Bipolar Disorder ask a question/discussion thread

nesf

I'm a bipolar sufferer for the best part of 15 years. I've been medicated for almost the past 10 and have spent a lot of time reading about the condition, the medication and factors and issues surrounding the illness.

I thought that a general thread for people to ask questions about the condition would be useful. We can't give you medical advice but we can try to answer questions of a more practical nature such as ideas on dealing with the strong urges to spend money during manias or how to explain psychosis to people. We could also try to provide some level of support and understanding about the condition and the effect it has on people's lives.

Hopefully other people will join in in this thread and we can get a good resource for people going rather than having information and posts split across multiple threads.


So, eh, any questions?

LegacyUser

I started to feel something was not right 8 years ago and this was first diagnosed as depression but later when I attended a psychiatrist bipolar disorder. I never had real highs although I always made big purchases like a new car when I was up but I sometimes think this was just because I was too lethargic to do anything significant when I was down. Now I feel my medication keeps me at an even level but a lot lower than I would like to be.

My biggest problem is sleep and having a regular sleep pattern - usually I cannot get to sleep and then I oversleep the next day. It's a viscious circle. Recently I have started using Melatonin I got in America and it has been the biggest help to me since I was diagnosed. I get to sleep in under an hour now but I still cannot get up early in the morning although now I get up at 11 instead of 1-2pm. I have been of work for a long time now and worry that I am becoming used to this. I also feel embarrassed about this because outwardly I appear fine to people and so I hide the fact that I do not work from most people and I think this puts extra pressure on me to "cover my tracks".

I just wonder if anyone has any tips on how to get a consistent night's sleep?

Queen-Mise

I think the title of this thread should include long term depression. As both are similiar, well the downs are anyway:-)

I agree with above poster. For me depression is a real disability, seriously affecting my life and what I can do. And it doesnt look that way from the outside - have use of all my limbs, relatively healthy. Sometimes I find it emberassing. I find it very frustrating generally.

nesf

bptoo wrote: »

I started to feel something was not right 8 years ago and this was first diagnosed as depression but later when I attended a psychiatrist bipolar disorder. I never had real highs although I always made big purchases like a new car when I was up but I sometimes think this was just because I was too lethargic to do anything significant when I was down. Now I feel my medication keeps me at an even level but a lot lower than I would like to be.

My biggest problem is sleep and having a regular sleep pattern - usually I cannot get to sleep and then I oversleep the next day. It's a viscious circle. Recently I have started using Melatonin I got in America and it has been the biggest help to me since I was diagnosed. I get to sleep in under an hour now but I still cannot get up early in the morning although now I get up at 11 instead of 1-2pm. I have been of work for a long time now and worry that I am becoming used to this. I also feel embarrassed about this because outwardly I appear fine to people and so I hide the fact that I do not work from most people and I think this puts extra pressure on me to "cover my tracks".

I just wonder if anyone has any tips on how to get a consistent night's sleep?

I've similar problems with making large purchases when even just slightly up. I lose whatever bit of sense I have about restraint. I don't necessarily buy stupid things but I definitely am too quick to spend and buy.

Regular sleep is extremely hard to pin down with bipolar. Sometimes you can get decent results by being very strict with "sleep hygiene." This entails setting a time to try and get to sleep and then ensuring that you are in bed with very little or no light on for a half an hour to an hour beforehand as well as avoiding caffeine and other stimulants like nicotine during this period. Some people get great results with this, some (like myself) don't. It'd definitely worth trying and completely safe.

I'd strongly suggest bringing up your sleep issues with your psychiatrist and well as bringing up that you're feeling a bit flat/low on your meds despite being stable.

nesf

Queen-Mise wrote: »

I agree with above poster. For me depression is a real disability, seriously affecting my life and what I can do. And it doesnt look that way from the outside - have use of all my limbs, relatively healthy. Sometimes I find it emberassing. I find it very frustrating generally.

Yeah, I know that feeling. Sometimes I wish I'd inherited some obvious physical disability instead, so people could see that I've problems.

galah

I have been exposed to bipolar episodes as a family member-in-law, and I have a question (first of all, thanks for providing this medium!).

When you're high, and you say things (either really 'out there' things like 'I'm the worlds' greatest rockstar' or personal things, such as insults) - do you remember these when you are coming down? Would you remember the "crazy" things you talked about, and the nasty things you may have said in your high phase? Are they part of your long-term memory?
(for example, do you realise that it's always the same stuff you talk about when you're high?)

Cheers!

ntlbell

I've heard a lot of people mention spending money and mania's

have you looked into this? any idea why there's a link?

tbh

nesf wrote: »

I've similar problems with making large purchases when even just slightly up. I lose whatever bit of sense I have about restraint. I don't necessarily buy stupid things but I definitely am too quick to spend and buy.

do you know when that's happening, and are powerless to do anything about it, or is it a case of you only realise after the high has passed?

nesf

tbh wrote: »

do you know when that's happening, and are powerless to do anything about it, or is it a case of you only realise after the high has passed?

Both really. Sometimes I maintain enough perspective to spot it, often I don't. I depend a lot on my wife to stop me from spending too much. We've developed a system, any large purchases (i.e. over 100 euro) need to be run past her first.

I still overspend but it's kept manageable and doesn't make a big dent in our finances. Without her help I know that I'd burn through whatever I income I got.

tbh

nesf wrote: »

Both really. Sometimes I maintain enough perspective to spot it, often I don't. I depend a lot on my wife to stop me from spending too much. We've developed a system, any large purchases (i.e. over 100 euro) need to be run past her first.

I still overspend but it's kept manageable and doesn't make a big dent in our finances. Without her help I know that I'd burn through whatever I income I got.

how about when you're in a low cycle nesf - is it something you can recognise as something transitory, or does each time feel like the first?

nesf

ntlbell wrote: »

I've heard a lot of people mention spending money and mania's

have you looked into this? any idea why there's a link?

It works similarly to how alcohol strips you of inhibitions. When you're manic you lose the inhibitions you normally have. You take risks you normally wouldn't. You spend more money. When single you'll sleep with anyone who'll take you (sometimes even driving a heterosexual individual into homosexual encounters and similar).

It's somewhat similar to a normal person taking a load of cocaine or similar and the behaviours that result. In fact many of the drugs used to bring mania down in a person can be given to someone under the effects of stimulants like cocaine to bring them down.

This is just one side to mania though, there are others.

nesf

tbh wrote: »

how about when you're in a low cycle nesf - is it something you can recognise as something transitory, or does each time feel like the first?

Again a bit of both. Your mind slows down, literally. You don't "solve puzzles" as easily. So when you do go down you might not put two and two together and spot that you're down. Especially if you have the kind of depressions that involve loss of interest/enjoyment rather than classical low emotions i.e. "feeling depressed."

Queen-Mise

tbh wrote: »

do you know when that's happening, and are powerless to do anything about it, or is it a case of you only realise after the high has passed?

I am open to correction here. When you make the purchase they makes sense and 'normal' thing to do. Powerless Wouldnt be quite the word to use - its not a delusion per se, it makes sense and reasonable.

tbh

nesf wrote: »

Especially if you have the kind of depressions that involve loss of interest/enjoyment rather than classical low emotions i.e. "feeling depressed."

that's really interesting, I didn't know about that.

Queen-Mise

galah wrote: »

I have been exposed to bipolar episodes as a family member-in-law, and I have a question (first of all, thanks for providing this medium!).

When you're high, and you say things (either really 'out there' things like 'I'm the worlds' greatest rockstar' or personal things, such as insults) - do you remember these when you are coming down? Would you remember the "crazy" things you talked about, and the nasty things you may have said in your high phase? Are they part of your long-term memory?
(for example, do you realise that it's always the same stuff you talk about when you're high?)

Cheers!

I say things when down that would be worrying to those around.

As for remembering them only vaguely because for me it meant sense at the time and seemed 'normal' (:$).

I Wouldnt particularly remember them the same way I Wouldnt remember the exact details of call with my mother or a friend, someone in a shop. This is further complicated because of depression, I Dont really care/or the energy to. So I am less likely to remember again.

Queen-Mise

nesf wrote: »

Again a bit of both. Your mind slows down, literally. You don't "solve puzzles" as easily. So when you do go down you might not put two and two together and spot that you're down. Especially if you have the kind of depressions that involve loss of interest/enjoyment rather than classical low emotions i.e. "feeling depressed."

I have the first kind of depression you described there, very annoying when ppl start talking about it as if it is the second kind. 'oh your having a bad day' - no I am having a bad 2 years.
.
As you can see I am definitely in a resentment/anger stage :-):-)

Queen-Mise

Another question ye do ye smoke - is there anything that helps you cope with the illness.

I started smoking again last thurs, I had put down a hellish week in my head. My head comes under pressure till all I want to do is stay in bed etc. I needed some relief. The smoking really helped - which is annoying me more.

Any experience or tips with that.

nesf

galah wrote: »

I have been exposed to bipolar episodes as a family member-in-law, and I have a question (first of all, thanks for providing this medium!).

When you're high, and you say things (either really 'out there' things like 'I'm the worlds' greatest rockstar' or personal things, such as insults) - do you remember these when you are coming down? Would you remember the "crazy" things you talked about, and the nasty things you may have said in your high phase? Are they part of your long-term memory?
(for example, do you realise that it's always the same stuff you talk about when you're high?)

Cheers!

Sometimes I remember them. Sometimes I don't. I definitely have poor memory when it comes to remembering details of a mania. I forget a lot of stuff. There are a variety of reasons for this, mostly I blame higher adrenaline levels during mania for my memory loss over the period but that's just a baseless theory. I think the problem is in the formation of memories rather than losses of long term memories, as in, if I remember something I don't lose that memory. It's a binary situation I just remember stuff or I don't, I don't seem to remember stuff and then lose that memory later on any more than with memories from non-manic periods.

nesf

Queen-Mise wrote: »

Another question ye do ye smoke - is there anything that helps you cope with the illness.

I started smoking again last thurs, I had put down a hellish week in my head. My head comes under pressure till all I want to do is stay in bed etc. I needed some relief. The smoking really helped - which is annoying me more.

Any experience or tips with that.

I'm not convinced that smoking helps me or anyone else. What I do know is that if you have depression, bipolar of schizophrenia you are many times more likely to be a smoker than if you didn't have said illnesses. Why this is the case is, as far as I know, still unknown though there are theories about it being an attempt at self-medication.

nesf

tbh wrote: »

that's really interesting, I didn't know about that.

There are two clinical symptoms where one (or both) need to be there for someone to be diagnosable as having depression. Plus a bunch of other symptoms but one of the two of these is mandatory (plus these need to be there for at least two weeks, just feeling sad for a few days is perfectly normal mentally!):


(1) depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g., feels sad or empty) or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful). Note: In children and adolescents, can be irritable mood.

(2) markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day (as indicated by either subjective account or observation made by others)

You can be clinically depressed and very rarely actually feel sad. This is something practically unknown outside of those in the profession or sufferers with primarily (2) type of depression (I'm one of those people, I don't really feel sad very often, I just lose interest in pretty much everything and just find ways to kill time between periods of sleep).

sam34

nesf wrote: »

I'm not convinced that smoking helps me or anyone else. What I do know is that if you have depression, bipolar of schizophrenia you are many times more likely to be a smoker than if you didn't have said illnesses. Why this is the case is, as far as I know, still unknown though there are theories about it being an attempt at self-medication.

yep, i remember one consultant saying to me that "11 out of 10 schizophrenics smoke"

i think most people think of it as self-medication, an attempt to calm the nerves (for want of a better phrase)

also, it may be partly caused by teh fact that if someone is admitted to hospital, the smoking room is the happening place to be! i'd imagine a lot of people start smoking during a psychiatric admission.

nesf

sam34 wrote: »

yep, i remember one consultant saying to me that "11 out of 10 schizophrenics smoke"

i think most people think of it as self-medication, an attempt to calm the nerves (for want of a better phrase)

also, it may be partly caused by teh fact that if someone is admitted to hospital, the smoking room is the happening place to be! i'd imagine a lot of people start smoking during a psychiatric admission.

I started smoking at 18. Just tried it when out and found it relieved my anxiety because it gave me something to do with my hands. It was a really stupid thing to do but still hooked 11 years later and having extreme difficulty quitting. I can get off them when manic and then end up back on them as soon as I get depressed (I don't get remission periods of normal mood, I just go from mania to depression and back again constantly, well it's more complex than that, I might go into it at some point).

ntlbell

nesf wrote: »

I can get off them when manic and then end up back on them as soon as I get depressed (I don't get remission periods of normal mood, I just go from mania to depression and back again constantly, well it's more complex than that, I might go into it at some point).

When you say this, do you mean if you didn't medicate?

Or is this a constant state for you medication or no medication?

I was under the impression that with the vast majority of cases that once the right synergy with the medication was found that's the end of the ups and downs? is this not the case?

does the medication only make each of them less concentrated or?

nesf

ntlbell wrote: »

When you say this, do you mean if you didn't medicate?

Or is this a constant state for you medication or no medication?

I was under the impression that with the vast majority of cases that once the right synergy with the medication was found that's the end of the ups and downs? is this not the case?

does the medication only make each of them less concentrated or?

I still cycle through mania and depression when medicated. The manias and depressions are far less severe. We're still working on my medication but I'd be unusual in this respect. Most people find a drug or combination of drugs that works fairly quickly, a small enough minority don't. I'm one of said minority.

Undoubtedly though, without medication I'd be a lot worse. They might only at this point be a partial treatment but untreated my life would be a lot worse.

sam34

ntlbell wrote: »

When you say this, do you mean if you didn't medicate?

Or is this a constant state for you medication or no medication?

I was under the impression that with the vast majority of cases that once the right synergy with the medication was found that's the end of the ups and downs? is this not the case?

does the medication only make each of them less concentrated or?

generally, you dont get an end to the highs and lows as such, meds or no meds

bipolar is a relapsing and remitting illness

without meds, its likely people will have longer episodes of illness and more frequent episodes

but even with meds, they can still relapse

Queen-Mise

Yup same for me. The meds stop the worst of it. But then im not happy with my situation at the moment. Anything close to a normal life isnt available to me. Im surviving and thats it. Im not sure if it is time for meds to work or some tinkering is needed.

nesf

Queen-Mise wrote: »

Yup same for me. The meds stop the worst of it. But then im not happy with my situation at the moment. Anything close to a normal life isnt available to me. Im surviving and thats it. Im not sure if it is time for meds to work or some tinkering is needed.

The only person who can help you with this is your psychiatrist I'm afraid.

Queen-Mise

nesf wrote: »

The only person who can help you with this is your psychiatrist I'm afraid.

oh yeah I know that - i am finding it really frustrating at the moment.

do you have a problem with moods in general ??

nesf

Queen-Mise wrote: »

do you have a problem with moods in general ??

Sometimes. It's more energy levels that get me. I'm not "moody" as people, I more get very quiet and subdued when low etc.

bob50

Yes nesf i coulndt agree more with mental illness its nearlys always hidden and unless you talk to someone who knows about it people think your just making it up

_Whimsical_

Fair play Nesf for making the thread. It's very generous of you to share your experience like this.

I was just wondering when you said that you were suffering from bipolar for 15 years and treated for 10, what was life like for the other 5 years where you weren't treated or diagnosed? Was the 5 delay in getting treated because the onset of the illness was gradual and was diagnosed late ?

nesf

Pernickity wrote: »

Fair play Nesf for making the thread. It's very generous of you to share your experience like this.

I was just wondering when you said that you were suffering from bipolar for 15 years and treated for 10, what was life like for the other 5 years where you weren't treated or diagnosed? Was the 5 delay in getting treated because the onset of the illness was gradual and was diagnosed late ?

I received treatment early on when I was 17 about the time my illness was seriously disrupting my life and my quality of life was quite poor. For various reasons I didn't continue with treatment and only ended up taking treatment very seriously when I was 21 and had a very severe mania. Prior to this I was having a lot of difficulty with my illness but I was lying to myself about my need to get help.

My symptoms first started (I think) when anxiety started becoming a problem between 13-14. Prior to that there probably were symptoms but my quality of life wasn't being strongly effected so treatment/diagnosis wasn't necessary. The issue was when I was 13/14 I had no idea what anxiety was or that what I was going through wasn't normal. I was convinced that everyone else had the same issues and just dealt with them better for a good number of years.

I was originally diagnosed with depression at 17 and again 21 until I got a referral to a "second line" psychiatrist who corrected the diagnosis to bipolar. Though to be fair this was mostly because I tend towards having dysphoric manias which means my ups tend to feel like lows a lot of the time.

Life off medication for me was very difficult. Mostly because I had no idea what was wrong with me and no idea that I shouldn't automatically trust my instincts/thoughts (i.e. I used to get paranoid and believe it and then in retrospect afterwards not spot that this thinking was aberrant in nature). I only started to make real progress once I accepted that I had a mental illness and that my mind wasn't something solely in my control. This took a long time to really sink in.

_Whimsical_

nesf wrote: »

Life off medication for me was very difficult. Mostly because I had no idea what was wrong with me and no idea that I shouldn't automatically trust my instincts/thoughts (i.e. I used to get paranoid and believe it and then in retrospect afterwards not spot that this thinking was aberrant in nature). I only started to make real progress once I accepted that I had a mental illness and that my mind wasn't something solely in my control. This took a long time to really sink in.

So sorry to hear that you were affected at such a young age.That sounds so awful. I think that in the normal course of life one of the most difficult things is learning that you can't trust all you once held sacred and then learning to rely on your own discernment and instinct to negociate your way through life. Being robbed of 100% trust in your own thoughts and instincts must be absolute hell.

I know someone going through something similar at the moment with a mental illness. Your explanation that I quoted above has definitely given me a deeper insight into what it must be like for him.I didn't understand that aspect of the illness so much so thank you for that.

You are very well able to articulate yourself in a way that lots of people are not. Do you feel that you can explain to friends and family in a way that they can understand what you go through? Do you feel understood?

nesf

Pernickity wrote: »

You are very well able to articulate yourself in a way that lots of people are not. Do you feel that you can explain to friends and family in a way that they can understand what you go through? Do you feel understood?

I can explain it fairly well. Part of that is introspection, part of it is the ability to clearly express complex thoughts from years of study in academics. The only people who truly understand are those who also have a mental illness though. Someone who is used to being around someone with a mental illness has some degree of insight definitely but they don't have the same instant recognition that you'll find in other sufferers.

That said, I've never really yearned for understanding so much as acceptance. I don't really mind if someone can't really grasp what psychosis is like so long as they are able to accept that sometimes I go through it and sometimes you can't take everything I say at face value. My wife doesn't understand what it's like to be depressed but she accepts that sometimes I'm depressed and have little energy and other times I'll be high and have too much energy. That's all I need/want really.

Queen-Mise

nesf wrote: »

That said, I've never really yearned for understanding so much as acceptance. I don't really mind if someone can't really grasp what psychosis is like so long as they are able to accept that sometimes I go through it and sometimes you can't take everything I say at face value. My wife doesn't understand what it's like to be depressed but she accepts that sometimes I'm depressed and have little energy and other times I'll be high and have too much energy. That's all I need/want really.

I couldn't agree more on this. At the moment I am in the height of it - in some ways the illness is still out of control - slowly working on it. I am learning what I can and can't do - and really beginning to learn my limitations.

Because of the depression - my circle of friends is after shrinking a LOT. But most of that is my choice. I have about five people who accept me as I am - good/bad/high/low. When I am in their company - I can name how i am and they accept it. More unusually 3 of them are college students, in their early 20s. The other friend I have has suffered a lot of continuous pain & depression in her life - so she understands me at a fundamental level.

It is really liberating to be able to say how you are - without someone looking at you like a lunatic.

My husband is also incredibly supportive - but in some ways he gets the brunt of it. He is in my company when it is like talking to a wall - when it may take me two or three days to say how I am. When I'm like that - it is like dealing with a chlld. It is a nasty illness - to cope with.

Nesf - any chance would you answer two questions for me. Are you able to work?
did you find counselling or psychotherapy helped at all? Have you ever went for help like that?

nesf

Queen-Mise wrote: »

Nesf - any chance would you answer two questions for me. Are you able to work?
did you find counselling or psychotherapy helped at all? Have you ever went for help like that?

I can work part-time but very irregular hours. I'm a bit of a house husband at the moment though, so that complicates things.

I never found counselling helpful but bipolar is a very different illness than depression when it comes to counselling and many people find it very useful/helpful.

Queen-Mise

nesf wrote: »

I can work part-time but very irregular hours. I'm a bit of a house husband at the moment though, so that complicates things.

I never found counselling helpful but bipolar is a very different illness than depression when it comes to counselling and many people find it very useful/helpful.

What I am after realising recently is that at the moment I am not capable of working - when those bouts of tiredness come on - I HAVE to go to bed for 4/5 hours. If I try to stay going - i could fall asleep at the wheel of the car, I'd fall asleep where I am.

The counselling thing really confused me for a while - cos I thought the depression was related to things in my life - about a year ago it became clear that it was an entity in and of itself.

It is interesting reading your experience - because I have wondered whether I may be bi-polar or if it is depression. Certainly some of things you experienced I have to.


What is an average time length from you to go from a high to low, and then back to high.

sam34

queen-mise,

i know its interesting to hear from a bipolar sufferer such as nesf.

your last statements concern me a little, as i think you may be looking at nesf's history and coming to the conclusion that you may have bipolar yourself.

thats a dodgy road to tread.

by all means, speak to a doctor about all your symptoms and concerns.

the treatment for depression and bipolar overlap a bit, but they also differ a lot.

beat wishes,

sam

Queen-Mise

sam34 wrote: »

queen-mise,

i know its interesting to hear from a bipolar sufferer such as nesf.

your last statements concern me a little, as i think you may be looking at nesf's history and coming to the conclusion that you may have bipolar yourself.

thats a dodgy road to tread.

by all means, speak to a doctor about all your symptoms and concerns.

the treatment for depression and bipolar overlap a bit, but they also differ a lot.

beat wishes,

sam

Oh no - I am not diagnosing myself from nesf - it is something the psychiatrists are considering also at the moment. Nesf is in a very settled (?) place as he knows where he is.

Things for me are a bit more confusing - they haven't nailed down yet what the 'particular' problem is.

Before I ever came across this thread - I was seriously wondering whether I had mild bi-polar rather than depression. But then nevermind all that - my moods have their own issues as well As well as having to deal with depression, I am dealing with moods - I think they are in a parallel universe or something.

In essence - I am really not sure where I stand. It is helpful reading others experiences - as I can see what is similar and what is different.

nesf

Queen-Mise wrote: »

Oh no - I am not diagnosing myself from nesf - it is something the psychiatrists are considering also at the moment. Nesf is in a very settled (?) place as he knows where he is.

Things for me are a bit more confusing - they haven't nailed down yet what the 'particular' problem is.

Before I ever came across this thread - I was seriously wondering whether I had mild bi-polar rather than depression. But then nevermind all that - my moods have their own issues as well As well as having to deal with depression, I am dealing with moods - I think they are in a parallel universe or something.

In essence - I am really not sure where I stand. It is helpful reading others experiences - as I can see what is similar and what is different.

Honestly. Discussions about possible diagnosis is not suitable discussion for this thread. The only person you should bring up your doubts with is your psychiatrist as only they can help you with this.

sam34

Queen-Mise wrote: »

In essence - I am really not sure where I stand. It is helpful reading others experiences - as I can see what is similar and what is different.

ok, but dont interpret too much from here, thats all im saying

nesf

sam34 wrote: »

ok, but dont interpret too much from here, thats all im saying

Exactly. It's far too easy to read about someone's experiences and think "that sounds familiar" and not at all have the same illness as that person. My experiences of paranoia would sound very familiar to someone with schizophrenia but we'd have two extremely different conditions etc.

Queen-Mise

sam34 wrote: »

ok, but dont interpret too much from here, thats all im saying

I know that. You wouldn't credit - how much I know I know about the whole area - I am finding my feet still in this situation.

People's experience is invaluable though - it really helps that you are not alone with the issues.

nesf

So, in an effort to continue the thread and to give some insight into the illness for those who would be interested in learning more:

Today I'm going through dysphoric mania. Or at least that's what I, and a friend who also has bipolar, have independently come to think. Whether this is a true label or not isn't really that important, with mental illness it's all about symptoms and groups of symptoms and these vary between individuals to a rather large extent. I was out and met a load of friends that I don't get to see very often. I just couldn't summon much of a will to enjoy myself. I can crack jokes and smile but don't really feel the humour and just smile etc because I know someone is telling a joke or funny story and that they expect me to smile. I'm having some mild grade psychosis, hearing my voice almost as another person's, thinking that friends don't actually like me and so on but nothing major. Mood wise I'm low yet energetic, agitated yet feel like doing nothing. It's very hard to describe the combination of anxiety and suspicion coupled with agitation and a lack of a will to do anything other than stand and observe others. From the outside I appear (to others) to vary between manic energy and depressed silence and stillness. It feels odd, a friend gave me a good expression for it, there seems to be a sheet of glass separating me from the world. Outside the glass there are emotions, happiness and people interacting but I can only observe not partake in this and they feel somewhat alien to me. The strangest sensation is one of almost feeling like you're watching yourself react to social cues, almost a sense of watching a puppet reacting to its strings being pulled. Not a true out of body experience in the true sense but more of one feeling like I'm inside watching my body doing things for brief periods. Decidedly odd to be honest about it.

From a medical PoV, this is all fine, seeing my psychiatrist soon etc to discuss this stuff but I thought some description of very mild psychosis might prove interesting to people given that the normal examples are of quite severe bizarre psychosis like believing the CIA are spying on you and similar.

MUSEIST

nesf I think this thread is great and its great that you are talking about this.
Can I just ask for you does mania manifest itself as extreme anxiety with you .

nesf

MUSEIST wrote: »

Can I just ask for you does mania manifest itself as extreme anxiety with you .

Anxiety plays a large part in my depressions and dysphoric manias but doesn't play a large part in normal manias. Especially with the latter it manifests as extreme agitation + anxiety which is highly unpleasant. With meds my anxiety isn't as bad, without meds it's crippling really and I couldn't get through a night out without a large amount of alcohol to calm myself down which for obvious reasons isn't a great idea as a habit.

_Whimsical_

Sorry to hear that you are having a lousy day today. It doesn't sound easy at all. I think it's very impressive that you can be so objective about it and recognize your feelings as low grade psychosis rather than fully belief them and give way to them completely. You clearly are very intelligent but you must be extremely strong mentally too to be able to do that. Over the years have you found any techniques that have helped you maintain that strength and objectivity in the face of what you're feeling?

I wondered if you'd ever read An Unquiet Mind by Dr Kay Redfield Jamisson?She suffers from bipolar and is a proffesor of psychiatry at John Hopkins University in the US. The book is her own personal experience of the illness. I wondered if you had read it did you feel it was repressentative of the experience in general of having bi polar? If you have not read it you might like it.

nesf

Pernickity wrote: »

I think it's very impressive that you can be so objective about it and recognize your feelings as low grade psychosis rather than fully belief them and give way to them completely.

Honestly a combination of years of psychosis + medication makes it possible. I'm not sure if I could maintain such a sense of perspective without medication. Plus low-grade psychosis is much easier to keep your head with than full blown psychosis though one could potentially argue that the ability to maintain perspective during mild psychosis helps prevent a fall into full blown psychosis for bipolar patients based on personal past experiences of mild becoming somewhat more serious psychosis in the past (I've no idea about schizophrenia and whether it works like this for sufferers of the illness).

I have that book somewhere, though I haven't gotten around to reading it yet.

Flamed Diving

Ok, I was diagnosed with Bipolar exactly two years ago now. I only heard of its existence just two years previous to that, when an ex-girlfriend was diagnosed (I have a 'thing' for girls with mental illness, although this is apparently common). Prior to my diagnosis I was very manic, I was extremely arrogant and ego-centric, cocky and confident. In my mind, there was literally nothing I could not comprehend (thankfully, subsequent years at university taught me otherwise). In these mood states, I can be extremely focused and highly productive. It would not be unusual for me to complete an assignment in one sitting. However, sometimes this energy goes onto the wrong track, and I can become quite irritated and paranoid. I get impatient with people who do not think quickly enough, who get in my way on the street, who look at me the wrong way. Once, while I was at a psychiatrist I was asked whether I believed that cameras followed me. It was in that moment that I began to see that the cameras I always thought were there may not exist. But that was all part of the centric thinking. Everyone was watching me, because I was the centre. But I do not suffer from a paranoid illness. I was merely living on the frontier of mania (without knowing it) for a long time.

I could go on for days about mania, because I experience it, in some form, for about 90% of the year. The rest is depression, which is generally well understood. Anyway, I am medicated now, and although I still get highs and lows, they are well reined in. My life is great.

Feel free to question, I have had to make major changes to 'come down', so I might have some handy tips.

_Whimsical_

nesf wrote: »

I have that book somewhere, though I haven't gotten around to reading it yet.

I don't have manic depression so I feel truly foolish recommending a book on the subject to you or anyone here. It's not a self help book or anything just a personal story.I read it because I know someone who has manic depression. I think that it is probably one of the most interesting, inspiring and intelligently observed memoirs I have ever read on any subject. If you have it lying around do give it a read at some point.

MUSEIST

I dont have bipolar but I have been diagnosed with depression and severe anxiety and I did experience hypomania once (hypomania brought on by taking antidepressants). For me hypomania was amazing, i felt pure euphoria at times and i remember thinking I wish i was like this all the time. I can totally see why people who are experiencing mania dont see it as a problem but its the people close to them that suffer from the consequences.
How long would a manic and depressive phase last for?