DEPRESSION SUPPORT- Anonymous posting is possible, see note in post #1.

biddy2013

bob charles wrote: »

You mention about having a heavy work load, maybe employing some part time say a couple of days a week will have a two pronged effect of actually getting stuff done and also someone to chat and converse with and even teach a thing or two too. lots of small things can add up to make a big difference.

how do you get someone competent that you can trust, no point paying someone if you are worried they are not doing the job right, fair enough no one will ever do the job as good as you think you do it:cool: but theres no point paying someone that costs you more in the long run, been there done that and am alot better off since he's gone

rancher

biddy2013 wrote: »

how do you get someone competent that you can trust, no point paying someone if you are worried they are not doing the job right, fair enough no one will ever do the job as good as you think you do it:cool: but theres no point paying someone that costs you more in the long run, been there done that and am alot better off since he's gone

Grave yard is full of people who think they couldn't be done without, if you get sick or have an accident you'll have to let someone else do it, so what's the difference in letting them do it when you take a fortnights holidays and maybe avoid sickness or an accident.
I had serious problems 30 yrs ago, borrowed money at 10% that eventually went to near 20%, and then 5 years nursing home bills, so the sleepless nights etc went on for years, until the stress eventually affected my heart so I had to slow up. I sold land (...the shame!!!!!) and restructured the loans and you know what, things don't seem to go wrong as much when you're not under stress.
Stress will waste the best years of your life if you let it because it soaks your energy

biddy2013

rancher wrote: »

Grave yard is full of people who think they couldn't be done without, if you get sick or have an accident you'll have to let someone else do it, so what's the difference in letting them do it when you take a fortnights holidays and maybe avoid sickness or an accident.
I had serious problems 30 yrs ago, borrowed money at 10% that eventually went to near 20%, and then 5 years nursing home bills, so the sleepless nights etc went on for years, until the stress eventually affected my heart so I had to slow up. I sold land (...the shame!!!!!) and restructured the loans and you know what, things don't seem to go wrong as much when you're not under stress.
Stress will waste the best years of your life if you let it because it soaks your energy

was fixing dairy roof a few weeks ago and i found the head and handle of my pick axe up there, like wtf, do you think it is the work of a competent worker to throw something they have broken up on the roof of a shed rather than fix it or tell someone you have done it, i laughed as i am well rid and although i had looked for the pick axe the roof of the dairy was not a place i thought of looking:o

rancher

biddy2013 wrote: »

was fixing dairy roof a few weeks ago and i found the head and handle of my pick axe up there, like wtf, do you think it is the work of a competent worker to throw something they have broken up on the roof of a shed rather than fix it or tell someone you have done it, i laughed as i am well rid and although i had looked for the pick axe the roof of the dairy was not a place i thought of looking:o

Well you got a wrong one there, he's surely the exception, surely there's loads of young farmers out there looking to supplement their income, especially on drystock farms

bob charles

biddy2013 wrote: »

was fixing dairy roof a few weeks ago and i found the head and handle of my pick axe up there, like wtf, do you think it is the work of a competent worker to throw something they have broken up on the roof of a shed rather than fix it or tell someone you have done it, i laughed as i am well rid and although i had looked for the pick axe the roof of the dairy was not a place i thought of looking:o

I have a good few lads I could ring now and say look after the place for the next few days as im away, there are loads of competent people about, the guys I would leave in charge would do everything better than I would do it myself, There would take no shortcuts taken. whereas if it was me :rolleyes:

my lads look after milking herds aswell. Thinking that no one can do a job better and cheaper that yourself is foolish. or else your wonderwoman:D

biddy2013

bob charles wrote: »

I have a good few lads I could ring now and say look after the place for the next few days as im away, there are loads of competent people about, the guys I would leave in charge would do everything better than I would do it myself, There would take no shortcuts taken. whereas if it was me :rolleyes:

my lads look after milking herds aswell. Thinking that no one can do a job better and cheaper that yourself is foolish. or else your wonderwoman:D

YUP I AM FOOLISH and looking back a part of my stress problems was the guy i had working for me. I now have a guy who i can trust 100% and there is no need for me to be here when he is here. He does a few milkings a week and will do a few hours if i want him, he also doesnt answer me back and belittle me which helps a bit too

Reggie.

biddy2013 wrote: »

YUP I AM FOOLISH and looking back a part of my stress problems was the guy i had working for me. I now have a guy who i can trust 100% and there is no need for me to be here when he is here. He does a few milkings a week and will do a few hours if i want him, he also doesnt answer me back and belittle me which helps a bit too

Cheek of him in your own yard

bob charles

biddy2013 wrote: »

YUP I AM FOOLISH and looking back a part of my stress problems was the guy i had working for me. I now have a guy who i can trust 100% and there is no need for me to be here when he is here. He does a few milkings a week and will do a few hours if i want him, he also doesnt answer me back and belittle me which helps a bit too

If someone you employ is answering you back and belittling you, I wouldn't be long belittling them and telling them to Fupp off. Guy that works here on Saturdays isnt from farming background and is a pleasure to deal with and also is really keen to learn which I find rewarding when employing someone.

Anyway back on topic, but I suppose having good back up labour is essential so your able to get out and do things at the drop of a hat. You should just look at what labour is costing but what its adding to the farm. 5k of casual labour can take a serious workload off your shoulders and allow you to do things you otherwise couldnt

Greengrass1

Not a hope of getting anyone around here to help ye out. All they are interested in is in beer. I was the only lad around that would do stuff for anyone. Had five lads one time wanting me to work for them but I had my own work at home. They say it was a sorry day when I told them I was going full time at home. If I'm working in someone's place I respect them and do as much as I can for them. Learned a lot in the process too

Muckit

Greengrass1 wrote: »

Not a hope of getting anyone around here to help ye out. All they are interested in is in beer.

Is the beer free up your neck of the woods?

moy83

Muckit wrote: »

Is the beer free up your neck of the woods?

Alot of the lads are on the SW which is a great start to go on the beer with

Greengrass1

moy83 wrote: »

Alot of the lads are on the SW which is a great start to go on the beer with

Yep a lot on that and any that are in college are on whoppers of grants and go on the piss the whole time. Heard of one lad getting 600 a month

Timmaay

Greengrass1 wrote: »

Yep a lot on that and any that are in college are on whoppers of grants and go on the piss the whole time. Heard of one lad getting 600 a month

I don't think reading the likes of this is helping anyone who is depressed at the min! Then again, I wouldnt be long becoming depressed if thats the sort of life I lived!

A cow called Daisy

Does anyone out there that has been or is depressed/fed up with everything seem to notice or imagine other people in a similar situation. You notice they have lost interest in their work or farm or maybe not seem as outgoing as they used to be or they haven't been seen out and about as much as they used to be etc etc? Maybe it my imagination but know two people that this would apply to in my humble opinion. A case of 'it takes one to know one' ya could say.

keep going

A cow called Daisy wrote: »

Does anyone out there that has been or is depressed/fed up with everything seem to notice or imagine other people in a similar situation. You notice they have lost interest in their work or farm or maybe not seem as outgoing as they used to be or they haven't been seen out and about as much as they used to be etc etc? Maybe it my imagination but know two people that this would apply to in my humble opinion. A case of 'it takes one to know one' ya could say.

I think I know someone but im not sure how to approach it

A cow called Daisy

keep going wrote: »

I think I know someone but im not sure how to approach it

That was going to be my next point? Don't want to run risk of insulting (or whatever) a good friend. Not sure if someone who feeling low can help someone who feel same. And i know that sounds selfish

bob charles

A cow called Daisy wrote: »

That was going to be my next point? Don't want to run risk of insulting (or whatever) a good friend. Not sure if someone who feeling low can help someone who feel same. And i know that sounds selfish

well you could approach the subject from your own POV saying that things are not 100% with you at the moment and see if you get a response. I dont see why people have such problems with approaching people who they think may need a helping hand.

A cow called Daisy

bob charles wrote: »

well you could approach the subject from your own POV saying that things are 100% with you at the moment and see if you get a response. I dont see why people have such problems with approaching people who they think may need a helping hand.

I think it's 'cos we are programmed to think there is a stigma attached to been depressed. Round here they say 'ah he/she has a problem with their nerves', cos to say they are depressed seems to cast a slur on their character. That attitude it changing buy very very slowly

biddy2013

bob charles wrote: »

well you could approach the subject from your own POV saying that things are 100% with you at the moment and see if you get a response. I dont see why people have such problems with approaching people who they think may need a helping hand.

good idea

bbam

bob charles wrote: »

well you could approach the subject from your own POV saying that things are 100% with you at the moment and see if you get a response. I dont see why people have such problems with approaching people who they think may need a helping hand.

I'm not meaning to be confrontational in such a useful thread.
But.
Would you not be better open with saying about things not being 100% with yourself and see how that goes. When your down there the last thing you need to hear is someone going on about their life being 100% and all roses in the garden. Chamces are you'll already feel like your the only one who's head isn't right - it would just reassure you your on your own. It's far more reassuring to hear from your peers who are feeling the same - then it doesn't feel like such a lonley place to be.

Reggie.

bbam wrote: »

I'm not meaning to be confrontational in such a useful thread.
But.
Would you not be better open with saying about things not being 100% with yourself and see how that goes. When your down there the last thing you need to hear is someone going on about their life being 100% and all roses in the garden. Chamces are you'll already feel like your the only one who's head isn't right - it would just reassure you your on your own. It's far more reassuring to hear from your peers who are feeling the same - then it doesn't feel like such a lonley place to be.

Fair point bbam

bob charles

bbam wrote: »

I'm not meaning to be confrontational in such a useful thread.
But.
Would you not be better open with saying about things not being 100% with yourself and see how that goes. When your down there the last thing you need to hear is someone going on about their life being 100% and all roses in the garden. Chamces are you'll already feel like your the only one who's head isn't right - it would just reassure you your on your own. It's far more reassuring to hear from your peers who are feeling the same - then it doesn't feel like such a lonley place to be.

sorry, there should have said - not feeling 100% - in my post

Should have reread before posting

mf240

I would take the opposite view. If your suffering with depression you need to put yourself first and go to the doctor for a chat or whatever. Don't try to take on anyone else's problems untill you are in a better place.

biddy2013

It's very hard to talk to other farmers when everything seems to be going great for them and you're going in the opposite direction. Actually makes you feel worse

bbam

biddy2013 wrote: »

It's very hard to talk to other farmers when everything seems to be going great for them and you're going in the opposite direction. Actually makes you feel worse

I agree and it's hard to explain.
In places where I've worked you could have a bad day and maybe dump $20000 in the bin. It's happened me and ya feel a fool. Loads of meetings and paperwork and then back into t the next day.
But two years ago I lost two cracking CH heifers with a mineral diff. I took it far worse there's the financial loss but then there's the loss if cracking good animals that were alive and had potential to be something special. Sometimes when you've faught hard to keep an animal alive - loosing the fight for it's life can be a rough blow.
Loose a few and things seem bleak quickly.
There was a young sheep farmer on ETtG last year and he had a shmallenberg outbreak. He said he'd lost the drive to go out in the morning and look into the shed. I could imagine it's a rough time to go through.

A cow called Daisy

bbam wrote: »

I'm not meaning to be confrontational in such a useful thread.
But.
Would you not be better open with saying about things not being 100% with yourself and see how that goes. When your down there the last thing you need to hear is someone going on about their life being 100% and all roses in the garden. Chamces are you'll already feel like your the only one who's head isn't right - it would just reassure you your on your own. It's far more reassuring to hear from your peers who are feeling the same - then it doesn't feel like such a lonley place to be.

Bban,i was thinking along same lines myself when i read opinion about approaching someone. But i know when you feeling a bit down you think differently and was putting it down to that.

Conmaicne Mara

bbam wrote: »

There was a young sheep farmer on ETtG last year and he had a shmallenberg outbreak. He said he'd lost the drive to go out in the morning and look into the shed. I could imagine it's a rough time to go through.

We had something in the shed one year. Lungs filling up with fluid, lambs born alive then dying in minutes, ewes dying, it was horrendous.

We had three vets in, knives out and sheep opened. During this a cow sat on her calf and killed him :rolleyes:

One of the vets, apron on, knife in hand even told my Dad that we had "fine, healthy sheep", his response along the lines "Why the bleep are they dying then?"

Never got an answer, we were doing no different to any other year. We turned everything out to grass earlier than we should have, the alternative was keep them in and let them continue die.

So, what do you do?

Some things you can only but plough right through/over them and carry on.

jt65

biddy2013 wrote: »

It's very hard to talk to other farmers when everything seems to be going great for them and you're going in the opposite direction. Actually makes you feel worse

" Today, I will look around and enjoy all the beautiful things that are around me rather than yearn for things that are beyond my control and become miserable."

exercise is the antidote

You can still be or have depression /anxiety even if everything is going right for you in life.
It is a constant battle for some to make it out the door some mornings and to get too sleep some nights.
I think these lads are the real heroes as they keep going despite all that they are going throw, and the stigma with it all ,

however you should never forget that there is always someone to talk to friend/family/ or professional help like a councillor.
I think the councillor is a very good option too as they have seen/heard it all before and know what works and what doesn't...
It's just so hard for people to take that first step, I know because I have been there and it is very hard...! But things do get better





I just said I would put that down.

knockmulliner

bob charles wrote: »

sorry, there should have said - not feeling 100% - in my post

Should have reread before posting

thought that was what you meant.