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Comments

  • #302
    Greengrass1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,493 ✭✭✭Greengrass1


    I'd wake up in the mornings and be wrecked. Maybe it's the late nights at the weekends catching up on me but its unnatural how tired I'd be.
    Might start back cycling again as I'm gone very unfit that might help the energy levels maybe


  • #303
    exercise is the antidote
    Closed Accounts Posts: 346 ✭✭exercise is the antidote


    Greengrass1 wrote: »
    I'd wake up in the mornings and be wrecked. Maybe it's the late nights at the weekends catching up on me but its unnatural how tired I'd be.
    Might start back cycling again as I'm gone very unfit that might help the energy levels maybe


    It's not even the late nights its the beer that would take it out of yeah!
    One thing I learned is..
    Exercise fuels more exercise
    Lazyness fuels more lazyness


  • #304
    biddy2013
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,643 ✭✭✭biddy2013


    exercise is the antidote wrote: »
    It's not even the late nights its the beer that would take it out of yeah!
    One thing I learned is..
    Exercise fuels more exercise
    Lazyness fuels more lazyness
    yup would notice on the nights if i was drinking i would have a crap nights sleep. Used to have wine to help me sleep but it made me worse:mad:


  • #305
    bbam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,410 ✭✭✭bbam


    biddy2013 wrote: »
    yup would notice on the nights if i was drinking i would have a crap nights sleep. Used to have wine to help me sleep but it made me worse:mad:

    Hard to beat a natural sleep.
    When I worked nights I was a terrible sleeper. I would often take antihistamines to make me sleepy. Then rely on alcohol at the weekends.
    It was a viscous circle, as I ended up loading on coffee overnight to keep me awake, maybe 12 cups. It would break your mind. I spent 13 years at that.
    I quit that job, took a lower paid 9-5 job, almost no coffee and exercise regularly. I sleep much better but still have bouts of insomnia, doc says that may never go completely as I damaged my natural sleep pattern.
    Good sleep and outdoor exercise helps the mental state.


  • #306
    Muckit
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,174 ✭✭✭✭Muckit


    Shift work is very unnatural. Not suitable type work at all for anyone, especially not those suffering from depression. Your going against your body natural tendencies and also there is certain isolation from the outside world and other people.

    There's a whole section in h&s legislation given over to shift work.

    My own theories on this go a little further. I reckon we should be working longer during the summertime and less in the winter to coincide with changes in daylight. But it would mean a whole societal change that in reality will probably never happen.


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  • #307
    biddy2013
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,643 ✭✭✭biddy2013


    bbam wrote: »
    Hard to beat a natural sleep.
    When I worked nights I was a terrible sleeper. I would often take antihistamines to make me sleepy. Then rely on alcohol at the weekends.
    It was a viscous circle, as I ended up loading on coffee overnight to keep me awake, maybe 12 cups. It would break your mind. I spent 13 years at that.
    I quit that job, took a lower paid 9-5 job, almost no coffee and exercise regularly. I sleep much better but still have bouts of insomnia, doc says that may never go completely as I damaged my natural sleep pattern.
    Good sleep and outdoor exercise helps the mental state.
    how could ya drink that much coffee, jeeny 2 cups sends me funny imagine what 13 would be like:eek:


  • #308
    freedominacup
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,920 ✭✭✭freedominacup


    biddy2013 wrote: »
    yup would notice on the nights if i was drinking i would have a crap nights sleep. Used to have wine to help me sleep but it made me worse:mad:

    It must have been a tough time biddy but according to anything you'd read that was about the worst possible plan for dealing with it.


  • #309
    freedominacup
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,920 ✭✭✭freedominacup


    Muckit wrote: »
    Shift work is very unnatural. Not suitable type work at all for anyone, especially not those suffering from depression. Your going against your body natural tendencies and also there is certain isolation from the outside world and other people.

    There's a whole section in h&s legislation given over to shift work.

    My own theories on this go a little further. I reckon we should be working longer during the summertime and less in the winter to coincide with changes in daylight. But it would mean a whole societal change that in reality will probably never happen.

    The esb were doing that at one point. They used to work a couple of extra hours in summer and the time was given back in the winter with short days or extra holiday time. There was a balancing done on the wages at some pooint as well. They weren't getting paid overtime in summer and were still getting the same wages for much less hours in the winter. I could never understand how people in the construction business used to shut down in mid-summer when the weather should be good and work flat to the boards in Dec when they were fighting the weather all the way.


  • #310
    WestCork135
    Registered Users Posts: 7 ✭WestCork135


    I'm delighted to see the topic of mental health getting an airing here. I experienced depression some years ago and was lucky enough to pull through with some help from just talking about it and changes to lifestyle. Were not the older generation and farming is wildly different now with heaps of paperwork to tend to now as well as farming itself.
    Two suggestions to help improve mental health i have are Exercise and time off. Were expected to be different to other human beings and were not.....holidays are a human right and not a luxury.........there will always be work to do whether we leave it for a while or stay at it constantly:):)


  • #311
    biddy2013
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,643 ✭✭✭biddy2013


    WestCork135 wrote: »
    I'm delighted to see the topic of mental health getting an airing here. I experienced depression some years ago and was lucky enough to pull through with some help from just talking about it and changes to lifestyle. Were not the older generation and farming is wildly different now with heaps of paperwork to tend to now as well as farming itself.
    Two suggestions to help improve mental health i have are Exercise and time off. Were expected to be different to other human beings and were not.....holidays are a human right and not a luxury.........there will always be work to do whether we leave it for a while or stay at it constantly:):)
    we booked a holiday abroad for a week later in the year, it will be the first time we are going away for that length of time, cant wait


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  • #312
    A cow called Daisy
    Registered Users Posts: 1,301 ✭✭✭A cow called Daisy


    WestCork135 wrote: »
    I'm delighted to see the topic of mental health getting an airing here. I experienced depression some years ago and was lucky enough to pull through with some help from just talking about it and changes to lifestyle. Were not the older generation and farming is wildly different now with heaps of paperwork to tend to now as well as farming itself.
    Two suggestions to help improve mental health i have are Exercise and time off. Were expected to be different to other human beings and were not.....holidays are a human right and not a luxury.........there will always be work to do whether we leave it for a while or stay at it constantly:):)

    Trouble i find is that when i feeling fed up/down/depressed have absolutely no interest in going anywhere for a day, never mind going on holidays. And booking for holidays in advance even more off-putting


  • #313
    knockmulliner
    Registered Users Posts: 152 ✭✭knockmulliner


    A cow called Daisy wrote: »
    Trouble i find is that when i feeling fed up/down/depressed have absolutely no interest in going anywhere for a day, never mind going on holidays. And booking for holidays in advance even more off-putting

    Know what you mean. Find it hard even when in good form to bite the bullet and book something, but did for easter calving almost finished then and silage not yet started son covering stockwatch. Glad I did looking forward to it now. Just do it.


  • #314
    biddy2013
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,643 ✭✭✭biddy2013


    knockmulliner wrote: »
    Know what you mean. Find it hard even when in good form to bite the bullet and book something, but did for easter calving almost finished then and silage not yet started son covering stockwatch. Glad I did looking forward to it now. Just do it.
    exactly, i cant wait to go now, other years i made excuses, like i cant afford it, who will watch the farm, it will be too hot. Kids are marking the days off on calender and looking at the resort on the website daily, its nearly like another christmas


  • #315
    dzer2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,956 ✭✭✭dzer2


    biddy2013 wrote: »
    exactly, i cant wait to go now, other years i made excuses, like i cant afford it, who will watch the farm, it will be too hot. Kids are marking the days off on calender and looking at the resort on the website daily, its nearly like another christmas

    Yeah the kids love it.
    We have now resorted to not telling them until the week we are going as the you drive you mad.


  • #316
    biddy2013
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,643 ✭✭✭biddy2013


    A cow called Daisy wrote: »
    Trouble i find is that when i feeling fed up/down/depressed have absolutely no interest in going anywhere for a day, never mind going on holidays. And booking for holidays in advance even more off-putting
    but thats it , make yourself go. Even in to town for an hour or out for tea , a change of scenery


  • #317
    Greengrass1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,493 ✭✭✭Greengrass1


    Never been on holiday here either have the parents in there 35 yrs married. Don't know what they did to get a break from things.
    Father says he would love to go back to Africa to see where he was born.
    Might be a birthday present for his 70th in a few yr


  • #318
    dzer2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,956 ✭✭✭dzer2


    Greengrass1 wrote: »
    Never been on holiday here either have the parents in there 35 yrs married. Don't know what they did to get a break from things.
    Father says he would love to go back to Africa to see where he was born.
    Might be a birthday present for his 70th in a few yr

    Small bit of advice I wouldn't wait for Birthdays or anything do when you can afford it and able to do it.


  • #319
    freedominacup
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,920 ✭✭✭freedominacup


    knockmulliner wrote: »
    Know what you mean. Find it hard even when in good form to bite the bullet and book something, but did for easter calving almost finished then and silage not yet started son covering stockwatch. Glad I did looking forward to it now. Just do it.


    Go on holidays people. What the hell are ye doing tearing and dragging 80 hours a week in the ****e we've had for the past couple of weeks if at the end of it you have yourself convinced you can't afford it. The first thing mrs freedom does when we get back from holidays is put a few quid from her next paycheque into the holiday fund for next year. Book your flights before christmas, far cheaper and you'll have your choice of apartments in most places at that stage too. We wouldn't spend much more when we are away than we would if we were at home for the week. We'd only eat out a couple of times. Kids don't care so long as they can see the pool from the apartment. I have more time with the kids those week or 10 days than I would in any 2 months at home and that can't be valued.


  • #320
    Mad4simmental
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,580 ✭✭✭Mad4simmental


    Lads & girls, back from 5 years in oz & the first thing we said to each other is that we make more of a promise to go on holladays she dosnt come from a farming background but Is happy out that that is what I do. Please book holladays anyone that feels that they are snowed under, no point in being the richest man in the graveyard as that won't get you nowhere. I love farming but everyone needs a brake now & agen.


  • #321
    biddy2013
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,643 ✭✭✭biddy2013


    freedominacup wrote: »
    Go on holidays people. What the hell are ye doing tearing and dragging 80 hours a week in the ****e we've had for the past couple of weeks if at the end of it you have yourself convinced you can't afford it. The first thing mrs freedom does when we get back from holidays is put a few quid from her next paycheque into the holiday fund for next year. Book your flights before christmas, far cheaper and you'll have your choice of apartments in most places at that stage too. We wouldn't spend much more when we are away than we would if we were at home for the week. We'd only eat out a couple of times. Kids don't care so long as they can see the pool from the apartment. I have more time with the kids those week or 10 days than I would in any 2 months at home and that can't be valued.
    i booked flights a few weeks ago and they have gone up alot since then


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  • #322
    TomOnBoard
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,121 ✭✭✭TomOnBoard


    If you're experiencing depression, the fact that you're on here, just reading, or actively contributing means that you are fighting hard for yourself; so a huge well done!

    Its over 20 years since I first went into that black hole and lived in my own stink for weeks at a time simply because I couldn't face going to take a shower. If it wasn't for my GP I'd be dead now. Family are great, but when you're in the hole, they have to get on with their own lives, simply to survive from their perspective- hence, you can become totally isolated very quickly as they move on without you.

    To my mind, the GP is the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT link that one needs to cultivate to help one a) deal with, b) understand c) treat and d) grow with Depressive illnesses of all types.

    When you fall into the hole, you're not interested in pursuing all the helpful advice about meeting up in Aware, Grow, etc. etc. The problem here is that there are absolutely HUNDREDS of organisations trying to do their best, but from the perspective of someone whose whole thought process is numbed, the sheer number is a huge negative in itself. Its WAY PAST TIME this whole area was rationalised so that if you need help, you dial 000, and get a single agency, rather than having to consult a telephone directory of the hundreds of organisations allegedly dealing with Mental Health issues.

    If (and I hope I can stay in control of the demon for as long as possible) I ever need help again, I hope that I will have enough presence of mind to ring Pieta House, rather than finding no option but to call the Samaritans.


  • #323
    WestCork135
    Registered Users Posts: 7 ✭WestCork135


    Hope this very important discussion keeps going and a very good point would be tomonboards of one familiar number to dial for people reaching out for support services. I have found that being at my lowest once has helped me to appreciate the great stuff in my life and has ensured that I'm not judgemental when I see or hear of others struggling with their mental health....it's inspiring to hear others who have overcome mental health problems and got in with their lives.


  • #324
    biddy2013
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,643 ✭✭✭biddy2013


    i think the weather has gotten to alot of people, spoke to someone today who said he found it hard to sleep this last few weeks, then he said whats the point in worrying about x,y and z the chances of them ever coming to pass is slim and none and you can bet the people /events you are worrying about arent giving you a second thought... wise words


  • #325
    Greengrass1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,493 ✭✭✭Greengrass1


    Its amazing how weather can affect your overall out look.
    Last spring and the start of this spring would put anyone down in the dumps.
    Hopefully the weather stays good now so we can all have an easier life and most importantly make some money.


  • #326
    biddy2013
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,643 ✭✭✭biddy2013


    Greengrass1 wrote: »
    Its amazing how weather can affect your overall out look.
    Last spring and the start of this spring would put anyone down in the dumps.
    Hopefully the weather stays good now so we can all have an easier life and most importantly make some money.
    but the point alot of people are making is its still february, we are having weather like we should be having at this time of year. Last year we had a brutal march and april . Remember the saying march in like a lion and out like a lamb, thats how it should be


  • #327
    mf240
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,876 ✭✭✭mf240


    Ya exactly in Feb March 2012 the weather was super and we paid for in after,

    Lack of sleep around calving time, wreaks my tiny mind and can make things look a lot worse than they are.


  • #328
    Reggie.
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,483 ✭✭✭✭Reggie.


    mf240 wrote: »
    Ya exactly in Feb March 2012 the weather was super and we paid for in after,

    Lack of sleep around calving time, wreaks my tiny mind and can make things look a lot worse than they are.

    Yeah I prefer bad weather now as it gives us some hope of a good summer I do believe


  • #329
    biddy2013
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,643 ✭✭✭biddy2013


    Reggie. wrote: »
    Yeah I prefer bad weather now as it gives us some hope of a good summer I do believe
    ye i am already looking up a new barbecue so here's hoping:D


  • #330
    Reggie.
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,483 ✭✭✭✭Reggie.


    biddy2013 wrote: »
    ye i am already looking up a new barbecue so here's hoping:D

    Rubbing the dust of the square baler here myself :D


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  • #331
    moy83
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,701 ✭✭✭moy83


    Reggie. wrote: »
    Rubbing the dust of the square baler here myself :D


    A bit of nice growthy weather really lifts the form and the stretch in the evening is good too


  • #332
    Reggie.
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,483 ✭✭✭✭Reggie.


    moy83 wrote: »
    You wont feel it Reggie ! Tis rust im rubbing off mine .
    A bit of nice growthy weather really lifts the form and the stretch in the evening is good too

    Nothing like the chuck chuck chuck like the square baler..... Unless it's followed by a bang :D


  • #333
    Username John
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,237 ✭✭✭Username John


    Hello,

    I think this is one thread that we should keep the general comment posts out of.
    This thread was created to support / help people, and let them know they are not alone. I found some of the posts incredibly open, helpful, sincere.

    I think it is too important a thread to muddy with comments about baling, or the like. (sorry lads)

    I would propose that the last few comments be moved to general chit chat, and we keep the content on here focussed on mental health...

    But that's just my opinion...


  • #334
    biddy2013
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,643 ✭✭✭biddy2013


    Greengrass1 wrote: »
    Its amazing how weather can affect your overall out look.
    Last spring and the start of this spring would put anyone down in the dumps.
    Hopefully the weather stays good now so we can all have an easier life and most importantly make some money.
    other problem this year is bull beef etc, alot of doom and gloom around that area too....


  • #335
    Greengrass1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,493 ✭✭✭Greengrass1


    biddy2013 wrote: »
    other problem this year is bull beef etc, alot of doom and gloom around that area too....

    Ye neighbour has about 20 sucklers and finishes all cattle as bulls. He not a happy camper at all


  • #336
    dzer2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,956 ✭✭✭dzer2


    biddy2013 wrote: »
    ye i am already looking up a new barbecue so here's hoping:D

    I got a new one as christmas present.:cool:


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  • #337
    biddy2013
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,643 ✭✭✭biddy2013


    any one watching operation transformation see the difference 8 weeks made to those people both mentally and physically, they are a total inspiration....


  • #338
    Base price
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,357 ✭✭✭✭Base price


    This night I am thinking about a young farmer (late 20's) who tragically passed away this night last year.


  • #339
    A cow called Daisy
    Registered Users Posts: 1,301 ✭✭✭A cow called Daisy


    Base price wrote: »
    This night I am thinking about a young farmer (late 20's) who tragically passed away this night last year.

    It can be tough and often the anniversaries can be even tougher than the actual passing. It not much consolation but keep the chin up.


  • #340
    LoveChanel
    Registered Users Posts: 197 ✭✭LoveChanel


    reilig wrote: »
    This is a thread that I have been asked to start on the Farming and Forestry forum as it is something which seems to affect rural dwellers more than anyone. Suicide rates among Farmers are pretty high.

    This is a thread which will offer people some information and resources to help with depression.

    Please feel free to add sensible stuff to the thread. Depression is a pretty taboo subject, but at the end of the day, the only way to beat it is to talk about it.

    Here are some links and resources:

    Samaritans

    1850 60 90 90

    Aware

    Mental Health Ireland

    Just a note for anyone who feels depressed, it might seem dark now but there is help.
    Please read the sticky here if you haven't already or speak to a medical professional

    EDIT: We're going to sticky this thread on F & F for a week or two and following that it will be found in the Important Threads and Useful Information Thread

    Could you also mention the console charity for people who have been bereaved by suicide please? Their number is 1800-201 890


  • #341
    TomOnBoard
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,121 ✭✭✭TomOnBoard


    I must say that, while I don't like Brendan O' Connor's Saturday Night Show normally, I was highly impressed with the manner and content of his interview with Beverly Callard (Liz Mc Donnell in Coronation Street) tonight.

    If you have RTE player, take a look. My God, she suffered badly from the Dark Destroyer. But, as she said at the end of the interview, EVERYONE can get relief from Depressive Illness; NOBODY'S situation is worse than anything the professionals see EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK.

    However, ALL help, whether it cures completely, alleviates for years or for just a while are DOOMED to failure because of one thing:

    People don't feel able to ask for help!! And that is the biggest tragedy. And that's a stumbling block that needs the greatest degree of targetting RIGHT NOW!


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  • #342
    biddy2013
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,643 ✭✭✭biddy2013


    TomOnBoard wrote: »
    People don't feel able to ask for help!! And that is the biggest tragedy. And that's a stumbling block that needs the greatest degree of targetting RIGHT NOW!
    i have a relation who is ill at the moment. She could go months or years with out a breakdown. When it does happen she doesnt realise it and thinks everyone is out to get her. She relives things that happened 60 years ago and nothing anyone says or does will change anything in her mind. Everything you say has to be thought out before you say it so she doesnt take it as meaning something else. Thankfully last week she was admitted to hospital on a different matter and the medical team put a plan in place to deal with her mental state. Admitting there is a problem and seeking help can be so hard for alot of people


  • #343
    Reggie.
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,483 ✭✭✭✭Reggie.


    Having a bit of an issue with this myself lately. Friend of mine has it awhile. Recently went off the medicine he was prescribed. Disappears for days on end and it was getting longer and more frequent between the disappearing acts. Went off about two weeks ago and haven't returned home since. Get him on the phone sometimes and he is in great for then might not get him for days.


  • #344
    TomOnBoard
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,121 ✭✭✭TomOnBoard


    Reggie. wrote: »
    Having a bit of an issue with this myself lately. Friend of mine has it awhile. Recently went off the medicine he was prescribed. Disappears for days on end and it was getting longer and more frequent between the disappearing acts. Went off about two weeks ago and haven't returned home since. Get him on the phone sometimes and he is in great for then might not get him for days.

    Hi Reggie,

    That's obviously very worrying for you. Your friend is lucky to have someone like you who cares/bothers to notice and express concern.

    Sometimes, when people stop taking their meds, it can be because they feel they no longer need to take them:

    Scenario 1: they feel fine (in fact, when that happens they can feel great, often on top of the world and able to do anything and everything, at a pace that perhaps you would find to be blinding). If this describes your friend's current mood and behaviour fairly closely, s/he may have become a bit high and probably needs professional help. All you can do is to try your best to be available if/when s/he needs to contact you. Does s/he have any close family?

    Scenario 2: they feel the meds are useless and not helping them feel any better. In this scenario, again all you can do is to try to reach out to your friend and help him/her to receive help.

    Above all, try to be non-judgemental when you do have contact, but do what you can to get him/her to obtain help, BUT without becoming used & abused in the process.

    If you would like to find out more about what you can do for your friend as well as where you may need to draw 'lines in the sand' perhaps a chat with your GP or one of the professional mental health organisations would help you.

    Hope this is of some use to you.


  • #345
    Reggie.
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,483 ✭✭✭✭Reggie.


    TomOnBoard wrote: »
    Hi Reggie,

    That's obviously very worrying for you. Your friend is lucky to have someone like you who cares/bothers to notice and express concern.

    Sometimes, when people stop taking their meds, it can be because they feel they no longer need to take them:

    Scenario 1: they feel fine (in fact, when that happens they can feel great, often on top of the world and able to do anything and everything, at a pace that perhaps you would find to be blinding). If this describes your friend's current mood and behaviour fairly closely, s/he may have become a bit high and probably needs professional help. All you can do is to try your best to be available if/when s/he needs to contact you. Does s/he have any close family?

    Scenario 2: they feel the meds are useless and not helping them feel any better. In this scenario, again all you can do is to try to reach out to your friend and help him/her to receive help.

    Above all, try to be non-judgemental when you do have contact, but do what you can to get him/her to obtain help, BUT without becoming used & abused in the process.

    If you would like to find out more about what you can do for your friend as well as where you may need to draw 'lines in the sand' perhaps a chat with your GP or one of the professional mental health organisations would help you.

    Hope this is of some use to you.

    Cheers for that. Yeah there are a few of us trying to get hold of him at times. I know the main problem is that he promises to do work for ya and then won't turn up or whatever. He then feels really shameful about it and this can drive him down. Also I believe his main hassle is he can't concentrate on one thing either.

    He would go out to do a job in the yard and on the way see something else that needs doing and start that instead and halfway through that start something else and by the end of the day he wouldn't have even started the first job he set out to do.

    Don't know why he came off his meds but one thing I can say is that when he was on them he was better than 100%. We know he needs help but anyone that got talking to him for a period of time can't convince him to go to a GP. I didnt get the chance to get a good chat with him yet.


  • #346
    mike hilux
    Registered Users Posts: 97 ✭✭mike hilux


    Hello

    Iv been reading through this post and basically wanted to put my story out there and get some opinions.

    I took over the farm in the last few years from my bachelor uncle. I'm 1 of 4 nephew. The uncle never bothered with the nephews but was spoiled by his mother and sisters (being the only boy) but he was a fair man to work but he never improved the farm and ran it into high depths.

    He was tough always. A real manly man and often gave me grief about my father leaving when I was young but I'd tell him that it was easy say that to me because he was scared of the other nephews fathers. His best taunts being"breeding beats feeding" and "it's easy to see why my mother left my father" I quote these so ye know it wasn't a tickling contest we fell out over.

    Anyway I was always around the farm but just lifting and sweeping and chasing. No work that had any responsibility or anything and basically my mother always said not to mind him. So I went to ag college and quickly realised that farming isn't all about cleaning out calf houses so I was lost at sea. Couldn't even drive a tractor. Only knew what weeds were from all the summers out pulling them.

    I went traveling after college and worked on farms around the world. Dairy in nz. Cattle ranch in USA. Got about 4 years of this done then the phone call. The uncle was on the way out. Come home for calving. I returned ASAP and it was madness. I fought with him daily over stuff like him hiding the tractor keys and I'd buy stuff for the farm and he would return it and say he never saw it.

    Long story short he passed after about a year and all the family turned on me saying I put him in the grave because I wouldn't give him peace. I said to them that they weren't there and how I was the one that spent the year putting him in and out if bed each night while being told how I had left the farm go. Well I ended up with the farm while they all got money out of it. There was no money to speak of so I took on a depth of just over 100k. Iv managed to clear it after 4 years of hard graft and kept the land.

    That's the back story. My problem now is that when I sit back and take stock of my situation I'm left asking why. Why did I bother.we don't speak but I see the cousins off living life going on holidays. Getting married and all that. And I'm here on the farm. I drove everyone away. I'm effectively broke financialy. I barely speak to my mother. Girlfriend left because of the hours I work. I find that the local farmers laugh at me because I'm the same age as most of their sons after a few drinks the louder of them love saying what they heard their fathers say the night before to their mother's over the dinner table.

    That's my full story up to present day. My problem is that since I slowed down on the farm and started thinking iv come to really wonder where I'm going in life. Iv come to hate the farm. I'm tired of going around on my own. I find I just want to stop worrying. My ex told me I was very social and that she used to worry about me a lot because I spent so much time alone.

    Iv become so lazy and I just do the bare minimum these days. I let things slide so much that sometimes it scares me. I'm so angry at the world and can go from a fit if rage to total submission crying my eyes out and then back to rage again all while just feeding a calf. The doctor told me that I'm not depressed but should seek counciling but I don't think I can let it all out face to face with someone yet hence this essay which I apologise about the length but in all honesty it does feel good to put it out there.

    I suppose in a sentence. I hate my life and all about it. Am I lazy and just need to get a grip or is it something more. I need ideas or options. I'm glad to answer most questions and for more info it's all up on another tread under my name about combining sucklers and dairy.

    Thanks for listening. I have no idea if I'm in the correct section or thus site so I apologise if I'm wrong

    Mike


  • #347
    whelan2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,851 ✭✭✭✭whelan2


    the fact you have written it down is a great start, i have been there . Go to a different doctor tell them everything, sometimes its easier to talk to someone you dont know. Do you ever get a break from the farm? Even a few hours away? Take each day as it comes and to feck what the neighbours think. Make a mental list of mini goals, its great to have something to look forward to and it gives a good feeling when you get it done. I know things are tough right now but they wont always be like that. Today is a new start.


  • #348
    mayota
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,554 ✭✭✭mayota


    Farming can be a cruel occupation with loneliness, hard physical work and loosing livestock ect. You've achieved a lot clearing 100k debt in 4 years. Most of the people are just jealous and you should steer clear of the likes. We all feel similar things to you at times when things aren't going right and the list of things needs doing keeps growing. Make a list of jobs and tick them off, hanging a gate, fencing ect. Good luck mike.


  • #349
    mike hilux
    Registered Users Posts: 97 ✭✭mike hilux


    One of the big problems is the amount of time I take off. I'll go down in the morning and do the bare minimum to get by then go back up to the house and just sit there. If you asked my what I was thinking about then I wouldn't know.

    I don't want to sound big headed but I pulled out all my old CVs and references a few weeks back and I had forgotten how well I got on. I just thought where is that person gone now and how did I fall so far.

    To say f*** the locals is hard because they seem to love getting in their little digs. They will usually start off with "well mike how's the farming going for you" if you ask their opinion on something then the vague answers start coming. Many have even commented on how well the uncle looked after me like it was a golden handshake. They all saw the state the place was in because it was the first thing I noticed.

    To her credit the then girlfriend even said that they didn't seem the nicest people and she only met them once down the pub. But they were straight over to interrogate. Was the same when I bought a new bull "Jesus that's a fair animal beyond in the field. I wouldn't say he was cheap"

    I wish there was someone around to ask advice on the small daily things but most of the people my age are after leaving the area and the older generation are my uncle's friends and would know his version of our history.I know I'm no saint but I'm not the devil either.

    I just wish I had peace without judgement.


  • #350
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Mike

    in terms of the diagnosis from your GP - he might be right - but he might also be wrong, he could be looking at you and thinking "sure he's young, he has a farm - sure what has he got to be depressed about". After all he's only human and prone to mistakes - unfortunately many professionals mess up here, especially if they have no experience in the area.

    Go talk to another GP as soon as you can, if you need to goto a third.
    If it helps - bring along a printout of your two posts above - get the message across - you need them to help you... You could be depressed, you could be suffering from burnout, or some other illness, basically his first port of call should have been to run some blood tests, bring you back in and really listen to you. Telling you just you're not depressed annoys me and it smacks of someone who is in the wrong profession.

    Sorry about your neighbours as well, but in many communities as you now know there can be a sort of small mindedness that stretches back generations and a slight against a grand-father still strains the relationship now. Chances are they all know what a great job you've done and frankly they're jealous. In typical begrudgery now seeing you struggle makes them feel happier about themselves in an odd sort of way. The good news? Well the good news is this forum - many of the posters here are here to genuinely help you. They have a range of experience that spans decades and will have run into the same clique type thinking that you are now seeing first hand. Get to know some of the folk here and the threads, create some of your own. When you need to vent goto the ChitChat thread and have a laugh.

    In the meantime, try to set up a schedule with breaks built in. At least to get the minimum done but also to ensure you are getting proper rest periods. Also see if you can get someone to help with some of the load for a while. Go to ANOTHER GP. And spend sometime away from the farm - get out for a walk, mess about here but just give your head some space. Above all else give yourself a break, no-one but you knows the lengths you went to, so what if they have the wrong idea about you and your uncle, that's their issue and you can't change the minds of idiots. Finally - find someone you can talk to - preferably a professional but here is good too (just watch out for some of the stick).


  • #351
    whelan2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,851 ✭✭✭✭whelan2


    mike hilux wrote: »
    One of the big problems is the amount of time I take off. I'll go down in the morning and do the bare minimum to get by then go back up to the house and just sit there. If you asked my what I was thinking about then I wouldn't know.

    I don't want to sound big headed but I pulled out all my old CVs and references a few weeks back and I had forgotten how well I got on. I just thought where is that person gone now and how did I fall so far.

    To say f*** the locals is hard because they seem to love getting in their little digs. They will usually start off with "well mike how's the farming going for you" if you ask their opinion on something then the vague answers start coming. Many have even commented on how well the uncle looked after me like it was a golden handshake. They all saw the state the place was in because it was the first thing I noticed.

    To her credit the then girlfriend even said that they didn't seem the nicest people and she only met them once down the pub. But they were straight over to interrogate. Was the same when I bought a new bull "Jesus that's a fair animal beyond in the field. I wouldn't say he was cheap"

    I wish there was someone around to ask advice on the small daily things but most of the people my age are after leaving the area and the older generation are my uncle's friends and would know his version of our history.I know I'm no saint but I'm not the devil either.

    I just wish I had peace without judgement.
    sitting in the house is not time off. Try and go somewhere, orgainise someone to do a milking or 2 a week or what ever. Make yourself go places, not the local just to clear your head. Seriously the neighbours sound like knobs feck them. Could you talk to your ex, or someone who you can let them know how you are feeling? I am now of the mindset if a neighbour oe someone says something i say something smart back, soon sorts them out. The likes of your bull if ya said " Sure you wouldnt be able to afford him" :D


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