The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

smoking_kills

What was the first sign of soccer violence in the bible?

When Jesus went in for the cross and got nailed by the Romans.

Mr Tibbs

cruais wrote: »

Christ on a bike....

Go on then Alec give us a smart one tell us one of your briliant jokes. You might get some keyboard critic to make a snide comment but hey it is only a joke thread afterall unlike other threads on this site where you get posters trying to out smart each other.
Sure you might even get some poster to slow to get the joke to post" I don't geddit". Once upon a time the Irish were known for their wit sadly once upon a time. Why would you bother.

flutterflye

Mr Tibbs wrote: »

Go on then Alec give us a smart one tell us one of your briliant jokes. You might get some keyboard critic to make a snide comment but hey it is only a joke thread afterall unlike other threads on this site where you get posters trying to out smart each other.
Sure you might even get some poster to slow to get the joke to post" I don't geddit". Once upon a time the Irish were known for their wit sadly once upon a time. Why would you bother.

If it's that unimportant to you, how come this is now your second offensive/defensive comment on the fact that I didn't understand your joke?! - The last one which you deleted for whatever reason.
Take your own advice - Relax - It's just a joke thread - Not some personal dig! :cool:

Mr Tibbs

flutterflye wrote: »

If it's that unimportant to you, how come this is now your second offensive/defensive comment on the fact that I didn't understand your joke?! - The last one which you deleted for whatever reason.
Take your own advice - Relax - It's just a joke thread - Not some personal dig! :cool:

Dont take offence yes the last one was deleted for that reason but look all I ever done here was tell a few jokes seeing as it is a joke thread but when you see jokes being remarked on all the time they soon lose there flavour. I only repeated what you said being sarcastic sorry if I offended you, come on now give us an aul joke for a laugh. Incidently I am also defending Rolie who tells some great ones but when some one dont think so they are giving very cutting remarks which kills the whole purpose of why he came on for in the first place. Geting to serious here now for a joke thread.

Capt'n Midnight

livinsane wrote: »

If Jesus is the lamb of god, did Mary have a little lamb?

Mary had a little lamb,
that tale we've heard before.

But then she passed her plate along,
and had a little more.

smoking_kills

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Mary had a little lamb,
that tale we've heard before.

But then she passed her plate along,
and had a little more.

Mary had a little Lamb
She tied it to a pylon

Ten thousand volts went up it's arse
And changed it's wool to nylon

Capt'n Midnight

When Mary had a little lamb,
the doctor cried and cried.

When Old McDonald had a farm,
the doctor upped and died.

Issac

There was a young man from Rathmines
that made up limericks that were only two lines
.

Capt'n Midnight

Mary had a little skirt,
with slits right up the sides.
And everytime she crossed her legs,
the boys could see her thighs.

Mary had another skirt,
with a slit right up the front
She doesn't wear that one...

castletownman

So a Chinese woman accidently dropped her newborn baby down the toilet?

My advice to her would be to put it in a bag of rice overnight

patmac

What happens in deaf, dumb and blind summer camp, stays in deaf, dumb and blind summer camp.

Issac

There was an old woman that lived in a shoe,
she'd so many children her uterus fell out

Capt'n Midnight

Don’t make fun of renowned Dan Brown
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/10049454/Dont-make-fun-of-renowned-Dan-Brown.html

flutterflye

Mr Tibbs wrote: »

Dont take offence yes the last one was deleted for that reason but look all I ever done here was tell a few jokes seeing as it is a joke thread but when you see jokes being remarked on all the time they soon lose there flavour. I only repeated what you said being sarcastic sorry if I offended you, come on now give us an aul joke for a laugh. Incidently I am also defending Rolie who tells some great ones but when some one dont think so they are giving very cutting remarks which kills the whole purpose of why he came on for in the first place. Geting to serious here now for a joke thread.

Ha! I wasn't even remotely offended. S'grand. I was just commenting on the fact that you were doing the exact same thing you were telling someone else not to do.

Now I feel I should contribute a joke, but I don't know any! And even if I did, I am SHYTE at telling them!

My favourite one is probably -
Why did Mary fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
But I'm sure that was told here before.

bonzodog2

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

Don’t make fun of renowned Dan Brown
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/10049454/Dont-make-fun-of-renowned-Dan-Brown.html

" paced the bedroom, using the feet located at the ends of his two legs to propel him forwards."


Must remember not to do that. Well, in mixed company, anyway. :rolleyes:

genuine leather

A man is staggering home drunk late at night when he is stopped by a policeman."what are you doing out here at this time of night" asks the officer."im going to a lecture" replies the man. "And whos going to give a lecture at this hour?" asks the policeman.
"My wife" says the man.

chughes

Mary had a little lamb
It was full of tricks and frolicks
One day it tried to jump the wall
And fell and broke its...................leg.

Busted Flat.

Mary had a little lamb,
It was a little runt,
One day it jumped a barbewire fence,
An tore it's little toe.

rolliepoley

cruais wrote: »

Christ on a bike....

What about him ?

Busted Flat.

rolliepoley wrote: »

What about him ?

It was a Triumph. Great bike.

rolliepoley

Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead
now everyday
she goes to school
with it
between two lumps of bread.

Busted Flat.

Busted Flat. wrote: »

It was a Triumph. Great bike.

I always thought that Christ had a car, it says in the bible* that "he arrived in his triumph"

*somewhere....

Busted Flat.

Deleted User wrote: »

I always thought that Christ had a car, it says in the bible* that "he arrived in his triumph"

*somewhere....

That was years later when he got older, he had the Glorious Triumph 750, first.

Mr Tibbs

Ian Paisley was walking around Ballymena holding a bike over his head.
When asked what he was doing he said I'm holding a Raleigh.

mlumley

Mary had a little lamb
full of fun and frollics
she ofter threw it in the air
and caught it by its..... tail


Mary had a little lamb
and also had a bear
I often saw her little lamb
But, never saw her rare.


Mary had a little lamb
and the farmer had it had well.

rolliepoley

How do you get 4 gay men to fit on a bar stool?






















Flip it upside down.

rolliepoley

The truck driver stopped to picked up the girl hitchhiker in short shorts. "Say, what's your name, mister? " she inquired, after she climbed up in the truck. "It's Snow, Roy Snow," he answered, "and what's yours? "I'm June, June Hansen," she said. "Hey, why do you keep sizing me up with those sidelong glances? " she challenged the trucker some miles down the road. "Can you imagine what it might be like," he countered with a question of his own, "Having eight inches of Snow in June? "

rolliepoley

A Boyfriend texts his Girlfriend saying "Hey babe you wanna come over and have sex?"
Girlfriend texts back "Duh!"
So the girl goes over her Boyfriends house, and right before they get into it, he sets the boundaries. "Ok, so my little brother is home, and I have bunk beds. He's on the bottom bunk. If you want it harder, you say tomato. If you want it faster, you say lettuce, and if you want to moan you say any other ingredients that would be on a sandwich."
So they're up on the top bunk having sex, and she's yelling "Tomato! Tomato! Lettuce! Lettuce! Cheese! Cheese!"
Well the little brother is still on the bottom bunk and yells "Hey can you guys knock it off, your getting Mayonnaise all over me!!!"

Lelantos

Busted Flat. wrote: »

It was a Triumph. Great bike.

Looks like a Triumph, not sure though

Capt'n Midnight

Deleted User wrote: »

I always thought that Christ had a car, it says in the bible* that "he arrived in his triumph"

*somewhere....

No that was Hosanna in the HiAce



David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.


Not to mention the Honda... the apostles were all in one Accord.