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Talk About Your Relationships Here

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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,168 ✭✭✭Kazobel


    After my assault one I had to live as a guy for a while, more so to stop him being able to find me than anything else but I never hide my TS status ever, if someone wants to be with me then thats part of me that they have to accept too so I was dating a girl and we were together for 6 years and had a son, now at the time we were buying a house and everything but I got made redundant in October of the year in question and by November of that year she was sleeping with her brothers best mate. I didn't know at the time so I was acting like we were still a couple, anyway she used my redundancy to buy her family and him christmas presents, maxed out my credit card and I didn't see my son all of december, I seen him for an hour on Christmas morning and she wouldn't answer any questions (questions like "are we still together") then on the 5th of january she decided she wanted to talk so we went to McDonnalls and she broke up with me in front of my son and that was it. She said there was no-one else but a day later she had my son calling him "Daddy". In Febuary her, him and my son disappeared. He was 2 at the time, he'd be 8 now. I don't even know what he looks like and probably never will now. Before anyone jumps on this she was well aware I was TS, she didn't go because I was TS, she left because the money ran out so girls, guys...girls can be cnuts too.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,610 ✭✭✭Karen_*


    I said to my ex last week that I wouldn't go back with him with things as they were. (they were bad and he dumped me) He replied 'yeah right'. I've since told him to feck right off and never to contact me again. I guess he spoke a bit too soon.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,196 ✭✭✭Crumble Froo


    yikes! :O

    jaysus, kazobel, you really have had it rough, haven't you?!

    damn, im so sorry about that, it's one thing losing a lover, a whole other losing a kid :(


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,000 ✭✭✭spinandscribble


    rain on wrote: »

    The same guy (probably) recently asked me if I'd started the college course that I applied for when we were going out, and when I said yes I had, he said "Oh good, I'd feel so bad if you were so upset over breaking up with me that you gave up on college".
    :confused:


    oh god please say that was a joke?
    i feel much better reading this thread. being told they dont consider me a ex gf even though we spent more time together then his only other ex did (and got up to come then kissing) stung alot and made me feel like a piece of meat. but he's still single after nearly two years and im in a loving relationship for a year and a half so yay. :)

    oh yeah and a month after being together he rings me to recite a poem he had just written about a girl 4 years before he loved from afar (ie. a love poem) but he said before he read it it was for a competition and he never wrote about anything else before and thats why he stuck to THAT theme. :rolleyes: i should have dumped him then. first bf though, low self esteem ect


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,610 ✭✭✭Karen_*


    Oh good for you Spin! Am delighted you found happiness! My ex constantly went on about his exes. They were all wonderful and he adored them all and yet he was still single at 40. I wasn't wonderful though. He used to show me photos of them and deliberately wind me up about them and other women. I should have dumped him then. ;)


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  • Registered Users Posts: 17,324 ✭✭✭✭Cathmandooo


    Sorry to hear that Kazobel, you have really had it rough havent you :( No doubt that women can be as bad as men!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,168 ✭✭✭Kazobel


    narco wrote: »
    yikes! :O

    jaysus, kazobel, you really have had it rough, haven't you?!

    damn, im so sorry about that, it's one thing losing a lover, a whole other losing a kid :(

    I'm learning how people think tbh, my girlfriend now has two kids, one has Down syndrome and their dad left the day she was born because he seen her as a flaw. She doesn't recognise him at all because she has limited face recognition abilities (she can hold 5 people in at a time) but sees me as her other parent and I'm happy to be that person for her so I like to think that maybe all the **** was to lead me to her where she'd have someone that really does love her as opposed to the fake **** her dad gives, he's even asked for my girlfriends 5 year old on her own and not have to take the baby on the days he has access :(


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,732 ✭✭✭rain on


    oh god please say that was a joke?

    It'd be nice to think it was a joke... Other things he used to do would suggest otherwise though.. including, when we were going out, going on and on (and on and on and on) about how much he had loved his ex and how much he was never going to be in love with me... It's a mystery why I put up with him for as long as I did. In my defence, he was a great ride. But not much else :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,000 ✭✭✭spinandscribble


    Karen33 wrote: »
    Oh good for you Spin! Am delighted you found happiness! My ex constantly went on about his exes. They were all wonderful and he adored them all and yet he was still single at 40. I wasn't wonderful though. He used to show me photos of them and deliberately wind me up about them and other women. I should have dumped him then. ;)

    i bet you became wonderful after though :rolleyes: thats how these guys are. they never want someone when they can have them. that ex only ever feels for women that dont want him. the sad bit is he still trys to make me jealous by going on and on about girls. we're friends so i expect him to talk about that but the extent to which he goes on is a bit OTT or maybe thats just his way.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,610 ✭✭✭Karen_*


    i bet you became wonderful after though :rolleyes: thats how these guys are. they never want someone when they can have them. that ex only ever feels for women that dont want him. the sad bit is he still trys to make me jealous by going on and on about girls. we're friends so i expect him to talk about that but the extent to which he goes on is a bit OTT or maybe thats just his way.

    Well I said that to him. You only seem to be mad about people you can't have and not bothered about those you have. He had a girlfriend for nine years, they split because he couldn't commit. Single for a few years and then would marry tomorrow a girl who couldn't stand him. Oh I was the one dumped and mainly because I forced a decision but when I wanted no contact and said 'you wanted a break up, you can have one' he went into panic mode of he needed me in his life and we would be brilliant friends etc. But I can't be friends with somene who can only do serious conversations by text.

    Unfortunately once I got over my initial upset I wasn't about to accept a demotion. Our whole relationship was him trying to make me jealous in a hilarious joke kind of way. Because I don't have any sense of humour I didn't find it funny. Insight please into a guy who's a flirt, can't commit and tries to make someone jealous. And then blames everything on you


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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,196 ✭✭✭Crumble Froo


    Kazobel wrote: »
    I'm learning how people think tbh, my girlfriend now has two kids, one has Down syndrome and their dad left the day she was born because he seen her as a flaw. She doesn't recognise him at all because she has limited face recognition abilities (she can hold 5 people in at a time) but sees me as her other parent and I'm happy to be that person for her so I like to think that maybe all the **** was to lead me to her where she'd have someone that really does love her as opposed to the fake **** her dad gives, he's even asked for my girlfriends 5 year old on her own and not have to take the baby on the days he has access :(

    ha, i do recall when i was younger and going through a lot of really really bad ****, an adult who took an interest in my case used to say a lot that she believes everything happens for a reason. and i used to think that was pure bull****... and now... looking at where i am and how happy i am, and where i was , and how i could never have gotten here if it wasnt for the bad ****...
    i think she was right. life is a strange piece of fish.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,000 ✭✭✭spinandscribble


    ours was about me feeling paranoid about his flirting and his throw away jokey comments *i hate you lol* ect. eventually i realised he didnt care for me and i was going throught a bad time at home so going stand it. i was coming from dublin and i met a guy on a train who was nice to me and made me realise i deserved more. i talked to him as a unbiased opinion on the way back home on the train. it cleared my mind and i decided to dump my bf. it wasnt going anywhere and was making us both miserable.
    i accidently bumped into the train fella then next day and while we spent some time together after the break up, it didnt work out but thats another story. ;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,613 ✭✭✭✭Clare Bear


    Karen33 wrote: »
    Insight please into a guy who's a flirt, can't commit and tries to make someone jealous. And then blames everything on you


    A FOOKING EEJIT!!!!!!!!! ;)


  • Registered Users Posts: 17,324 ✭✭✭✭Cathmandooo


    Clare Bear wrote: »
    A FOOKING EEJIT!!!!!!!!! ;)

    Agreed!

    Hope you two girlies are doing ok today, men who needs em ;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,288 ✭✭✭pow wow


    As Oprah would say: these guys give you signs! before my lad told me to ease off being public about us because he was seeing someone else he used to say 'I keep waiting for the day you realise I'm not as great as you think I am'. Think less 'modest' and more 'cheating $hitbag'. lol. Also, when we first met, we got a little tipsy and did the whole 'ask me any question you like' thing. Usually it would be something a bit cheeky but insightful, his was 'do you wax your bits?'. And they say romance is dead.

    When we eventually split he made it obvious that this girl is far more important to him than me (think about it, if you stalked your man's facebook/bebo and started ranting about who his female friends were he'd call you a stalker....when I asked what this girl was even doing gawking at my page he said it was 'perfectly normal' for you to look up all your partner's friends on bebo or whatever and ask a zillion questions about them...) he still carried on with the 'you're amazing I want us to stay in touch, me and her are nothing serious' in between going out on dates with her obviously.

    We cut all contact when we were both invited to a mutual friend's wedding (more my friend than his, hence him being surprised he got an invite). He text me, referring to the wedding invite, saying 'guess what I got?'. I replied 'several STIs?' and that was pretty much that.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,000 ✭✭✭spinandscribble


    ellscurr wrote: »
    We cut all contact when we were both invited to a mutual friend's wedding (more my friend than his, hence him being surprised he got an invite). He text me, referring to the wedding invite, saying 'guess what I got?'. I replied 'several STIs?' and that was pretty much that.

    oh oh *bows* :D

    yeah nothing hurts a scumbag more then STI jokes, but thats usually because deep down they're scared too. otherwise they'd laugh it off ;)


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    *Murphy* wrote: »
    woke up to a text saying he was breakin up with me

    blamed me for the break up

    got engaged

    begged me to get back with him

    got married and got the lady pregnent

    all within the space of 3 months.

    likes to spread nice rumours about me still.... (this was 2 years ago now!!)

    she was my best friend.......

    The flippin fools - her and him... Are they still together? Was she so stupid to think if he did it to you he wouldnt do it to her????

    They deserve each other.. :confused:


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    cornbb wrote: »
    I'm curious though, does this happen a lot? There are a lot of horror stories here but is it a large number compared to the number of relatively civilised (albeit painful) breakups that happen? I'd hate to think that the guys that do this are anything but a small minority...

    Its sad to say they generally tend to be spineless and disappear rather than tell you its finished. This seems extremely common... Doesnt seem to matter what age they are.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,196 ✭✭✭Crumble Froo


    i think most people have had a few exes in their time at this stage...a nd most have probably not been mentioned.


  • Registered Users Posts: 23,216 ✭✭✭✭monkeyfudge


    Yeah... we tend to gloss over the ones who had beaks.


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  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,074 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    SarahSassy wrote: »
    I see a common thread here - men cant leave women until they have someone to move to....
    I dunno about that. It really depends on so many things. Age is a big part of it from what I've seen. Also what you define as a relationship is part of it. In general and in my experience, men will hop from something casual to the next interesting thing more than women. Then again women are way more prone to hopping from one serious relationship right into the next, without working on the things that screwed the pooch with the first one. More women than men find it difficult to be single for any length of time. I can think of many more women I've known going from rebound to rebound. Way more than men. Yes men may have a fling to get over a long term serious thing, but it seems to me much rarer for them to go into a serious thing straight after.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,074 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    ellscurr wrote: »
    As Oprah would say: these guys give you signs!
    People do all the time. Lust or love usually screws with your vision though :) Simple one's to watch for and I've seen this with women mates of mine.
    Look at how they treat women who aren't family and whom they're not sexually attracted too. That's his default setting in how he looks at women and how you'll be treated after the honeymoon's over. Not just the obvious stuff either. Does he think of women as separate creatures that are either loved, screwed or to be dismissed as a bit daft? A them and us attitude is not a good sign.

    Avoid guys who come out with I love you way too early. Under 4 months I would say. They'll fall out of love just as quick. Emotionally immature types can't express themselves well so either go over the top or act cold.

    Bad temper. Not good, especially if it's directed at you. Leave and quick.

    Paranoia not good.

    Putting you down a lot, is another one. Usually passed off as joking at first.

    What worries or annoys you in the early stages will cause problems later on and will be most likely the reason for a split.

    if you're making excuses for them, for stuff they're doing and blaming yourself, that's a bad sign.

    Pretty much the same for guys looking at women really.
    before my lad told me to ease off being public about us because he was seeing someone else he used to say 'I keep waiting for the day you realise I'm not as great as you think I am'. Think less 'modest' and more 'cheating $hitbag'. lol.
    Classic example, he was telling you exactly what was what.
    Also, when we first met, we got a little tipsy and did the whole 'ask me any question you like' thing. Usually it would be something a bit cheeky but insightful, his was 'do you wax your bits?'. And they say romance is dead.
    Didn't stop you though did it? :) That would be the lust...
    He text me, referring to the wedding invite, saying 'guess what I got?'. I replied 'several STIs?' and that was pretty much that.
    :D Sweet. Will file that away for future ref.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,613 ✭✭✭✭Clare Bear


    God I never realised how many songs on the radio are about break ups....even that Mutya's Don't Panic or whatever it's called song is on now and I used to hate it but she's making sense today. Who knew!

    Eurgh now that fupping Rooney song is on, why is that song so popular. I hate it. Big moany voice on him!

    I'm telling ya, I'm setting up the Planet X - sending all ex boyfriends to it, even the nice ones (cause those feckers are the worst) I'll get back to ye when I find out how to make a Planet a million miles away, can't be that hard.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,196 ✭✭✭Crumble Froo


    hint: don't listen to radio.

    that said, i have to admit i have a playlist on dustin for when im feelin down bout love :P :S :(


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 274 ✭✭Featherl


    Cathoo,

    U were right to text him and ask him why he did that! It was strange, he could have come in and said hello to you after coming up that far!

    He is just trying to wreck your head
    :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    Well girls, I have to say, despite the fact I should be on hols visiting him this week I am doing very well. I think it was a blessing in disguise that he treated me so badly... Its making it easier. Have not contacted him and have heard nothing from him (the spineless %$&£)...

    Hope the calm continues.....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 508 ✭✭✭SW81


    Good girl! Go you!!


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 16,186 ✭✭✭✭Maple


    SarahSassy wrote: »
    Well girls, I have to say, despite the fact I should be on hols visiting him this week I am doing very well. I think it was a blessing in disguise that he treated me so badly... Its making it easier. Have not contacted him and have heard nothing from him (the spineless %$&£)...

    Hope the calm continues.....

    woo hoo! Go girl! :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,397 ✭✭✭✭azezil


    My gawd you're never going to meet a partner if you bad mouth every ex you've been with so publicly, ok you got hurt, we all do but if you need to talk to someone about it do it with a close friend, in private!

    It's times like this I'm glad I'm gay :rolleyes:


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,878 ✭✭✭Rozabeez


    Clingy, controlling, arrogant, pushy, dominating, offensive, yet switches to the "I love you more than life itself" crap when he senses that I've had enough.

    He'll possibly read this, then text me informing me how hurt he is that I think such things.

    Ever felt completely smothered by someone?

    Take your f**cking ring back, and find some weak little bitch to push around, asshole.

    /me breathes.

    Rant over.


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