The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

rolliepoley

Girl: Babe I just gotta a tattoo of a sea shell on my thigh can you hear the ocean?
*Pulls his head to her thigh*
Guy: Nope, But I sure can smell the fish

tayto lover

One day at a golf club, a local man and a stranger were put together to play in a tournament. The man was talking about his life, what he did for a living and so on. He then asked the stranger:

"what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a trained assassin"

The stranger could see the doubt in the man's face, so pulled out a very well-kept rifle, fitted with a scope and a large magazine. He handed it to the man, and he aimed down the sight,

"wow! I can see my house from here! And oh look, there's my wife, and my neighbour.... and they're having sex... How much do you charge?"

"it's €1000 every time I pull the trigger"

"Right ok, I want you to shoot my wife in the face, and my neighbour in the penis".

After 5 minutes of aiming, the man finally complained.

"C'mon, I'm paying you two grand for this!"

"One sec.... Just trying to save you a thousand quid"

jamaamaj

One day i ate a packet of tayto,
No, never again, was in-bits for three days.
From here all in it's KING all the way.
This aint no joke.

Mr Tibbs

One day in Science class the teacher asks his students what organ in the human body expands ten time its original size when stimulated. Nobody answers so he asks kate what the answer is.
She stand up red as a berry and very insulted saying this is a disgraceful question you have a filthy mind sir I intend to tell my parents and they will see to it that you are sacked
Ignoring kates outburst he repeats the question when Jim answers, it is the Iris of the human eye sir. Very good Jim well done now Kate I have three things to say to you.
1Its clear you did not do your homework, 2 you have a very dirty mind and 3 I'm afraid you are going to end up a very disapointed woman.

Cheensbo

rolliepoley wrote: »

What about him ?

Busted Flat. wrote: »

It was a Triumph. Great bike.

Deleted User wrote: »

I always thought that Christ had a car, it says in the bible* that "he arrived in his triumph"

*somewhere....

Busted Flat. wrote: »

That was years later when he got older, he had the Glorious Triumph 750, first.

I believe the first time a bike was mentioned in the bible was when Christs Triumph was heard all over the land,


-He must have had some sort of race can on it.

gramar

Cheensbo wrote: »

I believe the first time a bike was mentioned in the bible was when Christs Triumph was heard all over the land,


-He must have had some sort of race can on it.

I think his triumph being heard all over the land refers to the big horn he had on his bike. Have ye ever tried peddaling with a big horn?

Eli Nich

It definitely isnt for me as I am not a male but the joke is as it is

Wanna hear a story about my penis?
Nevermind its tooo long

gramar

How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

tayto lover

jamaamaj wrote: »

One day i ate a packet of tayto,
No, never again, was in-bits for three days.
From here all in it's KING all the way.
This aint no joke.

:mad::mad::mad::mad:

patmac

Issac wrote: »

There was an old woman that lived in a shoe,
she'd so many children her uterus fell out

rolliepoley wrote: »

How do you get 4 gay men to fit on a bar stool?






















Flip it upside down.

jamaamaj wrote: »

One day i ate a packet of tayto,
No, never again, was in-bits for three days.
From here all in it's KING all the way.
This aint no joke.

Eli Nich wrote: »

It definitely isnt for me as I am not a male but the joke is as it is

Wanna hear a story about my penis?
Nevermind its tooo long

We should start a thread titled 'The Worst Joke you ever heard'

gramar

One day a man walked into a pub in Wales and ordered a pint of beer. All the other men in the bar looked at him and the barman asked, "You're not from around here, are you sir?"
"No," replied the man, "I am from London."
"So, boyo," said the barman, "What do you do for a living then?"
"I'm a taxidermist." replied the man.
"A taxidermist?" asked the barman, "What's one of them then?"
"Well," replied the man, "I mount animals."
The barman then turned to all the other welshmen in the bar and said, "It's ok lad's, he's one of us!"

stefan idiot jones

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a duck,
She put them in a room together,
To see if they would.............

gramar

Mary had a big fat cock,
She was a tranny....

Slattsy

I think there should be a seperate thread called:
'Worst joke ye ever heard'

Can a Mod transfer 97% of this thread into the new thread please.

Thanks in advance

NeVeR

Why is the near impossible to solve a Redneck murder ?







The DNA is all the same and there’s no dental records !

--Kaiser--

Slattsy wrote: »

I think there should be a seperate thread called:
'Worst joke ye ever heard'

Can a Mod transfer 97% of this thread into the new thread please.

Thanks in advance

How about you transfer yourself to a new thread? Or preferably a new forum.
Thanks in advance

NeVeR

whats the difference between an Ethiopian and a pair of jeans?



a pair of jeans only has one fly on it!

Slattsy

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

How about you transfer yourself to a new thread? Or preferably a new forum.
Thanks is advance

I think it's yourself that should follow a new forum lad, i've noticed the amount of thanks you give some of these 'jokes' so clearly humour isnt your thing.

Lelantos

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

How about you transfer yourself to a new thread? Or preferably a new forum.
Thanks is advance

And who said Germans don't have a sense of humour
;-)

Mod

This is a HAPPY place. Laughing only allowed. Stop being mean to each other. I don't like it

Slattsy

I got a weird present last Christmas - a boomerang of all things. But i couldnt quite remember how to throw it.
Then suddenly, it came back to me.

tayto lover

A group of golfers spend weeks planning the perfect Golf trip to a hotel and golfcourse..
Two days before the group is to leave one wife puts her foot down and tells her husband he isn't going.
His friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later they get to the hotel only to find him sitting there with a pint.
"Jesus, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"
I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over. She had handcuffs and ropes on the bed! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did.
And then she said, "now, you can do whatever you want."

So here I am.

dinneenp

What's the difference between Jesus and a photo of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang the picture.

And the best joke that I made up-
What's the difference between a sandwich and a panini sandwich?
About €2...

stefan idiot jones

What's pink, silver and red ?



A baby with forks in it's eyes.

corktina

NeVeR wrote: »

whats the difference between an Ethiopian and a pair of jeans?



a pair of jeans only has one fly on it!

what if the jeans are in Ethiopia OR what if an Ethiopian is wearing them OR a combination of the two.? I need to know

corktina

Each day as the schoolday is nearing it's end... the Teacher says that any kid who can answer a question right can go home a few minutes early.....

Little Johhny isn't too pleased with this as he never gets to answer a question, so he comes up with a plan..
.he takes a couple of his marbles and the steals the Teacher's whiteboard marker and colours them in, and then the next day when the teacher asks her question, he rolls them down the floor to the front off the class..

the teacher says "who's the joker with the black balls?"

"Lenny Henry, Miss, see you tomorrow"

Mr Tibbs

Remember to be kind to your children because they wil be the ones who will decide which home you will be going to.

--Kaiser--

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies:: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

wretcheddomain

I bumped into my ex in town earlier, I said:

"How's your new bloke?"

"He's twice the man you are," she sneered, "what about your new woman?"

I said, "Thankfully she's half the woman you are, you fat c**t."

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Mod

This is a HAPPY place. Laughing only allowed. Stop being mean to each other. I don't like it

You've been reading that "Little Miss Sunshine" book again. :P