Dental plan!

Gunsfortoys

You tried hard and you failed miserably, the lesson is, never try.

Terry Cotta

Skinner says the teachers will crack any minute purple monkey dishwasher.

PerrinV2

Hutz: Now Mr. Nahasapeemapetilon, if that is your real name.
Have you ever forgotten anything?
Apu: No. In fact I can recite pi to 40,000 places.
And the last digit is 1.
Homer: Mmm... pie.
Hutz: Well if you never forget anything. Tell me this. What color tie am I wearing? I]turns around[/I
Apu: You are wearing a red and white club tie in a half-windsor knot.
Hutz: Oh, I am, am I? Is that what you think? Well if that's what you think, I have something to tell you I]ugh[/I. Something which may shock and discredit you I]ugh[/I. And that thing is as follows I]as he finally undoes the whole tie[/I. I'm not wearing a tie at all. I]jury gasps[/I
Apu: If I am wrong about that. Maybe I am wrong about Mrs. Simpson.
Hutz: No further questions. I]Hutz raises his arm and the tie is sticking out of his sleeve[/I

take everything

Hey, don't worry about it. You're all right.

Standard Toaster

"If I don't save the wee turtles who will?"

"Urrrgghhhh!!....save me from the wee turtles!!!"

take everything

"Now, let's talk rust-proofing. These Colecos'll rust up on ya' like that, er ... shut up, Gil. Close the deal ... close the deal!"

Mrmoe

"It's wonderful, Marge! I've never felt so accepted in all my life. These people look deep within my soul and assign me a number based on the order in which I joined."

PerrinV2

Salesman: Surely you can't put a price on your family's lives?
Homer: I wouldn't have thought so either, but here we are.

KeithM89_old

Homer: Save me Jebus!

blubloblu

"Works on commision? No, money down!"

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Don Brodka: Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Simpson? This is detective Don Brodka from Try-N-Save security. That's right, Don Brodka. Your son Bart has been caught shoplifting. Uh huh. Yeah, it's a shame, I know, but... well, try and have a merry Christmas.
I]hangs up[/I
Don Brodka: They weren't home, uh huh. But I left a message on their answering machine, that's right.

Pure gold.

More gold:

Homer Simpson: I]pressing "play" on the answering machine[/I Hmm, we didn't have a message when we left. How very odd.
Allan Sherman: I]sings[/I Hello, Muddah, hello, Faddah. Here I am at Camp Granada.
Homer Simpson: Marge, is Lisa at Camp Granada?


Marge, be not proud, one of my favourite episodes.

Thephantomsmask

I'm gay Daddy... I'm gay! Mrs. Simpson made me gay

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Horse_box wrote: »

Kent Brockman: Now, this technology is new to me, but...I'm pretty sure that's Homer Simpson in the oven, rotating slowly. His body temperature has risen to over 400 degrees -- he's literally stewing in his own juices.

Remember, by the way, to tune in at eight o'clock for highlights of today's vigil, including when the garbage man came, and when Marge Simpson put the cat out... possibly because it was harassed, we don't know.

"Uh, Sir, why don't you just use real cows?"

"Cows don't look like cows on film. You gotta use horses."

"What do you do if you want something that looks like a horse?"

"Eh, usually we just tape a bunch of cats together."

blubloblu

I can't see through metal, Kent.

KeithM89_old

blubloblu wrote: »

I can't see through metal, Kent.

You're not the time Kent, YOU'RE not the time!!

Dante

"DAD! YOUR HAND IS JAMMED IN THE TOASTER!!!"

"AHHHH! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off of me!" *throws the toaster off his hand and slumps down to floor*

"DAD! IT'S IN THERE AGAIN!!"

"AHHHHHH!"

Dord

Gunsfortoys wrote: »

Im Learnding!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZEgvViNAFk

I think it's funnier that he calls him Super Nintendo Chalmers!

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FBI man 1: Tell you what, Mr. Simpson, from now on your name is Homer Thompson,at Terror Lake.Let's just practice a bit, hmmmm? So when I say hello Mr. Thompson, you say hi.
Homer: Check!
FBI man 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
I]Homer stares blankly[/I
FBI man 1: I]pause[/I
FBI man 1: Now, remember, your name is Homer Thompson.
Homer: I gotcha!
FBI man 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
I]again Homer stares blankly[/I
FBI man 1: I]FBI men stare at each other[/I
I]hours pass by[/I
FBI man 1: I]frustrated[/I Argh... Now when I say "Hello Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
I]stepping hard on Homer's foot[/I
FBI man 1: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
I]Homer stares blankly again for a few seconds[/I
Homer: I]whispering to the FBI man next to him[/I I think he's talking to you.
I]FBI man gives up[/I


Prosecutor: What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say die Bart die?
Sideshow Bob: No, that's German
I]unveils tattoo[/I
Sideshow Bob: for 'The Bart The'.
Parole Board Member: No one who speaks German could be an evil man.


Bart: Take him away, boys.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, I'm the chief here. Bake him away, toys.
Lou: What'd you say, Chief?
Chief Wiggum: Do what the kid says.


Practically every quote in Cape Feare is funny tbh.

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HOT STUFF, COMING THROUGH!!!

Posy

take everything wrote: »

Practically every quote in Cape Feare is funny tbh.

I don't even lock my door after seeing Cape Feare, I just have a bunch of rakes outside.

Homer: BART, YOU WANT SOME BROWNIES BEFORE YOU GO TO BED!!?
Bart: Aaaarrrghhhhh!!!!
Homer: C'mon, let me cut you a brownie while they're still hot.
Bart: Dad, I'm kind of edgy right now. I'd appreciate you not coming in my room screaming and brandishing a butcher knife.

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Homer: [eating, crying] Oh, man, that's good. [sob] Pass the
butter.
Bart: Are you gonna eat that all by yourself?
Homer: Uh-huh. Pinchy would've wanted it this way. My dear, sweet
Pinchy. [takes a bite] No more pain where you are now, boy.
[rips him in half and sucks out the meat inside]
Oh, God, that's tasty! I wish Pinchy were here to enjoy
this.
[takes more bites] Oh, Pinchy ...

ballsymchugh

now my story begins in nineteen dickity two. We had to say dickity cause the kaiser had stolen our word twenty. I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickity six miles


and


Look at me, i'm the prime minister of ireland!!

Danbo!

You're letting me go?!

Kirk, crackers are a family food. Happy families. Maybe single people eat crackers, we don't know. Frankly, we don't want to know. It's a market we can do without.

So that's it, after twenty years: "So long, good luck"?

I don't recall saying "good luck"

Brendog

Marge: This isn't very romantic. I think its an actual utility room.

Homer: No Marge! itts a romantic fantasy. I imagine I'm the janitor and your....the janitors wife! Who has to live with me in the utility room

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Homer at the post office trying to get Mr. Burns' mail* Hello I'm mister Burns.

*mail worker* What's your first name?

*Homer* I don't. . . know.

Sam Vimes

This donut has purple in the middle. Purple is a fruit

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Homer: Yeah, gimme all the dirt.
Lisa: Let's see. Dirt....dirt...well, there wasn't really much dirt.
Bart: There was a bunch of old paint cans in the garage, though.
Homer: [laughs scoffingly] Old painty-can Ned.
[family laugh too]

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Mayor Quimby Now I'd like to introduce our Grand Marshal, the Prophet of Love, Larry White.
Barry White: Barry White.
Mayor Quimby: No, it says here Larry White.
Barry White: I know my own name.
Mayor Quimby: Yeah? Well, we'll just see!

Sam Vimes

Homer: There are three ways of doing things. The right way, the wrong way and the Max Power way

Lisa: Isn't that just the wrong way?

Homer: Yeah but faster!