltion last year to be more proactive about approaching men.....and it got me nowhere, no interest at all. It's like one previous poster mentioned they seem to be waiting for someone better to come along, their ideal woman. So I really don't know what the answer is. I do agree that its rare for men to approach outside a pub setting so where that leaves you op I'm not sure. All I can say is maybe not to lose sight of enjoying your own and your friends company and maybe in the process the right guy will come into your world. Good luck.

Eve_Dublin

Daisy78 wrote: »

The problem with pubs and clubs though is that very much a looks based environment, which means you are at an immediate disadvantage if you don't fit the average man's stereotype of a good looking woman, I.e. a tall, blonde show pony sort of a woman. I made a New years resoltion last year to be more proactive about approaching men.....and it got me nowhere, no interest at all. It's like one previous poster mentioned they seem to be waiting for someone better to come along, their ideal woman. So I really don't know what the answer is. I do agree that its rare for men to approach outside a pub setting so where that leaves you op I'm not sure. All I can say is maybe not to lose sight of enjoying your own and your friends company and maybe in the process the right guy will come into your world. Good luck.

Not to be rude but do you really think all men are only interested in one type? That's simply not true!

All initial attraction is based on looks for both genders but everyone has their own type. And yes, physical attraction is undoubtedly the first hurdle (it's down to biology) but not many people would base their attraction solely on looks.

leahyl

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Not to be rude but do you really think all men are only interested in one type? That's simply not true!

All initial attraction is based on looks for both genders but everyone has their own type. And yes, physical attraction is undoubtedly the first hurdle (it's down to biology) but not many people would base their attraction solely on looks.

I agree there Eve - not all men are just interested in blondes - if that were the case then there would be a lot of single brunettes/red heads!

Everyone has their own type and sometimes you might not even end up with that 'type'

Eve_Dublin

leahyl wrote: »

I agree there Eve - not all men are just interested in blondes - if that were the case then there would be a lot of single brunettes/red heads!

Everyone has their own type and sometimes you might not even end up with that 'type'

Considering most women in Ireland have brown hair and the average height is 5'5", there'd be fairly slim pickings among us if there was only one ideal.

Lyaiera

I don't know about meeting partners, but I have made a few new friends (and good friends at that) by simply being insistent that I was going to have a good time. Newest close friends happened by just talking to people over a cigarette. I saw them again the next week in the same place and said, "I'm waiting to meet someone, but I enjoyed chatting last week, mind if I join you." I joined them and got on well with them. When my friend joined us, he decided he really liked one of the new people. He spent ages chatting her up, or at least that's what he tells everyone now, he's a terrible flirter and no-one realised he was trying to ask her out. It was only when he told me after that she didn't seem to keen that anyone knew he was trying to ask her on a date. Anyway, he persisted, and I presisted with the friendship and it's all going swimmingly.

I guess the point is that you have to get out of your comfort zone a bit. A few years ago I would never have asked to sit with someone I chatted with over smokes while waiting for someone else, but it's the best thing I've done in years. And have great new friends out of it. One of my closest friends has a girlfriend out of it. And we're all having a ball.

I don't know if I'm lucky in that one of the first groups of people I started really talking to ended up expanding my social circle by double, or if I've just forgotten all the times my older, smaller social circle didn't connect with people when we were in pubs or clubs because we've now met the kind of people we want to hang around with.

bullvine

I have come to the conclusion that most women, have absolutely terrible taste in men. The amount of women I know who are with D'heads is unreal. Especially the amount of girls who spend their lives with some tosser who will never settle down and have kids, then all of a sudden they are in their thirties and an ultimatum is given and he does a legger, you know the type I'm talking about.

Eve_Dublin

bullvine wrote: »

I have come to the conclusion that most women, have absolutely terrible taste in men. The amount of women I know who are with D'heads is unreal. Especially the amount of girls who spend their lives with some tosser who will never settle down and have kids, then all of a sudden they are in their thirties and an ultimatum is given and he does a legger, you know the type I'm talking about.

Your conclusion is wrong.

Eve_Dublin

Lyaiera wrote: »

I don't know about meeting partners, but I have made a few new friends (and good friends at that) by simply being insistent that I was going to have a good time. Newest close friends happened by just talking to people over a cigarette. I saw them again the next week in the same place and said, "I'm waiting to meet someone, but I enjoyed chatting last week, mind if I join you." I joined them and got on well with them. When my friend joined us, he decided he really liked one of the new people. He spent ages chatting her up, or at least that's what he tells everyone now, he's a terrible flirter and no-one realised he was trying to ask her out. It was only when he told me after that she didn't seem to keen that anyone knew he was trying to ask her on a date. Anyway, he persisted, and I presisted with the friendship and it's all going swimmingly.

I guess the point is that you have to get out of your comfort zone a bit. A few years ago I would never have asked to sit with someone I chatted with over smokes while waiting for someone else, but it's the best thing I've done in years. And have great new friends out of it. One of my closest friends has a girlfriend out of it. And we're all having a ball.

I don't know if I'm lucky in that one of the first groups of people I started really talking to ended up expanding my social circle by double, or if I've just forgotten all the times my older, smaller social circle didn't connect with people when we were in pubs or clubs because we've now met the kind of people we want to hang around with.

Hate to say it as an ex smoker but smoking is a great way to meet new friends and men! If you smoke, get out to the smoking sections!!

eviltwin

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Hate to say it as an ex smoker but smoking is a great way to meet new friends and men! If you smoke, get out to the smoking sections!!

The only good thing about the smoking ban is the amount of people I met as a result of it, I met the guy my best mate ended up marrying because of the ban so not all bad

Daisy78

The point I was trying to make, badly it would seem is that because pubs and clubs are environments where attraction is based on looks you need to stand out in order to get attention. If you fall at that first hurdle a guy doesn't get to appreciate all of your other wonderful attributes. I agree that attraction should not be based on looks alone, not at all but that's reality. The blonde thing, well I suppose what's rare is wonderful and that is (and I say this with great emphasis) it had been my experience that higher standard, more conventionally attractive women appeal more to a large majority of men. Like I said I haven't sat back and waited for a guy to approach me so I'm not sure what the issue is. All I was trying to point out is that it is just as difficult for women, as it is for men to meet potential partners particularly on a pub/ club environment.