Bipolar Disorder ask a question/discussion thread

PIOP

Sorry to hear that nesf - I know exactly how dispiriting it is to suddenly slump after doing so well, having just come off of the same thing myself. I hope you can acclimatise to the winter soon and get back to functional. I wonder would some different meds help maybe? Something to help get the sleep cycle back on track? Just a thought.

Hopwitch, just before I was diagnosed, I went through a very bad period where I was emailing them and calling them often. It was the only thing I felt like I could do, to be honest, as I was desperate.

I'm hoping that winter won't be too bad for me this year, although I'm going to be battling years of tradition to make sure it's not. My birthday falls toward the end of the year, not too far away from Christmas. Traditionally, my birthday has been a pretty tumultuous time for me, usually dreading it in the run up to the date, becoming fairly manic towards the date, and then being disappointed, and depressed afterwards. For years, it has happened the same way, almost without fail. It's gotten to the point where I no longer even want to have any sort of celebration of my birthday, because I actually dread it a little. I know that my friends are probably going to want to, and they'll probably say that, as I'm doing well, I have lots to celebrate. I'm still not sure though - I don't think I can trust myself to emotionally invest in an event and then not be absolutely shattered if it doesn't go exactly to plan (and, of course, it won't go exactly to plan). I should be able to just go with it, if plans change or people cancel, and I have been better at dealing with these things as of late, but I suppose that my birthday has a special significance (particularly, having been the vehicle for some of my more spectacular breakdowns), so it just makes me nervous. You can probably expect some more related worried posts in the future, as the date grows nearer.

I suppose I find birthdays so depressing because it's a very stark reminder of just how much my life has been affected by BP. As the years have drawn on, attendance at my parties has dwindled, and the simple fact of the matter is that I've driven plenty of people away with my uncontrolled behaviour and mood swings. Even though I know it's the disorder, and that I'm working to get it under control, it's hard not to feel ashamed that people don't want to be around you. Sending out those invites, and booking a dinner table or a night club spot that won't even be half filled with people is an awfully painful reminder of the person I used to be, and sometimes still become. It cuts more deeply than I can really express, and, keeping with the metaphor, it's a wound that never really heals fully before the next birthday rolls along.

I can hope that this year will be different, and go all out - invite people, book places, buy a nice dress, etc. But will I be able to cope if I wind up sitting at a mostly empty table again? Or will it send me off the rails, and result in another complete breakdown? I'm actually paralysed with indecision about the whole thing. I suppose it remains to be seen.

MingulayJohnny

To anybody who is interested , in my experience it's always worthwhile exploring avenues that maybe you wouldn't usually consider. I think getting to the root of the issue is vital and sometimes that means being as determined as a badger and digging very deep. I think the causes of what we call depression are many and varied and sometimes it can be a very straightforward but powerful cause. A severe nutritional deficiency can cause all the symptoms of depression and modern diets can be lacking in minerals and nutrients that are vital for good mental health.

I can't emphasise enough the difference that the right diet for your system makes and addressing possible yeast overgrowth and ME type illnesses. Of course there may be emotional issues causing psychosomatic illness and I think it's worthwhile at least trying to release trapped psychosomatic tensions through rolfing , shiatsu etc. The Winter months can be very tough but it's natural for the system to slow down anyway it's just that modern life doesn't always allow us the time and space to go into semi hibernation. There's no 'Magic pill' but the negative effect that the illness has can definitely be alleviated through addressing nutrition and releasing stored emotions that are impeding the bodies and hence the minds function in the present.

http://www.healthrecovery.com/HRC_2006/Depression_06/Background.htm

andrew cross

i have bipolar those of us that have this illness we did not ask for it.thats the hand that was dealt to us ,i have accepted now agter many years the highs can be addictive depression a dark and lonely place without love .hope i tell myself im not mad or bad i have a illness, the question is not how to get cured ,but how to live

hopwitch

You've put it perfectly - the closest parallel that I can think of is diabetes .... if we were all diabetic we would accept that we had a life and lifestyle threatening illness that can't be cured, but can be managed. The difference is that other people can't see our illness - you can show someone a blood sugar reading and they understand that you need to eat something, or take insulin, but you can't show someone your suicidal ideation or your sudden, overwhelming love for the universe!

I find that I've rather given up on the whole supportive network thing - it just hasn't worked for me. If I'm feeling ok then I go out and mix with people but if I'm not doing so well then I tend to keep away and not inflict myself on them. How about other people here - do you tell people you have bd? Do you tell them when you're not feeling well? Do your family know the extent of your illness, or do you try to hide it from them? How does it work for you? What would you like to change if you could?

blue5000

I only tell very close friends, and maybe people I work with every day. Sometimes I look at someone in a wheelchair and I think, you lucky bastard, you have a disability and everyone can see it. But would I swap? No way. I don't want sympathy, a bit of understanding now and again would be nice though.

It's all about managing this as best you can. I find it's hard to keep friends, I either insult them or fall in love with them and they just can't handle it. I find this is a tough time of year when days are getting short, I just want to sleep as much as possible. Anyone use a lightbox?:mad::(:):D:o:eek:

hopwitch

Oh Blue 5000 I had to laugh when I read your post - I know exactly what you mean on both points ... through work I come into contact with many physically impaired people and there are times when I feel so angry when they feel sorry for themselves - and then I feel so cross with myself because I'm falling short of the perfect person so full of empathy and consideration that I set myself up to be. And as for falling in love with friends .... I wish it was that tidy .... emotionally I'm quite numb, and most of the time I'm blissfully numb physically, but woe betide the men that happen to be in the same room as me when the rampant mood strikes! Shameless doesn't begin to describe it, so I try not to work with men as the aftermath is just too embarrassing.

andrew cross

hopwitch wrote: »

You've put it perfectly - the closest parallel that I can think of is diabetes .... if we were all diabetic we would accept that we had a life and lifestyle threatening illness that can't be cured, but can be managed. The difference is that other people can't see our illness - you can show someone a blood sugar reading and they understand that you need to eat something, or take insulin, but you can't show someone your suicidal ideation or your sudden, overwhelming love for the universe!

I find that I've rather given up on the whole supportive network thing - it just hasn't worked for me. If I'm feeling ok then I go out and mix with people but if I'm not doing so well then I tend to keep away and not inflict myself on them. How about other people here - do you tell people you have bd? Do you tell them when you're not feeling well? Do your family know the extent of your illness, or do you try to hide it from them? How does it work for you? What would you like to change if you could?

no i dont usually tell anyone but my family know, how do you explain b.p. you cant expect people to understand it , the only people who understand are people with b. p. how do you explain super amounts of energy whichdrive you relentlessly without sleep, short fuse, anger rage, and then depression,

andrew cross

i have started a group on boards for people with bipolar if you would like to join that would be great it does not matter if your *high* or *low* stable share your thoughts please, any suggestions would be welcomed , also would the moderators help me thanks andy :rolleyes:

hopwitch

I think the group's a great idea - this thread was turning into one anyway! See you all there.

hopwitch

MingulayJohnny wrote: »

To anybody who is interested , in my experience it's always worthwhile exploring avenues that maybe you wouldn't usually consider. I think getting to the root of the issue is vital and sometimes that means being as determined as a badger and digging very deep. I think the causes of what we call depression are many and varied and sometimes it can be a very straightforward but powerful cause. A severe nutritional deficiency can cause all the symptoms of depression and modern diets can be lacking in minerals and nutrients that are vital for good mental health.

I can't emphasise enough the difference that the right diet for your system makes and addressing possible yeast overgrowth and ME type illnesses. Of course there may be emotional issues causing psychosomatic illness and I think it's worthwhile at least trying to release trapped psychosomatic tensions through rolfing , shiatsu etc. The Winter months can be very tough but it's natural for the system to slow down anyway it's just that modern life doesn't always allow us the time and space to go into semi hibernation. There's no 'Magic pill' but the negative effect that the illness has can definitely be alleviated through addressing nutrition and releasing stored emotions that are impeding the bodies and hence the minds function in the present.

http://www.healthrecovery.com/HRC_2006/Depression_06/Background.htm

I meant to ask - are you bipolar? Has this approach helped you? I'm always curious to investigate anything that other bipolar people have found useful.

Novella

I didn't wanna start a new thread seeing as there already is this bipolar one, so I'm just hoping for some advice or tips etc. Basically, I was diagnosed, not sure how long ago now actually but a good few months ago and at the moment I'm doing really well. I'd like to keep it this way and also keep medication to a minimum. Now I'm not rejecting medication or anything of the sort and will of course continue to take what I'm prescribed, but I was just wondering are there any helpful natural remedies?

Or if people have any tips for coping in general? My biggest problems tend to be episodes of severe depression, huge spending sprees and impulsivity.

andrew cross

they are some things you can do to help yourself , sleep is very important .to restore normal sleep patterns short term use of tablets maybe required, diet fish oils can help certain seeds and eggs eating the right foods will boost your energy, learn as much as you can about bipolar if there is a group in your area check it out ,where appropriate counselling, psychotherapy,grief or marital counselling, financial advice, exercise, there is a social group on boards for people with bipolar if you would like to share your your experiences (the question is not how to get cured but how to live)

Novella

andrew cross wrote: »

they are some things you can do to help yourself , sleep is very important .to restore normal sleep patterns short term use of tablets maybe required, diet fish oils can help certain seeds and eggs eating the right foods will boost your energy, learn as much as you can about bipolar if there is a group in your area check it out ,where appropriate counselling, psychotherapy,grief or marital counselling, financial advice, exercise, there is a social group on boards for people with bipolar if you would like to share your your experiences (the question is not how to get cured but how to live)

Yeah, I'm working on my sleep patterns right now. Was taking sleeping tablets for a few months, but rarely use 'em these days 'cause I'm trying to keep the amount of tablets I take on a day to day basis down as much as possible, along with the cost of my prescription!

Go to counselling every week, so got that covered too.

I wasn't asking for a cure, just general advice on trying to keep things as stable as possible! Thanks for your help. Will check out the social group.

hopwitch

you could check out www.mdf.org.uk - I've found this a very useful site. Your local library should be able to track down books for you and retrieve them if they're currently stocked at a different branch - this is a good way of keeping costs down! I've tried every remedy - natural or otherwise - under the sun over the last 20 years or so and I've come to the conclusion that for me, nothing works better than strict lifestyle management and "a little of what I fancy", being honest with myself and other people about my limitations, and enjoying the good times.

andrew cross

PIOP wrote: »

Sorry to hear that nesf - I know exactly how dispiriting it is to suddenly slump after doing so well, having just come off of the same thing myself. I hope you can acclimatise to the winter soon and get back to functional. I wonder would some different meds help maybe? Something to help get the sleep cycle back on track? Just a thought.

Hopwitch, just before I was diagnosed, I went through a very bad period where I was emailing them and calling them often. It was the only thing I felt like I could do, to be honest, as I was desperate.

I'm hoping that winter won't be too bad for me this year, although I'm going to be battling years of tradition to make sure it's not. My birthday falls toward the end of the year, not too far away from Christmas. Traditionally, my birthday has been a pretty tumultuous time for me, usually dreading it in the run up to the date, becoming fairly manic towards the date, and then being disappointed, and depressed afterwards. For years, it has happened the same way, almost without fail. It's gotten to the point where I no longer even want to have any sort of celebration of my birthday, because I actually dread it a little. I know that my friends are probably going to want to, and they'll probably say that, as I'm doing well, I have lots to celebrate. I'm still not sure though - I don't think I can trust myself to emotionally invest in an event and then not be absolutely shattered if it doesn't go exactly to plan (and, of course, it won't go exactly to plan). I should be able to just go with it, if plans change or people cancel, and I have been better at dealing with these things as of late, but I suppose that my birthday has a special significance (particularly, having been the vehicle for some of my more spectacular breakdowns), so it just makes me nervous. You can probably expect some more related worried posts in the future, as the date grows nearer.

I suppose I find birthdays so depressing because it's a very stark reminder of just how much my life has been affected by BP. As the years have drawn on, attendance at my parties has dwindled, and the simple fact of the matter is that I've driven plenty of people away with my uncontrolled behaviour and mood swings. Even though I know it's the disorder, and that I'm working to get it under control, it's hard not to feel ashamed that people don't want to be around you. Sending out those invites, and booking a dinner table or a night club spot that won't even be half filled with people is an awfully painful reminder of the person I used to be, and sometimes still become. It cuts more deeply than I can really express, and, keeping with the metaphor, it's a wound that never really heals fully before the next birthday rolls along.

I can hope that this year will be different, and go all out - invite people, book places, buy a nice dress, etc. But will I be able to cope if I wind up sitting at a mostly empty table again? Or will it send me off the rails, and result in another complete breakdown? I'm actually paralysed with indecision about the whole thing. I suppose it remains to be seen.

i guess with this illness you fine out your real friends are hang in there girl:)

this username isnt taken

nesf wrote: »

Today I'm going through dysphoric mania. Or at least that's what I, and a friend who also has bipolar, have independently come to think. Whether this is a true label or not isn't really that important, with mental illness it's all about symptoms and groups of symptoms and these vary between individuals to a rather large extent. I was out and met a load of friends that I don't get to see very often. I just couldn't summon much of a will to enjoy myself. I can crack jokes and smile but don't really feel the humour and just smile etc because I know someone is telling a joke or funny story and that they expect me to smile. I'm having some mild grade psychosis, hearing my voice almost as another person's, thinking that friends don't actually like me and so on but nothing major. Mood wise I'm low yet energetic, agitated yet feel like doing nothing. It's very hard to describe the combination of anxiety and suspicion coupled with agitation and a lack of a will to do anything other than stand and observe others. From the outside I appear (to others) to vary between manic energy and depressed silence and stillness. It feels odd, a friend gave me a good expression for it, there seems to be a sheet of glass separating me from the world. Outside the glass there are emotions, happiness and people interacting but I can only observe not partake in this and they feel somewhat alien to me. The strangest sensation is one of almost feeling like you're watching yourself react to social cues, almost a sense of watching a puppet reacting to its strings being pulled. Not a true out of body experience in the true sense but more of one feeling like I'm inside watching my body doing things for brief periods. Decidedly odd to be honest about it.

From a medical PoV, this is all fine, seeing my psychiatrist soon etc to discuss this stuff but I thought some description of very mild psychosis might prove interesting to people given that the normal examples are of quite severe bizarre psychosis like believing the CIA are spying on you and similar.

Wow, this post from page 3 of this thread describes well something I always feel but could never put into words. How do you summon up the mental energy to explain these mental experiences so articulately?

nesf

this username isnt taken wrote: »

Wow, this post from page 3 of this thread describes well something I always feel but could never put into words. How do you summon up the mental energy to explain these mental experiences so articulately?

Sometimes I can talk about it, other times I can't. Some days I'm able to talk at length about the illness, other days just not able to put the thoughts together. It's a mixed bag really.

rhonda15

Everybody that struggles with this illness is a survivor.

I came across this video on another forum (nothing to do with bipolar) and I thought it very inspiring and made me think of everyone on this thread.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3wuXyOUKJw

The world aint all sunshines and rainbows, its a very rough mean place and no-matter how tough you think you are, it will always bring you to your knee's and keep you there, permantly if you let it. You or nobody aint never gunna hit as hard as life. But it aint about hard you hit, its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving foward, how much you can take and keep moving forward.

Never give up!

Rosiestar

Hi Im new to these boards and so glad I found this thread. Having had BP for over 25 years I'll still never get to grips with it. From the crazy spending on stupid stuff like clothes that I dont need that just lay in bags in my spare room with labels on and continue to add to the clutter that just builds up for weeks and months and years which then turns into 'that' room that I cant bear to look at when Im depressed as it seems such a mountain to climb to clear out. It is a vicious cycle for me spending too much, talking too much, going out too much then the bang, down, taking to the bed for weeks, months on end, paranoia, not wanting to leave the house, not taking care of the house or myself, anyone identify?? please??:mad:

rhonda15

Rosiestar wrote: »

Hi Im new to these boards and so glad I found this thread. Having had BP for over 25 years I'll still never get to grips with it. From the crazy spending on stupid stuff like clothes that I dont need that just lay in bags in my spare room with labels on and continue to add to the clutter that just builds up for weeks and months and years which then turns into 'that' room that I cant bear to look at when Im depressed as it seems such a mountain to climb to clear out. It is a vicious cycle for me spending too much, talking too much, going out too much then the bang, down, taking to the bed for weeks, months on end, paranoia, not wanting to leave the house, not taking care of the house or myself, anyone identify?? please??:mad:

completely identify with all of the above

rhonda15

Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison (a fellow BP sufferer), author of the brilliant book "An Unquiet Mind".

She is so unbelievably articulate on the subject.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxRLap9xLag&feature=related

Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison, psychiatry professor at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, shares her experiences with living every day with the mania and severe depression that she had studied for years. She talks openly of the challenges she faced with the treatment and disclosure of her mental illness.

andrew cross

Rosiestar wrote: »

Hi Im new to these boards and so glad I found this thread. Having had BP for over 25 years I'll still never get to grips with it. From the crazy spending on stupid stuff like clothes that I dont need that just lay in bags in my spare room with labels on and continue to add to the clutter that just builds up for weeks and months and years which then turns into 'that' room that I cant bear to look at when Im depressed as it seems such a mountain to climb to clear out. It is a vicious cycle for me spending too much, talking too much, going out too much then the bang, down, taking to the bed for weeks, months on end, paranoia, not wanting to leave the house, not taking care of the house or myself, anyone identify?? please??:mad:

im sorry to read that your are going to a bad time. its a tough illness to deal with bp, a vicious cycle have you gone to your gp, write down what is bothering you, ask to see a psychiatrist, you have to break the cycle,spending to much, its very common with bp, have you family you are close to, that might help you curb your spending, mania often has devastating effect on a persons life,and most times can only be ended in hospital, i would urge you to get help doctors etc, councelling ,or cbt, whatever it takes to live a (normal) life what ever that is im bp, so im not sure,, your are going to have good days and bad days, but please get some help (god grant me the serenity ,toaccept the things i cannot change,,the courage to change the things i can,, and the wisdom to know the difference)

Rosiestar

the thing is I've been under the care of psychiatrists for the past 20 years and have been seen them monthly since 2003 when I took a massive overdose and ended up in intensive care on life support for three weeks and I've been having ECT treatments every year since sessions of 15 each time which keeps me going for a few months my last session being in May/June of this year, depression is my main issue with hypomania being me at my best but recently I've started to slow down again just wanting to stay in bed most of the day with the curtains drawn with no energy and little or no interest in anything and a little bit of paranoia starting again so not really wanting to leave my house either. But I am going to see my consultant this day week and am going to ask him about a new antidepressant that he said was on the market and see what happens although my faith in medication is dwindling fast. My official diagnosis is Schizoaffective Disorder which in effect is a mix of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder with the most disabling aspect for me being the depression. My current medication is Geodon 160mg, Lustral 200mg, Xanax .25mg prn, Eltroxin 300mg, Inderal 20mg 3 times a day (Beta Blocker). I'd be very interested to hear which antidepressants worked for others?? Thanks.

Rosiestar

the thing is I've been under the care of psychiatrists for the past 20 years and have been seen them monthly since 2003 when I took a massive overdose and ended up in intensive care on life support for three weeks and I've been having ECT treatments every year since sessions of 15 each time which keeps me going for a few months my last session being in May/June of this year, depression is my main issue with hypomania being me at my best but recently I've started to slow down again just wanting to stay in bed most of the day with the curtains drawn with no energy and little or no interest in anything and a little bit of paranoia starting again so not really wanting to leave my house either. But I am going to see my consultant this day week and am going to ask him about a new antidepressant that he said was on the market and see what happens although my faith in medication is dwindling fast. My official diagnosis is Schizoaffective Disorder which in effect is a mix of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder with the most disabling aspect for me being the depression. My current medication is Geodon 160mg, Lustral 200mg, Xanax .25mg prn, Eltroxin 300mg, Inderal 20mg 3 times a day (Beta Blocker). I'd be very interested to hear which antidepressants worked for others?? Thanks.

nesf

Rosiestar wrote: »

I'd be very interested to hear which antidepressants worked for others?? Thanks.

I've been having some success (partial) with Lexapro. The problem is it brings me very close to the threshold of serotonin syndrome and I can't take very much of it.

Beyond that, light therapy helps a bit during winter, again only partially but anything that helps is worth it.

rhonda15

I have had success with Lustral for depression and Epilim to control mania.
Very important!: lately I have been taking Vit B6 (Sona) and Omega 3 capsules (Sona) every day and I can't believe how much they help. In fact I think psychiatrists should also prescribe these - I wish I had discovered these earlier.
Nutrition has also got to be important.

Novella

I was meant to see my doctor a few days ago to get a prescription renewal, but I missed my appointment 'cause my grandad passed away at the weekend. I've now been off my medication for almost a week, and am experiencing terrible headaches along with dreams which, when I wake up in the morning, I'm not sure if what I've dreamt has actually happened or not. Also ridiculously tired.

I rang my doctors office but the receptionist said he won't be able to fit me in until Tuesday. The headache I have atm is really painful though, and Tuesday seems like a lifetime away.

I was just wondering if anyone knows whether a chemist would dispense me enough medication just until I can see my doctor? I don't always go to the same chemist, there are three which I use so I'm thinking that might be a problem.

sam34

Novella wrote: »

I was meant to see my doctor a few days ago to get a prescription renewal, but I missed my appointment 'cause my grandad passed away at the weekend. I've now been off my medication for almost a week, and am experiencing terrible headaches along with dreams which, when I wake up in the morning, I'm not sure if what I've dreamt has actually happened or not. Also ridiculously tired.

I rang my doctors office but the receptionist said he won't be able to fit me in until Tuesday. The headache I have atm is really painful though, and Tuesday seems like a lifetime away.

I was just wondering if anyone knows whether a chemist would dispense me enough medication just until I can see my doctor? I don't always go to the same chemist, there are three which I use so I'm thinking that might be a problem.

ask the doctors receptionist to get him to issue a repeat script until your apt on tuesday, you could pick it up at the desk

flyswatter

Novella wrote: »

I was meant to see my doctor a few days ago to get a prescription renewal, but I missed my appointment 'cause my grandad passed away at the weekend. I've now been off my medication for almost a week, and am experiencing terrible headaches along with dreams which, when I wake up in the morning, I'm not sure if what I've dreamt has actually happened or not. Also ridiculously tired.

I rang my doctors office but the receptionist said he won't be able to fit me in until Tuesday. The headache I have atm is really painful though, and Tuesday seems like a lifetime away.

I was just wondering if anyone knows whether a chemist would dispense me enough medication just until I can see my doctor? I don't always go to the same chemist, there are three which I use so I'm thinking that might be a problem.

That shouldn't be a problem. The chemist I go to will give me medication whenever I haven't got the prescription as they know me well enough. I don't know if that's the same for other chemists.

nesf

Very low at the moment. This winter's depression is the worst I've had yet. Suicidal ideation (though I'm not suicidal, just thoughts of suicide, death and such) and other crap to deal with.

At least it'll get better in Spring I suppose.