The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

patmac

What happens in deaf, dumb and blind summer camp, stays in deaf, dumb and blind summer camp.

Issac

There was an old woman that lived in a shoe,
she'd so many children her uterus fell out

Capt'n Midnight

Don’t make fun of renowned Dan Brown
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/10049454/Dont-make-fun-of-renowned-Dan-Brown.html

flutterflye

Mr Tibbs wrote: »

Dont take offence yes the last one was deleted for that reason but look all I ever done here was tell a few jokes seeing as it is a joke thread but when you see jokes being remarked on all the time they soon lose there flavour. I only repeated what you said being sarcastic sorry if I offended you, come on now give us an aul joke for a laugh. Incidently I am also defending Rolie who tells some great ones but when some one dont think so they are giving very cutting remarks which kills the whole purpose of why he came on for in the first place. Geting to serious here now for a joke thread.

Ha! I wasn't even remotely offended. S'grand. I was just commenting on the fact that you were doing the exact same thing you were telling someone else not to do.

Now I feel I should contribute a joke, but I don't know any! And even if I did, I am SHYTE at telling them!

My favourite one is probably -
Why did Mary fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
But I'm sure that was told here before.

bonzodog2

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Don’t make fun of renowned Dan Brown
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/10049454/Dont-make-fun-of-renowned-Dan-Brown.html

" paced the bedroom, using the feet located at the ends of his two legs to propel him forwards."


Must remember not to do that. Well, in mixed company, anyway. :rolleyes:

genuine leather

A man is staggering home drunk late at night when he is stopped by a policeman."what are you doing out here at this time of night" asks the officer."im going to a lecture" replies the man. "And whos going to give a lecture at this hour?" asks the policeman.
"My wife" says the man.

chughes

Mary had a little lamb
It was full of tricks and frolicks
One day it tried to jump the wall
And fell and broke its...................leg.

Busted Flat.

Mary had a little lamb,
It was a little runt,
One day it jumped a barbewire fence,
An tore it's little toe.

rolliepoley

cruais wrote: »

Christ on a bike....

What about him ?

Busted Flat.

rolliepoley wrote: »

What about him ?

It was a Triumph. Great bike.

rolliepoley

Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead
now everyday
she goes to school
with it
between two lumps of bread.

Busted Flat.

Busted Flat. wrote: »

It was a Triumph. Great bike.

I always thought that Christ had a car, it says in the bible* that "he arrived in his triumph"

*somewhere....

Busted Flat.

Deleted User wrote: »

I always thought that Christ had a car, it says in the bible* that "he arrived in his triumph"

*somewhere....

That was years later when he got older, he had the Glorious Triumph 750, first.

Mr Tibbs

Ian Paisley was walking around Ballymena holding a bike over his head.
When asked what he was doing he said I'm holding a Raleigh.

mlumley

Mary had a little lamb
full of fun and frollics
she ofter threw it in the air
and caught it by its..... tail


Mary had a little lamb
and also had a bear
I often saw her little lamb
But, never saw her rare.


Mary had a little lamb
and the farmer had it had well.

rolliepoley

How do you get 4 gay men to fit on a bar stool?






















Flip it upside down.

rolliepoley

The truck driver stopped to picked up the girl hitchhiker in short shorts. "Say, what's your name, mister? " she inquired, after she climbed up in the truck. "It's Snow, Roy Snow," he answered, "and what's yours? "I'm June, June Hansen," she said. "Hey, why do you keep sizing me up with those sidelong glances? " she challenged the trucker some miles down the road. "Can you imagine what it might be like," he countered with a question of his own, "Having eight inches of Snow in June? "

rolliepoley

A Boyfriend texts his Girlfriend saying "Hey babe you wanna come over and have sex?"
Girlfriend texts back "Duh!"
So the girl goes over her Boyfriends house, and right before they get into it, he sets the boundaries. "Ok, so my little brother is home, and I have bunk beds. He's on the bottom bunk. If you want it harder, you say tomato. If you want it faster, you say lettuce, and if you want to moan you say any other ingredients that would be on a sandwich."
So they're up on the top bunk having sex, and she's yelling "Tomato! Tomato! Lettuce! Lettuce! Cheese! Cheese!"
Well the little brother is still on the bottom bunk and yells "Hey can you guys knock it off, your getting Mayonnaise all over me!!!"

Lelantos

Busted Flat. wrote: »

It was a Triumph. Great bike.

Looks like a Triumph, not sure though

Capt'n Midnight

Deleted User wrote: »

I always thought that Christ had a car, it says in the bible* that "he arrived in his triumph"

*somewhere....

No that was Hosanna in the HiAce



David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.


Not to mention the Honda... the apostles were all in one Accord.

rolliepoley

Girl: Babe I just gotta a tattoo of a sea shell on my thigh can you hear the ocean?
*Pulls his head to her thigh*
Guy: Nope, But I sure can smell the fish

tayto lover

One day at a golf club, a local man and a stranger were put together to play in a tournament. The man was talking about his life, what he did for a living and so on. He then asked the stranger:

"what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a trained assassin"

The stranger could see the doubt in the man's face, so pulled out a very well-kept rifle, fitted with a scope and a large magazine. He handed it to the man, and he aimed down the sight,

"wow! I can see my house from here! And oh look, there's my wife, and my neighbour.... and they're having sex... How much do you charge?"

"it's €1000 every time I pull the trigger"

"Right ok, I want you to shoot my wife in the face, and my neighbour in the penis".

After 5 minutes of aiming, the man finally complained.

"C'mon, I'm paying you two grand for this!"

"One sec.... Just trying to save you a thousand quid"

jamaamaj

One day i ate a packet of tayto,
No, never again, was in-bits for three days.
From here all in it's KING all the way.
This aint no joke.

Mr Tibbs

One day in Science class the teacher asks his students what organ in the human body expands ten time its original size when stimulated. Nobody answers so he asks kate what the answer is.
She stand up red as a berry and very insulted saying this is a disgraceful question you have a filthy mind sir I intend to tell my parents and they will see to it that you are sacked
Ignoring kates outburst he repeats the question when Jim answers, it is the Iris of the human eye sir. Very good Jim well done now Kate I have three things to say to you.
1Its clear you did not do your homework, 2 you have a very dirty mind and 3 I'm afraid you are going to end up a very disapointed woman.

Cheensbo

rolliepoley wrote: »

What about him ?

Busted Flat. wrote: »

It was a Triumph. Great bike.

Deleted User wrote: »

I always thought that Christ had a car, it says in the bible* that "he arrived in his triumph"

*somewhere....

Busted Flat. wrote: »

That was years later when he got older, he had the Glorious Triumph 750, first.

I believe the first time a bike was mentioned in the bible was when Christs Triumph was heard all over the land,


-He must have had some sort of race can on it.

gramar

Cheensbo wrote: »

I believe the first time a bike was mentioned in the bible was when Christs Triumph was heard all over the land,


-He must have had some sort of race can on it.

I think his triumph being heard all over the land refers to the big horn he had on his bike. Have ye ever tried peddaling with a big horn?

Eli Nich

It definitely isnt for me as I am not a male but the joke is as it is

Wanna hear a story about my penis?
Nevermind its tooo long

gramar

How does Moses make his coffee?

Hebrews it.

tayto lover

jamaamaj wrote: »

One day i ate a packet of tayto,
No, never again, was in-bits for three days.
From here all in it's KING all the way.
This aint no joke.

:mad::mad::mad::mad:

patmac

Issac wrote: »

There was an old woman that lived in a shoe,
she'd so many children her uterus fell out

rolliepoley wrote: »

How do you get 4 gay men to fit on a bar stool?






















Flip it upside down.

jamaamaj wrote: »

One day i ate a packet of tayto,
No, never again, was in-bits for three days.
From here all in it's KING all the way.
This aint no joke.

Eli Nich wrote: »

It definitely isnt for me as I am not a male but the joke is as it is

Wanna hear a story about my penis?
Nevermind its tooo long

We should start a thread titled 'The Worst Joke you ever heard'