One-Liner Jokes

Peslo

Joke: Who's the nicest person in a hospital?


The ultra-sound guy.

Poor Uncle Tom

suzbox wrote: »

haha im so thiefing them..

Stop, Thief...!

"Anyone see a red thief go by here..?"

"No, but I saw a blue thief go by.."

"You fool, that was the red thief holding her breath."

kronsington

what's worse than a cardboard box?













































paper tits

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

There's a Stationary shop in Blanchardstown. Which is a nice change because all the other ones move around...

kronsington

Dermington wrote: »

yore ma can take it

not even a joke but i laughed for ages..

nothing like a good "your ma"

kronsington

Why did the mechanic from the Bronx sleep under his car?

cos he wanted to get up OILY in the morning

what's the difference between jam and marmalade?

you cant marmalade your c*ck up some bird's hole

tenandtracer

Mr Whippy was found collapsed in the back of his icecream van covered in hundreds and thousands
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seemingly he tried to top himself

Peslo

There are 10 type of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't...

atellyer

I phoned the local builders today,
I said to them "Can I have a skip outside my house?"
He said, "I'm not stopping you!"

Peslo

I'm actually married to two women.
My wife and America...



And I never go down south on either of them.

kronsington

here about the bloke who died when he was crushed by a piano?

his funeral was very low-key...

Capt'n Midnight

what happens if you push a piano down a shaft ?

you get a flat minor

Green Giant

Why is crossing the road like playing the piano?

C sharp or B flat

dak

Two eggs are walking down O,Connell street and one of them gets arrested?..
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his yolk was hanging out

Poor Uncle Tom

Two eggs walking down O'Connell Street,
one says, "isn't da spire nice in the sun ?"
the other says, "well fcuk me, a talking egg".

Eggstra bits.

Me-shell is a cracked yoke!
eggs are all cowards - yellowbellies.

Seal training for eggs had to be abandoned, all was going well until the sargent roared "scramble"

kronsington

what's the first sign of madness?

suggs showing up at your front door?

Peslo

Poor Uncle Tom wrote: »

Two eggs walking down O'Connell Street,
one says, "isn't da spire nice in the sun ?"
the other says, "well fcuk me, a talking egg".

Eggstra bits.

Me-shell is a cracked yoke!
eggs are all cowards - yellowbellies.

Seal training for eggs had to be abandoned, all was going well until the sargent roared "scramble"

Bad.

idPlease

Whats green and smells of pork?
Kermits dick

Whats long, green and good for facials...?
Yup, kermits dick

GenghisCon

Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

The holocaust.

dak

There was a young woman from Cape Cod

Who prayed for a baby to God

It wasn't the Almighty that went up her nighty

It was Roger the lodger the sod.

kronsington

what do vegetarian worms eat?

linda mccartney

Denis Irwin

What's the difference between a triangle and Spurs ?






















A Triangle has 3 points

dak

What's the difference between mothers-in-law and hippos?

One of the groups mentioned have a fat ass and a big muzzle. The others are living in the water.

Capt'n Midnight

what's the difference between yo mama and a hippo ?

about 5 pounds

byrner88

The last time your ma heard a whistle she got hit by a train

chaotic_vr

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

el-if-i-no.

RockinRed

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?









:pBob

dak

Did you hear about the couple who met while bungee jumping?
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They got married on the rebound!

ChocolateSauce

Why did Timmy fall off the swings?

He had no arms.

Why didn't he get up?

He hand no legs.

Why didn't he call for help?

He had no friends.

What did he get for Christmas?

Leukemia.

ShagNastii

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb?..... Let go ride a bike