how to meet genuine nice men...i know they are out there ..where?

mood

A lot of people are very different in their 30s than they were in their 20s and that is usually a good think and could be the reason they are not getting more attention. Also young men can be very immature and this could have led to rejection in their 20s. I think people over analise all this. If you meet someone you like great. Does it really matter what hair colour they have or if they are irish of not?

DramaQuee

Most people have a type. It's funny how many girls go for someone like their father (I never have). Just back from my friend's house, she is married to an English guy who is so like her father, size, manner, face shape, conversation, family man, it is amazing. I have never dated a fair haired guy, love al pacino types, usually just my height or sometimes a bit smaller. Is it coincidence? I never consciously have said, oh no, not a blond. But something about a dark haired guy, wide face, green or dark eyes is interesting. I put my fingers through a blondy guy's hair one time, it was so fine and soft and babylike, And gave me a feeling like nails in cotton wool, I thought, oh-oh wouldn't like that. I like coarse hair. These are little preferences you have that you can't help. You probably won't turn a guy down over those external things alone, but having what you want is niiiiiiice.

lazygal

I met my now husband when I went to a party I wasn't too pushed on going to as I was on my own and didn't know a lot of people there. It was the best idea though because I was free to talk to whomever I wanted and didn't have to fall in with others while mingling.

I was also messed around A LOT, by various men for varying lengths of time. In hindsight, I wasted way too much time, energy and emotion on them. When I found my man, it was so, so, so easy. No drama, no worrying, no doubts.

Wibbs

DramaQuee wrote: »

Most people have a type. It's funny how many girls go for someone like their father (I never have).

Very often ditto for men marrying their mammys DQ. Of my married mates well over half have gone for someone remarkably like their ma. In many cases guys who wanted to avoid that like the very plague. The others have mostly gone for women very different to their ma. Freud ahoy . Makes some sense as opposite sex parents can be the template for "opposite sex in romance" for good or ill from very early on. Plus it's what you're exposed to and what you observe and what you're used to dealing with from a very early age so it's not surprising it's comforting in some way to many. Looking back I had a phase of that myself. Thankfully in my case a short one. ):)

Again looking back when I met a GF's dad I could tell a fair bit about how the relationship was gonna go down. I was either similar to dad, or specifically chosen to piss dad off. I usually excelled more in the latter office.

2rkehij30qtza5

The blonde vs brunette argument is complete and utter bull. I

If you have a hair colour that suits your complexion then you are onto a winner...whether blonde, brunette, redhead...etc. Some people are lucky enough to be able to carry off many different colours and chop and change with the seasons!

I don't think hair colour makes a difference whether you are attractive or not!!!! It's the whole package, your facial features, personality, clothing etc...either some of these features or all...but you can't put the attractiveness of a person down to their hair colour and categorise them in that way...!

DramaQuee

I prefer dark brown/black haired men, from Al Pacino to Antonio Bandares, I'm much more attracted to even a bald sallow skinned man than a fair, red or blond. I love dark brown or almost black eyes, green or brown are good too. But all my family and I have light light blue eyes and I don't want to see blue googley eyes in my boyfriend.

Eve_Dublin

I always say I've a certain type (dark types) but when I like someone, I like them. An attractive man is an attractive man. The variety of men I've gone out with (bald, dark, blonde, hairy, hairless, short, tall...) completely goes against my supposed template for an "ideal man" (dark and hairy). Often people don't necessarily end up with the narrow type they've stated they go for. You can't fight chemistry.

DramaQuee

No, you can try to be objective, and you may date others, but you can't fight chemistry. I've dated lots, but a dark haired guy makes me weak at the knees. My two long term relationships have been guys who actually looked quite alike. To try forget them I met other types, but I had no chemistry and so wouldn't date them. But whoohoo have a date with a dark eyed stocky man tonight who is kind and genuine, so who knows.
WHere is OP, Poeticseraphim?? Has she had any luck?

Eve_Dublin

DramaQuee wrote: »

No, you can try to be objective, and you may date others, but you can't fight chemistry. I've dated lots, but a dark haired guy makes me weak at the knees. My two long term relationships have been guys who actually looked quite alike. To try forget them I met other types, but I had no chemistry and so wouldn't date them. But whoohoo have a date with a dark eyed stocky man tonight who is kind and genuine, so who knows.
WHere is OP, Poeticseraphim?? Has she had any luck?

Good luck with it! Have a great time!!

gflood

Hi , getting back to the original thread I find that Irish women are very defensive from the getgo. I personally love talking to women as I am round my friends mostly (who are blokes) and women offer a much more varied opinion on many topics. I find I can be much more myself and relaxed talking to women and after you dispel the myth that you are trying to get into their knickers (which perhaps is warranted for Irish blokes I cannot comment on that) then the interaction & conversation takes on a totally new turn and you can have a great chat and laugh.

Anyway good luck to everyone for 2013!

ash23

Upon reflection, my relationships have always started with someone I got to know. Either through friends or work or a group.
It's always been a brief chat and occasionally bumping into them in a social setting. Then over time, it inevitably happened that I ended up chatting to a person for a long period of time and then it was like "oh, he's actually really nice. I quite like him" and the flirting commenced lol.

Then they'd either lob the gob or we'd just swap numbers (depending on alcohol consumed) and that was that.

Actually, that is how ALL my relationships started. This time last year I knew my current partner but had only spoken to him on a couple of occasions and had never even considered him as potential boyfriend material.
Then one night in March a friend I was out with scored so I was on my own, saw him sitting at the bar and went over for a chat and the rest is history.

cena

It is hard to come by a genuine nice person these days.

Ella

cena wrote: »

It is hard to come by a genuine nice person these days.

That's not true at all! Just look at all the lovely genuine people in this forum alone.

mud

Nice isn't always enough unfortunately. I met a really nice man the week before christmas. He's kind and all that but doesn't stimulate me in the slightest, only reacts to what I say and rarely introduces anything new to the conversation. We were getting down to business when he paused to hang up his shirt and fold his trousers :P Ha ha ah well. He's lovely but alas not for me.

catallus

I'd say there's a big difference between being nice and being a boring fuddy-duddy.

confuseddotcom

cena wrote: »

It is hard to come by a genuine nice person these days.

And mutual interest! :pac:

catallus wrote: »

I'd say there's a big difference between being nice and being a boring fuddy-duddy.

I r a nice boring fuddy-duddy.

daisybelle2008

mud wrote: »

We were getting down to business when he paused to hang up his shirt and fold his trousers :P

That is hilarious, that would have thrown me off my stride for sure.

mud

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

That is hilarious, that would have thrown me off my stride for sure.

It REALLY didn't help

The Corinthian

Very interesting discussion.

I would echo the comments regarding Irish women versus other nationalities. There are cultural differences between different Western nations, although people tend not to realize how homogeneous we all are until you start dating someone who's not Western, but in the long run these even out.

Russian women may be 'hot' (as has been suggested here) but this is largely because they come from a far more patriarchal society than Ireland, where attracting a good 'provider' is important, thus leading to far greater emphasis on female physical appearance to do so. As such, a man's wealth and earning ability will be far more important to her than it would to an Irish woman.

On the other side of the coin, Scandinavian women are often attracted to southern European men. This is because Scandinavian men are, according to them, not very 'romantic', and the often more chivalrous nature of a Spaniard or Italian makes a difference to them. Of course, the flip side of this is that with chivalry you'll tend to get sexism too, and there lies the downside.

As an aside; I personally feel that Southern Germans (Bavaria, Baden-Württemberg), Austrians and Swiss to be significantly more sexist than either Spaniards or Italians.

Irish women are no better or no worse than any other nationality. Ultimately, it's just down to a question of taste and the individual woman in question. Same for men.

As to the question of genuine, nice men (or women), I've often thought that we're our own worst enemies in this regard. We all want to meet a genuine, nice man (or woman), in theory, but in practice, we don't actually want them. Instead both genders seem intent on finding potential partners who are a challenge; who are 'difficult', keep us on our toes, be they bastards or bitches. The genuine, nice ones bore the living crap out of us.

The final thing that comes to mind is that in complaining about the lack of genuine, nice men, some women make the mistake of believing that they are genuine, nice themselves. For every complaint that I've heard of a man having 'strung' a woman along without commitment for years, I've heard men make similar complaints of women attempting to badger, trick or trap them into commitments.

Both sides often have agendas and both are often as dishonest with the other about those agendas.

Anyhow, that's my 2c.

cantdecide

The Corinthian wrote: »

....We all want to meet a genuine, nice man (or woman), in theory, but in practice, we don't actually want them. Instead both genders seem intent on finding potential partners who are a challenge; who are 'difficult', keep us on our toes, be they bastards or bitches. The genuine, nice ones bore the living crap out of us....

I'm not 100% sure I agree with this but an observation I've always made is that, as a nice guy that's perpetually single, the girls that I've caught digging on me over the years are spoken for. Not that action has or would ever be taken but it's just something I often detect. Fast forward and the same nice lady might find herself back on the market and there's a sudden change of mindset.

It's like when your mate buys a new car and you think 'dammit why didn't I go for one like that- it's righteous yet comfy and roomy and the great colour colour and spec and it's light on juice and reliable and affordable and what a great car it is'. Fast forward in time and you end up buying the same clapped out jazzy number that will inevitably let you down because you got caught up in all the stuff that doesn't actually matter.

What I'm saying is that there is a great divide between the mindset of you in a relationship and while pursuing a relationship. Discovering the balance between these two mindsets is a good place to move toward if you're mature enough.

Neyite

Any long term boyfriend I had tended to be friends of friends that I met up with in a wider social group, - for instance going out with new flatmates, I would get to know their friends, their boyfriends, and their boyfriends friends. So it was about widening the social circle overall with both genders that I could get chatting to single guys in a non-chatup scenario where attraction happened gradually over a couple of meet-ups.

So I would say try to widen your social circle overall- make new friends and socialise with them, be open to joining up with a larger group. Go to a boards beers -plenty of couples started at those.

Ah_Yeah

Just to throw my 2c in. I agree with a previous poster who says we are our own worst enemies. I won't generalise, but I feel that it's possible we can sometimes close ourselves off to nice genuine people (both sexes are guilty, including myself) because they don't fit our criteria, tick boxes, or are not our usual type.

I am a prime example of this. I would have always thought I didn't have a type, which was true: I didn't have an exact definition of what my dream guy would look like. However on a closer reflection of all my relationships, I have had a type: the guy who loves himself more than he could ever love me, obsessed with how he looks, how other people thinks he looks, and how I look with him. Not at all prepared to give me what I need, which is why I was so attracted to him - I could "change" him.

Recently, I got talking to a guy through mutual friends who is the polar opposite of my usual "type". But we got chatting and I found we had so much in common, and the more I get to know him, the more attracted to him I am. Total opposite to who I would normally go for, but he is exactly what I need, and deserve!

My advice, is open your mind, broaden your horizons and give that someone you wouldn't normally try a chance. You never know what might come of it

Goose81

A friend has a theory which I think has some weight.

Say a man who is extremely good looking gets hammered on a night out, he will probably go after any woman he can and in this case ends up with a distinctly average looking girl.

This then creates a scenario where this girl now thinks that this extremely good looking man is her new standard and she now feels this is attainable and so she will brush off the advances of any man who does not meet these standards.

Obviously after a while the person will cop on but I have seen this through friends of mine that take this attitude the whole way through their 20's.

Its unlikely to happen in reverse as much because woman do not usually get as drunk as men on a night out from my experience anyway.

Probably doesn't really apply to most woman on this thread but it fits in with the men coming on saying Irish women are bitches etc etc.

mood

Goose81 wrote: »

A friend has a theory which I think has some weight.

Say a man who is extremely good looking gets hammered on a night out, he will probably go after any woman he can and in this case ends up with a distinctly average looking girl.

This then creates a scenario where this girl now thinks that this extremely good looking man is her new standard and she now feels this is attainable and so she will brush off the advances of any man who does not meet these standards.

Obviously after a while the person will cop on but I have seen this through friends of mine that take this attitude the whole way through their 20's.

Its unlikely to happen in reverse as much because woman do not usually get as drunk as men on a night out from my experience anyway.

Probably doesn't really apply to most woman on this thread but it fits in with the men coming on saying Irish women are bitches etc etc.

I've never seen this and think it's rubbish.

Goose81

mood wrote: »

I've never seen this and think it's rubbish.

Your entitled to your opinion, I have seen it within my group of friends first hand.

SHOVELLER

What about the lads who want a relationship but who do not want kids or to get married?

mood

SHOVELLER wrote: »

What about the lads who want a relationship but who do not want kids or to get married?

There are women who don't want kids and marriage either. I think it's best to be up front and not string someone along. If both people want different things the relationship is doomed from the start.

Eve_Dublin

Goose81 wrote: »

A friend has a theory which I think has some weight.

Say a man who is extremely good looking gets hammered on a night out, he will probably go after any woman he can and in this case ends up with a distinctly average looking girl.

This then creates a scenario where this girl now thinks that this extremely good looking man is her new standard and she now feels this is attainable and so she will brush off the advances of any man who does not meet these standards.

Obviously after a while the person will cop on but I have seen this through friends of mine that take this attitude the whole way through their 20's.

Its unlikely to happen in reverse as much because woman do not usually get as drunk as men on a night out from my experience anyway.

Probably doesn't really apply to most woman on this thread but it fits in with the men coming on saying Irish women are bitches etc etc.

What a strange theory!! As a woman who has many female friends, I've never seen this happen. Sounds like your mate is trying to make excuses when these women simply aren't attracted to you guys/him for whatever reason.


Women reject men because they don't find them attractive (and visa versa). I've been with some very attractive men and some average-looking men but fancied them all fairly equally. I wasn't "spoiled" because my ex looked like Brad Pitt. Looks aren't the only thing to attract someone, particularly for women. There's loads of solid scientific research to back this up.

mood

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

What a strange theory!! As a woman who has many female friends, I've never seen this happen. Sounds like your mate is trying to make excuses when these women simply aren't attracted to you guys/him for whatever reason.


Women reject men because they don't find them attractive (and visa versa). I've been with some very attractive men and some average-looking men but fancied them all fairly equally. I wasn't "spoiled" because my ex looked like Brad Pitt. Looks aren't the only thing to attract someone, particularly for women. There's loads of solid scientific research to back this up.

Men often use their lack of height as an excuse for lack of success with women as well. Three men I know do this. One ignores the fact that he is a sexist pig and it's very obvious to women he goes after. I seen him in action! The other is just too shy to ask women out. I seen him with women who don't hide the fact that they like him but he never follows through. The other just get too drunk ALL THE TIME.

Goose81

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

What a strange theory!! As a woman who has many female friends, I've never seen this happen. Sounds like your mate is trying to make excuses when these women simply aren't attracted to you guys/him for whatever reason.


Women reject men because they don't find them attractive (and visa versa). I've been with some very attractive men and some average-looking men but fancied them all fairly equally. I wasn't "spoiled" because my ex looked like Brad Pitt. Looks aren't the only thing to attract someone, particularly for women. There's loads of solid scientific research to back this up.

I can assure you neither of us have a problem in this department, its simply an observation he made and a group of us agreed. There was no bitterness or frustration behind his thoughts.