Talk About Your Relationships Here

SarahSassy

Damo, I was referring to this thread but maybe didnt explain it properly.

I know not all guys are like that but at the same time, from what I hear, experience and read many of them are...

With all my friends, it seems to be common to be dumped by men in two ways:

a) they stop contacting you and hope you will cop on and go away or
b) you find out they are seeing someone else.

ts very very seldom that a guy will sit a girl down and tell her he is not that into her and deal with it directly.

I am still hoping to find a decent guy and by saying that I am acknowledging that not all men are assholes.... Sadly some are good liars and good actors but they are not all assholes.

Star Lord

SarahSassy wrote: »

Damo, I was referring to this thread but maybe didnt explain it properly.

I know not all guys are like that but at the same time, from what I hear, experience and read many of them are...

With all my friends, it seems to be common to be dumped by men in two ways:

a) they stop contacting you and hope you will cop on and go away or
b) you find out they are seeing someone else.

ts very very seldom that a guy will sit a girl down and tell her he is not that into her and deal with it directly.

I am still hoping to find a decent guy and by saying that I am acknowledging that not all men are assholes.... Sadly some are good liars and good actors but they are not all assholes.

Oh no, I knew what you meant, maybe I should have elaborated in my reply.

When I was breaking up with someone I just told them that I didn't see it working out, and that while I did like the person a lot, thought it was more a friendship based like, and that I did not want to pretend otherwise because it would only end up dragging it out and she would end up getting hurt.

I see nothing to gain from dishonesty, I would never cheat on someone, and I treat people with respect.

SarahSassy

Well in my recent case, 1 phonecall would have saved a lot of confusion, embarassment (as obviously at this stage I had told friends and family about my trip) and hurt.. We might have retained the friendship but right now I cant see that he deserves to be my friend and in reality, that is the part that hurts the most.

Star Lord

Exactly, the fact that he wasn't considerate enough to let you know weeks ago shows that he doesn't deserve to have anything to do with you! Only a matter of time before the unlucky girl he met finds out how inconsiderate and uncaring he is.

Zombrex

SarahSassy wrote: »

I see a common thread here - men cant leave women until they have someone to move to....

I would agree in so far as some people (ie both sexes) tend to find it easier to leave their partners when they believe they have some thing else to go to.

In my experience I would associate this more with younger people who have less experience with relationships.

Most young people have issues with being not in a relationship. This tends to put an unnatural emphases on simply being in a relationship, rather than on the person you are actually in the relationship with.

I have friends, again of both sexes, who continue to go out with their partners I believe simply because they do not want to be "single". They may well convince themselves that they actually really like the other person, but that tends to just be a front.

In the long run this just ends up being very unfair on the partners though, and also ends up with situations where someone gets dumped like a hot potato as soon as someone else comes along.

Personally I would be skeptical of any girl I was starting to see who had a string of relationships and seemed to jump straight into a new one as soon as the last one ended.

SarahSassy

DamoElDiablo wrote: »

Only a matter of time before the unlucky girl he met finds out how inconsiderate and uncaring he is.

Well he had me fooled for quite a while....

Star Lord

Karma though, he'll get what he deserves in one way or another.

cold_filter

SarahSassy wrote: »

With all my friends, it seems to be common to be dumped by men in two ways:

a) they stop contacting you and hope you will cop on and go away or
b) you find out they are seeing someone else.

ts very very seldom that a guy will sit a girl down and tell her he is not that into her and deal with it directly.

Agree with this spent a year and half out of a four year relationship trying to get the GF to dump me byt causing fights etc but the turned on the waterworks and i felt guilty. In the end she met someone else and I was the happiest i'd been for 2 years she was pretty puzzled by my reaction

Thankfully i am a bit more grown up now and I've wanted out in a couple of relationships since and I have sat the girl down and told her that i want out.

SarahSassy

Well the guys (and girls) who do get my total respect.... I have had to in the past and even if you know you have upset someone you can hold your head up.

Anyway, day by day Im improving (note to Clare Bear ) and who needs a wimp or someone who is not 100% into you.

I deserve to be adored

Clare Bear

SarahSassy wrote: »

Well the guys (and girls) who do get my total respect.... I have had to in the past and even if you know you have upset someone you can hold your head up.

Anyway, day by day Im improving (note to Clare Bear ) and who needs a wimp or someone who is not 100% into you.

I deserve to be adored

As horrible as I'm feeling right now, you're right....I adored him, I deserved the same back and didn't get it. I deserve someone that likes me as much as I like them.

Where is he?

SarahSassy

It doesnt matter where he is.... The only important point is that he is not there with you....

Grief like you are suffering is the anticipation of pain.... You feel sad cos you miss him not only right now but also because of the lost opportunities you have to do nice things with him in the future.... But you can plan your future. Who knows what might have happened had you stayed with him. Its time to make your own future. Pick up your own life again (which you had changed for him) and learn how to be happy again. I have no doubt you will be. I can see all the boys on PI telling us all how gorgeous you are....

Remember the only relationship to be in is one where there is balance most of the time and for this to happen you need to love each other equally...

Half measures are not good enough Clare and long term if you felt he was not as interested as you are then you would not be happy.

Clare Bear

Wise words Sarah, maybe they'll sink in in time...Thanks hun.

SarahSassy

Yeah and now I just need to swallow them myself

pow wow

We had been going out about 6 months, and it being 21st century we were facebook/myspace friends (websites have a lot to answer for lol). Anyway after a holiday together I changed my profile pic to one of me and him on the beach. He then, rather than speak to me, sends me a myspace message, asking me to take the photo down, because he is 'kinda seeing' someone else and it's 'not very pleasant' for her to have to see him with another girl. WTF is that?!

He also went on to say we could still keep seeing each other, so long as I kept it to a 'less public forum'. I LOL-ed, repeatedly. What a prize.

Am I irked that the other girl is a 5ft8 blonde bombshell? Kinda. I miss him but seriously....what a f*cking loser. Apparently there has to be a formal 'are we exclusive' talk after 6 months of practically living together and going on hols.

SarahSassy

ellscurr wrote: »

We had been going out about 6 months, and it being 21st century we were facebook/myspace friends (websites have a lot to answer for lol). Anyway after a holiday together I changed my profile pic to one of me and him on the beach. He then, rather than speak to me, sends me a myspace message, asking me to take the photo down, because he is 'kinda seeing' someone else and it's 'not very pleasant' for her to have to see him with another girl. WTF is that?!

He also went on to say we could still keep seeing each other, so long as I kept it to a 'less public forum'. I LOL-ed, repeatedly. What a prize.

Am I irked that the other girl is a 5ft8 blonde bombshell? Kinda. I miss him but seriously....what a f*cking loser. Apparently there has to be a formal 'are we exclusive' talk after 6 months of practically living together and going on hols.

The cheek of the twat - seriously well rid. I hope you told her he was seeing you at the same time. I would have.

pow wow

I think she knew, and after I bawled him out he was like 'oh you're making me feel a right a$$hole now'. My response: 'shame'.

It's always the good looking ones tsk tsk

SarahSassy

Putting it all back on you

He feels an asshole cos he is an asshole.

Kinetic^

I always tell my gf that she's got it good, showing her this thread might make her realise that she does.

spinandscribble

isnt that exactly what always happens?
"why am i feeling like a asshole? it must be because you're making me feel like a asshole!"

they cant even own their feelings. this goes for girls too, i have a friend who does the exact same.

*Murphy*

woke up to a text saying he was breakin up with me

blamed me for the break up

got engaged

begged me to get back with him

got married and got the lady pregnent

all within the space of 3 months.

likes to spread nice rumours about me still.... (this was 2 years ago now!!)

she was my best friend.......

Maple

*Murphy* wrote: »

woke up to a text saying he was breakin up with me

blamed me for the break up

got engaged

begged me to get back with him

got married and got the lady pregnent

all within the space of 3 months.

likes to spread nice rumours about me still.... (this was 2 years ago now!!)

she was my best friend.......

:eek: jesus, thats like something out of a soap! what a tosser.

Cathmandooo

yeah he sounds like a bit of a loon! There's some crazy men out there!!!

Latest on mine is he's aparently on holidays at the moment and texted me yesterday, I replied a couple of times, then he asked me is there any new man on the scene I didnt reply to that. I'm assuming he's on hols with the bird, what's he doing texting and making conversation with me and asking me my status at the mo???

I'll try be stronger and not reply again!

*Murphy*

i know. he was called 'the soapy bastard' for a while. he was a complete and utter w anker.

and the sad thing is he was my first love so ya no im always gonna have that 'thing' for him.

the funniest thing was, his wife was having her baby the same time my mam was, and my step dad bumped into him (i didnt tell my parents any of this) and ended up askin him 20 questions and gave him a right talkin too. the doc told him that his baby was born and my dad jus goes 'you will sit and tell me excatly everything that happend before you go anywhere' and he did. i was sittin there the whole time watchin him squirm and stutter tryin to get everything out. better then any apology.

Cathmandooo

*Murphy* wrote: »

i know. he was called 'the soapy bastard' for a while. he was a complete and utter w anker.

and the sad thing is he was my first love so ya no im always gonna have that 'thing' for him.

the funniest thing was, his wife was having her baby the same time my mam was, and my step dad bumped into him (i didnt tell my parents any of this) and ended up askin him 20 questions and gave him a right talkin too. the doc told him that his baby was born and my dad jus goes 'you will sit and tell me excatly everything that happend before you go anywhere' and he did. i was sittin there the whole time watchin him squirm and stutter tryin to get everything out. better then any apology.

Ah ha brilliant! fair play to step daddy gotta love them for things like that eh?

cornbb

Wow, what a thread! I can empathise with how sh*t breakups are and how they can drive us guys stir crazy for a while. Doesn't justify the crazy actions though. I guess ye can take solace from the fact that most of the guys in question were weak minded assholes.

I'm curious though, does this happen a lot? There are a lot of horror stories here but is it a large number compared to the number of relatively civilised (albeit painful) breakups that happen? I'd hate to think that the guys that do this are anything but a small minority...

Gauge

I've never had any particularly sh!t breakups but my last ex had some weird stalkerish tendencies... nothing like getting a phonecall when you're 5000+ miles away wanting to know why I had receieved a bebo comment from another guy. Also, having stuff I posted on boards repeated back to me was kind of weird and uncomfortable.

Um. Hopefully he doesn't do this anymore. In case he does: Hi!

rain on

Gauge wrote: »

I've never had any particularly sh!t breakups but my last ex had some weird stalkerish tendencies... nothing like getting a phonecall when you're 5000+ miles away wanting to know why I had receieved a bebo comment from another guy. Also, having stuff I posted on boards repeated back to me was kind of weird and uncomfortable.

Um. Hopefully he doesn't do this anymore. In case he does: Hi!

Dammit, you beat me to it

The same guy (probably) recently asked me if I'd started the college course that I applied for when we were going out, and when I said yes I had, he said "Oh good, I'd feel so bad if you were so upset over breaking up with me that you gave up on college".

Cathmandooo

rain on wrote: »

Dammit, you beat me to it

The same guy (probably) recently asked me if I'd started the college course that I applied for when we were going out, and when I said yes I had, he said "Oh good, I'd feel so bad if you were so upset over breaking up with me that you gave up on college".

oh ffs! arrrrgh stupid stupid men!! (I'm not saying all men are the same.....) kick them up the arse!

Papillon87

rain on wrote: »

Dammit, you beat me to it

The same guy (probably) recently asked me if I'd started the college course that I applied for when we were going out, and when I said yes I had, he said "Oh good, I'd feel so bad if you were so upset over breaking up with me that you gave up on college".

Jeeeeeeeeeeeesus! Haha! Talk about self absorbed/completely disillusioned!

John Mason

Cathooo wrote: »

yeah he sounds like a bit of a loon! There's some crazy men out there!!!

Latest on mine is he's aparently on holidays at the moment and texted me yesterday, I replied a couple of times, then he asked me is there any new man on the scene I didnt reply to that. I'm assuming he's on hols with the bird, what's he doing texting and making conversation with me and asking me my status at the mo???

I'll try be stronger and not reply again!

LOL, my ex does this to me all the time - he wants to know if i am servicing myself or have i found someone to help me out

then he likes to tell me how shi.t his girlfriend is in bed and wont allow any form of oral sex - i laugh and save the messages, i might even show her one day - poor cow