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One-Liner Jokes

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    #602
    Oriel
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,154 ✭✭✭Oriel


    RoadSweeper wrote:
    back of the head?
    Discussing your techniques, eh?


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    #603
    seinstein
    Registered Users Posts: 54 ✭✭seinstein


    If england's so great why're they all over here?

    what ya do if your girlfriend starts smoking-

    -use lubricant

    what goes..black-white..black-white...black-white-

    -a nun falling down the stairs


    what do honkies and semen have in common--

    they're both thick, white & smelly.

    what's the difference between Clint Eastwood & anal sex---

    ---Clint 'makes your day'--anal sex makes your 'hole weak'.......lolol

    IT'S ONLY A JOKE- don't be offended.

    have load more racist & sex jokes if you can take it!!!!:eek:


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    #604
    Dermington
    Closed Accounts Posts: 395 ✭✭Dermington


    seinstein wrote:
    have load more racist & sex jokes if you can take it!!!!:eek:

    yore ma can take it


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    #605
    RoadSweeper
    Registered Users Posts: 2,513 ✭✭✭RoadSweeper


    sinecurea wrote:
    Discussing your techniques, eh?

    No


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    #606
    shazm-1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1 ✭shazm-1


    i am new to the board, last night was my first time on,i went into jokes and read through most of them laughed all night problem was when i was in town today on my own sone of these jokes came to mind and i was going around laughing.i got some weird looks off people passing by as the must have thought i was released from a mental hospital for the day,either that or i was high on fresh air :p keep them coming:D


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    #607
    selpher
    Closed Accounts Posts: 264 ✭✭selpher


    I have sex like i do stand up. In and out as quick as possible, plenty of laughs and i always kill.


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    #608
    scudster
    Registered Users Posts: 416 ✭✭scudster


    How many pesimests does it take to change a light bulb?




    Who cares, its probably screwed in to tight anyway.
    :D


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    #609
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,827 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Q: What do you get when two giraffes collide?
    A: A giraffic jam.


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    #610
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,827 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."


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    #611
    NikNik
    Closed Accounts Posts: 221 ✭✭NikNik


    Whats worse than a cardboard box ?
    Paper tits


    Ill close the door on my way out....


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    #612
    last_orders
    Closed Accounts Posts: 66 ✭✭last_orders


    what was jesus' least favourite cocktail?

    a rustynail, 4 an he's hammered


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    #613
    Enzo_V12
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20 ✭Enzo_V12


    Q: How do you make holy water?
    A: Boil the hell out of it!

    Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
    A: A nervous wreck!

    Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
    A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car!:D :mad:

    Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
    A: Ground beef.

    Q: What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
    A: The taste!:eek:

    Q: Whats the difference between a fish and a piano?
    A: You cant tuna fish!

    Q: Why was the ketchup last in the race?
    A: Because it couldnt ketch-up.

    Q: Why did the cabbage win the race?
    A: Because it was a-head.

    :D


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    #614
    Fabritzo
    Registered Users Posts: 1,521 ✭✭✭Fabritzo


    Some classics there :)

    Capt'n Midnight wrote:
    Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

    I was going to ask about that one...but then I saw carrion.

    apparently Carrion is the carcass of a dead animal

    Did you write that joke yourself Capt'n:p


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    #615
    bongo85
    Closed Accounts Posts: 94 ✭✭bongo85


    Some Snoop Dogg Jokes...

    Q - Why does Snoop Dogg use conditioner??
    A - For Frizzle

    Q - Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbarella??
    A - For Drizzle

    Q - Why is Snoop Dogg not allowed into most shops??
    A - "No Dogs allowed"


    (sorry if these were posted here already.. I didn't read the whole thread :o )

    Oh yeah, How many dyslexics does it take to change a lgihtublb??


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    #616
    BaZmO*
    Registered Users Posts: 18,625 ✭✭✭✭BaZmO*


    How dyslexics does it take to change a nightclub?


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    #617
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,827 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    A grasshopper walks into a bar
    The barman says 'we have adrink named after you'
    The grasshopper says 'What? A Kevin?'

    A termite walks into a bar.. and says... "Where is the bar tender?"

    A termite walks into a barroom and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

    A goldfish walks into a bar and looks at the bartender. The bartender asks, "What can I get you?" The goldfish says, "Water."

    An amnesiac walks into a bar and asks, "Do I come here often?"

    Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. "I can't serve you." says the bartender. "You're Bard!"


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    #618
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,827 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.


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    #619
    bongo85
    Closed Accounts Posts: 94 ✭✭bongo85


    What kinda meat does the pope eat??

    Nun!! :D


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    #620
    bongo85
    Closed Accounts Posts: 94 ✭✭bongo85


    How dya make an egg laugh??

    Tell a yolk!! :rolleyes:


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    #621
    bongo85
    Closed Accounts Posts: 94 ✭✭bongo85


    What country makes you shiver??

    Chile :o


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    #622
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 90,827 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    There was a young man from Peru
    Whose limericks would end with line two.


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    #623
    imeddyhobbs
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,026 ✭✭✭imeddyhobbs


    i never have and never will pay for sex!i can tell ya that thats left a lot of prostitutes very angry


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    #624
    Miles Long
    Closed Accounts Posts: 278 ✭✭Miles Long


    Right I read em all, I'm both sure and ashamed that this one isn't in yet.

    Why didn't the bicycle get out of bed?
    Cause he was too tired.
    :D


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    #625
    BaZmO*
    Registered Users Posts: 18,625 ✭✭✭✭BaZmO*


    Never marry a tennis player, Love means nothing to them.


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    #626
    Heisenberg.
    Registered Users Posts: 7,541 ✭✭✭Heisenberg.


    This post has been deleted.


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    #627
    spudmurf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭spudmurf


    Beaver walks into a pub and asks "Is the bartender here?

    :eek:


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    #628
    spudmurf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭spudmurf


    i see the "bartender" joke is taken.

    did you here about the war between cape breton and newfoundland? the newfies threw grenades over to the cape.

    the capers pulled the pins and threw them back...


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    #629
    spudmurf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6 ✭spudmurf


    <snip>


    ok, i'm done:confused:


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    #630
    Victor
    Registered Users Posts: 78,285 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Velcro maybe?


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    #631
    BaZmO*
    Registered Users Posts: 18,625 ✭✭✭✭BaZmO*


    spudmurf wrote:
    <snip>
    Why did you say "African" and not "Black"? Hmmmm....I wonder....


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