Bipolar Disorder ask a question/discussion thread

hopwitch

Hi nesf sorry to hear you're feeling so low - is there anything that you can think of that has helped in the past? When I start getting low I find the first thing to go is my ability to think constructively - I end up spiralling down into a place where thinking just stops, but if I catch it in time I can refer to my little action plan list. This year I decided that I needed a "project" and coincidentally (or serendipitously) I came across an old cottage at a ridiculously low rent that needs a complete renovation. If all goes to plan I'll have the novelty, the physical exercise and the sense of achievement that will help to stave off a major depression. I'm also hoping that jumping feet first into a small local community will help my socialising - we've all been there .... depression leads to isolation which leads to deeper depression. I also teetered on the brink of committing to buying the place (with no money to speak of and no hope of a mortgage) so I'm really proud of myself for only committing to an initial 6 month rental period. And I woke up this morning to sunshine instead of the biblical floods we'd been promised! If it all goes tits up I won't have lost too much money and if it works even a bit it will be very cheap therapy that I can walk away from if I get bored. So that's the plan anyway. Anyone with diy skills want to come and play?

PIOP

Sorry things are a bit rough, nesf. I can empathise.

Whenever the weather takes a turn for the worse, I usually find it much harder to get out of bed in the morning. In addition, it seems that every year, I completely spin out during the month of November. I don't know why, but it just seems to be my month for crazy.

I'm trying my best to be ok at the moment, although I'm not always succeeding. While I'm presenting a broadly positive face to the world, I am not really feeling it myself, and there have been times where I have found myself just breaking down into tears and being unable to stop.

I don't know whether any of you read my blog, there's a bit more about my usual November crazies in a recent post of mine. To summarise my situation at the moment, for any who don't read it, I'm physically unwell, because I'm still recovering from a bout of multiple illnesses and injuries, and my dad has recently been diagnosed with cancer. This, in addition to my usual November blues, has made the last few weeks extremely difficult.

I feel like it's important to me, somehow, that I keep it together this year. Not just for my family (because lord knows, they can't afford another breakdown with everything else going on) but also for myself. I guess I'm hoping that if I can make it through this November, I can make it through any month.

Well, that's me anyway.

LegacyUser

PIOP wrote: »

Whenever the weather takes a turn for the worse, I usually find it much harder to get out of bed in the morning. In addition, it seems that every year, I completely spin out during the month of November. I don't know why, but it just seems to be my month for crazy.

This.

If I trace back, November is always rough (and fairly manic) for me. I have lost 2 jobs based on performance/"sick" days needed in November, been dumped at the beginning of December as a result of my behaviour in November (I don't hold it against her!), indulged in more excess than any other month, and I react very strangely to even small amounts of alcohol (I know this because I can remember several friends' November birthdays that I was out of control at).

December is usually a violent downswing, and I'm generally sleeping 12+ hours per day during it.

I really don't know how much the weather affects it, but what else is different in November than any other month? Maybe it's a self-fulfilling prophecy effect with me or something, knowing that November is manic and December is down.


Stay positive folks, it'll be brighter again soon

LegacyUser

Rosiestar wrote: »

Hi Im new to these boards and so glad I found this thread. Having had BP for over 25 years I'll still never get to grips with it. From the crazy spending on stupid stuff like clothes that I dont need that just lay in bags in my spare room with labels on and continue to add to the clutter that just builds up for weeks and months and years which then turns into 'that' room that I cant bear to look at when Im depressed as it seems such a mountain to climb to clear out. It is a vicious cycle for me spending too much, talking too much, going out too much then the bang, down, taking to the bed for weeks, months on end, paranoia, not wanting to leave the house, not taking care of the house or myself, anyone identify?? please??:mad:

Yes, yes, and yes. I hope I'm not robbing you of any individuality here, but you are very much not alone. You just described every symptom of my own personal struggle.

I am in a crazy, crazy spiral at the moment; Dating multiple girls on the sly, being a complete and utter inconsiderate d**k (and total bulls**t peddler to "protect" people), spending so far beyond my means (when I'm about to lose my job, €15k in debt @ 26, €700 in my bank, yet I spent €400 making a ridiculously elborate, yet hilarious, halloween costume), intentionally trying to lose said job and not caring, f**king up a very challenging (and very prestigious) degree that I just started by not attending (it costs €7k+ per year), going out every night of the week and drinking way too much, talking so, SO much - usually arrogantly and like a complete and utter douchebag, eating about 4000 calories per day and putting on lots of weight after working so hard on my body all year, sleeping ~4 hours every nights (been weeks since I had a full night), booking loads of holidays and hotel nights on my CC and not knowing which girl I'm going to bring etc etc. Just mental sh*t altogether, total and complete abandonment of who I am and the values I hold dearly. I usually plan for the future and consider people and myself in my actions, look after myself and commit to doing well at things out of principle. Deep down I am miserable and totally ashamed.

December will be horrifically bad, and I will probably struggle through to Christmas/New Year's. It will begin as a shame-induced downswing and progressively snowball downhill. I am already feeling the creeping paranoia that everyone thinks as poorly of me as myself because of my actions, and that's where it usually starts.

My heart really goes out to anybody who ever cycles like this. I have zero control, but a complete awareness of what is happening and where it will lead. I have come off my meds in the past during these times because I have immaturely and naively reckoned I was doing "great", but I am adament that I am staying on them this time, regardless of how good I feel. I think this is a really important measure based on my previous manic cycles.

Rosiestar

feeling very unmotivated this past while just cant seem to summon up the energy to do anything, here I am sitting in front of the fire with laptop when there are a million things I should be doing around the house. Now Im not saying Im depressed but I know Im just not 'at myself' either. How do I get out of this rut before it does turn into a downwards spiral, I recently started Lexapro in addition to list of other medications, Im on 20mg now for about 4 weeks and thought I'd be coming round a bit by now. On Saturday I really thought I was heading for a hypomanic phase (an irritable restless one) as I was up walking the floors from about 2am very restless until about 6am then I woke my partner to tell him I was going for a walk in the freezing fog that was coming down outside he obviously was slightly worried at that stage as normally Im glued to my bed so tired and lifeless I eventually went for a walk around 8am and spent much of the rest of the day very restless. I dont know what came over me but it passed come Sunday I was back to my lethargic self as I am again today. Just looking for motivation tips really as I have really started letting things go around here, myself included.

LegacyUser

Feeling really really down tired over the past few days.Been sleeping for at least 12 hours a day,only managed to get out of bed at 3.30pm today.Having really vivid nightmares too and quite a lot of suicidal thoughts(how i would commit suicide etc).Current meds dont seem to be working and am being started out on a combo of lexapro and lithium tomorrow so hopefuly that might pull me up out of the blackness.

nesf

GavinT84 wrote: »

Current meds dont seem to be working and am being started out on a combo of lexapro and lithium tomorrow so hopefuly that might pull me up out of the blackness.

Best of luck with it and well done on taking a proactive approach to your illness and working with your psychiatrist on this.

neelyohara

I don't think it's strictly bipolar that November is a hard month for anyone with any sort of depressive disorder.

I'm not sure what's happening with me. I'm off work for the entire month. I did go into work for one day but my manager took one look at me and sent me home

I'm classed as depressive but so obviously bipolar. I see a psychiatrist regularly but of course it's a different one each time. The appointment is general 'How are you' 'Fine' 'Suicidal at all?' 'Nope' 'Ok, here's your script... make an appointment for a month'.

On my second last appointment I seen an amazing psychiatrist who pinpointed the bipolarity.... but of course I haven't seen him since.

I wouldn't mind but I'm 'in the system' for over ten years now.

I never go (what I would class) as off the scale manic. As in my aunt accused her family of poisoning her daughter.... but right now, after my last episode, I'm €5000 in debt on my credit card, I have no savings left and I even landed myself in a foreign country having an operation. Oh, and I tried to buy a car.

Ugh. i get paid once a month and right now I'm avoiding emails from Amazon telling me they are having 'difficulty' getting payment from my credit card (which is over €500 over the limit).

Actually... rereading this post I guess I did go 'off the scale'. Now it's just depression and stress.

blue5000

I'm finding it hard to get going these mornings, but once I get out in the sunlight it soon gives me a lift. My sleep pattern is a bit screwed up at the moment, I tend to wake early, around 4/5 am and then want to sleep again round 8 when I should be getting up.

I find it hard to fight off the 'hibernation' mood, I could sleep 14 or 15 hours a day if I was let, anybody else finding this?

I started taking vit B complex in the mornings, hopefully that will help a bit too.

neelyohara

Hey Blue... I can do that. My family are stunned at the amount of time I can spend sleeping. My longest stint of proper unconscious sleeping (and not just hiding under the duvet because of depression) was 28 hours.

Generally when I'm in a cycle of sleeping all the time I can hardly function when I do get up. I sort of hit the sofa, rehydrate and go back to bed after 3/4 hours because I'm genuinely exhausted and then I'm straight back to sleep.

So far this year I've taken 3 days off work because of this citing 'migraines'.

I wish there was something I could do or take because when you are feeling down the worst thing you can do is spend your entire weekend in a dark room sleeping only to get up and go back to work feeling like you never had a break.

nesf

neelyohara wrote: »

Hey Blue... I can do that. My family are stunned at the amount of time I can spend sleeping. My longest stint of proper unconscious sleeping (and not just hiding under the duvet because of depression) was 28 hours.

Hah, and I thought I was bad with a personal record of 15 hours!

Going through extremely tired phase myself, except can't sleep so end up lying on the couch under a blanket wanting to sleep until I get annoyed with not being able to and go do something else.

neelyohara

I know! I haven't the foggiest how I do it.... I don't get hungry or thirsty, I don't go to the toilet... I'm just out of it!

I can't describe my sleep patterns at the moment. Mh... I'm keeping fairly good hours but I'm not going into a deep sleep so I'm waking a lot during the night but it doesn't seem to have too much of an effect on my energy levels.

Every week or so I have a night where I just don't sleep at all, I'll be awake right through the night until I get up about 9am. Then I'll eventually sleep for an hour or two somewhere between 11am - 1pm.

I'm actually really annoyed with my psychiatrists and even my gp who won't prescribe sleeping tablets. I took them for years and years in the past, not regularly but I HAD them to hand if I needed them. I could go weeks without needing to take one or sometimes I'd take them for a couple of days in a row. It just depended on what I needed.

I have no idea if this is a general problem with everyone or just me but you would think I was trying to get them to prescribe crack.

neelyohara

bipolarbear84 wrote: »

I have zero control, but a complete awareness of what is happening and where it will lead

I have a question for everyone out there - do you feel the same way? That you are 100% aware of what you are doing but unable to control it?

My experience is that as a kid have seen a BP person lose touch with reality and in my mind I associated that psychotic episode as mania.

Even now, donkeys years later, there is a part of me that still believes that once I know what I'm doing I'm not really 'manic'. (What I know as a fact and what I choose to believe are two different things! I'll normally reassure myself of this belief when I'm doing something incredibly stupid!:rolleyes:)

So I'm interested to know, when you're manic (or at least heading that way) are you aware of how destructive your actions might be?

PIOP

Personally, I don't tend to know how destructive my actions are, or at least not all of them. Sometimes I'm partially aware at how ludicrous it is that, for example, I'm wandering around a shop in the middle of the night, just picking up things to buy. With other things though, I really don't know. It's as if any foresight or forward thought just gets switched off in my brain, and all I can think of is right now. I pick fights without thinking about what will happen the next day, I make crazy decisions, and I say absolutely awful things. And I don't even think about how it will affect me in the future. It literally doesn't enter into my head.

It's odd, because in many ways, I'd be considered quite sensible. As soon as I become unstable, it's like I lock that sensible person away and just become someone else. Sometimes, even though I realise, even a little, that what I'm doing is mad, I just can't seem to stop myself. I hate when that happens

nesf

neelyohara wrote: »

I have a question for everyone out there - do you feel the same way? That you are 100% aware of what you are doing but unable to control it?

My experience is that as a kid have seen a BP person lose touch with reality and in my mind I associated that psychotic episode as mania.

Even now, donkeys years later, there is a part of me that still believes that once I know what I'm doing I'm not really 'manic'. (What I know as a fact and what I choose to believe are two different things! I'll normally reassure myself of this belief when I'm doing something incredibly stupid!:rolleyes:)

So I'm interested to know, when you're manic (or at least heading that way) are you aware of how destructive your actions might be?

Hypomania: most of the time I know what I'm doing, just the urges to do stuff are really, really strong.

Manic: completely lose touch with reality and no longer self-aware or critical of my actions in many ways.

PIOP

I think that describes it pretty well, nesf. When I'm hypo, I can feel the urges and know that they are urges (even if I give in), but when I'm manic, I just act on the urges without even thinking.

At the moment, I'm feeling mixed and all over the place. from my blog:

Lately, I've been trapped in this awful mixed zone, spinning one way and then the next. While I managed to avoid completely spinning out in November, I haven't been entirely well. Lots of things have piled up all together, and they've been severely testing my limits. My dad's illness and treatment, this awful weather isolating me from friends and trapping me in my house (allowing me to completely isolate myself from everyone, spending hours alone in my room), having to cancel my own birthday celebrations (due to the weather) and watching my birthday fizzle into complete insignificance, etc. All of these things would have been unpleasant on their own, but combined with the fact that I had to have some unexpected emergency surgery (rendering me unable to train, and extremely sore), they have proved too much, and knocked me from my previously relatively stable state into this spinning top of crazy.

I keep flicking from one to the other like a damn broken lightbulb. I'll have a spurt of creativity and make a bunch of crafts, bake 4 things at once, or set up a whole new website for a company, and then later, sit completely still for hours, unable to move, to talk, to smile, or to do anything. I keep having fleeting thoughts about quitting my medication. I know, logically, that this is a stupid thing to do, as that will certainly send me into the worst place I've been in a while. But when those thoughts appear in my head, that logic escapes me, and it seems like something I not only could, but in fact, should do, because they're obviously useless, and I'm not really sick, I'm just taking these because everyone else says I'm sick.

I just wish that things would settle down, as this constant shifting between hypomania (edging on real mania sometimes) and depression is just leaving me worn out, and fragile. I'm seconds away from tears half the time, and then can't even remember what I'm sad about the other half.

I've been doing well up until now, but I think I've just hit that "last straw" point. Cancelling my birthday appears to have tipped me over the edge. I was never expecting the celebration to be a big deal, but to have it be absolutely nothing, and forgotten about, has really just cut too deeply to ignore.

I should probably go and talk to my therapist about it, or maybe my doctor, and see about some med changes to stabilise this whole mess, but I honestly can't be bothered. I know that's just the BP talking, but right now, it's in charge of me, and not the other way around.

Basically, I feel like things are a total mess at the moment, but I only care some of the time. I'm in danger of slipping totally out of control, I know that much, but I also know enough to know that I'm far enough gone that I don't want to go to my therapist or doctor, who I am now seeing as an imposition and a punishment, rather than something that will help. Feel like a spoilt child, just want to shout NO! an awful lot. Ugh.

tom spanks

i've been reading all the replies here and quite a lot i can relate to ,, i just get big urges to do things that are not the norm. like during a furneral i had to hold myself back from yelling out F@$% in the middle of the service it was like i couldnt control myself. i've lost lots of friends and now family members are turning their backs to me.
ive become quite a house hatcher over the last two years. afraid to interact with people now over what i think they are thinking about me.
the impulse buying thing also applys to me . i went out to buy xmas presents for everyone but ended up buying 400 euros worth of aquarium stuff.
i really dont kno0w how to write down everything thats going on inside my head or even say it to people.
never went to a doctor to see whats wrong . then i worry if i go s/he'll say nothings wrong. and what would i even go to a doctor or psycologist or what?

nesf

tom spanks wrote: »

i've been reading all the replies here and quite a lot i can relate to ,, i just get big urges to do things that are not the norm. like during a furneral i had to hold myself back from yelling out F@$% in the middle of the service it was like i couldnt control myself. i've lost lots of friends and now family members are turning their backs to me.
ive become quite a house hatcher over the last two years. afraid to interact with people now over what i think they are thinking about me.
the impulse buying thing also applys to me . i went out to buy xmas presents for everyone but ended up buying 400 euros worth of aquarium stuff.
i really dont kno0w how to write down everything thats going on inside my head or even say it to people.
never went to a doctor to see whats wrong . then i worry if i go s/he'll say nothings wrong. and what would i even go to a doctor or psycologist or what?

Go and have a talk about this with your GP. The first step is always the hardest.

NKearney50

Hey there guys.

A great thread.

I have a family member who is hitting a manic high. It has been over 20 years since an episode like this.

WE are at our wits ends trying to carefully coax the person into seeing someone. They think they are fine and everyone else is crazy.......you will understand what I mean by this.

Just very upsetting and the carnage that is being left behind.

Just wanted to say how I feel to people who may understand. I am the only person they will kind of listen to......everyone else is public enemy number one at the moment.

I am very calmly trying to talk to and humor and try to get the person to their GP without rocking the boat. Its very stressful as the person is aggressive and one wrong thing said will spark them off/turn them against me. So please wish me luck.

Any other method or approach I should take. Its easy to be told what to do and to educate yourself about what to do but in reality it is much more difficult.

Thanks for listening.

NKearney50

NKearney50 wrote: »

Hey there guys.

A great thread.

I have a family member who is hitting a manic high. It has been over 20 years since an episode like this.

WE are at our wits ends trying to carefully coax the person into seeing someone. They think they are fine and everyone else is crazy.......you will understand what I mean by this.

Just very upsetting and the carnage that is being left behind.

Just wanted to say how I feel to people who may understand. I am the only person they will kind of listen to......everyone else is public enemy number one at the moment.

I am very calmly trying to talk to and humor and try to get the person to their GP without rocking the boat. Its very stressful as the person is aggressive and one wrong thing said will spark them off/turn them against me. So please wish me luck.

Any other method or approach I should take. Its easy to be told what to do and to educate yourself about what to do but in reality it is much more difficult.

Thanks for listening.

I was in the same position when i posted sometime ago, I'll give you the advice i was given then, get help now and don't leave it any longer. I found it very difficult as i felt i was betraying my wife by forcing her as she didn't want to see anyone, it took being told off on here to give me the courage to stick her in the car and leave her in the hands of people who could help her, again i would say get help now, i took my wife straight to hospital and bypassed the GP where she got the help she needed.

tom spanks

tom spanks wrote: »

i've been reading all the replies here and quite a lot i can relate to ,, i just get big urges to do things that are not the norm. like during a furneral i had to hold myself back from yelling out F@$% in the middle of the service it was like i couldnt control myself. i've lost lots of friends and now family members are turning their backs to me.
ive become quite a house hatcher over the last two years. afraid to interact with people now over what i think they are thinking about me.
the impulse buying thing also applys to me . i went out to buy xmas presents for everyone but ended up buying 400 euros worth of aquarium stuff.
i really dont kno0w how to write down everything thats going on inside my head or even say it to people.
never went to a doctor to see whats wrong . then i worry if i go s/he'll say nothings wrong. and what would i even go to a doctor or psycologist or what?

I have been humbled by the level of care my wife has received from the HSE since she accepted help, our GP has been very supportive so yours would be a good place to start, i know she wishes she sought help earlier if she knew then what she knows now, Gary.

hopwitch

I agree with Gary71 .... I wish someone had had the gumption to go against my wishes the last time I was really flying and got me into hospital, so for your own sanity and the general damage limitation I think you should talk it over with the rest of the family as a real option. Best wishes and good luck

LegacyUser

hey guys,

my dad was sectioned by the HSE and his status was changed due to a clerical error and he is after buying a massive house/ cars and had affairs and the like. He has been very distructive and got kicked out of my sister's wedding.

I haven't been talking to him for months. Docs told us he needs to 'crash' and then he will get treatment. he is denying he's bipolar (although he's been diagnosed). Any idea what I should do?

blue5000

Hi NK, try get the GP to do a housecall? If the person concerned allows it they can be calmed down fairly easily. Good luck.

LegacyUser

Thing is he is denying he is bipolar. Here is what we've witnessed:

- affairs with women
- strange things written on pieces of paper (that say things about god talking to him)
- efforts made to destroy his own company
- negligence causing a fire (let a candle lit)
- alcoholic sober for 20 years and begins drinking again saying he never was an alco
- changes in physical appearance (yo-yoing weight, for example)
- glazed look in eyes, as if he doesn't understand things
- no sympathy/ empathy for what he has done and continues to do/ no remorse
- buying a house on a whim
- buying a car worth 30K on a whim (without selling his original car first)
- bought apartment next to him (before buying house) and then tried to break the walls down between the two apartments with a hammer
- acts aggressively occasionally, sometimes paranoid (thinks a blue car is following him)
- at one point wanted to sue everyone around him (incl. his own daughters and the HSE)
- eventually committed involuntarily by HSE after fire


After all this we have received NO support from the HSE who allowed him to change his status without consulting the family. We were not spoken to or assisted during his committal. My father believes that he suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress since the fire and has gone to see a Dr. X for a legal document stating that he is of mental health. She diagnosed him with a stress disorder.

Note: he has been treated for depression before and put on lexapro a few times.

What the hell do I do?

NKearney50

Hi OP,

I am not in a situation to advise as I am going through the same thing. Some of what you have said about your dad is similar to the behavior of mine.

It was well over 25 years ago since my Dad had is last manic high and I was only a baby then.

As advised by the people on here whom I have yet to thanks, I got a late appoint with his GP yesterday who was a very good influence on him when I finally got him there. He has calmed down a bit since. Blood test will be able to show what is happening to your Dad so I am told. To see lithium levels.

If there is anyone who has any kind of influence over him get them to talk to him calmly and see will he get to his GP. I really don't know much else at the moment. Maybe ring some psychiatric hospital and ask for advice.....my next port of call.

Just try and not get frustrated and vexed with the person it makes them worse, be calm when talking to them.....thats all I can say to you.

NKearney50

Hopwitch, Gary 71 and Blue 5000

Many thanks for the suggestions and help yesterday. I feel much happier now knowing that something can be done. I was only a baby last time things got bad. My Mum is a saint for coping with it on her own last time. Don't think she has it in her now so thats why I want to help her and also as he seems only to listen to me at the moment. We will just have to be patient now and see what happens over the coming weeks.

I would like to wish you all a Happy and Healthy New Year.

NKearney50

NKearney50 wrote: »

Hopwitch, Gary 71 and Blue 5000

Many thanks for the suggestions and help yesterday. I feel much happier now knowing that something can be done. I was only a baby last time things got bad. My Mum is a saint for coping with it on her own last time. Don't think she has it in her now so thats why I want to help her and also as he seems only to listen to me at the moment. We will just have to be patient now and see what happens over the coming weeks.

I would like to wish you all a Happy and Healthy New Year.

I found This site to be helpful http://www.mind.org.uk/ best wishes, Gary

nesf

Over a month between posts, you can tell I've been depressed!

Ongoing depression punctuated by periods of activity and mild mania describes my life for the past few months.

How're the rest of ye holding up?

blue5000

Welcome back,
Doin ok, but could still sleep for 16 hours if I was let. At least Spring is here and the days are a bit longer.